Chapter 9: The Fishing Lure Revealed

[And even a virgin can dream of being accepted as a local]

I drove back to Pepo to get to work, mind whirling, ego bent-dented, wanting to rewind my life as if maybe I’d not come to Hawaii ever.

I drove around and took the back entrance through the junk cars to park behind my work shed. There were customers out on the front line, Wally feeding them his line of B.S. I got out quietly and went into the storage shack to change my clothes. When I came out there was my boss Dave smiling at me. “Hey Killer!” He was laughing, my heart sank with a thud. “How’zit hanging?”

He started telling me which cars on the front line needed detailing first, newly acquired, wholesale. “Don’t forget to keep your pecker up, as the British say, ha ha.”

He walked away but waved to someone and was pointing at me while making a hand gesture like he was playing with his crotch. I was sure somehow some kind of rumor about me was spreading but how, why? So I walked out to the first car I came to, not wanting to be noticed, and I started to get into the driver door when Shorty buzzed by in the jeep and slammed on the brakes, did a U turn and came into the lot on the fly. He and Aron were both laughing and it was sure to be an “Oh shit” moment for me.

I was backing the car into the work shed as they came to a stop and I just sat in the drivers seat for moments before I slowly got out. “HEY GUY, HOW’ZIT HANGIN’?”

Usually when they stopped by Wally would get upset because they were taking up work time for me. He would give them the “stink eye” but they always just laughed at him and kept jabbering.

They constantly ribbed each other in a manner you would think could incite violence but they were kidding, typical Hawaiian style. They were best buddies. “If I was as dumb as you Shorty I’d kill myself,” was one of Aron’s typical comments to which Shorty would simply reply, “Fuck you man!,” and they would both laugh.

Aron was the handsome one of the two Japanese ancestry, taller more regal and quicker with the humor, his constant reference to suicide. Shorty was extremely stocky, no neck, just a short expanding section extending from his ears almost to the extent of his shoulders. His head was small and torso a barrel.

Shorty always drove the open Jeep marked as Jack Hackman Drilling Co. and he could barely see over the bottom of the windshield which was often just folded flat. Shorty had no hair but the wind blowing through Aron’s black straight groom stuck out straight back in the wind as Shorty drove like sixty, always. And as they whizzed by Pepo they were always jabbering shouting over the loud winding engine and it was comical to see.

But this time Wally was in the crowd immediately and they all started in talking about the previous night, friends now with a mission.

[As you may recall... ]

Wally: “So, did you get laid last night?” “Who?,” said Shorty. “Siza,?” asked Aron, repeating, “NO WAY mother fucker! She doesn’t do that with guys.”

It was as if they were talking asking questions among themselves, like I didn’t have to be there.

Wally: “I’ll bet she’d fuck the right guy if he was maybe me!”

Shorty: Come on Wally give us a break, ha ha. You’re an old fart. You have to pay for it.” “Hey, ease up man. I know what I’m doing and I’m no fire plug like you.” “Yeah, Shorty,” said Aron. “If I was as ugly as you I’d kill myself.” “Fuck you man! What ugly chick are you screwing now, a total three bagger? You got no taste man.” “Huh.” They all stood and glared at each other for moments and then finally turned to confront me.

“What?”

“Okay, did you - or did you not - get laid last night?” “I don’t know. I was so drunk. I passed out.”

“Alright,” said Wally. “Let’s hear it, all of it. I’m paying you by the hour and I want to hear the whole story. Are you telling us after all we have heard YOU are still a virgin?” They all started laughing and I just hung my head in shame.

“Okay, alright.” I took a moment to gather my thoughts.

“Siza told me this morning I didn’t get laid last night. I don’t know other than that. She dared me in the afternoon right over there because I blew it. I admitted I was a virgin.” I looked up at them and then back down disconnecting eye contact.

My mind was a storm of shame but didn’t know why, how or anything.

“And she said I had to get laid if I like wanted to be one of you locals and not a dumb haole virgin, which by the way she said was against some kind of law in Hawaii once you are something like fourteen years old. She was SO serious. You know?” “OH YEAH, we know,” said Shorty as the laughing picked up.

“She said I could be deported, which I didn’t really believe but she demanded to have a look at my penis to see if it ‘worked’.” “It’s true man,” said Shorty, trying not to laugh. But they all laughed really hard. “They will deport you if you’re too virgin or if your dick doesn’t work.” And they laughed some more, total guffaw. “We’ve all been certified and we’re a bunch of real local legal fuckers. Duh kine! EVEN WALLY!”

“This is too rich... , “ choked Wally. “Go on -- GO ON, worth every penny. And make it totally true or your fired! You actually admitted you are a virgin.” He looked at the other two guys. “WOW!”

I thought Aron was going to fall over laughing at that point. I let out a long windy sigh.

“Okay, she was such a teaser and really kind of cruel, you know?” “OH YEAH, we know.” “She was on me trying to undo my pants and so I just pushed her back and then I don’t know. I stared at her without blinking for long moments as she grinned back kind of evil. I got angry.

[And you may also recall... ]

So I dropped my pants just-like-that. I pulled up my tee shirt and showed her all. There was nobody watching us and I thought I would just stop short her non stop teasing. I wanted her to leave me alone.”