Chapter 38: Can’t Fix Crazy

Saturday May 13

“David, wake up,” Mom’s voice pierced my head. “People are starting to show up, and...”

She stopped talking when I rolled over and she got a good look at me. Or maybe it was a good smell of me because she wrinkled her nose. I squinted at her and moaned.

“‘Stupid Boy.’ Of all the days to be hungover,” she complained.

I suddenly sat up, and Mom took a step back. My mouth began to water, a sure sign I was about to lose it. I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. I wasn’t happy that after I’d purged the remnants of last night, I kept dry heaving. That was the worst.

“It’s lucky for you I didn’t let El come up to help wake you up. She would’ve been traumatized if she saw your cool new tattoos and bare butt,” Mom said from the bathroom door.

It took me a moment to comprehend what my mom had said. Then I staggered to my feet and looked in the mirror. My jackass friends had used a permanent marker on me while I was passed out. Wolf was a man of his word; they hadn’t used the markers anywhere they could be seen. At least they’d shown that much restraint, thank God.

Mom began to laugh.

“What? This isn’t funny,” I complained.

“Look at your butt,” she prompted.

It said, ‘Wolf’s Property.’

I could just hear him bitching. ‘You let one guy buy you a pretzel... ‘ Or that was how it went in my head. He still claimed he bought his own pretzel, which I believed. But I was never going to admit it to him.

I said a bad word.

“David! Language!”

“Sorry.”

“Take some aspirin with a big glass of water and then get in the shower. I’ll get some rubbing alcohol to get the worst of your new art off you,” Mom said.

“Please bring me some tea and toast,” I begged.

“Was it worth it?” Mom asked.

“I thought so last night. I’m not so sure this morning,” I admitted.

She wore a satisfied smile as she took my dog with her.

I swear to God!

When my mom came back, she had Peggy with her. The two of them made rude comments as they took the ink off my back. I drew the line when Mom told me to drop my towel so they could do my butt. She just wanted to show Peggy what was written on it. I kicked them out and took over removing the remaining evidence of my poor judgment from last night.

When I came downstairs, El spotted me.

“David!” my cousin screeched, about splitting my head in half.

I shut my eyes for a moment and suddenly felt dizzy. I quickly opened them and vowed to not do that again. Frick, I felt like an ass.

El, my cousin, gave me a hug and then grabbed my hand so I would sit next to her at the kitchen table.

I was thankful when Cassidy put a small plate with plain toast and a cup of hot tea in front of me. It looked like she was our short-order cook this morning.

“Do you have your speech ready?” Dad asked.

“I’ll just wing it.”

Everyone gave me looks.

“It’ll be fine. I know what I want to say,” I said to defend myself.

“Who was that you were making out with last night?” Cassidy asked.

More looks. If I weren’t so hungover, I might have paddled my little ninja’s butt.

I remembered making out, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember who it was with.

Then I had a thought.

“Why didn’t you stop them from using magic markers on me last night?” I asked.

“I wasn’t on duty,” Cassidy said. “Besides, it was funny as hell.”

I quickly added to my list ... To do what? I wasn’t sure, but there would be payback at some point. Probably not today, though.

My cousin Julie smirked, while El looked at me suspiciously.

“I took a nap, and my friends wrote on me,” I explained to my younger cousin, hoping she’d buy it.

Her eyes got big.

“What did they write? Was it something bad? Can I see? Are you going to get back at them?” she asked, rapid-fire.

Cassidy’s head whipped around to see my response.

“David’s a good Christian. He’ll forgive them,” Mom assured her niece.

“Or turn the other cheek,” Peggy added, and bit her bottom lip.

Yep, list growing.

“That would be best. They’re probably sorry,” El said.

Cassidy grinned and shook her head ‘no.’ Brat!

I had time to get my car and drive to the high school for graduation. By then, I’d started to feel better.

They directed us all to go to the old gym and line up alphabetically. While we did that, our friends and family were taking their seats in the field house where our commencement would be held.

“Everyone!” Vice Principal Palm called out to get our attention. “I want to give you all a quick rundown on what’s going to happen today.”

As I glanced around, it looked like everyone was fidgeting. I agreed; let’s get this over with.

“You’ll walk in to where you are to sit, but remain standing. Next, the faculty will be introduced. Once that’s done, you can sit down. There will be welcoming remarks followed by the presentation of your diploma. What will happen is your name will be called, you will walk across the stage, shake Principal Borman’s hand with your right hand, accept your diploma with the left, then pause for your picture to be taken. Finally, move your tassel to the other side to indicate that you’ve graduated,” Vice Principal Palm explained.

I think we’d all seen how this worked, so I was ready to go.

“After you’ve all returned to your seats, there will be a keynote address from a guest speaker, followed by the valedictory address. When that’s done, your teachers will lead you out,” he concluded.

Vice Principal Palm’s phone must have vibrated because he pulled it out of his pocket to check it.

“Okay, everybody, it’s showtime,” he announced and led us to the field house.

The ceremony went to plan, with everyone getting their moment in the sun. The keynote address was given by some guy they dug up who fancied himself a motivational speaker. Frankly, he was a cliché machine and became amusing. One of his gems was, ‘It’s not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.’ Then there was my personal favorite, ‘You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow.’

After that yawn fest, he’d set the bar really low for me, so there was a silver lining.

“I want to welcome to the stage an extraordinary young man, your valedictorian, David Dawson,” Principal Borman announced.

I strode out across the stage, thanked the principal, shook his hand, and took the podium. I smiled at everyone as they applauded. While that was going on, I spotted my family in the stands. Then I noticed that there were TV cameras in the back, filming. That cut my list of topics a bit. When I said I would wing my speech, I really hadn’t meant it. But I’d never put it all down on paper, so here went nothing.

“I had a speech prepared but forgot to bring it. I hope that’s okay with everyone,” I said, which generated a few chuckles.

Mr. Palm looked like he might become ill. His plan for controlling every little detail of today’s festivities just flew out the window.

“The original speech talked about how we were on the cusp of the rest of our lives, ready to face the world, and blah, blah, blah.”

Mr. Palm stood up. To do what, I wasn’t sure, but I needed to move this along.

“Look, let’s all be real here. We all know that graduation is a rite of passage of sorts. Different cultures commemorate their children becoming adults in different ways. We don’t really have anything official like others have, so this is probably the closest thing. Soon, many of you will be off to college, while others will move into your parents’ basement to haunt them for the next twenty years,” I said and paused when that brought a good-natured laugh.

One of the dads shouted out that would happen over his dead body.

“Listening to our keynote speaker, I was reminded of a cheesy poster I once saw. It said, ‘You are where you are because of the decisions you’ve made. The choice has always been yours to make. Either choose to be great or choose to be a waste.’ It may be cheesy, but it contains an element of truth. The key is that when you walk out these doors for the last time, how your life turns out will be determined by your choices,” I said, warming to my topic.

“Right before I entered high school, I got myself into a spot of trouble. Because of that, I was shipped to my uncle’s farm for the summer to be free child labor. After the first few days, I was exhausted, and every muscle in my body ached. It was so bad that even my teeth hurt. He worked me so hard that I was no longer able to think straight. More importantly, he did it so that I would quit focusing on how none of what was happening in my life was my fault.

“That was when my uncle launched his diabolical plan that ended up changing my life. He made me take a serious look at who I was, which I quickly figured out showed I wasn’t who I wanted to be. With that realization, he helped me discover who I wanted to become and gave me the tools to achieve it via life goals.

“My uncle also taught me some important truths. The biggest one was that I was responsible for my own destiny. Along the way, I learned a phrase that has stuck with me: ‘If it is to be, it is up to me,’” I said.

Then I paused to make sure I was getting through to my classmates.

I looked up because I felt myself becoming emotional and had to blink back a tear of gratitude for what that man had done for me. None of what I’d been able to accomplish would’ve been possible without him kicking my butt and putting me on the path I was now on.

I took a moment to look out across the crowd, and everyone was riveted by what I was saying. I became contemplative.

“Strange, the stuff you remember. The people, the places. The moments in time that are crystal clear, and you’ll never forget, while other memories fade into oblivion. I think we can all agree that I’ve lived a life different from others. Before my trip to my uncle’s farm, I saw no path before me. I simply took step after step that never seemed to be forward. It was as if I was spinning my wheels as I simply marked time.

“I’m sure many of you have felt that way. We just get by to survive another day, week, year, a lifetime. One day, you’ll turn around and look back and see that each step you’d taken was a choice, like that cheesy poster said. To go left. To go right. To go forward, backward, or to simply stand still. Every day you have a choice between right and wrong. Between love and hate. Unfortunately, sometimes between life and death. At some point, those choices become your life. The day you realize that will be the day you take control of your life and become an adult,” I said, and then decided to try to explain my point differently.

“You’ve all heard it said that everything happens for a reason. Being a churchgoer, I hear it as ‘It’s God’s will.’ Not that I don’t think we all have a destiny to fulfill. What I want you to do is think about it for a moment. If that were true, then all your efforts would simply make you slaves to some cosmically predetermined set outcome. It would be as if we have no say in the matter, or that we might or might not be capable of getting what we desire, because it is all left up to some higher power.

“If you want a life of purpose, one where you’re in charge, begin by reversing your notion that everything happens for a reason. We all have free will—or, at least, life and the world work better if we act as if we have free will. Because if you don’t actively make choices, you’re just a leaf floating on a stream.

“So, instead of ‘leaving it to God’ or the fates, redefine your thinking about the future. Not as some eventual explanation of some future terrible tragedy or glorious achievement. But instead as validation of the thoughtful choices that will lead you to what you wanted to have happen. Assert authority over chance, fate, and destiny. Everything does happen for a reason, and that reason is you, through your actions ... or inactions.

“To attain success, we must make the hard choices. We must do the unpleasant things, risk our most valuable assets, and do away with the shackles designed to limit us. Above all, we can’t get sucked into listening to others who think they know what’s best for us. Realize that they have their own personal agendas, and in the end, that each of us has to decide what’s best for ourselves.

“Remember that nothing worthwhile is ever achieved without sacrifice. True greatness only comes to those willing to pursue it at any cost. Once you have that mindset, nothing will stop you,” I shared and paused once again.

“As you leave here today, I see a bright future for each and every one of you. Stride forth with confidence. Seize the opportunities that are presented to you. And remember to have fun while doing it,” I said, breaking my word about the uplifting ‘go forward and conquer the world’ BS noted in all these kinds of speeches.

I paused one last time and smiled at everyone.

“I want to leave you with one last thought. We’ve built something here at Lincoln High. I personally want to see what we’ve achieved become an inspiration and set the standard for years to come so that we leave a legacy here. With that in mind, I want to share with you my feelings about this high school,” I said.

I saw Cassidy roll her eyes at me, but I plowed forward.

“Home. It’s more than just a word. It’s your story, it’s your family, it’s the place where it all began. It’s where we grew up. It’s a walk downtown. It’s firing up the grill for a barbecue before a game.

“It’s continuing the tradition of winning, of striving for excellence, of being the best we can possibly be. No matter how many times your address changes, or wherever you may go, Lincoln High will always be your home, and all roads lead back home.

“Go Lincoln High! Go Bulldogs! This is our house! This is our home!” I shouted as my classmates stood and cheered.

“Now, let’s go party!”

We forgot about the solemn exit parade that had been planned as I jumped off the stage and led my classmates out of the building. We said our goodbyes, reminisced about some fond memories, and took more than a few pictures. It really was official now. I’d graduated from high school.

We’d planned a family-only graduation party at my farm. Later, I would host an open party for my classmates. I’d told Lexi to organize something everyone would remember. She’d coordinated the two events with my mom and Scarlet. With my mom involved, I was sure it wouldn’t get too far out of hand.

When I arrived at the farm, I saw our farmhands setting up the five-acre field behind the house for tonight’s event. It looked like they had pulled in a flatbed trailer and run electricity to it. If I were to guess, that meant that a band would play tonight.

Bales of straw were being put around what looked like the beginnings of a fire pit. I spotted Scarlet supervising.

“What are the poles for?” I asked.

There was a big stack of them off to one side.

“They’re going to use them to hold lanterns so there’s enough light to see.”

There were long tables set up for us to eat outside. I made my way to the kitchen to see if I could snag something to eat because I’d started to feel ravenous. My early morning toast had departed my body earlier, along with the other contents of my queasy stomach.

Yelena took pity on me and made me a ham sandwich. She gave it to me with a glass of milk, then went back to cooking.

Everyone had started to show up. My dad and uncle came in the back door and spotted me eating.

“Where did you get that?” Dad asked.

I pointed to Yelena because my mouth was full.

“You boys want a sandwich, too?” Yelena asked.

“Yes, please,” Uncle John said.

They joined me at the kitchen table. As Yelena gave them their food, Grandmas Dawson and Felton walked in.

“What are you two doing goofing off? You’re in charge of the grill,” Grandma Dawson reminded them.

“We have plenty of time,” Dad said.

“Don’t make me find my wooden spoon,” she threatened.

My dad and uncle started to laugh until Yelena found it for her. Now it was my turn to laugh as they grabbed their sandwiches and made a hasty exit. If Mom ever figured out that worked on my dad, he would be done for.

“How’s my favorite grandson?” Grandma Felton asked.

I got a big grin on my face. Where was my brother when I needed him? Now I was the favorite of both my grandmothers.

After I caught up with the women in the kitchen, I went outside. I quickly found out that it wasn’t just family that would be celebrating with us. Coach Hope was here with both Cassidy and Brad, along with Moose and Coach Haskins. Everyone that Grace had brought yesterday was here as well. She must have gone back to Cincinnati to celebrate graduation with her grandkids who had graduated today. I knew Brook and her cousins were having a party later.

Pam was here with her mom. To my surprise, Cora, Pam’s sister—and now former wife of Devin Range—had tagged along. When I saw her, my first thought was, ‘you can’t fix crazy.’

That bit of bad news was balanced when I spotted Mrs. A and one of my best friends. Beth must be back home from Purdue.

Finally, Tami Glade and her mom were here.

Both Tami and Beth came to me and gave me a kiss hello. Tami grabbed Beth’s hand, which had a ring on it.

“No. Say it isn’t so. Some fast-talking college boy clouded your good judgment,” I moaned.

“Ignore him. Tell me all about your guy,” Tami said.

“He’s studying to be an astronaut,” Beth said.

If I hadn’t known that many of our astronauts went to Purdue for college, I would’ve called bullshit.

“So, he’s a space nerd,” I said.

“When are you getting married?” Tami asked as if I weren’t there.

“We’re going to take it slow. It won’t be until we graduate next year. Matthew will have his master’s and plans to get his doctorate. I want to get my masters,” Beth explained.

“Is he coming to the party later?” I asked.

“No. He flew home to see his family.”

It looked like someone I knew had their life mapped out. I was happy for Beth. She deserved to find a guy. I was a little surprised that she hadn’t found someone with musical abilities. She’d always seemed to like those types.

Dinner was nice. I received a bunch of practical gifts for when I went off to college and for my travels to make my movies.

“We have one present left,” Mom announced.

Dad and Uncle John carried out a large rectangular box that might hold a big-screen TV. They acted like it was heavy, so I had no idea what it was. It was placed on the table in front of me.

“Open it,” Grandma Dawson encouraged.

There wasn’t a card saying who it was from. I guessed I would find out soon enough. I ripped the paper, opened the end of the box, took a peek, and then smiled.

“My painting,” I shared.

Part of my swag bag from the Academy Awards had been a portrait. When I was in LA, I’d met the artist. She had examples of her work hanging on the walls outside her studio, and they were all different, style-wise. She tried to match the painting to the personality of the person she painted. A comedian might get one that looked more like a caricature, while someone serious would get a more traditional portrait.

I pulled the painting out of the box and examined it. It had me lying at the bottom, facing Duke. Four of my kids were piled around him, taking naps, while Coby was in the process of climbing a fence to escape. The baby mommas were off to the side, talking, oblivious to my son’s escape attempt. In the center-top were my parents, watching over us. Greg and his three little ones were in a top corner, feeding ducks at the pond near our house. In the other corner were my two grandmothers, pointing at my son’s escape attempt. Above them in the clouds, looking down, were my two grandfathers.

Frick! I was becoming a wuss. I felt myself tearing up. Instead of saying anything, I simply turned the portrait around so everyone could see it.

“Thank God they got your good side,” Greg quipped.

I didn’t even retaliate. It gave me a jolt to get me out of my melancholy reaction to seeing my grandfathers, who’d left us too soon.

I thought that Allana had nailed it. I loved the take she had, with the focus being on my family. I made a mental note to call her and thank her for what she’d done.

After we ate, Greg and I walked to the river with Phil. Greg had his three little ones with him.

“Unca David,” Mac said to get my attention.

“Yes, Princess.”

“Momma says you don’t like her, but you’re toilet-training her for me.”

I looked at Greg for a translation.

“Tolerating,” Greg corrected without much thought.

Angie had begun to be a problem. She had started to slowly poison my niece against me.

“I like your mom just fine,” I said to Mac and then turned to Greg. “Did you hear that Zoe and Johan are moving onto the farm to help out?”

“Mom told me,” he admitted.

“Zoe and I are going into the horse-breeding business together. Maybe I could get Angie off my back if...”

“Stop! Don’t say it,” Greg said with a panicked look on his face.

The last thing Greg wanted was for me to buy a horse for Mac. If I even breathed the words, my niece would be on Greg until it happened.

“Then maybe you can fix my little problem with your ex,” I suggested.

“I’ll have a talk with her,” he assured me.

“So, numbnuts. When do you head off to be free labor for Uncle John?” Greg asked Phil.

Phil almost said a bad word. Greg and I both raised our eyebrows to warn him he was about to end up in the naughty corner. At the very least, Mac would make him put money in the swear jar.

“Numbnuts,” Nate parroted.

That made my day.

“Did you ever have to spend the summer with Uncle John?” Phil asked Greg.

“Not the whole summer. I wasn’t the troublemaker the two of you turned out to be,” Greg said, acting superior.

“Want to see your daddy swim in the river?” I asked the little ones.

They seemed to want it. Kyle began to take his pants off.

“Whoa there, fella,” I said to slow him down.

Yep, he was a Dawson.

“Was it worth it?” Phil asked.

“You heard David today. What do you think?” Greg asked.

“I suppose.”

“Make him take you to the coffee klatch at the diner. The old guys are hilarious. It was the best part of the stay,” I advised.

Greg smiled.

“I missed out on that. Uncle John had just moved to the farm when I stayed with him,” Greg shared.

“Why didn’t I go with you?” I asked.

“I think you and Tami went to a summer camp that year. Mom decided that if she could get rid of you, she would pawn me off on Uncle John. Something about needing a break from kids,” Greg explained.

I could hear her saying just that.

“David said he taught you ... things,” Phil said.

Greg and I both smiled when he blushed.

“Ask him. He knows ... things,” Greg said, being careful what he said in front of the big little ears.

“Speaking of things ... Joey plans to put the moves on you after Scarlet leaves,” I shared.

“Interesting. I take it she shot you down,” Greg said with a big smile.

I picked him up and dangled him over the river. Man, he sounded like a little girl. I sat him back down and dared him to say more.

“Has anyone said they planned to put a move on me?” Phil asked.

“Eleanor. She said you’ll get drunk tonight and be easy pickings,” I said.

“Peanut butter girl?” Greg asked.

In the lunchroom at school, there was a spoon in the vat of peanut butter that was there for you to make a sandwich if you forgot your lunch money. Greg was referring to the incident where Eleanor licked the community spoon and put it back into the vat.

“Yep.”

“She got hit by the ugly stick one too many times,” Phil complained.

“What a ugly stick?” Mac asked.

“On that note, we should head back,” Greg said to stop us from going any further.

Back at the farmyard, Tami pulled me aside.

“I have to get going. I’m taking my brothers out to see a movie tonight.”

“Okay,” I said.

“I plan to go visit Jeff’s grave tomorrow. Would you go with me?” she asked.

“Sure. That’s a good idea. I need to say goodbye to him before I leave town.”

“I love you,” she said and kissed my cheek.

“Love you, too.”

She gave me a tight smile and then left.

All I could think was that we’d messed up in so many ways. If our lives had gone to plan, we would be a couple, one of the few that lasted through high school and college. I’d learned, though, that you couldn’t live your life asking ‘what if?’

While I’d been otherwise occupied, the field had been transformed. All the poles had been set, and the lights hung. Parked on one side was a beer truck. It had three taps on each side, so there would be no wait to get a beer. Across the field from the truck, Mary Dole was in the process of unloading a van packed with food. She had two of her cooks from the restaurant helping her.

“Come help us,” Mary ordered.

I pitched in to help prepare a buffet. This was the same sort of setup they had at Our House for large events. I was in the van handing out stuff when I heard a blast from the past.

“Hey, David.”

“Eve Holiday. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I heard you requested me to play tonight.”

I decided to play it off.

“Well, I did, but I never thought we could pull a star like you.”

“Look who’s talking, Mr. Academy Award Winner.”

“We got this,” Mary said to release me from manual labor.

“Thanks. I appreciate everything you all are doing,” I said to Mary and her team.

“Only for you,” she said with a smile.

“Let’s catch up before this gets busy,” I said to Eve.

“I need to check the stage setup. It’ll only take a moment,” she said.

While she did that, I went over to supervise the starting of the bonfire. I spotted the makings for s’mores and made a mental note of that for later.

I felt arms wrap around my waist and give me a hug. Frankly, it surprised me that Eve was so friendly. The last couple of times I’d seen her, she’d been standoffish, though she’d finally apologized. Some of that had to do with the song she’d written about me that made me out to be a cheater. Though Eve did seem a lot more friendly when she performed at the opening of Our House.

“What’s up?” I asked when she held onto me.

Eve let her arms slip away so I could turn around.

“I missed you.”

I had mixed feelings about Eve. When she left to go back to Nashville, she hadn’t looked back. But she had attempted to make amends when we last met.

“We were good together, weren’t we?”

“I thought so,” I admitted.

“Do you ever think about us?”

“Not for some time.”

She nodded.

“That’s what I figured. I messed up,” Eve said.

“If you’re asking if there’s a chance we ever get back together, probably not. If you want us to be friends, I would like that.”

She was quiet, so I changed the topic.

“When will you do another record?”

That seemed to snap her out of it.

“We’re going into the studio after our summer tour. We’re opening for Rickey Cobb,” she said, naming one of the up-and-coming country artists.

“That’s great.”

“What about you?”

“Monday, I fly to London to begin shooting my James Bond movie. Then this fall, I’ll be in New Zealand and Australia to film the next two Star Academy movies,” I shared.

“To think, I knew you when,” she said with a smile.

“Well, same with me. You’re a big deal around here. People are always talking about how you’ll be a big star.”

“Eve Holiday to the stage,” was announced.

“Sorry, I have to go,” Eve said.

“Break a leg,” I said as she walked away.

She still looked good in her jeans.

Here in the Midwest—unlike in LA—people either showed up early or on time. So I wasn’t surprised when it seemed like everyone arrived at once. I played the greeter and pointed to where the food and beer were. It gave me a chance to say hello to everyone.

I grabbed Tim and Wolf and made them help me so I would have someone to talk to. I tried to get Cassidy to help, but she said she was off the clock and needed a beer.

“At some point, I’ll get even for the art you two left on me last night.”

“You got it all off, even your butt?” Tim asked.

“What are you talking about?” Wolf asked.

Tim got his phone out and showed him a picture.

“Dick. How many times do I have to say... ?”

“You bought it yourself,” Tim finished for him.

“When will this get old?” Wolf asked.

“Never,” Tim and I said in unison.

At that moment, Stacy Clute walked up.

“Hey, David,” she said, laid a scorching kiss on me, and then walked into the party.