I watched her walk out of my office and for the hundredth or maybe even the thousandth time and I thought of how much I would like to tap that fantastic ass. Even just kissing her, let alone fucking her, would be the kiss of death for me. She was my secretary and thus a subordinate and the company Policies and Procedures Manual was crystal clear on what would happen to me if I did what I wanted to do.

Shit! Even if just talking to her made her uncomfortable I could get into trouble. And woman trouble is something I did not need. I’d had enough of it to last me a lifetime. I sometimes thought God had put something in me when I came down the assembly line that would see to it that woman trouble would follow me along for the rest of my life.

Every female I’d hooked up with since junior high had been bad news for me. I’d had a crush on Nancy Wilde since the fifth grade, but she always had a boyfriend so I couldn’t get to her. It was the eighth grade and I was sitting in the school cafeteria when Nancy sat down at the table with me and asked:

“Why haven’t you ever asked me out on a date Mike?”

The question surprised me, but the answer was easy. “Because you always have a boyfriend.”

“I don’t have one now.”

“I thought you were going with Eugene Ellsworth.”

“Not any more. We broke up a week ago.”

I’m not dumb and I know an invitation when I hear one so I asked her if she would like to go to the movies with me on Saturday and she said she would love to. That date led to several more and I asked her to go steady with me and she said yes.

Two days after she started telling all her friends that she was now my steady Ellsworth caught me leaving school. He told me to stay away from his girl if I knew what was good for me. I told him she had told me that she’d kicked him to the curb and to fuck off. He swung at me and the fight was on.

I don’t know which of us would have won because a couple of teachers separated us. They couldn’t do anything to us but warn us because we were off of school property.

“I warned you Dalton. Best heed it” Ellsworth called over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Up yours Ellsworth” I hollered back at him. “Next time we’ll do it where no one can separate us.”

There wasn’t a next time because the next day in the school cafeteria Nancy sat down across from me and said:

“You’re a neat guy Mike and I had fun dating you, but I can’t see you anymore. I’m getting back with Gene.”

“So what did I do to make you want to drop me and go back to him?”

“Nothing. This isn’t on you; it’s on me. I guess I didn’t realize he was so into me that he would be willing to fight for me.”

Next on the hit parade was Donna. It was in the tenth grade. Every November the school had a Sadie Hawkins Day dance. Something to do with the Al Capp cartoon “Li’l Abner” where the girls got to ask the boys.

Donna caught me in the cafeteria and asked me to take her to the dance. I did and had a great time and when I took her home I got a kiss on the cheek and an:

“I had a great time Mike. Can we do it again?”

After the second date the kiss was on the mouth and after the third date her tongue was halfway down my throat. The fourth date was the killer. I took her home expecting a hot make out session only to be told:

“I can’t see you anymore Mike. Bob wants me back and I was only dating you to make him jealous.”

I wanted to call her a fucking bitch, but didn’t. I just gave her a hateful stare and turned and walked away from her.

Next up was Charity. I was in the cafeteria sitting alone at a table for four eating my lunch and reviewing my notes from World History when a girl I’d never seen before came up to the table and asked if she could sit there.

“These are the only empty seats in the room.”

I looked around and sure enough the place was packed so I told her to have a seat. Her name was Charity Chasman and her parents had just moved to town and she was new to the school. Before the end of the lunch period I had a date to show her around.

We ended up making out at the end of our fourth date and things were great until I was invited to have dinner with her and her parents. I didn’t know it at the time, but that dinner ended things for us. We dated twice more before she told me she couldn’t see me anymore.

“My parents don’t think you are right for me.”

“Why?”

“Because we are Catholic and you aren’t.”

During the dinner her mom had asked me what church I went to and I told her I didn’t go to church.

“Why not?”

“I don’t see any sense to it” I answered and the subject was dropped. I asked Charity how she felt about it and she said:

“They are my parents Mike and they know what is best for me.”

In the twelfth grade it was Pauline French. It was a situation similar to the Charity meeting only this time I was the one who walked into the cafeteria and found the only empty seats were at Pauline’s table. I asked if I could join her and she said yes.

I’d known Pauline since the third grade and at one time or another I had considered asking her out but had never gotten around to it. I asked her how she’d been and she said:

“Lonely.”

“Why?”

“Seth moved to Detroit with his parents when his father got promoted and transferred.”

“I would think with Seth being out of the way you would have a whole herd of guys banging on the door.”

“Not many know that Seth is gone.”

“Then I guess I get to be the first to ask you out. Care to catch a movie with me?”

She said yes and we were off and running. On our third date we were making out and it looked like I had finally found a keeper.

Then came the historic weekend. My eighteenth birthday was on a Thursday and Pauline’s eighteenth was on a Friday and both families asked us to put off birthday parties until Saturday because they wanted to throw one big party for the both of us.

The party was held at the Fox Hills Country Club (Pauline’s father was a member) and it ran from six until ten. When the party broke up and I was taking Pauline home she told me she didn’t want to go straight home.

“I have one more birthday present for you. Take us out to the Point.”

Steven’s Point was one of the local make out spot for teens. I admit being a bit naïve and a bit clueless and I couldn’t figure out why we had to go out to the Point to get a birthday present. Once there Pauline got out of the car, opened the back door, got in the car and said:

“Get back here and make love to me Mike.”

I lost my virginity on that back seat. Pauline told me we had exchanged virginities and maybe it was true, but she did seem to show some experience with what we did. From that point on whenever we were together and found a flat surface we got it on. Okay; maybe not all of them were flat, but they served.

Things roared along and then it was senior prom time. My dad sprung for a limo and gave me a hundred bucks. He told me to have a hell of a good time, but not to do anything stupid.

I was enjoying the hell out of the night and looking forward to what Pauline and I would be doing when the prom ended. I had the money for a motel and was looking forward to spending a whole night with Pauline.

As with most social affairs like proms you danced with other classmates and your date did too. Pauline was dancing with Dan Marsh when I went to use the bathroom. When I came out I couldn’t find her so I went looking. When I found her she was with Dan and they were making out. They were kissing and his cock was out and Pauline had it in her hand. He had a hand inside her gown and on her tits. I was all set to charge in and do something drastic to them when dad’s words came to me.

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

I took several dep breaths and turned and walked away. I left the prom, got in the waiting limo and went home.

At eight the next morning the doorbell rang. My mom answered it and found a very angry Mr. French. He asked if I was home and when mom said yes he told her he needed to talk to me. Mom came and got me out of bed and I went downstairs in my pajamas to see what he wanted.

“Where is my daughter?”

“I have no idea. You will probably have to find Dan Marsh and ask him.”

“Why? You were her date. You picked her up at my house and that makes you responsible for her.”

“She chose to leave me and take off with Marsh and that makes it his problem and not mine. I know he lives over on Fisher Street. Go find him. And when you find your daughter tell her to forget she ever knew me. I don’t ever want to see her or talk to her ever again.”

I never did hear about the outcome of it.

It finally occurred to me that every one of my female problems started in the school cafeteria and I decided to stop going there. Silly and I knew it, but show me a teen who doesn’t do stupid shit. I did see Pauline around, but we avoided each other.

My next relationship occurred in my sophomore year in college. I’d dated some in my freshman year, but none of them were serious.

The class was Production Planning and two weeks into it the class was split into groups of four and given a project that would count as twenty-five percent of our grade for the class. The four of us knew each other from other classes and from seeing each other around the campus but we didn’t really know each other.

One of the group was a hot looking redhead named Stella. I’d seen her around and we had shared a class in our freshman year. The four of us met in the library, broke the project down into four areas and each of us took an area. We agreed to meet every Monday and Friday in the library and go over our progress.

I don’t know if you have ever been in a like situation, but if you have you will easily understand this part. Stella was hot! Nova hot! You knew looking at her that she was out of your league; beyond your reach. You looked at her, wanted her, but didn’t dare approach her because you knew, just knew, that her response would be something like laughter followed by something like “Me and you? On a date? You can’t be serious” so you never took a shot. For almost the entire term I looked, wished, and kept it to myself.

It was our last meeting as a group. We put the finishing touches on the project and the other two got up and left leaving Stella and me at the table. I was gathering up papers and putting them in my backpack when Stella said:

“You aren’t ever going to ask me out are you?”

I decided to be straight up with her.

“No. Not that I wouldn’t like to, but I figured that it would be a waste of time.”

“Why would you think that?”

“You are a steak, caviar and champagne lady and I am a burger, fries and Coca Cola guy. Besides that a girl like you is bound to already have a guy and I’m not sure my ego could take the hit that a no would give me.”

“You are that insecure?”

“I’m not insecure sweetie; I just know my limits.”

“I guess it is on me then. I need a date for a party I want to go to. Would you like to be my escort?”

I was going to say no? Not bloody likely.

I did feel a bit out of place since I didn’t know a soul, but I managed because Stella stayed on my arm as we circulated and socialized. Maybe three hours into it some guy came up, grabbed Stella’s arm and said:

“Come on babe; we need to talk.”

I rather forcefully removed the hand from Stela’s arm and said “Get your hands off my date!”

He looked like he was going to swing at me so I put myself between Stella and the guy, brought my fists up and said:

“Bring it asshole!”

Suddenly three guys showed up and grabbed the asshole and then two of them walked him to the door and shoved him outside. The third one said:

“Sorry Shel; he wasn’t even invited.”

“No problem Dale. My guy was taking care of it.”

I was thinking “My guy? I’m now her guy?” when Dale said to me “Take good care of her; she’s special” and then he left us. I asked Stella:

“Something I should know about?”

“A guy I used to date. I stopped dating him when he started getting too possessive. He didn’t take it well.”

“I can relate.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I had something going on with you and you cut me loose I’d be upset too.”

She smiled and said: “You are most definitely good for a girl’s ego” and stepped to me and kissed me. It was only on the cheek, but I felt it all the way down to my toes.

We stayed another half hour and then we left. When I got her back to her dorm I walked her to her door she asked:

“Am I going to have to ask you for the next date too or are you up to it?”

I still felt she was out of my league, but from somewhere in the back of my mind a phrase came to me. “Who dares wins” so I asked:

“Dinner and dancing tomorrow?”

She took my head in both of her hands, kissed me on the lips and then asked “What time?”

“Six?”

“Works for me.”

“Wear jeans and leather soled shoes because the dancing is going to be country western.”

When I picked her up she surprised me. Jeans, cowboy boots, brush pooper shirt, white Stetson and a belt buckle that said Calusa County Rodeo Queen. As I took in the sight I said:

“I’m guessing you are not going to be a novice when the music starts.”

She smiled and said “I’ve done a two-step or two.”

Over cheese enchiladas at Tres Amigos I found out that daddy owned a ranch and a feed store and she’d been around horses all her life and in fact barrel raced at rodeos. She was taking business management so she could take over when daddy decided to retire.

At the Golden Stallion she made me look like a stumbling idiot compared to her. She knew every line dance they played and I only knew about half. We did great when it came to the two-step and western swing and I felt great with her in my arms when doing a waltz.

The evening ended too soon for me, but I did get a knee buckling kiss when I took her home. Along with the kiss I got an “I had a great time. Can we do it again?”

More dates, three of them dancing at the Golden Stallion, and at the end of the seventh Stella said:

“I’m tired of these silly dates. I need to be fucked! Are you going to step up or not?”

I wanted the same thing, but I hadn’t made any moves in that direction because I was afraid of doing something to make her drop me. I smiled and said:

“Glad you asked.”

I drove us to a motel and got us a room.

It was incredible! She did it all including anal. She was the most active girl I’d ever been with. With her I felt like what some bronc riders might have felt hanging on to get that ten second ride.

That date was followed by many many more just like it. We dated into the middle of my junior year. I didn’t know if it was love or I was just pussy whipped enough that my brain believed it was love, but I had Stella and I didn’t want to lose her.

I bought a ring and one Saturday evening I took a knee and asked her to be my wife. I did not expect the answer I got.

“What? Married? Don’t be silly Mike. All we are is fuck buddies.”

Talk about a pail of ice water being dumped on your head.

“You don’t have any feelings for me at all?”

“I like you Mike, but all you are to me is someone to take care of my needs until I graduate. And speaking of needs, find us a bed.”

I did, but my heart wasn’t in it and when I took her home to her dorm and she kissed me goodnight she didn’t know that it was really a kiss goodbye. I never called her again and I avoided her whenever I saw her around.

She went home at the end of the term and a week after coming back she was on the arm of some guy I’d never seen before.

I dated some, but didn’t get into any relationships for the first two months of the term and then one night at a mixer being held at the Kappa Alpha Psi house when a life changing event occurred. I’d been there about an hour and I’d been eyeing at a cute little blond and wondering if she was with a date or just some girlfriends from her sorority.

I just happened to be looking her way when I saw some asshole who she had her back to pick up her glass and put something into it. I headed for her and got there just as she picked up her glass. I grabbed her wrist as she raised the glass and said: