Chapter 37: Use Your Tears as Lube

Thursday May 11
Today I had finals in all my classes except Calculus and AP Chemistry. I skipped running because I needed the time to review. Besides, my first test was in Strength and Conditioning, and I was afraid of what Joey might have planned for me.

I went down for breakfast and found Cassidy cooking.

“Morning, Sunshine,” I greeted her.

“Morning, Doofus.”

Someone was in a mood.

“When are you going to learn to cook something other than breakfast?” I asked.

“I know how to make ketchup spaghetti with hot dogs.”

My stomach rolled over as I thought about eating that.

“I figured once we get married, I’d cook breakfast, and you could make lunch and dinner,” Cassidy continued.

“You might want to think about learning to cook other meals,” Mom said as she came into the room.

Yep, mothers have super hearing.

“I hear you’re moving to LA a week before school starts. What do you plan to do for the summer?” I asked.

“I got hired at the place I’ve been volunteering. It’ll give me some practical experience, and I’ll make some extra money for college,” Cassidy said.

“Or I could hire you as my personal trainer, and you could come to help me film my movie this summer,” I offered.

“I can’t. I already promised the vet clinic.”

I thought about her turning me down for a second and then was proud of my little ninja. She’d just shown she was a woman of her word, which was one of my life goals.

“Good answer,” I relented.

“Are you starting to realize that you’re leaving?” Mom asked.

“That’s probably it,” I admitted.

“Go help Peggy bring down the boys. Breakfast is ready,” Cassidy said.

My mom smiled because she didn’t have to be the one to tell me. I was going to miss this.

When we arrived at school, Pam was out front waiting for me. She didn’t look happy.

“Cora and Devin’s divorce went through.”

I’d predicted from the get-go that Pam’s sister wasn’t right for Devin. Devin must have thrown in a parting gift of cash to get her to agree to a quickie divorce. My brother’s divorce wasn’t moving nearly as fast. Angie hadn’t convinced me to offer the same sort of sweetener.

“Why the sad face? You knew this was coming,” I said.

“I know, but...” Pam trailed off.

How many times had I heard the ‘I know, but’ response? If you knew ... why add drama?

“Is she still threatening to move in with you guys?” I asked.

Cora had talked about a move into Pam’s condo with their mom.

“She asked if she could move into your LA condo. It is a four-bedroom, and at this point, one bedroom is empty,” Pam said.

“I don’t think she would pass the application criteria. She doesn’t have any rental history,” I thought up on the fly.

“I don’t either,” Pam said with a twinkle in her eyes.

“You’re a personal friend of the owner,” I assured her.

“The friend you like best,” Pam said. She bit her bottom lip so as not to laugh at me.

“What will Tracy say if you tell her that I not only love you best, but you’re also my best friend?” I asked.

“She can be second,” Pam offered.

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure you understand the can of worms you’re opening.”

“So, I can tell Cora she has to find somewhere else to live?” Pam asked.

“Yes. Cora cannot move into the condo,” I said.

“And I’m your best friend?”

“And you’re my best friend,” I assured her.

She finally smiled. My work here was done.

“Let’s go take our finals,” I said as the first bell rang.

Joey was waiting for me when I came out of the locker room for my Strength and Conditioning test.

“Let’s get your final measurements and compare them with when we started,” Joey said.

There was a noticeable improvement in my flexibility, speed, and strength. I was down to 212 pounds, which meant I was leaner. I had to admit that she’d solved the plateau problem that some athletes encountered.

“When you get ready for football season, you should work at bulking up to handle the pounding. I felt that for baseball, it would be better to have you slim down some,” Joey explained.

“Are we giving him a ‘B’?” Cassidy asked.

“You get whatever grade he gets,” Joey said.

“Oh,” Cassidy said and thought for a moment. “‘A’ it is.”

“David, could we talk for a moment?” Joey asked.

Cassidy got the hint and left us alone. Mr. Happy was hoping she finally realized that I was graduating Saturday and would be willing to hook up with me.

“Is Greg seeing Scarlet?” she asked.

My mind went to a dark place for a moment when I imagined my brother might replace me in all my fantasies with my hot trainer. Then I remembered what I’d told my younger brother. Brothers were half dick to each other and half there for them. Greg needed a break.

“I usually don’t share stuff like this, but I’ll make an exception this time because I know Greg is into you. He and Scarlet are hooking up to help each other out. Greg is busy with school, raising his kids, and running a business, which leaves him with no time to meet anyone since Angie left. Scarlet’s friend went back to California for work, so they decided to help each other out.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that when she leaves to move to Malibu, they won’t be seeing each other anymore, and you can swoop in,” I said.

“He’s into me?” she asked.

“I’m into you as well. You do understand that come Saturday afternoon, I’ll no longer be a student,” I said as I gave her a smoky look.

“So, I should wait until next week to make my move on Greg?” Joey asked.

I’d tried.

“Yep,” I said unenthusiastically.

“Are you still going to pay me to train him now that your mom and dad are leaving?”

I wanted to say ‘Hell, no,’ but both my dad and Greg had lost weight and were starting to look like their old selves. That reminded me that I needed to make sure my dad didn’t slack off. I would put Lexi in charge of finding him, and anyone else who wanted it, a gym membership. And I’d have her get him a personal trainer.

“Greg seems to enjoy you torturing him, so I think you should continue doing that,” I said and then changed the topic. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me. Without your help, I know I would never have improved as much.”

“Honestly, you surprised me. I thought several times you were going to push back on what I was doing with you because it was either unconventional or, at times, too much. I’ve never had anyone with your determination and acceptance of what I was doing before,” she said.

“Before I go, I just wanted to make sure that you’re not interested in all this. I could take my shirt off if that helps,” I teased.

“I bet if you made that same offer to either Jill or Becky, they’d go for it,” Joey said to throw her fellow trainers to the wolves.

I waggled my eyebrows.

“Why don’t all three of you meet me Saturday, and we’ll all get sweaty?”

By the way she rolled her eyes, I knew I had no shot. I must be losing my touch. I figured if I couldn’t have her, then I wanted Greg to. I would bet she could get him into the best shape of his life. He might someday be able to have the hashtag #HotDad on social media.

Ms. Lowden handed out our test results in Calculus. When Dare got his, he showed Gina and me that he’d gotten all the answers right. Once we got ours back, we didn’t turn our tests over to look at how we scored. With Suzanne tutoring us, we knew we’d done well. Besides, we wanted to torture him a bit.

“What did you get?” Dare blurted out.

“Darius Rossetti, do you want to get detention the last full day of school? I’ve never done that before, but I’d be willing to make you my first,” Ms. Lowden announced.

“No, ma’am.”

Then she turned to Gina and me.

“Show him before he has a meltdown,” Ms. Lowden said as she saw through what we were up to. When we hesitated, she added, “If I have to give him detention, the two of you will join him.”

That took the fun out of it. Both Gina and I turned ours over to give him the bad news. He hadn’t caught us. I watched as he looked disappointed and then finally accepted it.

“Look at it this way: we all got ‘A’s, so it’s like we tied,” Gina said.

That had to be some sort of girl logic, even though I’d basically thought the same because we’d won. Or so the middle-schooler in me thought.

Ms. Lowden let us use her period to study for the remainder of our finals. Next up was AP Chemistry.

After school, Destiny and I signed yearbooks again. This time, it only took forty-five minutes.

It had been announced that tomorrow, we would go to our homerooms for first period and turn in our textbooks. If we handed them in, we got our grades. After that, there was a school assembly planned to honor the baseball team, and then we were free for the summer.

After school, Phil went home with me so I could ditch Manaia and take my brother to get checked. Melanie had oatmeal and walnut cookies that needed to be tested, so Manaia didn’t put up much of a fight.

When we got into the car, Phil didn’t look happy.

“Do you think I really have to do this?” he asked.

I pulled to the side of the road, stopped, and opened my phone. I did a search on diseased-dick pics and showed it to him. He just nodded as I drove on.

“It feels like sometimes you have to use your tears as lube as life bends you over and has its way with you,” Phil grouched.

That certainly drew a weird picture.

“I just hope that the doctor doesn’t decide they need to stick a metal rod up your urethra to get a sample,” I said with a straight face.

“What?!”

It just wasn’t fair sometimes. Greg at least would’ve caught on that I’d just punked him. Phil was too innocent; it almost made this no fun. Note I said almost.

“They take this ten-inch rod—well, in your case, it might be five—and jam it into the end of your dick. It’s supposed to feel like when a woman gives birth, in terms of pain level.”

“They don’t do anything to numb it?” Phil asked.

“Do you want them to stick your dick with a needle?” I asked as I raised both eyebrows.

I saw him cringe.

“Turn the car around. I’m not going,” Phil decided.

When we got there, I had to grab his thumb and drag him in. We were sent right on back because we had an appointment.

When the nurse came in, she saw me having to hold on to Phil.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“He’s nervous about what you plan to do to him. He probably needs an anal probe just to be safe,” I suggested.

“I take it you two are brothers,” the nurse said.

I nodded. She turned to Phil.

“Honey, I promise to be gentle.”

I busted out laughing, and Phil finally figured it out and called me a bad name.

“I have siblings too, and they’re a pain in the butt. All I’m going to do is take your vitals, have you pee in a cup, and take a blood sample,” she explained.

“That’s it?” Phil asked.

“Unless you want the anal probe thing.”

I liked her.

“Only if you’re gentle,” Phil said as he got into the spirit of the day.

Friday May 12
When I got to school, I found Vice Principal Palm waiting for me with Gina at his side.

“Morning, David,” he said in greeting and extended his hand for me to shake.

I glanced over at Gina, and she looked as clueless as I was about why he’d waylaid us like this.

“Good morning, sir.”

“I wish more young men and women were like you. You’ve always been polite,” Vice Principal Palm said.

“My mother taught me to talk respectfully to older people,” I said before I thought about it.

He winced at the ‘older’ comment but quickly pasted a fake smile on his face.

“I need you both to come with me,” he said, then turned and headed to the office, confident we would obediently follow him.

I stepped over to Gina and leaned down so I could whisper.

“Do you think they finally caught us?”

She gave me a shove and called me a ‘stupid boy’ before she followed our vice principal.

When we got to the office, the secretary looked up and winked at me. It might have been okay if she weren’t my grandmother’s age. We went into Mr. Palm’s office and took a seat.

“I want to congratulate you both. You are this year’s valedictorian and salutatorian.”

I turned to Gina and gave her a huge smile.

“Congratulations. If you don’t have your speech ready, I wrote one just in case, and Vice Principal Palm has approved it,” I said. That was to get even for so many snarky comments that Gina had made that I’d lost count.

If I didn’t like her, I might have thought she was a bit of a bitch. All I know was Wolf was a better man than I. I would have had to tan her backside at some point if we ever dated.

“Actually, you’re valedictorian, David,” he said to ruin my fun.

I could see Gina visibly relax.

“If you wanted to say a few words...” I offered Gina.

“No!” she blurted and then said quietly, “I’m good.”

“After the assembly today, we’ll be handing out caps and gowns to the seniors. I want to give you your sashes that indicate your achievements,” he said as he handed them to us.

They were orange with a blue ‘V’ on mine and an ‘S’ on Gina’s. In my head, I chuckled because Gina had called me a slut too many times. Now she had a scarlet letter giving her the title. Okay, a blue letter, but it still counted.

I laughed when I thought what my ‘V’ might stand for: virgin.

We had time to make it to our lockers, drop off our sashes, and collect all our books for first period, where we had to turn them all in. The hall was full of everyone lugging books to their first-period class. I spotted one of the bullies getting ready to trip Dare.

“Hey!” I barked. The guy turned and looked at me and then slunk away.

I never understood the desire to pick on someone smaller just for the fun of it. Unless, of course, it was my little brother. That was just something that was expected.

That thought brought me up short. Was it really expected? Greg had given me shit. Hell, I remembered the first day of school when he said something along the lines of ‘don’t embarrass me’ as his only warning about how I was to act around him at school.

I vowed to treat Phil better. When I looked back, that wasn’t who I wanted to be for him. I admitted, though, that taking him to get checked had been worth it. Maybe he would learn to wear a condom next time. His friends were right; he didn’t need to follow the Dawson tradition of getting someone pregnant while in high school. Maybe Phil could be the first to wait until he was married.

Coach Rector had us all go to the gym to drop off our books. When he received them, he gave us our grades and checked us off his list.

I looked at mine, and I’d gotten straight ‘A’s again. I silently thanked my uncle for giving me my life goals, which made it possible for me to get ‘A’s all through high school. The goal to be financially secure had come with a need for a good education. There were many times when I would rather have done almost anything other than work on my studies. But then I would remember what the pot was at the end of the rainbow. Over time, it had just become a habit, which made it infinitely easier.

That left us the rest of the hour to goof around.

As I walked into the field house, I saw the enormous paper banner proclaiming us state champions. The bleachers were pulled out on one side, and the student body had begun to fill them up. There was a stage with seats for the baseball players and coaches. I spotted Tim and Wolf, kicked back in their chairs, relaxing. Somehow, they’d beaten me here.

“Boys,” I said.

“It’s official. We’re high school graduates,” Tim said as he stood up and gave me a one-armed hug.

“You still have to get your diploma tomorrow,” I reminded him.

“Details, details,” he said as he waved his hand in the air. “We should all go out to lunch after this.”

“I can’t. I have to deal with my businesses this afternoon. They’re making me sit down with everyone because I’ll be leaving after this weekend.”

“After you’re done, text me. We were thinking about going to the lake and having a few brewskis,” Wolf shared.

That sounded a hundred times better than going over financials or whatever Scarlet and my dad had planned. It would motivate me to wrap it up sooner.

“I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

While we talked, the place filled up. Moose and Coach Haskins came on stage with Mrs. Sullivan, the president of our booster club.

“Care if we get started?” Moose asked.

“If you think that’s best,” I said as the three of us took our seats.

Moose stepped up to the microphone.

“Welcome, everybody. While you were pouring in, I was thinking that you all would probably prefer starting your summer vacation to coming to an assembly. So I’ll keep this short,” Moose said.

That garnered some good-natured applause. He put his hands up to quiet everyone down so he could continue.

“Before I introduce you to our state champions...” Moose started but had to stop because everyone stood and cheered.

He turned to us and told us to stand up, which only made them get louder. I looked at my teammates and saw them soaking it in. This would be one of those moments they would tell their grandkids about someday.

I just let the applause wash over me as I reflected on what it took to get to this day. When I first went out for baseball, Moose had announced that freshmen couldn’t play varsity ball. I’d almost quit because I thought I was good enough to start, and how unfair his arbitrary rule was. But I discovered that Moose had done us a favor. Playing on junior varsity allowed us to play the game for the fun of it instead of jumping into the competitive side of baseball.

Freshman-year baseball was where I’d acquired some of my fondest memories. It was also where we’d matured before we moved up to varsity for sophomore year. As a group, the seniors on stage with me had been the nucleus for a lot of success at Lincoln High. Three state football championships, and now our first-ever state baseball championship.

They should enjoy their moment in the sun.

We took our seats so Moose could continue.

“From the time I first became the head baseball coach, it has always been my goal to win state. I won’t say how many years ago that was, but I’d begun to think I might never win one. When I saw this group come out for freshman ball, I began to hope again. Each year, I saw improvement, and each year, we got closer.

“Before the season started, I talked to our captain, David Dawson, and we talked about our goals for this season. He simply stated that we would win state. I still had some doubts in the back of my mind, but the way he said it, I started to believe.

“Then we began to win games as we came together as a team. By the time we started the regional playoffs, I had thought we had a chance. Winning all those games back-to-back required taking down many top-notch teams. It took a Herculean effort, but this group never backed down or gave up. Whenever it looked like we were in trouble, they fought back. They embodied our mascot, the bulldog.

“Without further ado, let me introduce you to our newly minted state champions...” Moose said. Then he brought each of us up to tell something about each guy and how he contributed this year.

I was glad he kept it short. When he was done, Mrs. Sullivan stepped up to the microphone.

“I received a phone call from someone who will remain nameless. He told me a secret. He said that Coach Haskins and Moose have decided to retire.”

The younger guys didn’t know if they should be upset or happy for our coaches. Their leaving would affect the underclassmen the most.

“We couldn’t let you two take off without recognizing what you’ve meant to the Lincoln High community.”

Both Moose and Coach Haskins joined her up front, and she handed them each a small box. They opened them and found they’d been given watches.

“There’s an inscription on the back,” Mrs. Sullivan said.

Moose read his inscription to the crowd.

“It says around the top, ‘Bulldogs.’ In the center, it has my name, and at the bottom, it says, ‘State Champion.’”

Then Coach Haskins looked at Moose.

“I wonder who told on us?”

They both looked at me, and I just shrugged. I wasn’t going to let them leave without getting some recognition for what they’d done for us. Moose had been a fixture here for nearly three decades. I’m not sure I could have put up with a bunch of high school baseball players for that many years. He deserved to go out on top.

As we got ready to leave, Destiny jumped on stage.

“I wanted to let everyone know that I’m having a pre-graduation party at my house tonight.”

Tim and Wolf looked at me and rolled their eyes. I knew I didn’t plan on going.

They’d set up tables at the entrance with our graduation gowns. I collected mine, emptied out both my lockers, and walked out a high school graduate.

When I entered the office, I saw they had a deli platter with mini-sub sandwiches along with bags of chips and a tray of cookies.

Megan looked up from her desk.

“Mr. Dawson,” she said formally.

“Ma’am.”

“You’re the first to arrive. Please grab some food and head on back to the conference room. There are drinks in the fridge.”

I smiled at her, and she blushed. There was the Mouse I was used to. I knew she was trying to be in business mode, so I did as she suggested.

As soon as I’d taken my first bite, Scarlet and my dad came in.

“Mr. Dawson,” Scarlet said.

I began to wonder if I was being punked.

“Ms. White, Mr. Dawson,” I mimicked back.

Dad shook his head.

“I’m going to grab some food,” he said and left us.

“You all packed?” I asked.

“Almost. We should be ready by the time the movers get here.”

“Seeing all those boxes makes it seem all too real, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“I agree. But I’m looking forward to the move. I think it’ll be good to have all the kids together. It makes me wish I had brothers and sisters growing up,” Scarlet said.

“What are we doing today?” I asked, to get back to business.

“Working out the logistics of everything associated with the move.”

That made sense.

Dad came back with his food, and we were joined by my uncle, grandmother, mom, and Mary Dole. As they got settled, Yelena and Pam’s mom, Lacy, came in. If that wasn’t enough, Granny, Johan, and Zoe joined us. I was confused about why those last two were here. Finally, Megan came in.

Dad kicked off the meeting.

“With David leaving and a lot of us moving to Malibu, I felt we should all get together and discuss plans for the transition. I know that some of you need to get back to work. With that in mind, I will turn it over to Mary and Granny to talk about the restaurants.”

Mary took the lead. She managed both Granny’s West and Our House for Granny and me. The three of us had partnered to get them started.

“You probably don’t know this, but sixty percent of all new restaurants shut their doors the first year, and eighty percent by the fifth year. Our industry is a tough one to be in. So far, we’ve exceeded all our business-plan projections to this point. I’m confident that we are on track to beat the odds and will be in business for a long time.”

“I take it that you’re staying with us, now that Tom has taken over his former law office,” I said.

“That’s the plan,” Mary assured me.

There had been rumors that she might move to Chicago since Tom’s office was there and Tracy was going to USC in the fall. Mary remaining here to manage the restaurants would provide stability to keep everything moving forward.

“At some point, we might start thinking about opening some other locations. I’ve been approached about possible sites in other nearby towns,” Granny said.

“Do you think we could handle something like that?” I asked.

“Not yet, but at some point, we will be. I just wanted to plant the seed,” Granny explained.

Mary and Granny had to get back to work, so they left.

“Carol, you’re up,” Dad said to my mom.

“With me moving to California, we need someone to run this office. Lacy is in the process of getting her broker’s license. Until that happens, I will remain the broker of record.”

“Do you plan to open an office in Malibu?” I asked.

“Not yet. Ashley and I have arranged to get our agent’s licenses so we can sell real estate in California. We were able to take classes for the basic licenses online and will take the test once we get to California. We’ve been in contact with a local company and will work for them, to begin with. To get my broker’s license, I have to take several classes. I’ll wait to do that once we get settled,” Mom explained.

“Welcome to the joys of management,” I said to Lacy.

“I’m not sure whether I should be happy or not,” she admitted.

“You’ll do fine,” Mom assured her. “Plus, I’m just a phone call away.”

“I’m going to get back to work,” Lacy said and left.

“Take some food for the agents,” I said as she walked out.

“Thanks, I will.”

Real estate agents were like teenage boys; they never passed up free food. That was why my mom always put on a feed if she had an agent open house for one of her listings. My childhood hope that she would bring my brother and me some leftovers had been given up years ago.

“John, you want to fill David in on the farms?” Dad asked.

“Sure. With your grandmother retiring and moving with Rob and Carol to Malibu, we had to come up with a workable solution since Yelena didn’t want to take it on herself.”

“Too much work for an old woman,” Yelena said.

I snorted out a laugh. That tough old bird could handle it. I’d seen her bossing around the Mennonite farmhands we hired for the heavy lifting. I had no doubt she could run the day-to-day without a problem.

“You’re not old,” I explained before I got on her wrong side, even though she was in her 80s.

“You good boy.”

I’d take that.

“As you know,” Grandma Dawson interjected, “Zoe has been working for us at both the farm and the convenience store part-time. She and Johan plan to get married in a few weeks. I talked to them, and they’ve agreed to help Yelena out. They will be moving into the farmhouse with her.”

“What’s the plan after you two finish college?” I asked.

Johan and Zoe both were going to State for school. Johan was getting an Ag degree, while Zoe was enrolled in their Pre-Veterinary and Medical Science program. She planned on moving up to their veterinarian school after she got her undergraduate degree, or sooner if they opened up that possibility.

“We hoped you would let us take over the farm for you,” Johan said.

“Can you convert our barn to have stalls for the horses, or will you need a new barn built?” I asked.

Zoe’s face lit up, and she squeezed Johan’s hand.

“We can make something work,” he said.

“Good, because if I was crazy enough to get into the restaurant business, I might take a gamble on a horse-breeding venture,” I suggested.

“I know just the horse to start with,” Zoe said, about to jump out of her skin with excitement. “He was just foaled and can’t leave his mother for four to six months, which would give us plenty of time to get ready. We could buy him now, though.”

“We’ll set up a separate company for that,” Dad reminded me.

“I trust Ms. Dixon can handle that. Should we say we do this fifty-fifty? I put up the cash, and you two do all the work?” I asked.

Zoe turned her pleading eyes to her future husband.

“Happy wife means a happy life,” Uncle John offered.

“We have to buy him now, though. The farmer told me someone else might be interested but didn’t have the cash right now,” Zoe explained.

I recalled how upset Zoe had been when her parents made her sell her horses because they didn’t want to take care of them when she left. Seeing her happy made my day.

“Tell Megan what has to be done, and she’ll arrange payment.”

Megan led Zoe and Johan out to the office area so she could get that taken care of. I had a suspicion that Zoe wanted to go see her horse this afternoon.

“The only other business-related pieces are the running of your other businesses and the charities,” Dad said.

“Are you still planning to be my CEO?” I asked Dad.

“I think that’s best, with Scarlet going to work at the management company in LA. Megan wants to stay here and run the office. John will be close if she needs someone to help and I’m not around,” Dad said.

With my dad and Uncle John watching over everything, Megan would be okay.

“Will she need to hire someone, or can she handle everything herself?” I asked.

“We were thinking maybe a floater like Angie was. Work part-time at the real estate office and help Megan as needed,” Mom said.