Chapter 9: Penny from Heaven

There is nothing which can prepare a woman for motherhood, and several women told Candy Stewart that. Still, one can take practical steps. Candy and Eric did. Eric found them a new apartment with a room for the baby. They moved in June first. With a new crib and passed-along bassinet, the room was furnished and waiting. She took to visiting the room and sitting in the rocker during the last month.

The ultrasound had revealed that she was carrying a girl, and she selected a lot of pink decorations. Eric, who went on many of the shopping trips with her had taken to saying, “Whatever you want, dear.” They had agreed that he would have an equal voice in child-rearing, but he didn’t seem to consider decor part of that.

They decided on the name, “Penelope.” Actually, she had known a Penny in grade school and liked that name. Eric had said that it was a nickname for Penelope, and she had agreed for that to be the baptismal name. That way, they had both taken part in naming what would be their child.

She learned to change diapers. The pregnant women of Elizabeth Circle practiced on the babies that either were brought to the circle meeting or woke during the meeting at the hostess’s house. Candy had changed Betty’s Steve and Grace’s Beatrice before either was two months old.

The women were a necessary balance for Eric, who thought of pregnancy as a debilitating disease. He kept asking, “should you be doing that?” Well, yes, she should. She stopped wearing heels at Dr. Gabel’s suggestion. “Not only are you more vulnerable to falls, your balance is not what you remember, and it will keep changing until well after the delivery.” He didn’t recommend many other changes until she felt uncomfortable doing things the old way. She told Eric that the doctor had suggested her cutting down on alcohol, and he stopped buying it and stopped drinking at home, himself. That made her careful to not tell Eric that the doctor had also advised her to cut back on coffee. She did, a little, but she didn’t want Eric nagging her about coffee.

Still, when his worrying about her wasn’t annoying, it was endearing. His interest in the baby’s kicks was always endearing. Once he even pulled the car over so that he could feel her kick.

Eric was a good husband -- a good man. He tried to make everything comfortable and safe for her. If he didn’t provide any excitement, she could understand. There were two obvious reasons. When anyone started to list the needs of a pregnant woman, excitement was far from the top of the list; Eric simply wasn’t an exciting person. Put those together with his worry about her pregnancy, and Eric couldn’t imagine that she would want excitement. Really, comfort, safety, and acceptance were higher on her needs list these days than excitement, and Eric provided these.

They made love once a week, on Saturday. She took care of herself on weekdays while he was gone, and she found her libido, even in the periods when the pregnancy was goosing it, easy enough to control that she didn’t risk his finding her on Sunday.

One of her problems had been that their lovemaking stopped when he had his climax, leaving her excited but unwilling to bring herself off while he was lying beside her in the bed. That problem was solved when she heard of the advantage of rear-entry sex during pregnancy. Eric was perfectly willing to bring her off with his finger as long as he was in her at the time.

Once, he began fingering her to excite her, and it worked more rapidly than usual. She lay there enjoying his attention and not particularly eager either to interrupt it to change positions or to go through the contortions needed to turn her massive belly over. He took her all the way to climax while she lay there.

When got her breath back, she turned on her side and backed against him. Eric came inside and then took her to another climax with his finger while he enjoyed his.

Some of the women in the circle were exponents of natural childbirth. Betty had been an enthusiast before her delivery. She was much less enthusiastic afterwards. When Dr. Gabel asked Candy about anesthesia, she had already made up her mind.

“I want to be totally knocked out.”

“Well, I’ve done that, and I can remember when it was standard.”

“I’m not a brave person when pain is involved.”

“That’s the way we’ll do it, then.”

After church one Sunday, she and Eric asked the Pierces to be godparents. Eric sort of owed them reciprocation, since he was godfather to one of the twins, and she owed Carolyn so much.

Carolyn was genuinely pleased, if not genuinely surprised. She had clearly been expecting the invitation. Bill was even more pleased. Babies were important to him.

“You do have two of your own,” Carolyn said to him, and then to her and Eric. “Actually, I can’t claim that he ignores the boys. For all Bill’s faults as a husband, he was always a hands-on parent. It’s just that he lusts after tiny infants to hold in his arms. I guarantee, though, I won’t let him take her home with him.”

“Now, Carolyn,” Bill said, “I always give kids back to their parents. It’s the only way that they’ll trust me with them.”

“Ha! I can remember you telling Nancy Hashimoto ‘finders keepers’ while holding Alice.” Carolyn seemed to be laughing and fighting with Bill at the same time. Paul and Johnny were listening, too. They didn’t look worried, although she would expect a fight between their parents to really bother kids.

“Yeah, but she bought her back with her advice to you.” She couldn’t make heads nor tails of what Bill had said, but she didn’t want to make their quarrel explicit to their sons. She delayed asking for an explanation until she and Eric were in the car and away from the church and any audience.

“Years ago,” Eric explained, “before they were married. Carolyn was a grad student new in the church, Bill was infatuated with her, and Alice Hashimoto was a toddler. Alice was a great favorite of Bill’s (and vice versa). Anyway, she was running around, and Bill caught her. Nancy came over to get her. Bill said, ‘finders keepers -- losers weepers.’ Everybody else within earshot, including Alice, knew Bill was simply being silly. Carolyn bawled him out. I don’t remember what Nancy’s advice was -- probably to be nicer to Bill. Anyway, Bill was clearly wearing his heart on his sleeve, but that was the first time that I knew Carolyn cared about him at all, though she was in the choir and I barely knew him.”

“You know,” she said. “I like them, Carolyn especially, but Bill and the kids, too. I don’t want to see them break up.” She could see the strains in that marriage and feel the strains in hers. A newlywed, much less a pregnant newlywed, doesn’t like to see another marriage coming apart. Eric reassured her.

“Well, if you think the level of argument presages a split, you didn’t see them before they were married. They had two shouting matches in front of half the congregation. That doesn’t even count the one I mentioned. I was really surprised when they got engaged, but they don’t seem to fight as much now. Still, I’d be hurt if you started a sentence with ‘For all Eric’s faults as a husband.’ Maybe, when you want to discuss my faults as a husband, you’ll discuss them with me rather than with casual acquaintances while our child is within hearing distance.”

“Eric,” she said, “when I find one, you’ll be the first to hear.” She couldn’t tell him that he was boring. He could no more change that than he could grow an inch taller. He could change what he did, not what he was. She couldn’t tell him that he satisfied only a few of her sexual needs. That would make her sound like a slut, as well as making him sound inadequate, and she felt sluttish enough. Soon the baby, bless her heart, kicked. That allowed her to change the subject.