Chapter 1

“Aaron, I must tell you something about Hannah and quickly,” I heard my cousin, Levi, speak to me as we pissed against a wall together.

“Can it wait until I’ve washed my hands? I am in a rush to get them clean,” I urged him.

“You and your handwashing, Aaron! You’re worse than a priest or Levite!” my kinsman scoffed a bit.

“Well, it might make no difference to you, cousin, but I believe that washing hands can keep you well instead of ill. I’ve noticed that the dirtier the person, the more likely they are to fall sick,” I explained my logic to Levi, who simply shrugged as I dashed home to wash my hands.

“Alright now, Levi. Tell me, cousin, what is so terribly important about my betrothed? This match was set when we were both very young, and she’s already fourteen. That’s a long enough delay, making Mother very anxious, especially with Father dead. It’s clear that her parents have trouble paying the dowry, otherwise, well, you know. Most girls her age are mothers themselves by now,” I noted.

“Aunt Rachel would be even more concerned if she knew the real cause of this. Don’t tell anyone who told you this, but rumor has it that your betrothed is no maiden. She’s played the whore a time or two, you know,” Levi warned me with real concern.

“How can you be sure about that? Besides, what if she was forced? Maybe whoever told you that hates her or her family for some reason. She is our kinswoman, too, is she not? Why are you so willing to believe such nasty stories about our own flesh and blood?” I blew off the talk, not telling Levi fully how I felt.

As far as I was concerned, Hannah possibly giving up her maidenhead to another man was the least of my worries. Why should I care about that one scrap of tissue when there were so many other delectable parts of her to consider? Hannah had some of the smoothest skin I had ever seen on a girl, her face always lit up whenever she saw me, and her curls, they were truly a gift from some kind of God! While Levi wrung his hands about who might have enjoyed Hannah’s honeypot, I was delighted at the prospect that I would get to do so for the rest of our lives.

“Very well. It’s your betrothed and she is our cousin, you are right, albeit a poor relation. A very poor one. They’re rather desperate to get her off their hands, so the delay is mysterious. Hence the rumor, I suppose. Why are they waiting, what for, that kind of thing ... maybe it is just a shortfall of shekels,” Levi acknowledged my points.

“If that is all, I will speak to her father and tell her that I can wait on the dowry. I just want Hannah. I am prosperous enough and now that Father is dead, I am head of my family, am I not?” I spoke my mind a bit more bluntly now.

“Well, if there is no more delay as it is, the wedding feast is set for three weeks from now, the day after the Sabbath, is it not? Perhaps if you told them this, they would relent and keep that date, but Amram is a proud man, so perhaps not. Are you that smitten, that you really wish Hannah to be your bride that soon? There are plenty of harlots around, you know, if that’s all that you need. I’ve seen you pay them a spare shekel or two now and then, just as I have whenever my Jochebed is indisposed,” Levi inquired.

“Yes, and I will continue to use them from time to time. That doesn’t change my love for Hannah, cousin. I love her and I want to make her my bride while I still draw breath. We cannot be sure of such things, especially not of late. What if the Arameans attack us, or the Moabites, or the Edomites, or the Midianites, or the Ammonites? What if the fools from west of the Jordan try that foolishness again and attempt to wipe out our tribe as they nearly did with Benjamin or with the city of Jabesh last year?

“Gilead is no safer than the rest of Israel, you know. Sure, there’s no Philistines here, but there are plenty of other dangers. Don’t think that just because we’re Reubenites we’re that safe. Father was killed by a Benjamite, if you recall, during that whole mess,” I reminded Levi now as we embraced Mother and went back outside.

“By a Benjamite slinger, yes, how can I forget? One stone, right in the nose. One minute, proud and fierce warrior of the tribe of Reuben, good old Simeon himself, and the next minute, a carcass on the field of victory. At least the slinger was killed, too, or you’d have to avenge your old man,” Levi remarked now as we bought some grapes and ate them quickly.

Luckily, Levi had washed his hands at my house, after all, when presented with the opportunity, otherwise he would not have eaten those grapes at all. Not even he was so untidy as to do that! The difference between us was one of sheer fastidiousness on my part, whereas Levi was not so inclined.

While we ate, of course, there was another of those idiotic stonings again! I hated stonings, particularly when the people doing them tried to get me involved. Unless someone was slain or something like that, I didn’t see a point to a stoning. Why stone people for petty things, such as adultery or sodomy, anyway, or even worse, for praying to Baal or to Asherah or Ashtaroth? Why should I care if they wanted a little extra reassurance that the rains would fall as they should? What was the harm in that? I never saw the point to stonings, another reason that I refused to concern myself with whether Hannah was truly a maiden.

“What are they stoning him for, anyway?” I asked one of the other bystanders, an Edomite as it happened.

“I think that he got caught with a goat. You know, humping it instead of slaughtering it,” the Edomite laughed, but I could tell that he meant it.

“What was that all? It could be sillier, though, I suppose. Imagine if he were a Canaanite imbecile who stupidly wandered over from across the Jordan or something. There are still some fools who are morons enough to think that we should slay them all. Gilead’s no refuge for a Canaanite, any more than the rest of Israel. It all depends on the Canaanite and the local Israelites, of course,” I rolled my eyes while eating more grapes and offering some to the Edomite.

“You’re not much for the customs and laws of your people, are you, man? But you are a generous fellow, so there’s that going for you, and frankly, some of your traditions are a bit harsh. Burning a priest’s daughter alive if she whores herself out a bit? Really? Brutal, if you ask me,” the Edomite sneered a bit.

“Aaron’s a bit on the dissenting side of things, to be sure. He loves to argue the point and disagree with even the judges and elders. He’s always one to think for himself, which might be a good thing, might not. It could get him killed someday,” Levi threw up his hands as if to give up on convincing me to conform.

“I don’t see you stoning that poor fellow, either,” I pointed out to my cousin.

“Yeah, well, I just ate. Killing turns my stomach. All that blood,” Levi grimaced.

“I suppose that you adhere very closely to the law when it comes to bedding your wife when she’s enduring her monthly curse,” I assumed.

“Of course! For one thing, it gives me an excuse to visit a harlot. What did you think that I meant by ‘indisposed,’ anyway?” Levi confirmed what I thought.

The truth was that Levi was very squeamish about blood, whereas I was the same way about piss. We all had our little quirks, but I thought that mine made more sense. If Hannah was on her monthly flood and wanted to bed me once married, I wouldn’t refuse her as he might. A little blood on the cock was no trouble at all to me. None whatsoever. Piss was another matter entirely. I wondered, quite honestly, how he handled taking Jochebed’s maidenhead if she bled when he did. I wasn’t stupid enough to ask him about that, though.

“Did you hear about the man who married the Canaanite girl?” I joked about something that happened less and less these days, alas.

“No, what happened?” Levi waited for the punchline.

“He broke up with his camel shortly afterward,” I completed the joke, making even the Edomite crack a smile now.

Even Levi laughed at that one, which helped distract us from the madness of stoning that we were too few to prevent. Had a Levite or priest been present, perhaps they would have been horrified at my irreverent sense of humor, but even a somewhat compliant man like Levi was amused by my bawdy wit. Speaking of Levi, he was suddenly in a rush to go home. Perhaps the grapes didn’t agree with him.

“Your friend is a bit more old-fashioned than you, I see. Maybe you’d like to visit my room at that inn down the road and meet my sister,” the Edomite suggested quietly, “I’m Bozrah, as it happens. Sister’s name is Mara. She’s very sweet. So’s my wife, but she’s not around. She’s back home in Edom.”

“Are you here to sell your sister into slavery or something? I can’t marry an Edomite girl. I’m the black sheep, sure, but I’m not that wild. Everyone would notice. Or do you mean as a handmaid or concubine? Or is she a harlot?” I whispered.

“Well, she’s a widow, you see, so no loss in value if she doesn’t have her maidenhead. Her husband fought alongside the Jabeshites and got killed for his trouble. I got her out of Jabesh just in time and I’ve managed to get this far south. I’d best get home soon, though, or Sarah will wonder why I’ve taken so long. I have just enjoyed the journey and made some shekels off it, even if by whoring her out.

“I can’t not take her home, anyway. The journey would be pointless and she would be unsafe. I care about her, but necessity requires a little whoring out, don’t you think? And I do miss Sarah, believe it or not. I miss her cooking and her bottom most of all. Unlike some other wives, she’s willing to let me use it,” Bozrah explained to me.

“How many times have you whored her out? Perhaps if I took her off your hands and you explained to your wife that she’s safe, which is what really matters, there would be less of an issue. You could also excuse your absence as haggling over the price of her removal from your custody,” I offered.