Chapter 4

“Cully, are you okay, Puddin-head? Cully-boy?”

I was human again. I’d cleared the pipes. Sure, my buns were superheated, but, my nut was broken. And my presents awaited.

“I needed that, Girl. Needed it bad. It was almost medicinal. I enjoyed it, sure, yes, but, it was compulsory, trust me, youngster.”

I was buoyant. I grabbed the pink panties, and began clean up operations.

“Cully, not with those!”

She tried to snatch them from me. But, was too late. There wasn’t as much as I’d imagined and it wasn’t thick, nor gross after all.

“I have to launder them anyway. Right?”

She kind of waved it off, her brow furrowing.

“Cully, I need to tell you something.”

In an instant (Loving Girl) was gone. Girl, (Girl-Girl, ) the head, the matriarch of our two person clan had replaced her.

“Now what?” I lamented to myself. I’d no sooner gotten straightened out than it was starting again.

“I wanted to tell you, but, everything happened so fast. This is the first chance I’ve had and I wanted to hold off until Miss left and you had your, well your fun time here. Time has been so compacted. I was even going to wait till morning, but, that’s not fair to you with Tommy coming so early.”

“What is it?”

“Cully, that night on the highway, I didn’t tell you the truth, the whole truth.”

“Dear God, I was set up.” To-my-self.

“It happened so fast. I didn’t see it, Cully, until it was there. One second Tommy was crying and the...”

She’d come to a halt.

I wanted to crack wise, but, this was not that. I recognized that fact right off.

“Go ahead, honey, I’ll listen.”

“Cully, I should have told you. Cully, Cully? Cully! ... he put his service revolver to his head in the car. It happened so fast. I couldn’t ... I didn’t. And then he did that and then he pulled the hammer back. I can still hear the clicks, Cully. Cully? Cully! Please!”

I took her into my arms.

“Girl, it’s okay.”

While the water heated up for tea, I quickly dressed.

She remained on the couch, drying her eyes with the facial tissue she already had on hand. I’d been beaten to tears, she’d been traumatized to them.

“The Whistler” went off-she jumped.

“Cully!”

I ran like the dickens, nearly wiped out on the tile, then cut the switch, poured, squeezed the bags, with my bare fingers, eschewing the steep and served. I included some Pepperidge Farm Bordeaux Cookies as a side on the tray.

“Thank you, Cully.”

“How did you get him to put it down?”

“Cully, please don’t say he can’t come here now.” Hard-eye-contact.

It was not up to debate. Been there. Girl as a girl and Girl as a woman are two entirely different entities. Girl as a woman was not a lot of fun.

“I didn’t say anything. I didn’t say that.”

“I know. I just want to make sure about that question.”

I shut my mouth and waited. Opened it back up and crunched a cookie.

“It’s all jammed together, all of it. The speed, the stop, him at the window, begging him, begging you. The gun. It just appeared out of nowhere. I did, I did hear the sound of the leather, then it was at his temple. I swore to him I wouldn’t leave him, that we’d go somewhere and I’d listen to him, that we’d talk, all night if it that’s what it took, that we’d find a way forward for him. I swore I’d fix him, make it right, that I’d been chosen to be in that cruiser with him. God had chosen me. But, he had to give me the gun. That if he pulled the trigger he’d destroy all three of us, not just himself. That I knew in my heart that he was not a selfish man. And that was it. He started breathing again. It was like a dream when he handed me that gun, Cully. A slow-motion dream. I was shaking so badly that I didn’t know whether I could release the hammer without blowing a hole in the firewall.”

I snagged another cookie, offered her the same. “No, thank you.”

“He broke down crying. Just sobbing, begging me to help him, to make it stop. I set the gun on the floorboard and took his hands in mine. I told him:

“Tommy, listen to me now. I’m going to send Culburn on his way home and then I will be back in this car with you in less than five minutes.”

“Do you trust me, Tommy?”

“Yes, I do. Please come back. Missus, don’t leave me here.”

I was poleaxed. “Girl, he said that to you?”

“Yes, Cully, I could not believe it. Those exact words. Cully, God put us on that highway that night. We started the day at Mass, remember? You asked me who I prayed for. I prayed so hard that morning for you and I to work together always, to be a team forever. And that’s what happened. When one of God’s children needed help God sent us to help Tommy with God’s guidance. We did that Cully.”

“It’s a miracle, Girl.”

“When I came back to the car, I had to set the pistol by our back tire. I couldn’t leave it there in the cruiser. And even then I didn’t know whether he had a throw-a-way piece, or, where the shotgun was. If you’d a seen me with a gun you’d a been so scared. I couldn’t bring it into our car.”

And she was right. I could only imagine what I’d thought if I saw her walking back toward the Plymouth with a gun in her hand. Knowing my paranoid ass I’d a gotten out and started running into a cornfield.

“And then I worried about him taking off in his cruiser and running headlong into an abutment up the road. And us back there with his gun, my fingerprints all over it. How would we explain that?”

“It never ends, Girl. What was he doing when you got back?”

“Crying with relief.”

“Thank you, Missus, God bless you.”

I told him: “Tommy I’m not leaving you. We’re going to work this out together.”

“We waited until you left, then drove to his place.”

I wanted to broach the fact that neither of us was professional counselors of any kind, but, she wasn’t going to hear that and I couldn’t blame her. It looked like a genuine act of God had taken place.

“He didn’t ask for the gun back. I shoved it in my purse and left it there. Once in his apartment, I suggested that he change out of his uniform for the trip to get take-out. He got back just as I hung up with you.”

“The hot food helped to settle us both down.”

I was going to inquire as to what kind of food it was, but, I successfully resisted that urge. Though I would ascertain that fact some weeks later: KFC, replete with those little Strawberry Shortcake Bucket desserts.

“We ate, with the hot tea-then I made a pot of fresh coffee.”

Again I resisted the urge to inquire as to the brand, but, would later find out it was Maxwell House.

“Moved into the living room with our coffee and hashed it out till dawn. He broke down numerous times. We both did, cried in each other’s arms, Cully. He kept thanking me for saving his life.”

She stopped.

“Cully, he thanked you as well, honey, trust me. I swear to God. I asked him to pray with me and we did. We knelt by the couch and prayed long and hard. I called his name and Tommy answered. Promised the Lord he wouldn’t fall again.”

I was trying to segue into the realm of, well, you know. I’d initiated a ten count, at nine Girl saved me the trouble.

“Cully, do you want me to tell it in great detail, or should I just give you an overview?”

We’d moved into the kitchen for a second cup of tea. This one I’d steeped while Girl used the bathroom.

It was tempting to go for the overview. Something told me to tread slowly in these strange waters.

“The former, in great detail.”

“Are you sure, honey?”

“No, no, I’m not sure, do it anyway.”

“We’d finished praying, but, were still on our knees, holding hands when I spoke to him plainly:

“I want to be with you, Tommy.’”

I closed my eyes.

“Cully. Cully?”

“Don’t stop, Girl, keep going, please.”

“I don’t want Culburn to be hurt, Girl.”

“Cully would not be hurt, Tommy. I promise.”

“How would that be possible?”

“I would tell him.”

“I don’t understand, Girl.”

“He’d want us to be together. I know my husband, Tommy.”

“Girl, I have to get some air. I can’t sit here anymore.”

I clambered up and out the patio door, Girl in pursuit.

“Cully, wait!”

I sank into my lawn chair. Set my head between my knees.

“Cully, are you okay? I’ll get you a cold cloth. Hold on, boy!”

She came back with an ice pack.

“No, stay bent over, I’ll hold it in place, Cully.”

The pack felt great on the back of my neck. Girl held it while I starred at the ground between my knees. It was better when I didn’t have to look her in the face as she told it.

“Are you going to be able to stand this, Cully? I’m worried about you.”

“Cut to the chase, did you go to bed with him?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, dear God. Okay, okay, go back and detail it out from when I bolted the kitchen table. I have to hear all of this. Hup! How much is there, Girl, seriously?”

“Seriously? This ice pack will be melted long before I’m finished. Plus, I don’t mean to be uncaring, but, I do need to call the man before too much longer, Cully. I promised and I don’t want to worry him. So, what do you think?”

I held the ice pack while she made the call.

“Hup! Can I listen in on the extension?”

“Cully, now no, that would not be right, honey. Plus, I’m going to tell you everything that is said, you know that. I just haven’t had time to be attentive to that issue, but, I’ll do better, I promise, sweetheart.”

“C’mon, he’ll never know. I’ll put my hand over the mouthpiece and just listen.”

“No. And don’t mention doing that again. Please?”

“Okay, okay.”

“Cully, I mean it now. I don’t want to have to worry about you skulking about when I’m on the phone with Tommy. I need to count on you here with Tommy. I-need-you.”

“You got me. I promise.”

And I kept that promise. I never eavesdropped, on phone calls.

She’d was gone ten minutes when the patio door slid open.

“He can’t wait for tomorrow to come over.”

“He’s okay?”

“Yes, bless his heart. Cully, you have to be extra nice tomorrow, okay? He needs our support. He is still at risk.”

I did not want to think about that particular risk. I never liked mixing sex with violence (Miss) withstanding.

“You can count on me, Girl. I’ll do good, now, tell it and slowly.”

“Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, I know: He started to undress me, I told him: ‘Not here, Tommy. Please, darling.’”

“I God’s, Girl, you said that him?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to have our first time be on his couch, or, on the floor. I stood on tip-toes, put my arms around his neck and, whispered into his ear: ‘Take me to bed, Tommy.’ In that voice I use when I want something, you know that voice, right, boy?”

“Vaguely.”

The fresh air and open space rallying me.

“I was in my jammies, of course, the ones he bought me at Woolco, along with my new panties. I asked him to get me cotton panties, not nylon, or rayon. You know if I wear them how my little beaver gets all agitated. So, after I took a quick bath I dressed in a nice pair of blue cotton panties and the blue and white jammies. I’ll show you those later.”

“You took a bath in front of him, Girl?”

“Noooooo, don’t be silly. Tommy was very nice, showed me to his bathroom, made sure I had everything I needed, then left me alone.”

“Did you lock the door?”

“Of course not.”

“Did he like peek, or, come in accidentally-on-purpose without knocking?”

“Cully! Now stop it. He did not peek.”

“Fine, back to the living room part. Go.”

“Am I telling it good, Cully?”

“Perfect, Girl.”

“You’re feeling better, aren’t you, boy?”

“Yes. I just hope I don’t crash.”

“If you do, just remember to come and talk to Girl. Have I ever let you down?”

“No, never. Not once.” And she hadn’t. And I was no picnic, especially in that early circa.

“And I never will. Wasn’t I there when my entire Freshman class wanted to kill you because you took me away from them?”

“Yes.” My brother came in mighty handy as well in that crisis. He could beat me up, let anyone else try it and WW3 would commence.

“Okay, then.”

“Though you did kiss that Randy Tillman after we’d started going steady, Girl.”

“Oh, it meant nothing. And nothing else happened, I swear to God.”

“I believe you, Girl. Now, where were we?”

“Oh, let me think. I got it! He held my hand and led me into his bedroom. It was very dark.”

“Should I turn on this lamp, Girl?”

“Yes, Tommy, please. And can we close the door?”

“We’re the only ones here, Girl, I promise.”

“I told him I knew that, I would just feel more comfortable having privacy.”

“I’ll even lock it.”

“Cully, he had the sweetest smile.”

“Thank you, Tommy.”

“And it progressed from there. I smiled that smile whenever you’re about to do it to me. I wanted Tommy to be comfortable. He came to me and kissed me.”

“On the lips?”

“Well, he hugged me tightly to his chest. Cully, he was trembling. Once I hugged him, the tremors stilled. We just clung to one another for some time.”

“Who kissed who?”

“Oh, he kissed me. I was going to go first, but, didn’t want to be too forward, so, I waited for him.”

“You closed your eyes?”

“No, I left them wide open, you dingleberry. Of course, I closed my eyes. Tommy kissed me.”

“On the lips, Girl?”

“Of course, Cully, we were fixing to sleep together.”

“I God’s, Girl, this is hot. Weren’t you scared?”

“No. You’d think I would be. Uh, uh. It was ordained. I saved Tommy’s life. No, we saved Tommy’s life. He and I found each other as dawn broke. I know that sounds corny, though it is the truth. He is a good man, a beautiful man. Tommy’s heart is pure, Cully.”

“Tommy did it to you, Girl? You had intercourse with him?”

“Yes.”

“He came in you?”

“Yes.”

“How many times?”

“Twice. At first there. We slept, and upon waking, he did it to me again.”

“Did you, you know, suck him?”

“Not that first night, well, that first morning, but, well, I shouldn’t mix separate instances. Is that okay?”