Chapter 8

“So, Manny, explain to me why everyone is so ... tense over there at Claire’s and Phil’s. What’s with these pills, anyway? Have you been performing some kind of experiment with Claire, Phil, and the Dunphys?” Jay Pritchett asked his stepson, Manny, not explaining the reason why he asked.

Jay had seen something on TikTok that Cam had shown him about Alex fooling around there to rap songs, twerking her booty to them. There were just some things that a grandfather should never have to see, such as his own granddaughter twerking to dumbass rap “music!” Then there was the general tension in Claire’s voice, worse than usual, which was saying a lot for her.

Then it looked suspicious earlier when he visited the other day that he could have sworn that he saw something ... that looked like Claire streaking through the house. There was also the way that Luke walked around in panties. Something was ... off about his daughter’s household and Jay wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Also, Hailey seemed to have weird stains on her clothes and skin that were explained away as “toothpaste.” Even Phil didn’t act scared of clowns and wanted to show his “quickdraw” skills. Of course, he was also even happier than usual and seemed even more pussywhipped than in the past.

“Okay, well, those ... pills are placebos. Luke tried them after I gave him a ‘free sample’ and tried to make it work on Alex and Hailey. Apparently, it backfired. This set off ... a chain of ... real hypnotisms that Alex and Hailey performed on each other ... and on Claire. They were frankly botched. The sisters did things to make each other much sluttier and they also did things to make Claire even more aggressive and domineering ... sexually ... toward Phil,” Manny blushed as he mentioned this, feeling very uncomfortable with this line of questioning from his stepfather.

“How did you learn of this?” Gloria interjected now.

“When they called me in to ... remove what are called ‘implanted conditions’ and ‘triggers.’ One of which apparently involved Claire streaking through the house. I made two attempts to fix things, the first one not going so well, the second went better, I think, and I made sure that they didn’t blame me, no matter what. Now they have to ... spank each other ... to prevent the triggers, and then they get to ... masturbate,” Manny was really embarrassed now about his role in things.

“And that’s all that you did for yourself? I admire your restraint! Still, I think that it’s a placebo effect there. I could never be hypnotized myself!” Jay dismissed the idea out of hand as power of suggestion, just like the pills.

“Oh, I don’t know, Jay! There was this shaman, this witch doctor, back in Colombia ... back at my village ... he did some funky things! There might be something to it!” Gloria insisted, really putting Manny on the spot now.

“Prove it, then! Get under hypnosis and let Manny plant these ‘conditions’ and ‘triggers’ in your brain!” Jay snapped at Gloria, not believing her for a second.

“You, too, then ... Jay! If you don’t think that it’s real, try going under!” Gloria told him back.

“Not a chance, just in case you put some crazy notions in my head through Manny, based on your own jealousy or your desire to spend as much money as you can!” Jay scoffed, not taking any chances.

“Chicken, chicken, bok ... bok ... bok ... bok!” Gloria teased him now.

“How about ... if I put you both under at the same time, you can’t feed me any ideas that the other doesn’t want and there’s no crazy tit-for-tat revenge stuff such as Alex and Hailey did with each other,” Manny proposed what he thought was a safer solution.

“Okay, then ... conditions from each, how many?” Jay asked him, taking the bait.

“Three each. That’s the max. Same with three triggers. No more than that. Deal?” Manny suggested.

“And we hear them now, so that the other one can’t surprise us, right?” Gloria added.

“Yes, that makes sense,” Manny blushed deep red by now, as much as his complexion allowed.

This was extremely awkward for him, hypnotizing his own mother and his stepfather. He wouldn’t have had as many issues with his birth father, given the disappointments. He’d hypnotize Javier to be honest and hardworking at a real job for once, not a scammer, schemer, and constant source of pain. Yes, maybe some good could come of this. Maybe he could do the same to DeDe, to make her sane. Maybe.

“Okay, but we each get a veto of at least one condition and one trigger, here and now,” Jay demanded.

“Fair enough,” Gloria laughed, knowing that this proved that Jay feared that hypnosis was real after all.

“Okay, conditions, then?” Manny asked them.

“Jay stops looking at other women,” Gloria insisted.

“Veto ... because looking ain’t touching and I would never act on it! Besides, you look at other men all the time, including Phil! Remember when you kissed him on the Kiss Cam?” Jay cast his veto early, finding Gloria’s condition silly.

“Okay, then ... that Jay is loyal to Gloria. Always loyal to Gloria. Jay will never leave Gloria, will never dump her, or cast her aside for another woman!” Gloria referred to herself in the third person, almost as if trying to write a script.

“Or other men,” Manny noted nervously.

“No chance of that!” Jay snorted.

“Si, whatever else I worry about, Jay is not gay!” Gloria laughed in accord with her hubby now.

“Okay, then, next condition, Mom?” Manny asked Gloria, trying to get his mother’s out of the way, as they creeped him out a bit.

“Jay will not be able to resist my pouts and my tears ... at all!” Gloria switched back to first person, lacking the discipline to follow the “script” model.

“Hey now ... not fair ... what if you want something completely unreasonable?” Jay objected.

“You used up your veto! You can’t block this one, Jay!” Gloria taunted her husband a little.

“Well, I can ask for it to be ... modified, right, to something reasonable?” Jay replied.

“Okay, within reason,” Manny agreed, though Gloria briefly stared daggers at both her husband and son for teaming up against her.

“So ... pouts work ... but up to a point,” Gloria persisted.