Chapter 15: Sunday

Sunday morning at Fratelli’s meant buckwheat pancakes. Maria made blueberry sauce, the kids set the table and Vern turned out pancakes as fast as possible.

Now that the family’s sexual issues were out in the open, dress was pretty casual, with Patti wearing just a tee shirt and Maria in her shorty robe. It was a warm day, and the men were wearing shorts and loose shirts.

When the cooking was nearly done, they sat down to devour the thin, brown cakes, licking their fingers and murmuring.

Finally, Maria looked up and pushed her plate away. “Okay, you two, when are you two going to have your first double date?”

Andy looked up, amazed. “Mom! Gimme a break! I haven’t even asked anyone.”

“What about you, Patti?” Maria asked. Vern shook his head.

“No, Mom. I haven’t done a thing.”

Maria leaned back in her chair and reached for a pad of paper on the counter. Her robe gaped widely.

“Mom!” Andy yelped again.

Maria returned to her position at the table. “Like the view?” she smiled, tearing off pages and handing them to the two teens. “Make a list of all the girls, Andy, and all the guys, Patti, in your class who aren’t going out with anyone.” She reached back again to grab pens and handed them out, as well. By now her robe had fallen wide open, completely exposing her full breasts. She shrugged and pulled the robe a little closer. “Start. Now.”

Andy tore his eyes from his mother’s breasts and began to write. The list was short. Patti’s list was only about five names long. Andy looked at Patti’s list.

“Hugh Grant? Brad Pitt? Come on, Patti,” he laughed, then shook his head. “What do you mean, Henry Lebeau? Are you serious?”

“Sure I am. He’s cute and he doesn’t go out with anybody as far as I know.”

“But he’s seven feet tall and a geek.”

“He’s only a little taller than you and I think he’s cute. Lemme see your list.” Patti made a grab for this paper. “Only three names and I’m one of them.” She looked at Andy and made a kiss. “Hey, Vonda Selfridge? You’re kidding. And where’s Henry’s sister Donna? She’s not dating.”

“Oh, come on, Patti, Donna’s stone gorgeous. She wouldn’t go out with me.”

“Have you asked her?”

“Of course not.”

“Well, ask her. I’ll bet she doesn’t get asked because she’s so gorgeous. I kinda like her. She’s quiet and smart and she doesn’t use her looks like some of those girls.”

“But what’s wrong with Vonda Selfridge?”

“You moron, she’s gay.”

“No!”

“Well, she hangs out with Shirley, and Shirley’s gay. If Vonda isn’t gay, she doesn’t care who thinks she is.”

Vern and Maria had been watching the two kids going over their lists. Vern looked into the front of Maria’s robe and nudged her arm, giving her a look that said something about ‘upstairs’ and everything about what was on his mind.

“Clean up the kitchen, you two,” Maria said, getting up from the table, her robe momentarily riding up her buns, “we’re going upstairs. Let me know what you decide.” She and Vern went up the stairs and the kids heard Maria squeak as Vern ran his hand up her backside.

“Jeez,” Andy said, “they’re going to go fuck.”

Patti pulled her tee shirt over her head, leaving her naked. “You’ve got a woody from looking at Mom’s tits. You look at mine, now, and help clean up. Then we can go fuck.”