Chapter 4

I found a big sign over the main dining hall that read “Welcome Home Harrison Jackson!” Below it was a long dining table, with a seat of honor reserved for me. It was a long-ass fucking table, too. There were so many people there, of all races and both sexes. There was one obvious redneck who was evidently in some sort of throuple with his buddy and their girlfriend. There was another guy who had more than one girlfriend, all of them camp counselor types like himself. There was Kathy and what turned out to be seven brothers sharing ... and submitting to her.

Then there was “Mother Hannah,” who had a wife, a cute blonde named Crystal who was almost as femme as Hannah herself. There was Ruth, who had been Larry’s girlfriend toward the end of his life. I heard so much about this Larry guy that though I never met him, I felt as if I knew the guy. He was obviously beloved, and also just as clearly a touchy subject.

Then there was Troy, a teenage boy who made no secret of his veganism. There was Camille, whose main partner Melissa was apparently transgender, not that I minded. Troy seemed to be rather intimate and cozy with both of them. The same was true of Aunt Tricia and Aunt Leigh, who was also assigned male at birth. There were Uncle Steve and Aunt Nora, who were more like a traditional marriage thrown into the great, orgiastic pot. They seemed to have adapted pretty well, of course.

There was Felix, who was apparently Jake’s boyfriend. As in THE Jake. The man. The legend himself. There was Jenny, who was Jake’s wife and quite proud of the fact. There was also Anne-Marie, of course, who was Jake’s girlfriend, or frankly more of a maitresse, a mistress in the classic European sense. There was Raul Escobar, who was Jenny’s boyfriend. There was Lisa, who was Raul’s wife and an obvious reporter. There was Nadia, who was the ex-girlfriend of Jenny’s ex-boyfriend Manny. There were Marten and Nicole, the rather submissive parents of Anne-Marie.

Then there were Jake’s sisters, Emily, Bethany, and Samantha. Then there were their spouses, Joey was married to Emily, the oldest sister. Rory was wed to Samantha and Fred to Bethany. The husbands all had some past with Emily, though she didn’t use that to usurp top billing with the wives. Then there were his cousins, Deanna, Erin, and Stephanie, none of whom seemingly had husbands and none of whom seemed to care about that issue. Their main focus was on Jake first, and then on each other. They amounted to his concubines, near as I could tell.

Then again, most of the ladies were pregnant, and pretty far along, some had recently given birth, but the babies were in the nursery and there were baby monitors that let the parents know the status of said children. What shocked me the most was the way that Ruth in particular paid attention to me, even though she was a recent mother and kept one ear out for the baby monitor. If I didn’t know better, I would say that she had been assigned to me in some capacity.

The last shock came when Cam entered the room with a lady on his arm, a rather statuesque one at that. She gave off an air of authority, but then he was no slouch, either, as I knew from my own experience. He wore a proper tartan kilt and other Highlands garb, while she had on a simple black skirt and white blouse that suited her rather well, in fact. Right away, it was clear to me that this woman did NOT wear a bra. It wasn’t rocket science to grasp this woman was, of course.

“Harrison, or should we call you Silvio now that we’re all among friends and family, this is my fiancee, Judge Elizabeth Maitland. Yes, my friends, I, a mere officer of the court, have won the hand of this fair lady in marriage. She has consented to be my bride, and no, she isn’t ready to retire from the bench, are you, dear Lizzie?” Cam turned to his “Lizzie,” as he liked to call her.

“Not by a long shot, no. I’ll just have to recuse myself if you ever appear before me. I cannot try cases wherein one of the counselors is my own beloved Cam. That would be highly improper judicial conduct. Grounds for dismissal from the bench and probable disbarment as well,” the judge stipulated, just as a young, very pregnant Latina entered the room.