Chapter 4

In all my wildest dreams, I could not have imagined that pain could bring so much pleasure! I had always thought that the 2 sensations were separate and apart – one could not lead to the other. But I was so wrong. Over the years to come, I would experience much worse pain which would lead to euphoric pleasure but for now, I could only remember what it felt like when Panek’s cock stretched my ass as he fucked me.

However, just to be clear ... I didn’t cum as a result of the anal penetration ... I still had to stimulate my own clit in order to gain full satisfaction in that respect. But now I knew I liked anal – the sensation of being filled, the fear and anticipation of the pain ... and when the pleasure arrived, I was learning to let go of the pain ... to surrender to it ... which made the pleasure all the more intense.

I had already experienced pain at the hands of Renaud – in the upstairs bar when he pinched my nipples to make me scream – but at that point I had not associated pain with pleasure. I endured the pain simply to please Him – the nipple squeeze was pain ... the anal sex was pain ... and I’d do it for him because I was in love.

In hindsight (amazing how that’s always perfect vision!), Renaud was grooming me to become his slave. As a naive young girl, I had no idea – to me this was still a game and the prize for winning was a sophisticated lover with some strange fetish-like tastes. I was perfectly happy to go along with his “games” if it meant I got to be with him and keep him as my own.

His domination of me was subtle in its approach, so subtle that I didn’t even realise he was doing it. He explained everything I had done in the past and everything I was doing now with him in terms of my natural submissiveness. He arranged every aspect of our relationship such that it was MY choice to continue every time.

The morning after my anal deflowering, I woke up in a kind of daze ... my mind confused. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and savour the memories of the night before. But I knew I had to get up because I needed to renew my work permit or I would have to leave the country ... and that would mean the end of Renaud and me.

So I dragged myself into the shower, quickly dressed and ran to catch the bus to the main village. I was sitting on the bus daydreaming when I suddenly realised that I was naked under my dress. In my haste I hadn’t even thought to put any panties on. My next thought made me wake up completely; I had been fucked in the ass! At that point it didn’t matter in my mind who it was that had been there; just the fact that I had lost my anal virginity was enough to occupy my mind. I sat there on the bus looking around at the other women thinking to myself, “Who else has been fucked in the ass?”

Something had changed in me; I was feeling a sense of completeness, of being more of a woman – Renaud had said, “A real woman is a three-hole woman” and now I was one! All morning, in the bus, in the permit office and then again on the way back, I felt a sense of occasion as if it were my birthday or something.

Then suddenly, without warning, it occurred to me – it was Panek who was first and not Renaud! And I didn’t know how to deal with that. My mind was a confusion of emotions; regret that I had given away such a precious gift to the wrong man; anger that Renaud had not accepted my offer; and worry that I may have driven Renaud away with my selfish behaviour. Being a bit drunk was no excuse for what I’d done; I almost justified it by telling myself that I was mad at Renaud. He had his chance and he blew it!

In my mind, I wasn’t his sub or his slave - I still expected him to treat me as a normal girlfriend even if he did have some bizarre habits. I acted like a spoilt and stubborn young Polish girl.

But I was also in awe of the way he could make me feel. His skills in the way he could make me cum with his hands, his mouth, his fingers. Add to that his experience, his stature in the village (he was a successful member of society) made him a fabulous prize for a young girl. I was still under the impression that I had won him and not that he had taken me as his own – foolish girl!

For the next few nights, I avoided Renaud, pretending to be unwell but unwilling to face the truth; that I felt I had betrayed him. I was ashamed of my behaviour but at the same time I was mad at Him for not being there when I had given myself to Him. My self-imposed distancing from him became harder and harder to endure because I missed him so.

Similarly, I tried to stay away from Panek because while Renaud accepted my absence, all Panek wanted was more sex. I managed to dissuade him saying that my ass was still hurting but I knew this would not keep him off me for long. Sucking his cock calmed him down but I knew he would want my ass again soon. My biggest problem was that I was spending a lot of time with him, drinking in the Polish bar ... and I can’t refuse sex when I’m drunk! Anal sex had excited Panek and now all he wanted was anal! But our relationship was fading and fading fast.

After a few days, when I could not avoid Renaud any longer, I went to him and told him I was ready. He told me to meet him that afternoon in the upstairs bar in the middle of the village (the scene of our first time together). After such a relatively long separation, we wasted no time.

Renaud had established a rule when we met alone - I was to be naked – so as soon as we entered the bar from the landing, I stripped without being told to. Once naked, he laid me down on the covered bench at the side of the room and went to work on me with his mouth. His skills were undiminished by our separation and it wasn’t long before he made me cum.

He looked up into my face and asked “Are you ready to give me your ass?” My mind was a confusion of emotions again; being so intimate with him once again showed me just how much I loved him but at the same time I knew I could not tell him the truth of my deceit. The fact that he was so proud that I was so in love with him did not make things better for me.