I’m positive.

Colin Douglas parks his car outside his house as he does Monday to Friday almost every week of the year, today however, he is, as he often has been, late. This time however, the reason he is three hours late is not work.

He looks to his house and can see his wife in the living room. A sudden look in his direction shows she has noticed his arrival. Biting the inside of his cheeks to stop himself grinning he climbs out of the car, locks it, and tries to appear nonchalant as he walks down the path to his back door.

Colin can see his wife is watching him intently, he raises his hand and gives a friendly wave and instinctively she starts to wave back but stop herself. As he passes out of her sight, he sees that she seems to be moving toward the back of the house; Colin knows she will be waiting for him when he walks in.

As soon as he walks through the door she says, “Col, we ha...”

Being fully aware of what she is about to say, he is ready for a barrage and before she can get into a rhythm, he shouts her down, “Stop, I have something I need to tell you, something really important.”

“No damn you, what I have...”

“I said shut it Sharon, I mean now and for once, I am going to have my say first.”

Sharon’s face is flushes red, with which emotion Colin is unsure given the choice, embarrassment, guilt, shame, possibly even anger. Even so, she summons enough nerve to try to continue with her prepared script.

“Col, just listen will you, what I have t...” Sharon starts again.

“For god’s sake Sharon, you can say whatever you want, but only after I have told you what...”

“No Colin, I need...”

He slams his fist on the kitchen table, “Enough,”

The unexpected display of anger shut’s her up for a few seconds, recovering a little, she again tries to speak. “C...”

“I said that’s enough,” he says forcefully, “You do not realise it yet, but whatever you have to say is insignificant compared to what I have to say,”

Giving him a patronising look that suggests she is only conceding to his wishes because she wants to be generous, an ugly look, on what should be a pretty face.

He looks at her, summoning the courage to speak, to say the words that will change their relationship forever. If he had any misgivings about what he was about to do, that look dispelled them and taking a deep breath, he speaks, “I’ve been having an affair,”

He stares at his wife; he can see the shock on her face, as he continues with his admission, “for some time...”

He knows that she would never have expected he would cheat on her; she looks at him in stunned silence, trying to assimilate his confession.

“I know I know, I’m despicable, I’m a cheating bastard. I deserve to have my nuts chopped off and all that, but please believe me, I do love you. I really never wanted to hurt you, to be honest, I thought we would never be caught, let alone being in this situation, put in the uncomfortable position where I am the one forced to tell you myself.” He turns his head away as he struggles to maintain control of himself, breathing deeply through his nose helps him to gather himself enough.

Colin turns to face his wife again and begins to speak, “You are no doubt wondering why, I am telling you this, my love.” He pauses, judging their reactions so far, he knows his next few words will get her notice, they are words guaranteed to shock her. “I’ve been seeing someone, and he ... well, he called me this afternoon, shit I don’t know how to say this, babe, I’m sorry I really am, but the reason I’m late is, he is umm, well distraught. I’m so sorry babe, there’s no easy way to tell you this, but ... he has just found out he has HIV and ... well, that means there is chance ... well ... probably more than just a chance I do as well.”

With what he hopes, is a guilty look, he stares at the floor biting his cheeks again, if it were not for the hum of the fridge and the freezer, you could have heard a pin drop. He looks at his wife, she is standing looking at him, her eyes wide open, her face whiter than Colin would have thought possible and her mouth looking like she is fellating the invisible man. He is sure that she has forgotten what she wanted to talk to him about. Her weekend away, with her boyfriend.

He manages to take his boots off before the first sounds leave her, “You, you ... you ... you fucking cock sucker,” she shrieks at him. “Ah,” he thinks to himself, “that now is definitely anger.”

Colin, with an even voice he replies, “Well, umm ... yes, I can’t exactly deny that now, can I?”

“You fucking bastard, what have you done?” she screams at him.

Taking her question to be rhetorical, he tries to calm her down by explaining that things may not be so bleak as he had originally suggested, “Well, ummm ... well, I mean, umm, we might be alright, we might not have got it, but it, umm, it does seem likely that I have, Mickey has had it for some time ... You should be a little reassured that even if I have contracted it, well, the way our sex life has, or rather hasn’t been for the last couple of years or so ... Think about it, it’s been a few months since you’ve deigned to allow me to make love to you, so really, there is a good possibility that you aren’t infected.”

Understanding the inference she immediately goes on the attack, “That’s your excuse, because I said “not tonight” a couple of times you, you... , “ she screams until her words fail her.

“Well it was hardly just a couple of times was it?”

Her jaw moves and again the invisible man groans with pleasure, as she searches for the right words to tell him he is wrong, but something within her knows he is correct and all she can muster is a subdued, “How could you do this to me?”

“Well, I didn’t intend to do anything to you, just substitute what you weren’t doing with me. I mean at first, well, Mickey was ... you know, happy to be the umm, I suppose you could say, the woman in the relationship, but after a few months ... well it just seemed rude ... wrong even ... not to reciprocate.”

She is confused, he has just confessed to an affair, the betrayal of them, their marriage and more importantly, at least to her, her. That coupled with the probability that they both now have a potentially fatal disease and yet he seems so calm, so matter of fact about it all. Eventually she manages a disgusted, “But ... but with a man ... what were you thinking.”

He again looks at the floor to hide his mirth and mumbles quietly, “sorry.”

She continues to stare at him with a horrified look on her face, as soon as the urge to laugh is under control, a difficult task considering he can feel her anger rising again, Colin speaks again.

“I need to explain if you will let me,” he mumbles, keeping his eyes fixed to the floor and without giving her the chance to deny him he continues, “I knew Mickey when we were at uni, in fact we lost our virginities together and last year we came across each other.”

“Literally,” she spits with disgust and anger.

“Well, not at first, but we did meet up, it was nice you know, seeing an old school mate, chatting about things, y’know.”

“Mate being the definitive word,” she snaps.

“Look ... we didn’t mean it to happen, we just realised we had missed each other, one day we ... we, well you know, we talked about how things were then and how the world has changed. The more we talked, well we wondered whether if things were like they are now back then, you know same sex couples being well, for the most part, you know, acceptable. We ... we wondered if we would still be together, maybe we might have gotten ... well you know.”

Speechless, she continues staring.

“Please babe, we never meant for it to happen, you have no idea how much we fought it ... both of us and then you all but stopped giving me any ... any love.”

He gives her a long lingering look and then continues to speak, “At first he was just consoling me, then the more you pushed me away, the more ... the friendlier things got between us. When ... when ... oh god, I’m sorry ... we, we started to kiss, you know, just hello and goodbye ... not snogs, just friendly pecks, and then only if we couldn’t be seen ... so when you had ... when I felt you had pushed me away completely, well the pecks did become ... a little more. The quick friendly embraces they turned into hugs and then one day a ... a cuddle ... god, I’m so sorry babe, I never wanted to hurt y...”

Sharon glares at him, incredulous that he is trying to shift the responsibility for his adultery to her and she finally finds her voice. “So that’s it, you’re blaming me for cheating; you’re blaming me for you getting AIDS. You think it’s all my fault that you got yourself fucked up the arse and caught a fatal disease,” she screams at him, “and now you’ve probably given it to me.”

“Well babe, that’s the thing, Mickey says that now it’s not necessarily the death sentence it was.”

“And how the fuck does he know?”

“He knows someone that’s been living with it for twelve years,” he admits quietly.

“Jesus fucking Christ, it’s fucking obvious he knows at least one fucking shirt lifting bastard that’s got it besides you, you fucking twat.”

“S, sorry,” he blurts out and runs to the toilet,” once he has locked the door, tears are running down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking as he covers his mouth with a towel to stifle his laughter.

Just as he gets his laughter under control and is about to leave the little room he hears heavy footsteps stomping up the stairs followed by doors being slammed. After a few minutes of silence, a final slam of the bedroom door tells him that she is unlikely to return and it is safe for him to leave the toilet.

Knowing that locking herself in the bedroom is for her, a normal response to any conflicts in the marital home, and if she stays true to form, she will be there until morning. This feeds Colin’s already over stimulated sense of humour and chuckling to himself he otherwise noisily showers and changes into a dressing gown.

In the lounge, after closing the curtains, he pours himself a large whiskey and settling down to relax, he flicks the television on, pushing the volume up a few digits and just enough to know that it will annoy her.

He sees that there is an Elton John concert on, enjoying the coincidence of having a gay icon on the telly to wind her up further, he turns to the channel showing it and again pushes the volume up a little more.

Not being familiar with any of the Elton’s work, with the exception of Pinball Wizard, he pays little attention to the screen and thinks how he and Sharon had gotten to this point.

When he left school in 1986, he had a place at Oxford University. In the following August he moved in to the area, meeting and sharing a house with three other people, Chris Fleknor, Andrew Wesley-Dale and Ken “Mickey” Mauser. They all quickly became friends, but even without the newly fabricated childhood friendship, Colin and Mickey really hit it off and were seldom apart.

At first, all four had thrown themselves into their courses, however by the end of the second term, late nights, alcohol and recreational drugs were beginning to have a minor effect on all of their work. A year later and Colin’s three housemates were injecting mostly amphetamine sulphate and occasionally heroin and selling various drugs to pay for their habitual usage. Although he resisted, Colin eventually succumbed to the peer pressure,” and against his better judgement, he had a “fix,” one that Ken or Mickey as he was known, prepared and administered for him.

They both thought he was going to be taking speed, unfortunately, the already spaced out Mickey injected him with the syringe he had pre-prepared for himself, containing not just amphetamine, but a speedball, a mixture of amphetamine and heroin. Heroin is a drug Colin had never tried before, the injection was almost fatal and Colin knew nothing about what happened until awakening in hospital.

Returning to the house he saw a police raid occurring and his friends, being put into a police van. Vowing never to touch drugs again, he turned and walked away from the house, his friends and university. He walked out of Oxford, north to the A34, and stuck his thumb out.

The authorities soon tracked him down for interviews, he, as had the three housemates blame a certain “Ben from Newark,” for the supply and the injection of the illegal pharmaceuticals. This left the system with only possession charges to press against the three in the house when it was raided and they let the matter drop after giving them official cautions.

Having dropped out of university, he had no degree, but he was able to get a job in a plastics factory. There, he met the delectable Sharon, a week later they had their first date, one year later to the day, he asked her to marry him and six months later, they married.

This was the next time Colin and Mickey crossed paths, uninvited, Mickey turned up at Colin and Sharon’s wedding.

Mickey attracted a lot of attention, attention no one wanted. Sporting a long unkempt beard and hair to match, he turned up uninvited. During the service, any he stood near moved, not so much because of his appearance, but because of the foul odour emanating from the frail looking individual.

During the photographs, Colin made time to speak to him, unfortunately for Mickey; they were not the welcoming words he had expected. As much as Colin had loved the man, he could not welcome him in the state he was in and was none too kind asking Ken to make himself scarce. Ken was not so stoned that the words did not hurt and afterwards he sloped off, out of sight from the wedding party.

Purely from his appearance, although they were shocked, few were surprised when ten minutes after their “chat” a guest and family friend of Sharon, fresh out of Hendon Police College with only three weeks on the job. Pc. Michael Brown arrests Mickey after catching him shooting up behind the north transept. Colin did not give the intrusion, or the man a second thought, until their next meeting.

A few years after their wedding, the Albright’s factory took over another plastics business. Bought cheap as a failing concern, it did not take the new owners to discover that the main problem was not staff as they had been informed, but management, particularly, the previous owner. The task of assessing and training any staff worth keeping at the newly acquired site deemed Colin’s responsibility.

His new position within the company meant, and based in the newly acquired factory, they now imaginatively called “Plant 2.”

The first thing Colin did, was to have all the extruders and conversion machines shut down, and for all the workers to begin cleaning the factory including all machines. As the staff cleaned, he had the chief engineer from “Plant 1” to assess the condition of the machinery. As these tasks were undertaken and hoping that some private conversations would encourage the employees to be forthcoming with information and opinions without fear of reprisal. One by one, he speaks to each operator, informing them how he wanted to change things, inviting them to tell him of any problems they were aware of and asking for any requests or ideas they may have.

Many ideas were suggested and many accusations were made regarding the previous owner mostly complaints or reports of the owner making adjustments without the operators knowledge. Once he had gleaned all he could from them, he would promise to improve the general working conditions but inform them that in return, he expects they will improve their output and the quality of the products they were producing. If they were not able to improve, he would offer training before contemplating dismissal. He also let them know that once he was satisfied with an individual’s standard of work, he would assess them and their wages would reflect their worth.

Although there were grumblings, complaints about the changes, the workers quickly accepted the new regime and within a month, production was up by almost 50%. This was mostly due to insisting that the operators monitor the quality of the products with greater vigilance. This, coupled with a little individual training to smooth over any remaining rough edges and collectively bringing about the natural result of making less scrap, meaning a rise in efficiency and therefore raising the profit margin. Three months later, his success rewarded with almost no customer complaints he is shown appreciation with permanent promotion and a permanent station at the newly acquired factory.

His career success, as it often does, came with a price, he and his beloved Sharon were no longer working at the same place, he now had responsibilities which required that initially he needed to work longer hours and even when he had things running the way he wanted he still had to often work later than he wished.

2

“CRASH!”

A plate exploding against the wall pulls his thoughts back to the present; reflexively he turns to the sound and sees a scar in the wallpaper very near to his head. He turns to look at the doorway into the room just as a breakfast bowl hits his shoulder.

“You fucking bastard, how could you, you sit down here filling yourself with booze, for fucks sake you’ve given me AIDS,” Sharon screams as another bowl whistles past his ear.

“Sharon, stop, if I have got it, you don’t want to cut me.”

“Why does that matter you queer cunt, I can’t get it twice can I?” she screams, this time Colin catches the bowl hurtling toward his head.

“Sharon, you might not have it,” Colin shout’s, “and if you haven’t you’ll be stupid if you catch it from my blood because you can’t control yourself.”

She stands in the doorway, glaring at him with hate-filled eyes.

“Let me make a promise to you babe, if we are both HIV positive, I’ll let you hit me with anything you want. Hell, I’ll even let you stab me if you want, but please babe, for now at least, we need to face this like we always used to, as a team.”

“You, you...” she lets the remaining plates and bowls drop to the floor, looking at him her anger dissolves, slowly changing into fear and hopelessness. As Colin watches, she seems to deflate before his very eyes.

“I, I...” he stammers, trying to tell her it will be alright, that she is not going to die, but the words stick in his throat, for the first time tonight he is unsure of what he should say and with sorrow filled eyes, he stares at her wishing the affair had not occurred. For a timeless moment, they share similar feelings of helplessness until she sobs and once again runs to the bedroom slamming the door behind her, leaving Colin to clear up the broken crockery.

Sharon does not sleep well, her thoughts consumed by images of sickness and death made worse by memories of happier times, the hopes and dreams of growing old together now gone because of a few thoughtless assignations of lust.

Conversely, when he lies down, it does not take Colin long to fall asleep although before he settles, his thoughts are spent second guessing his actions, wondering how various people are going to react to his recent revelations as he drifts into slumber land.

Awakening early, he groans and stretches trying to get the knots out of his muscles, wishing he had made the trip to the spare room and slept on a bed. He hears Sharon begin to move as he is boiling the kettle for the ritual morning cup of tea, and pulling a second cup from the hooks and makes her a cup.

She comes in the kitchen and without a word sits at the table in her normal seat, he places her tea in front of her.

Seeing yesterdays dishevelled and smeared make up bring Heath Ledger’s version of “the Joker,” to the forefront of his mind. He knows if it were not for the little sympathy he cannot help himself feeling, he would be laughing, but he knows that will not be in his best interests. She is obviously tired; he imagines she did not sleep well and takes a little satisfaction from that. No longer glaring at him with hate, she just looks hurt, confused and sullen, he gets up to brew a second pot of tea before she speaks. “I think we should go see the doctor, get ourselves tested.”

“I agree, I’ll call work and tell them we won’t be in today and you can call the surgery, see if they can fit us in as soon as poss’.”

She nods her head in agreement and the next time either of them speaks is when Colin calls in sick. She makes the call to the doctor’s surgery and after putting the receiver down she tells him she had to book them in as emergencies, her appointment is at 10:40, his is at 14:15.

He resists the need to smile, as once again his prediction of her behaviour is proven correct by her taking the earlier appointment.

She leaves in good time for her appointment and as soon as he feels she will not return, he makes a call.

“Hi mate,” he greets Mickey when he answers.

“How did it go?”

“About how you would expect,” Colin sniggers.

“How d’you mean?”

“She wanted to tell me what we know she was going to say and I thought she was going to manage it for a second, but I got all manly and insisted that I go first.”

“I’ll bet you were pissing yourself?”

“Not half, hell, I was biting my cheeks to keep myself from grinning and I still had to run to the bog before I cracked up.”

“She didn’t stab you then.”

“Nah ... but there was a small barrage of crockery and we were right, even though I said we started shagging after the last time she and I had sex it hasn’t occurred to her there’s no way she could have caught anything from me.”

“How is she this morning, still angry?”

“Defeated, beaten, not in a good place, I’ll tell you this though, I think she is more upset thinking I broke my marriage vows, more than the disease. I don’t even think that she cares that I told her that I cheated with a man anymore than she would if I had told her I cheated with a woman.”

“At least she’s not a bigot,” he laughs and Colin laughs with him.

His phone lets him know he has another call, so he says goodbye to his friend and answers the awaiting call.

The call is from a very unhappy man, Steve Albright. The first thing Steve says, is a loud reprimand for not being at work, emphasising his expectation that a man in Colin’s position should be on his death bed before taking any time off sick. He then insists that Colin drag himself out of his sick bed and go into work for a meeting with both brothers at two o’clock. His reaction to Colin informing him that two o’clock is not only inconvenient, but also impossible because of his appointment, is neither respectful nor compassionate. Colin grins as one of his bosses shouts some unkind and defamatory comments at him, signifying yet another part of the plan is aligning properly.

When Steve Albright pauses for breath, Colin tells him that depending on the doctor’s advice and instructions, he will come and see them as soon as he is able after the appointment, assuring him that he should be there by three o’clock. Colin notes that there is no mention of his good lady and smiles as he ends the call.

Sometime after his calls, Sharon returns home, and makes no attempt to hide her displeasure screaming at him, “I’ve never been so humiliated. I’m sure the whole village will know our business before you go to get checked. What is it with doctor’s receptionists? Why do they make you tell them the reason you are there? It’s bad enough having to tell them why you’re there without having to tell them that you’re only there to find out whether your perverted, shit-stabbing husband has given you AIDS.”

He almost sniggered at what must be her misunderstanding of something the receptionist asked her, he does manage to reply, “They don’t ask you to tell them why you’re there, if you told them then that’s your fault.”

“But it wasn’t just them, after I had seen the doctor I had to see that bitch McInly, I swear that once I told her that you’ve given me AIDS she would’ve put on one of them suits, you know the yellow ones they always use on the telly.”

“A hazmat suit?”

“Yeah, one of those, hell I bet she’s still scrubbing herself, do they have a shower down there?”

He tells her about the call from Steve and any remaining signs of resentment to Colin’s scandalous declaration and subsequent events since last night disappear with a pitiful noise as she slumps into a chair and wearily groans, “Great, it’s just one thing after another isn’t it?”

“How d’you mean?”

“They won’t want to chance getting it, they’ll sack us won’t they?”

“I very much doubt they are allowed to, maybe they could have a smidgen of hope if they try to sack me as I can get cuts when I’m working on a machine, but you, well how often does a paper cut draw blood? Never, so they’ve got no reason.”

“Oh come on! If there is one disease that they can get rid of you for no other reason, it has to be AIDS.”

“You’d think so? But I doubt it, I mean, you can only get it from an exchange of bodily fluids ... or tainted needles. That means you should be safe unless you’re having orgies fuelled by injecting drugs at work.”

“The dishevelled, ashen face she has been sporting since Colin broke the news to her, colours red and she runs off, back up to the bedroom. Colin thinks he heard a stifled sob just before she stomps up the stairs.”

Having no idea what else to do, he makes more tea and takes her a cup up. Just as he reaches the door he can hear her talking and assumes she is on her phone, “ ... noring me and pick up the phone you bastard,” she pauses, Colin is reaching for the door handle and he hears her speak again, just one word, “Wanker.”

Guessing whom she is trying to talk to, he again fights the impulse to laugh; he pauses outside the door until he is sure he will not succumb to the urge. He knocks and takes the tea in. She stares at him and he can see that she is feeling the pain of betrayal, possibly, especially from what he has just overheard, regret for her own actions. She takes the cup and mumbles, “thank you.”

Colin looks at her for a couple of seconds, “I’ll check up on the employment laws umm, regarding our posi ... our situation, forewarned and all that, but I’m sure I’m right. I don’t think they can sack either of us, not for that anyway,” he says hopefully and then adds with less assurance, “I don’t suppose there is anything stopping them from making up a reason though.”

She looks up from the cup she has been aimlessly staring into, her body shaking and tears slowly making their way down her cheeks.

Colin’s wants to reassure her, confess that it is not true, but he sticks to the plan.

He is at the doctors five minutes before his appointment and realises that his wife’s fears have to some extent, become true. He finds it comical how people are moving away, one group huddling together uncomfortably in the corner of the waiting room.

His appointment is with Dr Sinclair, “What can I do for you today?”

“My wife has, I mean is having an affair, she hasn’t been taking any precautions, you know, against diseases so I would like to get checked out.”

Puzzled, the doctor assesses the man in the chair in front of him. Contrary to all expectations of privacy, gossip abounds in the small surgery and he has already been told that this man is having a homosexual affair and he may be HIV positive, but Sinclair remains professional. That is until Colin insists that he has had no sexual partner other than his wife for well over eighteen months before he and Sharon married, and when Colin insists and tells him that he has not had sex with anyone including his wife for over four months. The doctor queries the answer, and gets increasingly more annoyed with Colin’s repeated denials of any wrongdoing, and begins talking about public health and if Colin does not give him the name of his lover, he will be obligated to report him to the appropriate government department.

Colin has spent several hours over the last few weeks researching the rules and laws regarding the responsibilities of healthcare professionals and English employment law with people diagnosed with HIV. Even spending his spare time this morning refreshing this knowledge and he is sure that the doctor is trying to push him to do something without any legal means to pressure him. The doctor may have been annoyed with, as he sees it, Colin’s refusal to disclose the source of the supposed infection, but when Colin laughs in his face, the doctor becomes angry and loudly demands that Colin leave the surgery. Still laughing Colin leaves without seeing Nurse McKinly to get some blood drawn.

Colin is unhurried driving to “plant 1” knowing what is to come and marvelling at the speed it has happened.

A condition of the sale of “Parsons’ Packages was that the previous owner, one Dudley Parsons would have a two year contract in a managerial position at Albright’s.

Dudley Parsons has one talent, he has the gift of the gab, indeed, if it were not for his skill in that area “Parsons’,” would have to have declared bankruptcy years ago and so the Albright brothers, against their better judgement put him in a token position of sales manager.