Chapter 3

( Secrets )

Getting birth control had been a stressful few weeks. I didn’t want my parents to know I was getting it. Otherwise, that would be a dead give away that I’m having sex. I spent a lot of time researching different kinds of birth control, and I still had no idea which one I should get. Then there was the whole choosing a doctor thing too. In the end, I decided that I should see my same specialists since I would still be going to them for checkups. It would be awkward if during a test they found out I was using birth control.

I set up an appointment and gave them my cell number as the primary contact so that my parents wouldn’t find out. Andy gave me a ride to the office since this was going to be for his benefit too. I explained to them that I wanted to keep the visit and birth control between us. Since I’m not a minor, I was sure that they had to keep it in confidence.

“When can we do it?” Andy asked as I got into the car.

“I still don’t even have the pills yet,” I answered, waving the prescription in the air. “And I thought we weren’t gonna make that the only thing we do?”

“I’m not. Its been a few weeks since last time,” Andy chimed back.

I didn’t say anything else until we got to the store. It was true that it had been weeks since the last time and in fact, it was still the only time. There was still that mental struggle in my mind of having sex with a guy, even though it had felt good. I went inside the store myself and hoped that I wouldn’t run into anyone that knew me. As I gave the prescription to the pharmacy, I kept thinking about how much they might be judging me. A short time later, I had the pills in hand, and I returned to the car.

“My place then?” Andy asked, still attempting to nudge me into sex.

“It says we should wait at least a week. And since you don’t want to use condoms.” I shrugged. “Let’s just wait to be safe; I don’t want to get pregnant.”

I could tell Andy was disappointed as he drove me back home. His friendship was appreciated more than he knew just by him not giving me a hard time about it. After he dropped me off, I went inside and found a place to hide the pills. Now, I just needed to make sure I would remember to take them and set the alarm on my phone to repeat every morning and hoped that would help. The thought of having sex with Andy still felt wrong, but I think I wanted it just as much as he did. I spent the rest of my day doing more organizing of my room which had been a slow process. There were still clothes and other things I had to go through and decide if I could still use them or not. Every time I tried to sort through them, I would manage to get rid of a couple, then the sentimental value of it all would start to kick in.

I quietly looked at some of my old clothes, thinking about my life as a guy. The memories were still clear, but it was getting harder to remember how it felt. I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to have a penis anymore or to have just a flat chest. After a few minutes, I shook the thoughts away and began grabbing clothes and putting them in a large trash bag. It was time for me to put my old life in the past because if I held onto it, it was just going to make my new life harder.

The next day I told my mom about all of the clothes that I didn’t need anymore so that we could plan to get rid of them. She seemed to know how hard it was for me and gave me a hug.

“We’ll take them down and donate them, then we can buy new some new stuff if you like,” she said, giving a smile.

“I’m already going with Leslie later,” I responded.

“That is your new friend from work right?” She asked.

“Not really new anymore,” I answered again.

“Have you told her about it?” She asked, continuing her motherly questioning.

“No, not yet...” I answered hesitantly, assuming she was talking about my change.

“Oh. Okay.” She gave me that hinting look of hers but didn’t say anything else.

I got ready for work and went to put my time in for the day before meeting up with Leslie later. After work, I walked about a mile to her house. It was my first time visiting her place and going inside. She led me inside and to her room, which smelled very good.

“You’re not going shopping in your work clothes?” Leslie asked, looking me over.

“Why not?” I asked, confused.

“We’re going to the mall, duh! We might see some cute guys.”

Leslie was just starting to apply her makeup as we talked. She was a hot blonde with long hair and a perfect body. Even though she was thin, her boobs had grown to be sizeable. In between putting on makeup, she rummaged through her drawers and closet, pulling out various articles of clothing.

“Put this on,” Leslie said, handing me some clothes.

It was a shirt with thin shoulder straps and a pair of very short, shorts. I started to head to the bathroom with the clothes and was stopped by Leslie.

“Where are you going?” Leslie asked.

“I was gonna change,” I turned and answered.

“You can just change here unless you’re shy or something,” she said, still doing her makeup.

I slipped my flats off, then started to undress. I took my shirt off first, then put the other shirt on and proceeded to do the same with my pants. Once my jeans were off, I pulled on those shorts. I hadn’t worn shorts outside since the change because it felt weird to show my smooth legs. It was my choice to shave, but being exposed to others was different for some reason.

“Looking good girl. Now let’s get some makeup on you!” Leslie offered excitedly.

“I don’t think I really need makeup.”

“You don’t need it, but we can make you all super cute,” Leslie said, emphasizing need.

Leslie was quite energetic and ready to go for our girl’s outing. It made me think about how I wasn’t being honest with her. She was standing there with that smile on her face, waiting to do my makeup. I sighed, knowing it was time that I had to tell her.

“Leslie. I have to tell you something,” I said, then pausing to let her sit beside me. “I’m not really a girl. I mean, I wasn’t always a girl.” I paused again, knowing how strange that must sound. “I was a guy, then I got sick, and I had to become a girl.” I realized that didn’t sound any better. “I know you must think I’m crazy.”

Leslie laughed a little. “I thought you were going to tell me that you’re in love with me or something.” She paused and composed herself. “I already know. You were Jason before. I worked with you for a few days at that other store. We didn’t actually work together, but I did see you, and well, I overheard you talking on the phone about this whole thing. I didn’t believe it at first, then a new girl shows up at my store, but has the same features as you. Even then, I wasn’t sure I could believe it, so I went over and talked to you when I could. Since you were so terrible at being a girl, I knew it had to be you.”

“You knew?” I asked in disbelief. “Why didn’t you say something then?”

“I was going to at first, but you looked like you needed a friend more than anything.”

“I guess I did, now that I think about it. But didn’t you say you just moved here some months ago? I was in those procedures and stuff for a long time.”

“Yeah, I sorta lied about that, sorry. I’ve been here about two years now. I wasn’t lying about not really knowing anyone though. The one good friend I made moved away.”

“I don’t know what to say.” I just sat there, stunned.

“How about we get that makeup on you?” Leslie smiled.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, still processing the information.

Leslie started to apply the makeup and walked me through what she was doing at the same time. She started with some foundation, then some concealer. Having her work on my face like that felt relaxing. After touching up with the concealer, she did some highlights before putting one set aside and pulling another set closer.

“Okay, now close your eyes and stay still. I’m gonna do your eye shadow.”

I closed my eyes and let her apply it, trying to be as still as possible.

“So, are you into girls or guys or both?” Leslie asked while continuing to put makeup on me.

“I still like girls,” I answered quickly, probably just to prove it to myself. “But,” I paused. “I was with a guy, and I liked it.”

“You had sex with a guy?” Leslie asked.

“Yeah,” I answered. “I liked it, but I don’t know if I like guys in that way, like find them attractive.”

“I guess that makes sense. Just because your body changed, doesn’t mean what you liked changed,” Leslie said.

“I don’t know, it’s confusing. Somethings did change, like taste in food. There some stuff I don’t like the taste of any more, but that’s easy. When it comes to sex or liking someone, my mind and memories tell me that I like girls, but when I think of a girl or see one, it doesn’t turn me on. If I think of a guy though, like a guy having sex with me, it will get my body going.”

“Girls are complicated,” Leslie said with a little laugh. “You’re a guy that all of a sudden had to be a girl, and you don’t know how to process all of the emotions and hormones.” She paused and put the makeup down. “Maybe try not thinking so much and just follow how you feel.” She smiled. “Now, just a little lip gloss and you’ll be all set!”

( The Mall )

Leslie took me to several different shops to look at clothes and shoes. She helped me find stuff that could be cute and others that could be for a more professional look. After the browsing through the first few stores and picking up a couple of things, she then took me to look at makeup.

“I can help you pick out some to get your own set started,” Leslie said.

I didn’t know anything about makeup, so I let her show me and tried to follow along. After makeup came clothes and then there were shoes. Before I knew it, I had spent quite a bit of money and had a load of new apparel. We went out to the car to drop some stuff off, then came back in to browse more. I told myself that I had spent enough money already, so I would only be looking now.

As we browsed more, I saw clothes that I always found cute on girls back when I was a guy and thought about if they would look good on me now. There were a few more things that I would’ve liked to buy, but decided against it since I still had to pay for other things.

“Some guys are checking us out,” Leslie said, laughing.

I looked around, trying not to be obvious. My eyes caught two guys off to the side as we walked toward the food court. I suddenly felt very aware about my legs being so exposed, and that other guys have probably been looking all day. There was a strange feeling about it and not a bad feeling either. I’m not sure how to explain it. I kept it to myself as we walked and finally made it to the food court.

“Mind if we ask a question?” A voice asked from behind us. Leslie and I both turned quickly and saw it was the same two guys.

“Do you either of you have a boyfriend?” One of them asked.

“I’m not with anyone,” Leslie answered with a little smile.

“Um, no, I’m not either,” I said after, completely caught off guard.

“Awesome! My name is Matt, and this is Skylar,” Matt said, introducing them.

“Leslie,” she gave her name while still holding a smile.

“Jenny,” I said, now smiling too so as not to look mean.

“So, we were wondering, how about we buy you girls lunch, then if you enjoy that, we can catch a movie later?” Skylar finally pitched in.

Leslie and I looked at each other, and I’m sure she could see the shock on my face.

“Can you give us a minute?” Leslie said to them, then pulled me away some. “First time being asked out?”

“Yeah.” I smiled nervously. “A customer did give me his number at work before though,” I added.

“Well, we are going to get lunch anyway. The worst that can happen is we get a free lunch right? I mean, we’d have to let them down gently after. They’re kind of cute at least.”

“I don’t know,” I answered. Leslie seemed so confident and practiced at this, and I felt like my heart was going to beat through my chest.

“You’re thinking a lot right? But, how do you feel about it?” Leslie asked.

“I feel like ... I kinda want to do it.” I answered after a small pause.

“It’s a date!” Leslie chimed with a smile as we walked back to them.

They bought lunch for us, and we talked as we ate. After lunch, we just walked around the mall some while looking up movie times on the phone. Skylar seemed to pull more to me while Matt and Leslie pulled to each other. I didn’t want to look or pay too much attention, but Skylar did have a nice build to him. His arms were lightly toned, and it made me wonder if he had abs or not. Thinking about a guy like that made me feel weird. It didn’t seem to matter though, I just kept thinking about it and even tried to imagine what his dick looked like.

Leslie and Matt had started to walk ahead of us a bit, leaving space between them and Skylar and myself. With it being just us two, we started to talk a little more, and Skylar started to walk closer to me.

‘You’re really pretty,” Skylar complimented.

“Thank you.” I smiled, feeling good from his comment.

“I hope you like me at least a little.” He spoke again after a moment of silence.

“Sorry! Yeah, you’re pretty handsome too!” I blurted out. “Sorry, I’m bad at this.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not an expert either.” He laughed.

My mind was racing, and I tried to prepare some responses in my head so I wouldn’t sound so clumsy when talking. We worked our way around the mall slowly, trying to kill time until the movie. It was obvious that they separated Leslie and me so that they could talk and flirt with us.