Chapter 38

My Dearest Peter,

I am sorry I did not tell you this, but by the time you return I will have already left. In a cruel twist of irony, the day before you got your leave, I got my orders. I was crushed, I was so sure we would have more time together. But I guess God and the Air Force had other ideas. By the time you read this, I will be home myself. Then two weeks after that I report in at Langley Air Force Base, in Virginia.

Honestly, it breaks my heart to tell you in this way. But I was afraid if I told you before you left, you might try to cancel your leave. And I know how much you wanted to see your family and friends. Especially your little brother, there was no way I was going to let you do that. You had to go, and so did I. But know, I will always be with you in my heart, as you will always be with me in mine.

I love you my darling, and always will. The last months have meant the world to me, my kind and amazing lover. Just as much as I hope I healed you, you have healed me in return. We both knew this day was coming, I just wish it had not come this soon.

Now you know why I had been so moody the last few weeks before you left. And that last morning when you slipped out of my bed and arms, I wanted to cry so badly. I knew then that you would never make love to me again, in that amazing way that always leaves me weak and quivering inside. But I cherish what we had together, and always will. In my head, in my heart, and in my loins.

Never before you had I ever imagined I would have a lover like you. Selfless, thinking only of me most times, and I know willing to fight and even die for me. When those guys hurt you, you were so busted up, but your first thought when you were aware was how I was. You were almost frantic, and I fell in love with you even more at that time, if it was possible.

And every time we made love, it was like I was touching your soul, and you were touching mine. Feeling you on and inside of me, that is the closest to heaven I had ever been. And every time I would look down and see your pale body on top of my dark body, it gave me quivers. Knowing that I would never again consider the color of somebody as being important for being a lover.

At the bottom is my address, oh please please do not be mad at me, this might actually have been for the best. I cried enough for both of us when you left, and Deb was my rock that first few days. Please do not be mad at her either, I made her promise to keep this a secret from you until you returned.

Please write to me, and let me know you forgive me, my darling. My mom knows to expect your letter if it does not get to my house before I leave. She will send it to me, and I promise to write you back immediately. Though we will likely never be lovers again, know that I will always love you, and that you mean the world to me, my precious gentle lover.

And I never would have imagined a Marine would be so gentle.

With all my love, now and forever, you’re loving

Jacki