Chapter 15: Isekai Life & Tactical Flour

Voss decided to have a nap while we waited, and I wanted to follow suit, but first, Yua needed to be informed of our plans. So I got her to sit down and a chair, and tried my best.

“We will go...” I said in her language, and had to pause. Had she ever said the words for ‘hunt’ or ‘fight’ around me before? “ ... Hit bad things,” was what I settled on. “Tonight,” I continued, “So sleep now.”

Yua stared at me oddly for a moment, then nodded. “We will go, tonight, and kill evil creatures. My blade is yours, my lord,” she finished by pressing a closed fist to her chest and bowing. “I will rest, as you have ordered.”

Well, that ended up being pretty easy.

While Yua joined Voss in the cell, Calliope took her place in the chair by the desk. For a long moment she stared at me, head in her hands.

Being stared at by a woman always makes me uncomfortable, but I tried to maintain composure, distracting myself by examining her features. She lacked any of Katriana’s slender, regal beauty, or Ashryn’s ethereal qualities, but she had a plainer, more earthy sort of attractiveness that belied her skill at magic.

Not for the last time, it struck me how lucky I was to have three women of her calibre interested in me.

“I have a problem.”

Unfortunately, my plan not to squirm under her stare backfired when I was so distracted it actually startled me when she spoke.

“Um, pardon?”

“I have a problem, Theodore.”

“Okay,” I replied, as I tried to re-compose myself, “What is your problem?”

“Well, to start with, my darling fiance has been cavorting around with dryads while I’ve had to sit by and get nothing,” she said with a nice, big, fake smile plastered on her face.

To say I was startled would be an understatement. Considering how quickly she dropped the topic of the dryads that morning, I had thought I had gotten away with it.

“You knew about that... ?”

“Well, I know for sure now,” she said with a sardonic grin, easing back in her chair with her arms crossed.

Well, crap.

Calliope gave a bitter little chuckle. “Please, Theodore, relax. If I had a problem with you having sex with other women, I wouldn’t be here. I’d prefer that you kept it, well, in the family, but with the weird standards we’re sort of setting for ourselves, having sex with some dryads isn’t the worst thing.”

“As long as I don’t get some weird dryad social disease, I’m sure,” I replied.

Calliope gave another chuckle. “Well, I wouldn’t make a habit out of it,” she said airily, “If you do a lot of screwing around on three wives we’re going to start wondering what we can’t provide. And on that wild run north with goblins on heels, I couldn’t provide. So that’s why I’m letting you off so easily.”

She had a point ... although I was kind of strong armed in that situation. “How do you feel about all of this?” I asked, “You didn’t seem one hundred percent on board with everything, and now that you have me all to yourself, we’ve hardly getting any time alone.”

Now it was Calliope’s turn to look a little defensive. “I am disappointed that I haven’t gotten you all to myself,” she said after a moment to collect her thoughts, “And, well, I guess there’s a little juvenile part of me that is jealous of all the attention you get, and are going to get.”

I waited, silently. She trailed off, but Calliope didn’t seem to be quite done yet.

After a few moments, she rewarded my patience. “Logically, there’s a man I can’t live without, so if I have to share him because he can’t live without these other two girls, so be it,” she said, “But, it’s not always that simple, particularly when I feel like I’m letting you down because Katriana and Ashryn are giving you children already, and I’m not. Sure, this particular moment it helps me that they are incapable of adventuring, and I am, but it’s not always going to be the same.

“So, long term, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she concluded with an exasperated sigh, “If I’m feeling this petty and jealous now with only two other wives, how am I going to feel with five? Eleven?” She shifted uncomfortably, looking at her hands. “I don’t know. Maybe you should pass me over. Maybe I’ll make a terrible wife.”

That kind of shook me. I had no idea that Calliope was having these kinds of thoughts- sure, she didn’t always get along with Katriana, but I didn’t think it was to the point that Calliope wanted “out”.

“I ... I...” I stammered, unsure of how to proceed. Was there supposed to be this kind of rejection in my personal Heaven? “I ... maybe ... now’s not the time...”

“It’s fine, Theodore, really,” Calliope said, biting her lip, “I guess I’m just having cold feet. Katriana and Ashryn are both very beautiful, and ... well ... I’m just a plain farmer’s daughter who happens to have learned some magic.” She gave a bitter chuckle. “And I’m foolish enough to risk being able to live as queen over my own insecurity.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but she cut me off by standing suddenly. “I’m just wasting your time, now, aren’t I? I’m going to get some rest. We need to be rested for tonight.”

I quickly reached over and grabbed her by the wrist, just as she was walking away. She didn’t look at me.

But now that I had her, what to say?

“I ... want you, here, I mean ... In my life,” I said, lamely, “I mean, I don’t know how to make you feel better, exactly, but you belong in this family because I say you belong here. So ... don’t compare yourself to others.”

Without looking back, Calliope shook her hand free. “Come on, Theodore, let’s get some rest, alright?”

And just like that, I blew whatever chance I had of settling Calliope’s anxiety.

You’d think that, after that, I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but I suppose I was still recovering- either from the flight away from the goblins or the panic attack (I think?) I received from getting swarmed by the crowd, take your pick. I napped pretty soundly until a gentle hand shook me awake.

I was hoping to see Calliope again, but no, it was Voss, fully armoured in his platemail. “It’s time to move, boss,” he said with a bit of a grin, “Noon’s well past, your new minions are back, and we’re just waiting on you.”

I nodded and rose. Calliope was there, doing a last minute check of her saddlebags. Yua was at the ready, greatsword strapped to her back and armoured in Katriana’s old scale. Moruca was giving me a skeptical look, while Raszil merely rolled his eyes, and muttered, “I resent being called a minion, thank you very much.”

There was no point in inspirational speeches or brave words- we knew what we had to do.

“Let’s go,” I said, after checking my own bag, “We should hit the farmhouses before we’re out of daylight.”

I’m sure to the people of Rhymer’s Cross, we must have made an odd sight- lead by Voss, looking almost like a proud knight, followed by the old woman with the longbow, and then me, the sickly, pudgy wizard. Fourth was the gnome sipping from a flask as he rode, then the pretty mage girl and last, the silent swordswoman with antlers.

Almost like we were a real adventuring party already.

The afternoon sky was beginning the redden by the time we reached the first homestead. Gathering food was fairly easy, since so much had been simply abandoned. The fear of becoming like their neighbours to the north- who vanished completely- must have already had these people on edge when the goblins showed up. We found sacks of grain and flour, sausages left out to cure, and all sorts of vegetables left on the vine that we could pick. There was a real bounty, not hours outside the city walls, but the people of Rhymer’s Cross were too afraid to seek it out.

We were just cleaning out one last storehouse, when the sun was finally setting below the horizon. I nodded, and turned to Moruca. “Alright, do you know a good place where we could set up an ambush?” I asked.

She nodded. “Down by the riverside, ‘tis not far.”

She took us to where some enterprising farmers had built a tall embankment of rough-hewn granite slabs, a levee to keep the river from their fields in case of a flood. It had a commanding view up and down the river, and overlooked a bridge along the main road east, and a flame from up there would be easily spotted.

We gathered what dry would we could find and stacked up a sizable bonfire, one that would burn late into the night. We surrounded it with a patch of upturned earth, to keep the grass from catching, while I explained my plan.