I couldn’t get her off my mind. We had worked together for just a short time. She had recently gotten engaged to a man that sounded very sweet. He actually sounded like someone that could reign in her crazy. There was just something about her that made me ... I don’t even know how to describe it.

Let’s back up. I’m an out and proud lesbian feminist. I am pretty darn attractive if I do say so myself, and I have never had any problems getting a date (male or female). I take care of my body, I have a great smile and a pretty kickass personality. I do not need engaged straight girl drama. Yet, here I am. Sitting at her wedding, trying not to mess this up for her and knowing that she really, really wants me. What. The. Fuck.

So, if we start at the beginning, a few months ago~ I had just started with a new food marketing company. It was a new beginning for me. After cutting ties with my girlfriend I figured a clean slate would be nice. I had a friend living in Denver and moved there to see the sights and live the mountain life.

“Hi! I’m Kelly! You’re new! I’m part of the welcoming team. So nice to meet you!” This blonde girl with too much energy has just intimidated the shit out of me in my first day at this job.

“Davey.” I say.

“Oh. We had you as Pamela.” She said, looking confused.

“Yeah. Pamela Daviney Mitchell. I go by Davey.”

“Well I’ll just have to fix this!” She said. This chick was definitely a cheerleader in high school. The way she moved, like she was light on her feet. I bet she danced, too. She had the body for it. I’ll bet she was about 5’4, 120lbs. Long blonde hair, brown eyes. Big, big smile. Like, almost takes you off guard. Her personality was just so ... bouncy.

Not gonna lie, after the dry spell I was having lately she looked tasty, but I don’t mix work and play, so I stow that little nugget of temptation and follow her to HR.

The rest of the day was a blur. Nothing special. Meeting new people and telling them about me. The usual. I get settled into my new office and get into a few meetings with people I’ll be working closely with. Guess who I get paired with for a project to help get me acquainted with a new development? Yep. Cheerleader. What was her name? I’ll have to figure that out. She excitedly says she is looking forward to working with me and invites me to lunch so we can get to know each other. Good strategy. Let’s go somewhere she’ll have to tell them her name for her order.

She offers to drive since she knows the city. Denver is so beautiful. I know there’s a lot to offer, but I haven’t really been out of downtown yet.

We go to a specialty individual pizza joint and she orders after me. I make it a point to try to hone in on her name, but the fucking guy slinging the dough was making too much noise. Was it Katie?

We sit and eat. She tells me about her fiancé and her wedding. Yadda yadda. Then she asks about me. Denver is a pretty liberal city, so I decide to just put myself out there. Maybe she can lead me to my next “hit it and quit it” because I am never, ever getting into a serious relationship again. Like, ever.

“Yeah, umm. I just moved here from Austin. I was living with my girlfriend and she decided that she needed to go find herself by being a volunteer in Africa.” Her eyebrows raise I bit. “So I moved here to live with my old college roommate and start over.” Well I did it. No point in dipping my toe in, just threw myself in. I knew it would get around the office pretty soon. It really seemed like everyone really liked Katie and she talked to all of the staff that morning. It helps when you’re young and beautiful, too. People tend to listen to others when they want to fuck them, at least in my experience. I hadn’t yet pegged if she was a gossip or not, so here was my chance to find out.

“Well, are you happy here so far?” She asked. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that question. And the way she asked it was ... genuine. How nice.

“Yeah, it’s ... nice. I don’t know I really haven’t done much. My roommate is working a lot and I don’t really know anyone else. I was planning on going out this weekend to some bars downtown and checking out the nightlife.” I said, lying.

“Oh I know a great place! I’ll go with you!” She went on about a new inclusion bar a few blocks away that catered to Denver’s LGBTQ community and she heard the music was great and she has a friend that can hook us up with some cabaret tickets SCREECH!

“Cabaret, you say?” I smile with a raised eyebrow. She smiles back and it’s official. We are gonna go watch a tasteful lingerie show and hit the gay bar on Saturday. I like this chick.

The rest of the week goes by and I’m getting to know everyone. It’s a nice place and I’m starting to get comfortable with the staff. Katie and I are getting along well. On Friday night I decide to text her to confirm our plans.

Hi, Katie! We still on for tomorrow?

Yep, lol!

So Saturday rolls around and I’m pretty excited for the evening. I get dressed and ready and we text back and forth about when and where to meet. Clock tower, 7pm.

I leave the condo, grab a bite to eat and hit the clock tower at 6:50. I’m standing outside chatting with a guy about his dog when Katie rounds the corner. She’s wearing a gold off the shoulder dress, high heels, a pearl bracelet and wow does she look beautiful. Now, I’ve already said I don’t shit where I eat, but ... damn. The dress fit her just right and those legs ... almost hard not to picture them up against m-”Hi!” Cheerful as ever. That girl has energy for days.

“Hey. You look nice.” I say.

“Ah, thanks!” She says and walks up to will call. “Two for ... Katie.” She side eyes me. It’s subtle but she definitely did. Why the hell this girl givin me side eye?

We watch the show and I feel like she really enjoyed it. I know I sure did (wink wink). What’s not to like about girls in lingerie prancing about? 10/10 would recommend.

After, we start walking toward the bar that’s a few blocks East and talking. She tells me how she met Zach, her fiancé and how her wedding is in August in the mountains. She’s planning on her grandpa performing the service. She tells me about her dad and how he passed away 3 years ago and how she doesn’t get along her mom. I listen carefully and offer conversation where I can, but for the most part I just listen. She seems to like that and it works for me, especially when I’m getting to know someone.

We get to the bar and pay our covers. Entering into this place was like stepping back into a 20’s speakeasy. Ah, now her outfit makes sense. The walls and tables were dark woods. There were lots of people around, but they were playing cards or chatting, and the music was old school instrumentals with lots of jazzy undertones. This was way different than the deafening EDM music in dark clubs in Austin.

Katie spots her friends in a corner booth. “Hey guys!”

“Kelly!” They shout and stand to give her hugs. Kelly. Shit. I’ve been calling her Katie all week. What the fuck why wouldn’t she say something? I know my cheeks are red right now and she looks back at me coyly. Asshole! You did that on purpose! Touché.

So, that was our first fight. Just kidding. I was impressed right then that she would go that far for a joke.

We have a few drinks and KELLY starts to get visibly tipsy. We chat more. Her friends are nice. Brie is a physical therapy assistant for the Nuggets. She is kind of intimidating and abrasive, but I dig those kind of people. You never have to worry about what they’re thinking. Had I called her by the wrong name once, she would have corrected me, probably in front of everybody and even snidely. Then there was Garrett. The GBF. He was sweet as pie and super protective of Kelly. They were all welcoming to me and we exchanged numbers to text each other. I’m sure it was because Kelly asked them to, because I was a little lonely in the big bad city.

I’m having a good time and dancing, and I’m really not a dancer, but when alcohol is a factor and I get a chance to grind up against beautiful women, well you get it. As I’m dancing with a group of girls Kelly comes up behind me and puts her hands on my waist. Alright, I’ll play along. Straight girl wants to play bi-curious for the night. Fucking tequila. So I turn into her and get close. I look her in the eyes and give her my best smolder, then a little wink and smile. She smiles that giant grin and giggles a little while tossing her head back.

“You are so sexy.” She says to me. “I wish I had your courage to just be who you are. Me and Brie ... we were together in high school for a hot minute til my mom found us in my room.”

“That’s fucked up.” I say. I lean in, “But thank you for the compliment. That dress made me wanna... -”

“Hey guys, it’s late! Kelly we have hot yoga in the morning.” Brie says, knowing that we were just flirting.

We say our goodbyes and I head home. Ugh, what was I doing? Do not flirt with someone you work with, you asshat.

I get home and shower, thinking about how awkward Monday might be. Not the first time I’ve made this mistake. I can’t fuck this up, so I decide I’ll keep it professional from this point forward. Aaaand then my phone dings. It’s a text from Kelly.

“I meant what I said. I hope this isn’t weird. Thanks for hanging out tonight. I’d love to do it again.”

“Yes, so fun!” Fun, yes. Again, no.

“️” the fuck does that mean? I’m gonna have to keep this light and casual so she doesn’t think I’m straight rejecting her, but also I do not want to hurt her feelings if she’s crushing on a girl after what sounds like a traumatic experience with her mom and Brie.

Fast forward to Monday. I get to my newly decorated office and start doing some work. I hear a knock on my door and there stands Cheerleader, double fisting some lattes. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got you a vanilla.”

“Thank you.” I say.

“I’m embarrassed.” She admits. “I did not mean for it be seem like I was hitting on you. I love Zach and that thing with Brie in high school was just experimenting. That’s why we’re still such good friends. So, if you could not tell anyone about that...”

“Is this a bribe?” I say, taking a sip. She smiles.

“Yes.” She says.

“I solemnly swear not to call HR ... Katie.” I smile at her and she laughs. This is good. I feel back on track. Now we can just focus on working together.

That lasted for about an hour.

Kelly and I are working through lunch in my office and she starts to ask me questions about Austin, about my ex, how we met. Then she starts prodding about how I knew I liked girls and how it was easy for me to just be myself and had I ever been with a man. I was fine answering all of these questions and I felt like maybe she was still working through her crush. I have to be honest, she was so cute about it I just couldn’t shut it down. And it was turning me on a little to know she was thinking about me that way. Maybe I should turn the tables and ask about her experience with Brie... ? “So, what happened between you and Brie? Kisses? More?”

She looks away then back. “It was just a crush, really. We kissed a few times. We were making out on my bed one day after school when my mom walked in. She called Brie’s mom and she got into so much trouble. She almost got sent away. I got sent to therapy for ‘confused teens’ as my mom was convinced I was on drugs or had been sexually assaulted or something.” She paused. “We worked through it, but Brie was never the same. Her parents were pretty shitty. She needed me to be her friend. I really believe she played along with me. I don’t think she is into girls at all, she just wanted to be my friend and that’s what I wanted from her. So, it’s my fault she got hurt.”

Wow. That’s fucked up. “So sorry. That’s messed up.”

She stands and I catch a glimpse of a tear before she turns away and wipes it with her finger tip. “I should go make sure the proofs are ready.” She says and hurriedly starts to pick up her things.

“Wait.” I say, standing and taking her hand. What the fuck am I doing? She looks at her hand and back at my face. I feel her move her fingers up my forearm lightly. It feels so, so good. I blink slowly and exhale. Is this for real?

She slowly leans in. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

We both jump. Kelly grabs her things and practically sprints toward the door. She swings it open and one of the interns is there with the proofs we were waiting on.

Kelly has avoided me for the past few days, other than work related questions and short straight forward answers. Fine. I’m not the one that’s confused here. I find some people in the office to eat lunch with and I start to get to know people in my department. It’s easy conversation because everyone loves food, and I am a food marketer and blogger. It was the best job after culinary school and I’m passionate about good eats.

On Friday the team gets an idea to leave the office early and go out for drinks. Being the new kid, I’m kind of obligated to go. We walk to a nearby bar and order up some apps and cocktails. Kelly is there, but she’s keeping her distance.

John, the team lead calls everyone over to announce a big account and to celebrate, SHOTS!

I have a couple of drinks and mingle a bit, and soon enough, nature calls. I find myself in the bathroom line chatting up this sexy redhead waitress. She’s into me, and single. At least one of those things Kelly isn’t.

It’s my turn and I do what I need to do. As I’m washing my hands Kelly comes out of the stall behind me. She is obviously a little sloshy. Damn girl, can’t you hold your liquor?

She peers at me through squinted eyes. Washes her hands, and is about to exit the bathroom when she turns back to me.

Slurred, this is what I feel like she may have said:

“You know what? I love Zach. I love my life. I am very happy.” She stumbled out the door and nearly fell. I reached to catch her and fell into the redhead, who’s name was something like Katrina. I’m bad with names.

“Let me get you home.” I say, glancing to Katrina to help us get outside. Katrina and I sloppily pour Kelly onto a bench outside the club and Katrina ‘not so subtly’ writes her number on my hand and smiles at me.

“Text me tomorrow?” Katrina says, flirting.

“Absolutely.” I smile back. Katrina smiles at me and heads back inside.

“Really?!” Kelly says sarcastically.

“C’mon crazy.” I say as I open a cab door. She stumbles in and recites her address to the driver.

“I’m sorry.” She says. “I don’t get it. Why am I like this with you?”

“Because I’m accessible.” I say. “I am an easy target for your insecure fantasies. I can stroke your ego a little with some attention, and you want the attention more than you care about hurting another person’s feelings. I’ve seen this a lot in straight girls.”

She seems shocked. “Did I hit a nerve?” I say as the cab driver ignores us both. “I’m a good person. I care about people genuinely. You may be hot, but you’re still ridiculously self centered. You can pretend to be a perfect little princess for everyone else, but I see a spoiled rotten little brat that is throwing a tantrum when she didn’t get her way.” There. I said it. I may need a new job on Monday.

The next few minutes are silence until the cab pulls into her apartment complex. I resolve that I’m going to let her out and have the driver take me home. Kelly opens the door and spills out of the car, onto the ground crying. Fuck. Can’t leave her like this. I pay, get out, and hurl her arm over my shoulder and up the stairs to her apartment. She’s still crying.

“Is Zach here?” I ask her. Hoping he can take over.

“We don’t live together.” She slurs.

“A roommate?” I ask.

“Negative, ghost rider.” She laughs at her own lame joke.

She hands me the keys and I get us both inside. I lay her on her bed and take off her shoes. This girl. God she’s beautiful, but fuck she’s a little crazy. I’ll be a good friend to her, but she needs to talk to Zach about how she’s feeling. Could I help this girl see god and have more orgasms than she ever thought? Hell yes. Am I into cheating? Hell to the no.

I cover her up and start to head to the door.

“Oh...” she says. I turn around to find Kelly stumbling toward her bathroom. I quickly grab her in the doorway and help her to the toilet just as she starts to throw up. And throw up. And throw up. I hold her hair back, and when I was confident she was done I grab her a wet washcloth and wipe her face. She is shaking her head. “I’m sorry.” She says. Her mascara is running and her hair is a mess. Let’s be honest, she is a mess.

“Have you talked to Zach about how you feel?” I ask gently.