Chapter 31

As we’d expected, Mom was already up and about with the kids when we entered the house; they were early risers, and she was just starting them on their breakfast. I could smell the coffee machine doing its duty, so the timing was perfect.

Katelyn entered the kitchen first and got the distraction mission done, loudly thanking Mom for having her kids for the night, while Mel and I sneaked across the hallway into the family room to hide out on the couch. Despite our fitful sleep on the plane, to me she looked a trillion dollars, even if some of the brightness in her eyes was probably adrenaline. I kissed her and whispered, “Last chance to back out, sweetie. Once Mom spots the ring, you’re toast. I won’t get to see you again until tomorrow. Just remember, I love you, and she’ll love you too.”

I couldn’t identify the look that flashed across her face; before I could ask if she was okay, James entered and gave us the high sign. “She hasn’t noticed anything yet; I’ve warned Dad and he’s raring to go, just finishing dressing if he can stop laughing long enough. Our two are face down in bowls of Cheerios, so they’re quiet. You ready to go face her?”

Mel grinned nervously at me, seeking some final reassurance, so I squeezed her hand; we got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen. I positioned myself just outside in the hallway, so I could see without being seen. She straightened her shoulders, winked at me, and followed James in. Mom was concentrating on opening something on the counter while chatting with Katelyn and didn’t immediately notice Mel.

Until Mel spoke up, “Hi, Mrs Hulse, anything I can do to help?”

It was so much the classic ‘double-take’ from the cartoons. Damn, I wish I would have had the foresight to record the moment on my smartphone.

Almost in slow-motion, Mom started, looked up, realized she had a visitor, recognized who it was, yelped, and dropped the pack of bacon she was holding onto the floor.

“Mel? MEL? What on earth! When did you get here? Where’s that no-good son of mine? MIKE!”

I made my entrance and smirked at Mom, taking Mel’s left hand and deliberately kissing the ring so Mom couldn’t miss it. She burst into tears. I kinda assumed they were happy tears, and watched as Mel hugged her tight, Katelyn quickly making it a group girl hug.

James bent to pick up the dropped pack of bacon before it got trampled underfoot and turned to the griddle to continue the good work; he has his priorities right.

I stepped back into the hallway and called Dad to come down and meet his new daughter; he shook my hand and hugged me in welcome, and just about got time for an introductory kiss and hug from my fiancée before Mom dragged Katelyn and Mel away.

The coffee machine had completed its vital work; Dad took three cups into the family room for the ladies before coming back to drink his own while supervising James and I cooking breakfast. By the time he got back I’d filled three more mugs and reloaded the machine for refills.

Abby and Ben (fortunately) hadn’t yet made the connection that something out of the ordinary was happening, so weren’t reacting. Their new Auntie Mel was someone they’d only seen on a screen; they were still too young to get that she might appear in person without having it explained to them. My actual presence, after six months away, wasn’t quite enough to interrupt their sugar rush; they smiled and said hello but kept digging their spoons into their cereal. Abby was becoming quite a neat eater, Ben not so much yet. His side of the table was a mess. It must run in the family; when I’d joked about it at Thanksgiving, Mom had regaled us all with tales of how I’d always overloaded my spoon when I was that age...

Hey, I was a growing lad. It’s not like I ever wasted anything; I always took Mom’s exhortation ‘what goes on your spoon goes in your mouth’ totally seriously.

Dad sat drinking his morning nectar, a huge grin fixed on his face. “She’s even lovelier in the flesh than on Skype, Son. You’ve done great. Your mom is ecstatic!”

He was disappointed we were only staying over the one night but expressed his delight we’d taken the trouble to fly across so soon after getting engaged. I explained that it was a defensive move: “I reckoned that Mom would have come to see us if we hadn’t?”

He laughed, “You’re not wrong there, Mike. She’d already been suggesting a mini-vacation to meet your girlfriend and check her out; knowing she was now a fiancée would have had her packing a suitcase while I was calling the airlines for a priority flight!”

James asked exactly how tall Mel was; I told him five ten. He nodded; “You look very good together. She makes you stand up straight! You need to take her out dancing.”

“We’ve been out dancing.”

“No, the real thing, the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers kind of dancing. I’ve seen you out on the floor; all too often you have to stoop down to your partner. Now you’ve found a lady who can stand up to you, you need to use that height. Go take lessons together. Every week!”

Dad laughed; I just shook my head in wonder at how perceptive my brother-in-law was today. Saving the breakfast bacon from the trampling herd, then demonstrating that he’d been paying attention when we’d been out socially. Maybe such an early start in the morning suited him?

Ten minutes later we were serving up the hot food; I went to fetch the ladies to the table; they were all smiles, but their drinks were still untouched. Guess you can’t shoot out questions like a machine-gun, or answer, and drink at the same time. I left the cold coffees where they were and got them fresh cups.

Mom quickly made it clear she wasn’t yet decided on whether to rail at me for surprising her with a no-notice visit or praise me to the heavens for bringing Mel in person so soon. It was a moot point; after another hug for finishing the breakfast preparation, she ignored me totally for the rest of the meal as she continued to fire more questions and comments at Mel.

Fired them so fast that half of them could have gone unanswered. All about when we’d bought the ring, when and where we planned to get married, where we were going to live, where we might honeymoon. Heck, hadn’t they already covered most of those while I’d been watching James cook breakfast?

Obviously not.

The toast, eggs and bacon all gone, the two kids quickly got bored with the total lack of attention from their mother and grandmother, so James and I took them to the neighborhood park to play on the equipment.

Once we’d set them up and pushed them on the swings for a while, we sat on a bench and watched as they ran around. At three years old, Abby was much better on her legs than her younger brother; Ben wasn’t really able to use the equipment without help, but he enthusiastically followed where she led. There were a couple of early joggers about and a solitary tai chi exponent doing her forms, otherwise we had the place to ourselves as our more sensible neighbors took their time getting out of bed and breaking their fast.

“So, James, how’s things with you? The kids have certainly grown since Thanksgiving!”

He chuckled, “Pretty good, thanks. Great excuse to get the kids out for the night. We still don’t get a lot of time away from them; we really enjoyed having the place to ourselves for once. Shame about the early start though; we had to cut the shower short, just when it was getting really interesting.”

I grinned in sympathy. Katelyn had glared daggers at me when I’d teasingly quizzed her at Thanksgiving about being such an old married lady with no social life – hey, I’d had to get some of my own back for her massively over-enthusiastic support for Mom’s plans for me supplying some more grandchildren – and muttered something about not having time for all that these days, now they had the kids. I’d immediately dialed my comments right back; she clearly wasn’t too thrilled about the way Abby and Ben’s increased mobility and wish to be with their parents was affecting her intimate time with her husband. Which was why I’d immediately offered to sit the kids so the two of them could go out for dinner together. And that evening had seemed to end very well.

“Maybe you should use Mom as a sleepover much more often, say once a week? Make it a regular date night? You were on at me about taking Mel dancing, why don’t you and Katelyn sign up for a course? Mom just loves having the kids to stay, doesn’t see it as any trouble at all. Actually, why don’t you work up to a weekend away, then maybe take a short vacation, just the two of you?”

He nodded his head in agreement, “You know, Mike, I think we just might be ready to do that. Katelyn’s still reluctant to leave the kids somewhere overnight, worried they’ll wake up needing her, but last night helped advance the cause a lot. They were pleased to see us this morning, but it was obvious that they hadn’t been at all concerned by our absence; they’ve gotten very used to your folks.”

“Do that. You’ve had three years with your babies, now you deserve some special time, without them, doing adult things together once again. You gonna fly out, come see us one long weekend, maybe?” I grinned, “We’ll show you LA from the daaaaarrrk side?”

That made him laugh out loud. I’m always portrayed as the strait-laced (as in ‘boring’) one of the family, and it had been quite the shock to them when I’d showed such enthusiasm about moving to the mythical fleshpots of California. Mom had been rather antsy, thinking I was having an early-onset mid-life crisis and just wanted to be a part-time beach bum, until I’d told her what I was going to be paid. Then she took it seriously.

A couple of years earlier, James had shaken his head when I’d been promoted and explained to him what my predecessor had done to get fired; he was almost certainly joking when he said he couldn’t believe I’d consciously denied myself all the primo California pussy walking around my hospital, but he’d made his point. He didn’t see me as a womanizer, was pretty convinced I didn’t even possess a dark side.

“Yeah, seriously. If we can get the timing right, we’ll smuggle you into an accountant’s convention. They can be really wild!”

He laughed again. “If you think that I’m letting my wife anywhere near a bunch of Excel-crazed accountants, forget it. I’m shocked that you would even think of risking your sister’s good name like that!” A reflective pause. “We sure wouldn’t mind seeing California for ourselves, though. I’ve been to San Diego on business, wouldn’t want to live there, but I’d like to do the tourist bit sometime. Katelyn’s never been on the West Coast.”

“You should explore it together. Take some time as a couple. The kids will be totally fine with Mom. There’s a lot to see; we’d gladly show you around our part. Hey, you could even take in a show or two in Vegas on the way home!”

“We might just do that. You intending to settle in Los Angeles, stay there forever?”

I shrugged. “We’ve talked about it, very sketchily. Most likely not. I could use a couple more years where I am, to build up my resumé for the top spot at a big hospital, but as a white hetero male, I may not get offered such a job in California. Los Angeles is getting bigger and more polluted all the time, and the wildfires are a real worry. Mel had to evacuate last year; we can’t see things improving.”

“Katelyn and I, we’re a little amazed you’re still there. Oh, we know what you’re being paid, and that’s got to be an attraction, but it’s kind of an artificial environment. When you broke up with Marsha, you said you hated all the pretense and fakery, all the networking she dragged you to.”

I couldn’t remember sharing that part. “I did?”

“After a few beers you did. Mel doesn’t strike me as the California beach bunny in her attitude, either. Okay, she’s got to have something not right for her to fall for you, but she’s no wacko.”

I chuckled, “I reckon she’s the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. But yeah, SoCal has more than its fair share of wackos.”

I contemplated disclosing my first online dating experiences, knowing he’d enjoy the stories, but somehow, I wasn’t yet ready to admit that Mel and I had been reduced to finding each other on an online dating site. Not that I was actively ashamed of it, but there’s still a ‘loser’ stigma associated with needing help to find your soulmate. James and Katelyn had used the more romantic ‘our eyes met across a crowded room’ method of meeting their spouse; Mel and I had been rather more business-like in putting ourselves out there on the market. Oh, James wouldn’t have mocked me; he’s too nice a guy for that, but it could wait until he’d had more time to get to know his new sister-in-law.

We chatted a while longer; I listed some of the things Mel and I had done together so far, like visiting the big trees, and then James pointed out our ladies approaching, all smiles as they saw the kids playing happily.

We stood up and greeted them. Katelyn took her husband’s arm and leaned up for a kiss. “So, what have you two been talking about?”

He smirked, “Your brother has promised to show us the daaaaarrrrrrk side of LA when we visit. He’s gonna get us tickets for a – wait for it – really wild – here it comes – an accountant’s convention!”

Katelyn looked at him as if he was crazy; Mel just snorted and turned to face my brother-in-law, “James, my fiancé is a total wuss not to have told you already. Accountancy is a private joke between us. Things are changing in the movie industry; many of the skills I learned at college here in Atlanta are obsolescent. Technology is so taking over; any kid with a smartphone or a cheap HD camera can make his own movie and post it on the Web. Oh, I have directing, editing and post-production experience that will never go out of fashion, but in a few years’ time, I might need something more reliable for income. So I’ve been studying accountancy and book-keeping part time for whenever the movie work dries up. Mike finds the contrast amusing. By day I’m filming beautiful people in glamorous, world-renowned locations, and in the evening, I’m poring over tax codes!”

He chuckled, “I could see how that might be different. We don’t think of California as having normal people who actually work for a living; we reckon Mike only went out there intending to be a long-haired beach bum, but he never had the talent, couldn’t make it, so had to fall back on what he could do for a living.”

Mel chuckled, “Yeah, his beach bum skills are pretty poor. Still, a steady income sure came into the reckoning when he got down on one knee.”

“Hey! I resemble that remark! You told me it was my baby blue eyes and six-pack that made me irresistible!”

My loyal fiancée snorted, “You sure you were there? I only really caught the part about ‘all my worldly goods’ and spending lunchtime at a jewelry store!”

Katelyn was giggling to let James know not to take that part too seriously. Mel doubled down on the play. “Your tightwad brother claimed he couldn’t afford me as a trophy wife.”

Now it was Katelyn snorting in disbelief: “Couldn’t afford you? He makes a hell of a lot more than James does!”

“Yeah, but it was such a hugely disappointing offer. He didn’t get the idea at all. I’d been hoping that he might jump at the chance to seriously impress me; I mean, if she absolutely must, a girl can handle being loaded up with gold and diamonds, a top of the range big-ticket German convertible or three, country club memberships, hunky well-endowed pool boys in tight speedos, hot and cold running house servants, personal chef, ripped personal trainer, those kinds of things. Weekend villa in Cancun, private jet on twenty-four-hour standby.” She wiped her forehead dramatically, “You know, the tedious but sadly unavoidable part of being a trophy wife. But all Mike was offering was discount cosmetic surgery at the hospital’s employee family and dependents rate. He’s such a cheapskate! Absolutely, I felt SO let down.”

I thought Katelyn was gonna have to sit down on the ground, she was laughing so hard. Mel’s description of a trophy wife was so outrageous that I too was chortling. I’d met one or two who might have fitted that description. A couple of our older Board members who now boasted wives younger than their first-marriage children had probably used that kind of bait.

When things calmed down a little, Katelyn asked Mel if she was intending to keep working once we were married. Mel grinned, “Obviously my biological clock is ticking so we need to get started on that task; wouldn’t want Mike to be paying all his Social Security for Septimus and Octavia’s college fees, but yes, I still enjoy the work and, the way California is going tax-wise, we may well need the income. The cost of living is becoming truly outrageous.”

Katelyn picked up on ‘Septimus and Octavia’; Mel assured her that we had no intention of going for quite that many, but that we’d see how it went. “You’re so lucky getting one of each straight off; I know people who kept trying for a girl and ended up with four boys. And an untidy house like you wouldn’t believe!”

“Oh, I lived with Mike for years. I can believe anything about boys being untidy.”

“You’ll be pleased to hear he’s reformed. Or he has the maid service visiting every day and hasn’t told me.”

“I’ll admit he seems to have gotten better at tidying up after himself. He actually volunteered to pick up the table at Thanksgiving! Now, how about childcare? Is it expensive in Los Angeles? You haven’t got Mom handy?”

I pitched in there. “We organized something for the hospital, so I’m able to use that if we have to. But we could set up a lot of Mel’s digital editing stuff in a bedroom, so she could work from home much of the time?”

“You can work from home? Really? Don’t you have executive producers and editors all over your back wanting it completed last week?”

Mel laughed, “Only in the big studios. At our lowly level, we have to keep costs pared to the bone. Often I’m effectively the producer and editor rolled into one. One of the directors I work with most often, Judy, is great at explaining exactly what she’s intending and then leaving me to do it; I do a lot of her camera work, so editing her stuff is straightforward. And she knows better than to rush me.”

“Does it pay well?”

“As long as I can work steadily, yes. It’s when there’s a foul up in the scheduling and there’s no work for a week or two, then I start reading the ‘book-keeper wanted’ ads more seriously. There have been times I’ve done waitressing; even had a few weeks of asking people if they want fries with that. Now I’m better known, have proved myself to a few writers and directors, the bills get paid on time. I’ll keep working as long as I can, though, if we’re blessed with children, I’ll do the stay-at-home mom as long as needed. You never know, Mike might get used to milk and cookies when he gets back from the office.”