Chapter 30:????????, ??:??

Hey, you.

Can you hear me now?

I think you can.

Cool.

I’m still figuring out exactly how this works.

My Skills ... I know how to use them, but there’s a difference between knowing how I can use something and what I can use it for.

This is a new one.

You’re here with me just like you were this morning.

Nothing is going to hurt you now.

I would never hurt you.

But you do have to stay relaxed for a little while longer. Just a little bit. Just while I explain some stuff.

Then, if you’re good, we can play.

I promise.

First, an apology.

I tested you. I’m sorry for that.

I know what I am, though, so it’s...

I’ll start over.

I’m a freak.

I’m not something that should exist in society. There’s no Classes that let people read minds for a reason. How could someone with that ability ever form bonds, ever be close to another person? What would be the point? Everyone would be boring. Everyone would be slow.

Everyone would lie.

I’m used to lies, though. I lie all the time.

I lied last night when I said I was scared to sleep alone.

I wasn’t scared.

I was fucking terrified.

My dreams ... They aren’t normal dreams. I read a book about dreams once.

Oopsies, lied again!

Will read it, and he explained some of it to me.

Dreams are formed by the subconscious. Nobody really knows why they happen—the exact reason for them—but they draw on your memories, your knowledge.

Your emotions.

My emotions aren’t just mine anymore. I have everyone’s emotions now. I can’t tune them out, can’t stop them, can’t ignore them, even though I pretend to.

I like yours, though.

What do you think happens when someone like me dreams? Are they even my dreams? Maybe. I don’t remember them. Most of the time, anyway. The ones I do...

I wish I didn’t remember any of them.

My dreams are fear.

That’s it.

Pure, raw fear.

It’s my subconscious. It knows which emotions are mine, but what does it do with all the other ones?

I don’t know.

I don’t want to know.

All I do know is that every night I wake up sweating; I wake up crying; I wake up screaming.

I can’t control it.

I can’t stop it.

I wished I could.

Now ... I think I can. I know I can. I’m here with you, aren’t I?

I like being with you.

How does someone like me fit into society?

How do I make friends? I know when someone’s lying to me. That slight twist of fear, a splinter of regret, maybe a sprinkle of malice on top. Glee, depending on the person.

It’s disgusting.

People are disgusting.

How do I find love? I know if someone is just pretending to be friendly to me. I know when someone is lusting after me. I’d have a good idea even without my Class, but it’s different now.

So very different.

I know when someone thinks of me as an object—as a status symbol to be obtained.

I know when someone is judging me.

The past couple weeks were hard. I was so scared. I was up, but I was scared out of my fucking mind, okay? I was barely holding it together.

A lot of stuff happened. I ... I didn’t make the best choices. I could’ve done better.

I wish I had.

I regretted it.

I regretted it so much that I wanted to die.

And then, somehow, at the very and of it all you happened.

I don’t understand you. I understand a little. Enough, I think.

I’m not an idiot.

I told you everything. Sure, I left a couple things out. Nothing that mattered. Just ... A couple little details that I thought I’d take to my grave.

I had a plan. I lied about that.

I won’t tell you what it was. Unless you ask. I’ll tell you anything if you ask.

Please don’t ask, though.

I’m better now, don’t worry.

I can feel your worry.

I’m telling you, don’t worry! I’m not going to think about that kind of stuff anymore.

Promise.

Sorry, I’m bad at talking about this kind of stuff.

Will could do it better.

I didn’t know why you wanted to help me yesterday, but I felt it.

You were like a warm blanket on my soul.

I thought I’d lost everything. I thought I’d ruined everything.

Then I found a tiny, warm blanket.

It was so cozy!

I knew I’d have to leave it behind eventually, but I wanted to enjoy it while I could. Just a little longer. Even if it was only a few seconds. That’s why I talked so much yesterday. I ... just wanted to be near you. The you who didn’t hate me.

Yeah, it really hurt when you did. I had a headache for hours after.

I lied about that, too.

I didn’t want to lose my blanket.

But then it was time to leave. Someone like me...

I thought I couldn’t have friends.

I thought I couldn’t have love.

I thought I could only die. Or worse.

Your mom came home. A doctor.

I couldn’t feel anything from her.

That’s never happened before.

I saw her. I smelled her. I spoke to her. I heard her.

I stabbed a pen through her hand, I think?

I must’ve imagined that, though. My mind plays tricks on me sometimes.

She’d been kind to me. So kind.

Nobody is kind without a reason, though. I’ve ... learned that the hard way.

Everyone does, I think.

She didn’t have a reason, though. I kept trying to figure it out, but she’s...

She’s too smart.

Suddenly, though, I felt her.

If you were a small, cozy blanket that was barely keeping me alive when I was freezing to death, she was the sun at point blank range.

She felt like love.

Pure, endless, infinite love.

It was inhuman.

It is inhuman.

But that’s who your mom is.

Dot is amazing.

I ... I wish she could’ve been my mom.

She’s not, though.

I’m okay with that.

I almost slipped a couple times at dinner and called her that anyway.

Oopsies.

She pretended not to notice. I really like her.

I feel safe when she’s around.

I can’t explain it. It’s an emotion I’ve never felt from anyone else. She feels...

Like a shield. A barrier that can stop anything.

How could I fight that? How could I resist?

I stayed.

I planned to leave, but I stayed.

I wanted to stay forever.

I wished I could.

I wanted it more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole life.

But I wouldn’t ask.

No, never that. Not me.

I’ve learned not to be greedy when good things happen to me now. It’s ... easier that way.

It hurts less in the end.

You left me.

You went out with Will.

I didn’t even notice, to be honest.

I wasn’t upset when your mom told me, either.

You saved my life.

For a little while, anyway.

I made dinner for your mom. It was a silly thing. I thought it would be fun to cook one last time.

I knew I couldn’t stay.

One night.

One magical night of not having to worry about anything.

Of maybe not having my Quirk activate.

Of not being too up or too down.

Of eating tasty food that I made myself one more time.

Of talking to someone I knew cared about me.

Of sleeping next to someone who I knew would care if I died.

I hoped for the last part, anyway. I slept really well Sunday night, too, even if waking up was kind of scary.

I didn’t expect it. I didn’t hope for it. I wouldn’t ask for it.

I told you that already.

But you still did.

You asked me to stay.

I thought there was a catch.

There had to be a catch.

But you just cared. Both of you did.

I felt that. You weren’t lying.

I almost begged.

I’m glad I didn’t have to.

And then you changed.

It was subtle. I almost didn’t pick up on it at first.

You ... liked me.

You cared about me.

But then you also wanted to fuck me.

It confused me.

That’s not the order of things for people. Not with me.

I thought about it a lot when we were laying in bed this morning.

You were so happy, so blissful.

But you still wanted to fuck me.

Confusing!

What would I say to that if you asked?

You’re...

You’re my savior. My hero.

You’re everything to me.

Of course I’d say yes.

But ... I’m shy. I told you I was. I know you didn’t believe me, but it’s true.

I don’t open up to people easily. Most of the time, anyway.

I’ve also never been with a girl before.

I ... There’s a girl I’ve had a crush on.

It’s Carla.

Obviously.

I could never act on that. She’s interested in me, too, but she was my only friend.

How could I risk my only friend?

I’m cautious.

I’d never take that risk.

I’m not that naive.

I made you lunch before you asked me to stay.

It was just a fritata, but...

I’m really glad you liked it!

I used to make them for my little sister.

She didn’t really like omelets.

I didn’t expect to see you in the morning.

I planned to wake up and leave early.

You wouldn’t even know I...

It was in the note I left on top of the container.

The note that I wrote to you before I had a home.

Please don’t ever ask me what it said.

We drove to school together today.

I’ve never done that with anyone since I moved here. I really liked it, though.

You felt like caring.

You felt like lust.

You felt conflicted.

The last one confused me even more.

You told me you’ve slept with girls before. You’re experienced.

I haven’t.

I’m shy.

I ... I didn’t know what to do!

So I did nothing. I acted normal.

I always act normal.

People feel like fear otherwise.

I went swimming.

I like swimming. It reminds me of how things used to be. How I used to be.

I used to be happy.

I used to be an optimist.

I used to smile all the time.

It used to be a real smile, too.

I never used to think about killing myself.

Swimming hasn’t been fun since I moved here.

I’m not competitive. I’m not on The Team. I’m an outsider.

I felt those girls from the swim team before they came into the pool area.

My range is farther than you thought, isn’t it? I didn’t notice you yesterday afternoon because I was too distracted.

I knew what I was about to do.

But those girls...

They feel like hate. Not as strong as yours was, though.

They feel like jealousy. It makes me feel sick.

They feel like happiness. But only when they’re tormenting me.

They disgust me.

They smashed my phone and threw it in a toilet.

They peed on some of my clothes.

They called me names that aren’t me.

They’re disgusting.

I could’ve fought back. I could’ve made them fear me.

That’s not who I am, though.

I don’t feel hate for people.

I just feel disgusted by them.

You don’t feel the same as me, though.

You felt like rage.

You felt like fury.

You felt like anger.

And it was for me.

Nobody’s ever felt those things on my behalf.

People only feel those because of me.

I almost drowned. Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention and I crashed into the wall.

Oopsies.

I felt awed.

You made those girls feel fear.

You made them feel regret.

You made them feel obedience.

And then once they left, they felt anguish. They felt pain. They felt despair.

That was when I decided.

I love you.

But I wasn’t sure what to do with that feeling.

You ... You wanted to be with me.

But you know what I am.

You know I’m a freak.

I...

How could I believe that, even if I felt it?

Peoples’ thoughts don’t always match what they feel. It’s not common, but it happens.

I thought maybe that’s what was happening.

So I tested you.

I teased you. I tortured you.

I knew what I was doing.

I wanted to see if you would break. I wanted to know if your lust was stronger than your caring.

You really struggled. I noticed all of your glances, all of your longing looks, all of your little gestures.

It’s easy to pick up on if you already know what you’re looking for.

I was impressed.

I was honestly impressed to the point that I wanted to kiss you as soon as I saw you after school. Lunch alone made me realize how much you cared.

You realized I was teasing you, but you weren’t going to give in.

I love that about you.

I’m ... Well, I’m still shy. I kept thinking about kissing you.

But you’re a girl!

And you’re experienced.

It’s intimidating!

Ironic, isn’t it? Me, intimidated by your sexual prowess.

The whole school would laugh at me for that. I laughed a little when I thought of it.

I didn’t know what to do!

I wanted to be with you. I knew what that meant in a general sense, but having an idea is different than knowing what to do with it.

I decided to tease you until you gave in.

I love teasing people I like. It’s fun.

You like being teased, too. I can tell.

I thought I had you when we got into the car, and I pretended not to know how seatbelts work.

You were so close.

You had to be. How else would you possibly believe that I don’t know how to use a seatbelt?

I never laughed at you.

I was ... flattered. When other people look at me like that, when they feel like that, it feels gross to me. Like the clerk at the motel.

When you look at me like that, when you feel like that, it feels sexy.

I thought you were pretty last week.

It sort of just popped into my head one day. Just pretty.

I would never have acted on it.

Other than that kiss on Friday, I mean.

I really liked our kiss.

I was so turned on during the shoot today. I thought I was going to cum right away when you looked at me for the first time in that second outfit.

There were a few times then that I thought you were going to give in, too. You kept teetering on the edge, but you always pulled yourself back somehow.

I loved you even more for it.

Then Floyd happened.

Let’s skip that.

You saved me again.

I don’t know what you did.

[Asclepeian], right?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I can’t say it enough.

I...

Having something like that happen once was more than enough.

I finally got to kiss you, though.

I had to.

I convinced myself that I did, and then it was easy.

I felt joy.

But you were too surprised. You were still holding back.

You tasted ... like blueberries?

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.

I was so happy when you said we were leaving.

I was scared that you’d want to stay until someone came back.

Thank you.

I kissed you again.

It was better than the first time.

You taste so good!

I like blueberries a lot. I wanted to have some the other day, but there were only a few left.

I gave them to your mom.

She was kind to me.

I’m a kind person.

That’s who I am.

I was still scared when we started driving home, but the call calmed me down.

Will’s friends are funny.

They gross me out sometimes with how they look at me, but they only see me when I’m dressed up for Will.

I can’t blame them too much. I dress to tease. Just ... not to tease them.

It’s hard for people to tell the difference.

I had a lot of fun shopping with you after.

I teased you then, too.

Only because I knew you loved it.

I’d never do anything to hurt you.

Getting to drive to my new home...

You really surprised me when you kissed me.

I wasn’t ready!

You just did it!

I ... wanted you to do it again. I was too shy to ask, though. You still intimidate me.

Not just because you’re a girl.

And then after...

I hope you know I would never take advantage of you.

Ever.

Ever.

I’d rather die.

I would die.

Honest.

I know what it’s like to have a secret.

I won’t let you finish that sentence.

Not for a long, long time.

You trust me now, but...

I won’t let you tell me until there isn’t even the tiniest bit of doubt left.

Because I love you.

It was a ... bittersweet drive.

I miss them.

I know it’s stupid.

I know they hate me.

Ceci doesn’t, I don’t think. She was just mad at me all the time.

It was my fault she couldn’t have friends over.

It was my fault my mom couldn’t drive her places because she had to stay home watching me.

It was my fault her awesome older sister turned into a freak.

I...

I don’t want to go back, though.

I don’t!

I have a new home now!

I couldn’t believe it when we got here after shopping.

Your mom even opened the door and said it!

She really said it!

I thought I was going to die from happiness.

I’m so happy now.

And it’s all because of you.

Thank you.

I wasn’t sure what to do after I took my shower.

Your mom...

Dot.

She slips in and out.

When she remembers, I think, then I can feel her.

I couldn’t feel her then.

I could only feel you, and you were...

You felt like dismay.

You felt like shock.

You felt like sorrow.

You felt like pain.

I wanted to come down.

I wanted to give you a hug.

I know how much you like my hugs.

I like hugging, too. It feels so nice.

I stayed upstairs, though.

I tried to figure out what I could do to cheer you up when I went down.

I decided to just be me.

I saw how much you liked my thong with the ties this morning.

I packed plain underwear in the morning, too, by the way. I didn’t know which one I’d wear, but I wanted to have the option.

I think I made the right choice.

Teasing you is the best.

It’s so much better than anyone else.

You just feel...

You love me.

I know you do.

That’s why I was a little bit more shy at first tonight. I felt it for the first time.

I was glad I decided to be me.

Teasing people I love is the best.

Second, a confession.

I love you, Alaina.

And I’m not teasing anymore.

Time to wake up now.

I want to play.

Alaina sucked in a breath. Her eyes shot open. She was still in bed.

Bright sunlight streamed through the window

“Hey, you! I thought you’d sleep all day at this rate. It’s bad enough that you’re making me skip school for this...”

The redhead hastily rolled onto her left side. Could it be...

Laura lay next to her on her right side, her head propped up on her elbow. The covers were thrown back to the foot of the bed. She wore a black bra that did more to show off her breasts than restrain them as well as a black, side tie thong with pink highlights around the edges. Her free hand toyed with the pink string at her left hip, gently pulling at it and twining it around her finger.

Alaina’s eyes swept up from the other girl’s crotch, lingering over a sexy, toned belly and its navel, loitering on the largest breasts she’d ever seen in person, and then finally reaching her face, which was pretty to the point of being distracting, meeting green eyes that she felt like she could look into for eternity.

Laura smirked teasingly at her. “I can’t believe how naughty you really are, Alaina.” Her left hand abandoned the string and slowly began moving along her side towards her breasts. “You got me so hot and ready to go last night, and then you just fell asleep? You’re such a tease! And now you slept through your alarm, too!” She traced her hand over one of her breasts, tugging her bra down the slightest amount when her fingers reached the midpoint. “You don’t still want to go to school today, do you?”

Alaina panted. She’d fallen asleep? No! She’d been so fucking horny! She still was! She needed—

Laura ran a finger up her neck to her chin. Her tongue licked out, moistening her lips. “I was thinking maybe we could skip school just this once. I can’t go anywhere without you, remember? I have to stay here if you do. And there’s some things I’ve really been wanting to try...”

Alaina reached out and grabbed at the gorgeous blonde girl, but Laura fended her off effortlessly with one hand.

“Is that really how you want our first time to be like, Alaina?” Laura asked, her lips forming into a lascivious pout.

“Yes!” Alaina rasped as she dove across the bed.

Laura held her hand out, pushing the smaller girl back by her shoulder using her longer arms. “Well, it’s not how I want it to be,” she said firmly. “We’ll have to do something about this, Alaina!” She grinned seductively. “You’re way too horny right now!” She leaned in quickly and kissed the redhead.

Alaina’s reality shattered.

Alaina sat on the floor in the den, preparing to try a Pilates stretch for the first time. She started to tip forward, pulled by Laura’s hands.

“Keep your neck straight.”

Alaina brought her head down. Her pulse throbbed. She leaned forward more. She ogled.

The waistband of Laura’s black pants had slipped down a little, exposing a hint of pink underwear—most notably a tiny pink bow.

Alaina’s eyes widened. She shook her hands free and looked up.

Laura gave her an innocent smile.

Alaina dove forward, tackling the blonde girl to the ground as her lips quested.

“Careful,” Laura said teasingly before her lips were engulfed.

Alaina moaned. Her hands held Laura’s pinned to the ground over her head.

Laura’s tongue cozied up under Alaina’s, and she made no attempt to free herself.

The feeling of her tongue being gently licked from underneath drove Alaina wild. She moved her hands down, releasing the blonde girl’s, and pawed at the breasts she’d been—

“Hey!” Laura said in a disapproving voice, her brows drawing down. “Be gentle, Alaina! That hurt!”

Alaina’s brow wrinkled. Her hands stopped, and she froze. Hurt? She thought about it. Would ‘hurt’ prevent her from obtaining the orgasm she so desperately wanted?

“Be gentle,” Laura said again, her smile returning. She reached up and stroked her hands along the sides of Alaina’s face until they reached the back of the other girl’s head, where she entwined her fingers and rested them on the back of a pale neck under an auburn ponytail.

The blonde girl leaned her head forward and brushed her lips against Alaina’s, her tongue snaking out to tease along the younger girl’s full lips. “See?” she whispered. “Gentle.”

Alaina received another soft, teasing kiss. Her chest heaved. She was kissed again. She whimpered.

Laura rubbed her thumbs against the backs of Alaina’s ears, a brilliant, ecstatic smile on her face. “I love you,” she whispered before kissing the redhead again. Her tongue crept across the maddeningly-horny girl’s teeth, then darted away.

Alaina felt her stomach twist. She inhaled deeply, but somehow there was no air. Only the scent of Laura’s perfume remained. She struggled to breathe, her eyes widening.

“Relax,” Laura said. Her hands freed long, auburn tresses from a black scrunchie and began stroking through them. She kissed the trembling redhead again. “If you can be gentle with me, we can play. But if you can’t... “ She frowned. “I might just have to keep teasing you forever. I know how much you love being teased, Alaina. And I’ve been taking it easy on you so far.”

Alaina panicked. She ... She didn’t like being teased! No! Definitely not! She hated it when her favorite boobs were randomly pressed up against her, or when the nice, kind, friendly blonde girl who’d just moved in continually made ambiguous statements that might have been innuendo, or when they were doing stretches and she happened to catch a glimpse of...

No! She shook her head. She didn’t like it one bit!

“Alaina,” Laura said, “you can’t lie to me. I know how much you love it.”

Alaina ... really, really loved to be teased. Fine. She grudgingly admitted it to herself.

Laura kissed her again. “Are you a little bit more in control now?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.

Alaina gently pawed at the breasts she’d been daydreaming about all day. They were much softer than she’d imagined.

“Good,” Laura cooed, her bright smile returning. “I thought this was going to be a lot harder...” she trailed off, her tongue playing over her lips. “Well, we have as much time as we need.” She kissed Alaina one more time. It was a slow, sensuous kiss, her tongue worshiping the redhead’s. She moaned.

Alaina echoed her for a brief moment before a spike of raw pleasure drove into her brain, squeezing a loud, screaming orgasm from her that lasted until she closed her eyes.

“Hey, you!” came Laura’s soft, teasing voice. “I can’t believe you fell asleep on me again!”

Alaina opened her eyes. She looked around.

Laura was still lying next to her in bed, just as she had been. She wore a sultry smile now, and her eyes roamed over the younger girl’s body.

Alaina glanced down, and her eyes widened when she realized she was naked. She didn’t usually sleep naked...

“You’re so sexy, Alaina,” purred the blonde lingerie model. “I wanted to kiss you all day.”

Alaina nearly lunged at her. She breathed heavily. Her chest heaved. She lusted. But she had to be gentle. She was too horny to be teased anymore. Even if she did love being teased.

“I thought about it while we were stretching,” Laura continued, reaching out with a lazy gesture to place her finger against the other girl’s lips.

Alaina licked the finger, then sucked it into her mouth, playing her tongue over it like it was her favorite cock.

“Mmm, that feels nice,” Laura said. “I thought about pushing you over, tackling you, just like you did.”

Alaina blinked. That happened?

“I wanted to kiss you again more than anything at that moment.” Laura closed her eyes and smiled widely. “I still do.” She opened her eyes. “When you’re more you, though.” She pulled her finger out of the other girl’s mouth and moved it down her pale torso, leaving a thinning trail of saliva. “I’ve never done this before,” she whispered. Her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth, and her finger...

Alaina shuddered as the blonde girl’s finger grazed her clit. She was so close!

“I like to do it as softly as I can,” Laura said, her breathing quickening. “I just tease myself as long as I can, trying my hardest not to cum.”

Alaina moaned, and her hands shot down to try and force more pressure against herself.

Laura’s hand didn’t budge even the slightest. “When I’m up, I get turned on so easily,” she said softly, watching her finger continue to probe at a spot just above the redhead’s lower lips with feather-light touches. “I’d masturbate for hours in my room,” she continued. “I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.”

Alaina’s pelvis thrust involuntarily, but Laura’s fingers maintained their distance precisely.

“I’d sit there,” Laura said, moving closer, her hot breath falling on Alaina’s naked chest, “on the edge of cumming. I’d be so close I could practically taste it. But I’d keep going. Sometimes I’d do it for an entire night. Just like this.” She punctuated the statement with a touch that was only slightly more tangible.

Alaina was moaning continuously, undulating and gyrating against Laura’s playful hand. Her lust drove her to a realm beyond insanity.