Chapter 26: Home and Work – Part 4

Resurrection

“Good morning, Sasha.”

“Good morning, Mick.”

“Tell me, what would a one month married lady like for breakfast?”

“Sausage and eggs.”

“And how would you like your eggs?”

“Hairy and in my mouth.”

I kissed my wife and laughed at her as I rolled on my back. Sasha moved down and took both of my testicles in her mouth and began to stroke me. And that was how we began the last time we made love.

That afternoon, Sasha complained of a lot of pain in her stomach, chest, and in her arm pits. The doctor warned us that this was coming. I had called the doctor and let him know what was happening. He told me to begin giving Sasha the pain meds we had gotten. The pain was terrible by that night. I got Sasha dressed in a t-shirt and panties and got her nice and warm in bed.

The meds helped a lot at first, but after another week and a half the pills weren’t enough. That brought another call to the doctor and then a trip to the hospice that had been arranged for us. That same day they put her on morphine. Her little body was shrinking, and her skin had changed from the wonderful all over tan she had gotten during our honeymoon, to an almost ashen gray color.

I brought my laptop to the hospice everyday so I could be with her and get some programming done. Our little company was rolling along, and James and I were up to our asses in work. We needed another programmer, but I was busy with Sasha, and James didn’t feel qualified to hire a new guy or girl. That was crap, and I told him so, because all he had to do was sit an applicant down and have him write the same program that James was writing.

If he or she kept up or was faster than James, we would put them on the hire list. James was an accurate programmer, but he wasn’t the fastest. So, if someone could be faster, that was good for a first step. Then we checked the program for errors. If it cleared, we had a good prospect. But he didn’t want to do it while I was gone. And now I was gone every day.

By now, Sasha was sleeping, or passed out from the morphine, most of the time. She was fed intravenously and had tubes up inside her so she could go to the bathroom. When she was awake, I would hold her hands or stroked her hair. I couldn’t touch her too much because the tumors had grown and were all over her body and touching her skin caused her a lot of pain.

Each evening the ladies spent as much time with her in her room as they could. We would sit and talk to her, even if she was asleep. We found that sometimes she was just lying there listening, so we talked even when it appeared that she was asleep or unconscious.

On our four-month anniversary, on January 28^th, we all sang “Happy Wedding Day To You” for her and I brought a slice of chocolate cake from The Shed. She cried when I put a tiny piece of it in her mouth.

“Why are you crying, lover?”

“I can’t taste it,” she said in a weak voice. That broke me and I cried as hard as I ever had.

It was the afternoon on Valentine’s Day when Sasha woke up while I was working on my laptop. She sounded stronger and she reached for my hand and held it as tightly as she could.

“Mick?”

“Yes, my love.”

“Remember that your friends love you.”

“I know they do.”

“No, you don’t, but you need to. They will save you.”

“I don’t need to be saved.”

“Mick?”

“Yes, Sasha.”

“Always be my Valentine.”

“I will Sasha. I will.”

Her hand lost its grip on mine and slowly dropped out of mine and with that, she was gone.

I went to push the call button, but the nurses were already coming into the room because her life-signs monitor had set off alarms. I put my head into my hands and cried while they checked her. The doctor came in and pronounced her dead after 2PM on Valentine’s Day.

One of the nurses, asked me to come with her. When I stood, she led me out of, and away from, the room. She took me to a small chapel down the hall and told me to stay there. I don’t know how much time passed before Diana and Tasha walked into the chapel. Jos, Lissa and James stayed at the office and called our friends and Sasha’s parents and the Skinner/Smiths to tell them the news.

Diana and Tasha sat next to me in the chapel and we all cried for the loss of our lover. Somehow Sasha’s body was collected and taken to a funeral home. I was told that the funeral was scheduled for a few days later.

The ladies took me home and put me to bed, and there in the dark, surrounded by Sasha’s scent, I cried myself to sleep. In the morning, I was woken by the urge to go to the bathroom, then by the smell of coffee. After I flushed, I went to the kitchen to find Diana and Tasha sitting quietly, drinking coffee.

“Morning, Mick. Have some coffee while we make you some breakfast.”

I looked towards Tasha, who had picked up Sasha’s favorite frying pan to begin her preparations. Seeing it in her hand, I turned and ran away. Locking myself in my bedroom, I remained there, locked away for the next two days, until I had to dress and come out to attend the funeral services.

At the funeral home, I was barely one step above being a zombie. I went where I was led and sat where I was directed. People came to express their condolences and share concern for me, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time.

At the graveside service I lost it, completely. As the casket was lowered into the ground I jumped up from my chair and screamed “Sasha!” before throwing myself on top of the casket. James, Roger and a couple of others dragged me out of the grave and fought to get me back into the funeral limo.

I was broken and I didn’t care if I was ever going to be fixed. My Sasha was gone. Other than sleep, there was no reason for me to go home. There was nothing there for me, and the apartment was now emptier than I could have ever imagined. It seemed to be smaller and darker than before.

I retreated back to my old hermit self. I came to work, and I went home. After a couple of weeks of that pattern, I found out that the ladies had keys to my apartment. They tried to drag me out the door and to the Shedd. All they wanted was to just sit, talk and have a drink. I pushed them out the door and over the next few days I had the locks changed.

I slept with Sasha’s nightgown as a pillowcase. I hadn’t washed it since the last time she wore it. It smelled of her. Hell, I hadn’t washed anything since she passed. My clothes smelled, as did I. Some nights, I didn’t even get out of bed to pee. I just wet the bed and laid in it until I got up and took my rare shower before going to work.

Taking a shower reminded me that my shower buddy was gone. Making something to eat reminded me that my sous-chef was gone. Walking outside reminded me that my hand was cold and empty. At work, I never spoke unless it was for specific business purposes. All I ate was peanut butter sandwiches. My weight was dropping almost as much as my work output.

Finally, about three months after Sasha’s death, I walked into the office and was attacked. James held me while Diana put handcuffs and leg shackles on me. I tried to fight it but had lost much of my strength. They dragged me out of the office, into one of their cars and took me to Diana’s home.

All the way I wept and begged them, “Please, leave me alone. Please, just let me die. Please.” But they ignored my weak voice.

At Diana’s place they removed my restraints and a naked Tasha and Diana stripped me and dragged me into the shower. The two ladies washed and rinsed me several times until they removed all of the accumulated dirt and funk from my body. They dried me, dressed me in the new clean clothes they’d had to buy for me since I had locked them out of my apartment. I was put in a kitchen chair and Diana proceeded to try to save my life.

“Here Mick, eat this,” Diana demanded.

“I don’t want to,” I said quietly.

Tasha added, “You need to eat something more than peanut butter and bread.”

“I don’t want to!” My voice more firm.

Diana braced me hard. “Don’t make us put you in a hospital and have them sick a tube down your neck and in your butt AND in your dick. The company is in trouble and all the work that you and Sasha and the rest of us did is going to go down the tubes.”

“Why?” I asked half aware.

“Because your programming has been shit, and James and the new guy can’t fix your crap fast enough. We’re starting to get complaints and some of our clients are talking about finding another company.”

“But...” I tried to speak but was cut off.

“No buts! Are you going to get your head out of your ass and save all of us or not?”

Something in my head clicked. “Save you?” My ladies needed saving.

“Yeah. Remember we put our life savings into this company and our retirement money. We are going to lose it all if you don’t get back into the world.”

I weakly tried to defend myself. “I’ve been there every day.”

“Bullshit! Your body has been there,” Diana said in a raised voice. “We can smell it. But your heart and mind are buried with Sasha and you need to come back to us.”

“I can’t,” I whined. “She’s gone.”

“I’m not gone!” Diana almost screamed. “Tasha’s not gone! The company is not gone! Damn it, we love you and we want you back!”

I jumped up and screamed at the top of my lungs.

“SHE’S GONE!”

Then I fell on the floor and began to cry harder than I had ever cried. Diana got down on the floor with me and held me in her arms and rocked me until I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, I was still in wrapped in Diana’s arms, I was sitting, with her leaning against her dishwasher and me leaning back against her.

I looked up to see Tasha asleep in one of the kitchen chairs and Jos asleep in another. My movement woke up Diana and she tightened her hug and kissed the top of my head.

“Do you feel better?”

“I’m tired. I want to go home.”

“Nope. I don’t trust you to not do something dumb. You’re sleeping here. Let’s get you some water and get you to bed.”

I was going to argue, but I didn’t have the energy. Tasha and Jos each took an arm and pulled me up. Diana stood and bent and flexed herself.

“How long was I asleep?” She asked Tasha.

Releasing my arm, Tasha rubbed her dear friend’s back and shoulders. “He’s been out about three hours, so have you.”

“Tasha, would you please go and get my bed ready. Jos, help me get this big lug back into the shower and to bed.”

Between Tasha, Jos and Diana, they took me to the bathroom and stripped me again and got me in the shower. Diana and Jos washed away my tears and one of them aimed my penis at the drain when I started to piss. When I was done, I was dried and led to the queen bed Tasha had prepared. I was pushed down on the bed and someone crawled in next to me and held me. The closeness of someone brought back more pain, as I remembered that I was alone, and I cried myself to sleep again.

There was light. I tried to roll over to get away from it, but I couldn’t move. I was being held in place. A quick scan of my body found that I was laying on my right side with my left leg bent and in front of me. There was an arm over my chest and a leg between my legs. I was warm and felt very comfortable. Then I remembered.

I was in someone else’s arms. I was being anchored. I was being loved. Sasha’s words came back to me. I was being saved. I took the arm holding me in my hand and gave it a squeeze. The body behind me stirred and I felt something fuzzy rubbing my butt.

A sleepy voice said, “Mick?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you feel?”

There was a lot of care in that voice.

“Loved.”

I felt the tears on the back of my neck.

“It’s OK,” I croaked as I patted the hand on my chest. “You’ll be OK.”

“I’ll be OK!? You big dope, you’re the one we’re freaking out over.”

I knew that voice. It was Diana.

“Yeah, about that, I think I’m gonna make it.”

“Good, because I have to get up and pee,” she said.

“Go ahead. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Diana’s arms released me, and she got out of bed. I rolled over to watch a familiar butt wiggle to the bathroom. She didn’t close the door and as I lay there and listened to her, I remembered that Sasha was gone. But her words came back to me as I heard her voice in my head pleading to let my friends save me.

The sounds of the toilet flushing and water running in the sink brought my thoughts back to the here and now. The sound of the water stopped and was replaced by the sound of soft footsteps.

Diana crawled back into bed with me. “How are you?”

“I think I’m back.”

“You think?”

“I was just remembering some of Sasha’s last words to me. She told me to remember that my friends loved me.”

“They do.”

“I know. I told her that I knew. You know what she told me?”

“What?”

“She said “No, you don’t, but you need to. They will save you.” I told her that I didn’t need to be saved.”

“A fat lot you knew.”

“I know that I need to pee.”

“Do you need help?”

“Sure.”

I rolled out of the bed, over Diana’s body, causing her to giggle. I walked to the toilet and was about to lift the lid when I was pulled into the tub. Diana pulled my back tight against her chest with one hand while the other reached around and took hold of my penis.

“OK, go ahead and pee.”

“I don’t know if I can now.”

“Sure, you can, just relax and lean back against me.”

I did and very quickly I began to relieve myself. Diana held me and I half expected her to play with me and spray me all over the side of the shower, but she didn’t. When I was done, she gently shook me and turned on the shower. When the water coming out of the tap was warm enough, she switched the flow to the handheld shower head.

She turned me around and soaked me. Then she took the soap and washed me head to toe. She rinsed me again, then soaped up my head and shaved me clean. I had neglected that part of my appearance and it took some time to take down the almost ½ inch long hair I had let grow. After some considerable effort she ran her hand over my smooth head before cleaning up some spots she had missed. She finished by shaving my face and kissing me.

“Would you like to shave me?”

“Where?”

“You know where.”

“No, I like the fuzzy look and feel.”

“So, you intend to look and feel my fuzzies?”

“I don’t know. Let me get back to work and get my life back on track. I know it’s going to take me some time just to clean my apartment.”

Diana picked a big, fluffy towel out of a cabinet and began to dry me.

“Nope! Tasha, Jos, and Lissa took your apartment keys and are over there taking care of it while I take care of you. Like I’m going to take care of you from now on.”

“What?”

“Mick, I love you. I have since I first saw you at work. Sasha loved you more, but no one will ever love you better. Mick, will you marry me?”

I was speechless. I loved Diana, but this was too soon. Wasn’t it?

“Too soon,” I said curtly.

“No! It’s not. It was almost too late. Mick you were sinking fast. I spoke to Sasha the day before she passed. When you’re ready there is a video you need to see. Sasha left a message for me and you.”

“Is it about us?”

“Yes, I think so. She made me promise to not look at it until you were ready to watch it with me.”

I needed to get off the subject, “I’m hungry,”

“I’m out of peanut butter,” Diana said with a smirk.

“I’m tired of peanut butter,” I admitted.

“Good. Would you like me to cook or do you want to go out?”

“Let’s go out. I feel ... clean. I feel like I need to air myself out. Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so. Let’s walk to Moon’s.”

“Moon’s?” The name made me pause. “Yeah let’s go to Moon’s.”

We dressed and held hands for the 10-block walk to the breakfast restaurant that was my and Sasha’s favorite. I was very hungry and ordered a double stack of waffles with a raspberry compote and powdered sugar. I also ordered a double side of bacon. Diana added a large glass of grapefruit juice for me, and I was in breakfast heaven.

“This was you and Sasha’s favorite place for breakfast. Why did you want to come here?”

“Looking for ghosts,” I said.

With some worry in her voice, Diana asked, “Do you see any?”

“Not as many as I thought I would. I see us sitting over there under that window. She always liked that spot for some reason.”

“Does it hurt to remember?”

“Not as much as I thought. I was afraid that my heart would break. So far, it’s holding together.”

“If it breaks let me know,” she patted my hand. “I have band-aids.”

I nodded and we ate, but I didn’t speak anymore. Diana was wise enough to let me dodge the ghosts. When we were done, I paid the tab and, taking Diana’s hand, led her out and down the street.

“Let’s go home and watch Sasha’s videos to us,” I suggested.

“OK, but Sasha told me that you should watch yours alone first, and that I should watch mine alone. Then we could share if we thought it wise.”

I nodded and squeezed Diana’s hand. At some point during the walk home we started to happily swing our arms in time with our strides.

We sat on the couch and did rock paper scissors to decide whose recording to watch first. I won and went first. Diana left the room and went to our bedroom and closed the door. The recording had been made before Sasha began to feel and look sick. Her face was still beautiful and as I watched her tell me to move on and take Diana as my life partner, I felt a sense of calm and closure.

I removed the DVD and went to the bedroom to trade off with Diana. I found her sitting quietly on our bed.

“Your turn, Di.”

After Diana watched hers, she came to get me and we sat on the couch and held each other while we watched the videos again. The big difference was Sasha’s admonition to Diana to keep after me until I was whole again. Sasha demanded that Diana marry me and help me live a fulfilled life. Her last words went right to my heart.

“Diana, he loves you, and gave you and the ladies his heart, but he gave me his soul and now I give that to you to claim when he is ready to give it up again. Goodbye my friend, my lover. Take care of our man and have a lot of babies.”

I turned off the disk player.

“Let’s go for another walk. I need to look for something.”

We walked back out into the downtown area and I stopped at every little shop that Sasha and I would go to. I sought out every place that I could think of, looking for her ghost.

Diana knew what I was doing and quietly went along with me. She didn’t fuss, she didn’t complain or even roll her eyes. When I finished my search, I just stopped walking and took Diana in my arms.

“Done with your quest?” She asked, her voice dripping with care.

“I think so.”

“Good. No tears? No bad memories?” Diana asked me.

“No tears. Only great memories. I was trying to find a place where she would tell me that I was wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yeah, you know. Incorrect. In error. Mistaken.”

Diana rolled her eyes.

“I was looking to find even one ghost that would tell me that I was an idiot to try to let her go. She told me to let her go. She asked me to always be her Valentine, but she asked me to let my friends save me. I’m not even tearing up thinking about her last moments. So, I guess that I’m not wrong.”

“About?”

“About thinking that I should be saying ‘yes’,” I kissed Diana lightly on the lips.

“Good. Let’s go home.”

Diana led the way this time and we walked into her apartment to find Tasha and Jos sitting in the kitchen having coffee.

“Hi, ladies!”

They looked at each other in surprise.

“Hi, Mick. You OK?”

“I am more than OK, Tasha. I am engaged!”

“Good. Diana, we’re done.”

“Done? What did you get done with?” I asked.

“Jos and I have been busy at your place, Mick. It was such a mess that we piled everything up on the patio and started a bonfire.”

“You didn’t burn my sexy thongs, did you?”

“No, we kept those for souvenirs,” Jos said, serious as a heart attack.

“I want the red and blue polka dot ones back,” I said, equally serious.

“The ones that look like they vibrate when you look at them?”

“Yeah, they make my penis look bigger.”

“Dick, big guy. Dick.”

“Alright already!” Diana exclaimed. “Mick, the girls have moved all of your clothes here. As of right now, you are living with me.”

“Like we’re married?” I asked playing the role of Mr. Obvious.

“Yes,” Diana answered softly.

“So, when do we get to plan the wedding?” Tasha asked.

“As soon as I can get my shit together.” I answered. “I’ll gladly marry you, Diana, but I need to do a few things first. Please wait for me,” I begged her, and then kissed her on the cheek.

“I have been, and I will be, for as long as it takes.”

I kissed and hugged Tasha and Jos, before it hit me.

“Where is Lissa?”

“She’s making sure the fire doesn’t get out of control.”

“The fire? REALLY!?” Knowing Lissa, I was very concerned.

“Yeah,” Tasha said.

“The fire at my apartment?” Now I was very concerned.

“Well sort of,” Jos replied.

“Sort of?” I asked a lot more concerned.

“The fire is AT your apartment, but it is IN her pants. I assume by now James has hosed her down a few times,” Jos said with a big smile.

For the first time since I found out that Sasha was going to die, I laughed. I laughed hard and loud and strong.

“I need to pee,” I gasped.

“Can I help?”

“No, Diana, not this time.”

“Does that mean I can help?” Jos looked suddenly hopeful.

“No, Jos!”

“That leaves me! Let’s go!” Tasha said with glee.

“My life just got a whole hell of a lot better, didn’t it?”

“That depends on you, big guy,” I looked at Diana and she just smiled and nodded.

“All right. Come on Tasha, I have to pee and if you’re going to help you need to get moving.”

I quick stepped to the bathroom with a giggling Tasha following.

I went back to my apartment to find no fire. They never set one, and James was on the couch, in the process of putting out the insatiable one in Lissa’s butt, when I walked in the door.

“Hey you two! Get a room!” I demanded.

“We thought we had one ... oh ... right there lover.” Lissa groaned.