Henrietta Clover (53) from Minneapolis, MN: Lawrence? Is that you?

Claire Boler (43) from Long Beach, CA: No. This is Claire. I’m Lawrence’s wife.

Henrietta: Oh. Um, hi.

Claire: But I’m calling about Lawrence.

Henrietta: Is he all right?

Claire: Not really. Yesterday he told me about you. He was quite distressed. We both were.

Henrietta: I’m sorry to hear that.

Claire: It seems you gave him some ideas about anal sex.

Henrietta: That may have come up in our conversation, but—

Claire: It seems you told him he should ask me to have anal sex with him.

Henrietta: That isn’t exactly the way—

Claire: It seems you told him that if I refused to have anal sex with him, he was welcome to travel to Minneapolis, Minnesota and have anal sex with you.

Henrietta: Did you refuse to have—

Claire: That’s besides the point. You don’t have any business—

Henrietta: I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to tell me my business.

Claire: Oh really? What if I told you if you wanted to have ... Oh, forget it. I don’t know why I called.

Henrietta: I can tell you’re unhappy. And for the record I did not tell Lawrence he should ask you to have anal sex. He’s not on his way to Minneapolis, is he?

Claire: No, he’s doing the dishes.

Henrietta: Eggs and bacon?

Claire: What? No. A pork casserole.

Henrietta: Oh, that sounds good.

Claire: It was good. It was my mother’s recipe. Pork with vegetables and egg noodles.

Henrietta: Ah, so there were eggs, and there was almost bacon.

Claire: Ha! Yeah. In a roundabout way.

Henrietta: Well, I’m sure it was yummy. I’m not really that good a cook myself.

Claire: I guess it takes a certain knack. Larry does like my pork.

Henrietta: I’m glad to hear that. The way to a man’s heart, they say.

Claire: There’s more to life than just sex.

Henrietta: I’m sure that’s true.

Claire: Not that I don’t like sex.

Henrietta: Yes, a good sex life is important.

Claire: I didn’t know that Larry felt ... Well, I guess I didn’t know how he felt. I think I may have ... I can’t quite think of the word. Thwarted. I think I may have unintentionally thwarted him. But really, I have no interest in ... In...

Henrietta: In getting fucked in the ass?

Claire: Yes.

Henrietta: And you don’t want Larry to fuck someone else in the ass.