Chapter 18

Nibbling kernels the colors of stained glass from a steaming corn cob, I listened to little Kirra babbling happily, entirely unaware of the tension that flashed back and forth across the campsite as we ate supper.

Stirring the leaves above our heads in soft whispers, the dry evening breeze carried a hint of crispness, a promise of the season’s swift turning. With our old black pot removed from the RTG, the heating element’s radioactive decay warmed our small circle as darkness closed in.

Excusing herself to dive for entertainment after burying her corn husk, Kirra became a black silhouette at the edge of the camp, backlit by water that gleamed white under the moonline. From our camp we could still hear the waterfall’s low rumble half a kilometer downstream.

Surprising me, Zuri used the absence of our youngest to broach the subject that had remained unspoken all day.

“Today signifies many things. Both of you know that. But we need to talk about your intentions.”

Faces illuminated in the thermal unit’s glow, Ananya and Hotene glanced at each other, their expressions unreadable.

“You don’t need to have plans,” I blurted. “We have no expectations of either of you, other than honesty.”

Zuri turned to our eldest. “Ananya?”

“I don’t want a baby yet,” she said quietly. Zuri and I shared a look; we had both thought that our daughter’s desire for children might have been cooled by the reality of growing up with a squalling toddler. “But I think ... I think I might like to play a little. Would that be okay?”

“Of course it is, sweetheart,” Zuri smiled. “Whatever you like. Hotene?”

“No.” Barely restraining her eyes from rolling, our second daughter appeared both bored and annoyed by the question. “Is that all?”

“For now, yes.”

“Okay.” Rising from the blanket and turning her back on us, Hotene walked to the river until she was out of earshot. If evoc could have transmitted a mental sigh, Zuri and I would have shared one.

“When?” Zuri’s question for Ananya was plain but gentle, free from any hint of expectation.

“Maybe ... now?” our daughter asked hopefully, her eyes darting back and forth between us. “If ... if that’s okay. I mean, if it’s...”

“It’s more than okay.” Zuri rose and hugged her, one hand stroking her back. “Take all the time you need, alright?”

Looking at me, Ananya nodded. “Okay. Love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, darling.” Kissing her gently, and with the briefest glance at me, Zuri walked down to the river, following Hotene’s trail.

Sitting on either side of the thermal unit, Ananya and I looked at each for a long, silent minute, neither of us willing to make the first move.

“I’m scared,” my daughter finally admitted, arms wrapped around her calves. “Not of sex,” she added after a moment. “Just of doing something wrong.”

“Ananya, you can’t do anything wrong except hurt. And not wanting to do something won’t ever hurt me.”

Her smile, while brief, communicated relief. Wavering for a moment, she finally stood up and circled the campsite, sitting next to me with her elbows on her knees. A tiny blue electric spark flared and died in the night air as our arms brushed together.

“Hotene and I have played a little,” she admitted, after another long minute of silence. “But she’s not that interested.”

“Hmmm.” Touching the warm waves of her hair with my fingers, I stroked a long auburn curl back behind one ear. “And you?”

“I’m ... curious.”

Watching muscles jump nervously on her inner thighs as she stared into the glow of the RTG, I drew my hand back. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We won’t do anything you don’t want to. We don’t have to do anything at all.”

“But I do. Want to, I mean. It’s just that...” My daughter’s lower lip swelled under the nervous bite of her teeth.

“What?”

“You and Mom. You really love each other.”

Looking toward the river, I could see Zuri standing near Hotene as she laid out Kirra’s blanket for sleep. “We do.”

“Do you think...” she paused. “Do you think you could ever love me like that?”

I considered the question carefully. “I’ll tell you this,” I said presently. “When we were the only three people in the entire world, I believed that I couldn’t love anyone more than your mother and grandmother. And then you came along.” Seeing her smile, I turned, kissing her forehead gently. “And your sister. And I discovered something about love. It’s unlike any other force in the universe.”

“How?”

“It’s infinitely divisible. And every division can be equal to the whole. I can love you completely, without ever taking away from the love I have for your mother.”

Her wide smile invited another gentle kiss. In the starry vault of the thousands of kisses we’d shared, this was the first held significantly longer than usual. When we parted, Ananya’s smile was even wider, her dark eyes glowing with promise.

“But time can’t be divided in the same way,” I warned. “I won’t always be able to be with you when you might want. That has nothing to do with how much I love you. I still love your grandmother completely, and we haven’t seen her in years.”

Returning her gaze to the warmth of our nuclear hearth, Ananya nodded thoughtfully.

“We live long, long lives,” I continued, stroking my palm slowly up and down her slim back, the line of her spine under my hand like a curved reed. “If you’re patient – and if you want it – I can love you in all the ways I do your mother.”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I think I’d like that.” Another long moment passed before she spoke again. “I’ve always loved Mom’s skin. I always felt that I was ... plain, compared to her.”

“Plain?” I frowned. “You’re beautiful. Like the canyonlands at dusk.”

She smiled hugely. “Really?” My daughters had heard countless times that they were beautiful, smart and talented. I’d always said the words sincerely. But this time, they came freighted with new meaning.

“Really.” Leaning over to kiss her collarbone, I felt her shiver against my lips. “Brown and warm and utterly beautiful.”

“Do that again,” she sighed.

“What, here?” I smiled, and kissed lower, closer to the notch of her sternum, above her small, high breasts.

“No! I mean, yes. But up here.” Raising her hands, fingers tangling in my hair, Ananya drew my head upwards, pressing it against her neck.

“Oh, here, “ I teased with a smile, my mouth hovering over her skin. And kissed, eliciting a warm, happy gasp. Licked, with the tip of my tongue, all the way along the ridge to the round of her shoulder as she murmured and squirmed in pleasure.

Sitting side by side we turned inwards, holding each other as my lips traced against her skin. Ananya’s dark head nestled against my chest as her hands kneaded my upper arms, fingers tightening and releasing.

It was like exploring an unknown world mapped entirely in kisses and sighs. My daughter’s reactions led me slowly to the valley of her neck, where shivers guided me to a point just behind her ear.

Ananya’s fingers suddenly squeezed tight against my arms as she moaned. Intrigued, I kissed in the same place, sucking gently at her skin.

I felt my daughter shudder hard in pleasure, hips stroking against my side. Moving on instinct I burrowed my head deeper into the sweep of her neck, kissing more.

Whimpering tightly, Ananya slid her hands up to clutch tightly around my shoulders before her body went wild, hips bridging up from the blanket, tight abdominal muscles flexing as she writhed under my lips. Surprised by the strength of her reaction I pulled back, concerned that I had pushed too far.

My fear sharpened as Ananya twisted away with a soft cry. A moment later, all doubt was removed as her lips crushed against mine.

Our kiss was not the ravenous union of my first time with Zuri. After the initial rush of contact Ananya’s mouth softened, content to explore as she moaned softly.