Chapter 5

She held up her hand to stop me, then said, “I probably know what question. Even if I’m wrong in that, I’ll still answer that question: No. I’m not trying to ingratiate myself with Brett. Yes, he’s very attractive, incredibly nice, very funny, and an all-around nice guy. Despite my faults, I don’t steal ... I don’t even try to steal other girls’ boyfriends. I never have, and I hope I never will.” She held up both hands as many of us began to object, saying, “Oh, he and you girls might not officially be dating, but it’s obvious to us. He probably won’t have anyone but Beth or, perhaps, one or more of you other girls, and you girls are not interested in anyone other than him. I’m sorry if any one or all of you thought those were secrets. If they were secrets, they were secrets only from you.”

She looked at each of us, then added, “I don’t mean to and don’t want you to alter what you think about each other or try to change your relationships because of what I said.”

She inhaled, then exhaled a sigh.

“You’re all still just in the beginning stages of learning how girls and boys interact in that way, and it’s so FUCKING easy to screw it up at this stage!”

She inhaled, then exhaled, and continued less emphatically.

“I know. I did it. If any or all of you are interested in the members of this group of the opposite sex, I urge you to be very careful. Get to know each other even better first. Explore your friendship first. Develop that. If you do, and if it sticks, there’s always time to move it to a different level. But if you screw it up early, it’s probably gone for good.”

She let that resonate for a while, inhaled and exhaled deeply, then said, “I really ... I just want to have friends like you. Friends I trust. Friends in which I can believe. Friends of both sexes that are crazy about each other yet can sleep together all night and not let the sexual attraction they feel for each other screw that friendship up.”

She sniffled, rolled her head onto her back, inhaled, then exhaled and looked back down at me.

“That’s what I want.”

I didn’t “see” anyone else as I just stared in incredulity at Kim, as I pondered the things she said that I thought no one but the Go5 knew. Are we that blatant? Do we telegraph that obviously? I cudgeled my brain trying to figure out what to say, how to respond, to Kim, but mostly to Brett. I know not how long I stared at Kim, how long I searched for the proper response, the exact words to say that would make anything right that was not not right.

Brett caused my brain to bump out of that rut by asking, “Is she right?”

I noticed that he was looking into me, perhaps looking for the same answers or, at least, the flip side of the coin holding the answers for which I searched. I also suddenly realized that Heather had a death grip on my middle and that as much of her body as she could get pressed against me was, indeed, pressed against me. I closed my eyes and inhaled. Perhaps a half-minute later, I exhaled, opened my eyes, sat up, and faced him.