Chapter 9: Food, Supper, Pudding Ala Psychological Torture

I took the news from Vern in stride; no, no I didn’t, not at all. I had been used by him for fun with his penis, “Poked”, giving him a rather exuberant orgasm inside me. That fact I would not forget. I only wished I could.

After watching them do to Lilly what they were doing in the parlor they talked about fucking. Apparently this was the real thing. They were doing it so passionate, even so rough, scary harsh slapping her. Apparently I was the only one left in the group who didn’t know how to do it. Yet I was used but at least Vern didn’t slap me.

According to them doing me in the anus was a kind of maybe, oh who knows, a special sub class of fucking but not with a girl? Details, details.

Lilly did not have an anus so mine was a different kind of poking? It was too complicated. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t understand. It didn’t mean so much to me after being conditioned to Lilly’s whole arm probes. Their penises weren’t nearly as big as her arm. And I could depend on Lilly to keep me safe. What the heck. I was naked livestock always available, usually well greased up and anus easy.

I thought about the fact I was a biped, wasn’t on all fours in which case my anus would be sticking out at all times, like out in the sunshine. I had no tail to cover with. So, that’s why they had tails!

I knew it was stupid to be naive, allowing them to do me, surely, but I was trained for years as a good boy, sex was evil to be avoided.

I never really knew exactly what it meant to “get fucked”, no details about the act other than high school speak urban legend. And given Vern’s mentality I didn’t know if his opinion was totally valid. Maybe the guy’s penises in my butt wasn’t sinful because it obviously wasn’t the kind of fucking we were taught was forbidden. The hierarchy never mentioned it concerning using an anus. The subject never came up. But really there was no danger of pregnancy doing that other hole. Hmmmm.

But I remembered some guys in school talking about doing it to the “easy” girls. Why didn’t the school teach boys and girls what real fucking was? For GAWD’s sake if nobody did it there would be no more children because kids weren’t butt born. And of course I never dreamed about penises shoved inside other guys, like me. It seemed a very odd game to play. Did girls get penises poked in their anuses too? I hoped not. But then I didn’t really know why.

It was embarrassing to be more naive than the guys. I could not accurately envision the union of female to male because until this day I’d never ever actually close-up seen the human female physical feature counterpart to what I had.

As instructed I’d stuck my strange tongue into Lilly’s vagina, and she liked it. I liked it. And I knew it was probably my clue about more places to “fuck”. Really, yes. But I’d tried to avoid watching naked male bodies in action in the parlor because I didn’t want to give the impression that I wanted to do “fuck”, sharing their gizem in close order drill as they watched.

But parochial school never discussed a vagina and there was so much homophobia taught without real explanation, really all so awful and hateful. I hated that and not the guys or Lilly. I was hating the whole parochial prison of the mind. I was beginning to think getting poked in the butt was defiance to upset the old order, the artifacts of religious dominance. I liked that idea.

I day dreamed about me doing the guys in front of class. I wondered how many guys from the class might try me, big football players doing me in the butt. I’d let them do me just to see the hierarchy squirm as I walked into the class room naked begging for it one after the other. HAH!

I would wear only a short TShirt emblazoned, “I’m a proud butt fucker”.

The term “fuck” was not spoken outright in school, ever, and there were certainly no pictures. But regardless sex was forbidden; “keep away” until married. After that it was required or else. Weird. The Pope could cancel the contract if she refused to do the nasty. Go figure! And these work mate guys talking about sex were not even the mental equivalent of me which didn’t make me feel confident at all.

I would have sincerely expected this whole escapade to be a joke on me if Lilly wasn’t actually walking in front of us all the way to the house naked while playing with the guys’ penises like it was business normal. That fact was real.

In Vern’s regard I’d certainly never met a 12 year old who was a woman’s man. How would a twelve year old be adept at having sex? But there was Lilly leading all of us to the house talking of having sex as a norm. She was talking about having sex in the very near future again with e-v-e-r-y-one. In fact my lifelong taught tabu “sex” seemed required, period. That image just didn’t compute for me, not yet. Yet it trapped all my attention. She possessed absolutely no inhibitions I could tell. We were on our way to the kitchen to eat and fuck? Which would come first?

“Vern, does your penis make this gizem most of the time like mine does?” “Nope.” “It’s sure amazing how mine does and I don’t know where it all comes from.” “Yup, and it’s cool Tom. You should be glad. It comes from Lilly.”

“It comes from Lilly”. Another vastly mysterious thing.

But then the image of her in that state sashaying along in front of us and teasing the boys’ penises, keeping them aroused to keep things lively, was somehow weirdly calming me down. They obviously assumed the right to be just as they were, free spirits.

I just kept pushing down on my penis as it got stiff and stiffer. Dang, I had an awful lot to get used to with this new and very strange job development and my penis softly ejaculating felt so good.

I noted all my former attempts at drawing female anatomy didn’t come close to Lilly’s form which was so much more compelling moving along, fluid, real life. I wondered if I could draw her now.

I remembered in high school the library possessed one book, one book only, that featured a tiny photograph of a native African woman, bare breasted. Boys would sneak into the library and wait to be unnoticed, slink down to the lower shelf that stored the book of female mystery. The topic regarding the book was talk outside the school and it took brave plans to get access to the photo without getting caught. Such was life-parochial.

I was just babbling to myself when suddenly a memory of my very first masturbation popped up in my mind out of nowhere. I’d totally forgotten probably through guilt. I remembered how scared I was, home alone, just got out of the bath tub and was walking toward the stairs to go up to my room. I had no idea why I started playing with my penis. I wasn’t even thinking about doing something like that and I was actually almost pointing my bare butt toward the front door glass when I got a funny feeling welling up. It took my mind away for moments with all the energy focus when suddenly stuff started squirting out of me, a kind of seizure, repeating. That fright equaled my experience with the dairy owner, just shorter duration.

I was standing in a doorway that led to the front door entry hall where the upstairs landing was. With dimming vision I watched the stuff, like puss or cream, impulses, coming out of my penis and going down through the furnace air vent flat on the floor. It just disappeared out of sight without a trace but there was quite a bunch of it. Again and again it was shocking and I didn’t know whether or not my health was jeopardized.

The feeling wasn’t painful or anything like that. It was just not anything I’d ever experienced and very eerie. Nobody had ever talked about it with me. My legs got jittery and I got light headed.

I vowed never to do it ever again as my legs remained funny and weak. There was incredible focus feeling right at my penis tip, tugging in my balls. I wondered if I should tell anybody about it but thought better of that since I was sure somehow it was forbidden. I was just glad I was still alive and not caught doing it.

Now I had at least a slight comparison with the old man’s treatment of me and Lilly’s making me ejaculate, both scary.

Being made to do outrageous stuff in public was possibly becoming my new trade in life it seems.

I was jolted out of my day dreaming of the past as Lilly was suddenly in my space smiling at me. She had taken my penis and was pulling me along giggling, turning her head toward me and winking. “You can save all that for me now,” she gleamed. “What?” I hoped she hadn’t read my mind. That would be really embarrassing.

“You stop worrying. No harm will ever, ever come from having fun with me. Forget what you may have thought in the past. This is the new you and you are going to have fun, safely, with your penis, and even more.” She stroked away and it was a work in progress trying to keep up with weak legs as the ejaculations shot out in the trail. “Oh, Lilly...” I was stumbling trying hard to keep up.

The fact all my work mates were friendly, established so, seemed like nice folks, was one hurdle I’d already managed. But I saw this group as farm laborers, like my family I knew in the east, family I’d had so much fun with and admired for their hard work and love of the land. That comparison brought me some peace albeit Lilly, my “new best friend in the world,” was about to walk into the owner’s farm house with nothing on but her hat pulling me along behind her by my penis.

And she vowed to pay lots of attention to me when we got there. I had no idea just what to expect. I was so hungry for food ... and...

Lilly led the way in, through the garage entrance to the inner side door to the kitchen. Light filtered out and smells just wonderful wafted out into the entry way. I anticipated the food with a mouth watering response. For just a slight moment I forgot about Lilly and levitated to thoughts of nothing but good food and plenty of milk.

At the last moment Lilly let the guys go ahead of us probably because they were nearly running. She and I were the last in line to go through the door. I heard a woman’s voice saying, “Hi Lilly. O-o-oh, I see you have your new boy Tom in tow. You’re trying to impress him, u-huh.” Sudden laughter followed and I assumed the topic was brought on by Lilly’s nudity and my presence as her new charge.

“H-i-i-i-i TOM,” said the wife, winking at me as she passed by real close. I remembered how she and Bernice watched us, hands on closely at breakfast. I’m sure my face turned bright red and I pondered how I’d received a groping reception when first arriving in the morning. Now the wife was really friendly; in fact she was acting very sexy as she smiled down and noted Lilly’s hand gripped on me.

“Lilly, you’ve been spending more time in the sun this year. No tan lines for you.” There was a pause and then, “I keep telling you how cute you’d look in that summer dress I showed you.” Lilly responded but I couldn’t hear what she said as the shoes of the guys noisily clambered while scooting things around, quickly playing a kind of musical chairs to get seated.

I was caught watching Lilly’s bare butt moving seductively and when I looked up the wife’s helper Bernice was smiling at me in a wide grin quite wicked looking. I was embarrassed she saw me watching Lilly as my penis drooled. I’m sure my face turned glowing hot beet even redder.

Bernice winked at me as her eyes dropped to look at my penis, back again to catch my gaze as she passed with food on her way to the table. She seemed a lot more intent than a person who was considered mentally challenged.

She stopped momentarily and whispered in my ear, “I heard you got poked in the butt hole. You liked it huh?” She laughed. “What?!” Somehow I wasn’t surprised to hear her say that but I had to be embarrassed. Shrugging my shoulders I gave her a sheepish grin not knowing if she was teasing me or not. She made a gesture with her hands as she passed by on her way back to the stove using one middle finger and the other hand forming, with her thumb and index finger, like a hole. She was pushing her middle finger in and out through the hole giggling I assumed like me getting it in the anus. Apparently everybody knew about that.

The owner’s wife’s comments on Lilly’s cute figure and the fact Lilly obviously had been spending a lot of time outdoors, in the nude, allowed me to cautiously ponder the fun of being able to hang around with her a lot in the days to come outside as we worked and in the parlor.

The prospects were piquing my fantasies but I didn’t want the thoughts broadcasted to a mind reading cute girl. I supposed, maybe, I could get used to seeing her without a stitch on. Such a switch of venue for me fresh from parochial land. It made me smile to think about the kids I’d left behind who were as naive as I.

I day dreamed. Imagine if they could see me now, all naked with Lilly holding my penis. Maybe I could invite a couple of guys down for a “sleep over” in the bunk house. “Wow.” I thought about my father photographer and about him taking a picture of Lilly and I right now.

But the whole concept “Lilly” was beyond, at the moment, perfect words of explanation. Certainly was titillating for me and my innocent curiosity. I had no way of knowing how kids at school would handle the news of my new job situation. “I work naked all day with a gorgeous naked woman who pulls me around by my penis.” That would carry more “coolness” points than owning a great car.

[With any balls I’d talk my way into everyone’s hearts]

The shock of hearing that would set them whirling with more questions and disbelief. There’s no way they would believe me. “Yes, she only wears a baseball cap and she fucks the whole work crew while we milk cows.” Imagine me being able to explain to them what the “F” word meant. Wow. “And I have an erection that ejaculates, shoots most of the time.” No, they wouldn’t believe me and I would make NO mention of getting myself anus penis poked, not good.

The conversation continued as I entered further into the room and the guys were already seated at the table. I just stood in place, entirely still, and watched while things settled down.

Lilly was standing next to a chair closest to the stove. She poked Vern as he settled in place right next to her. “NO! I want this one sitting next to me.” She pointed straight to me and gestured to come over right away, to sit down in Vern’s chair. She scooted her own chair touching close to the one I was supposed to sit in, would be pretty much leaning on me.

I followed orders and just wanted to get to the eating part without delay, to sit down so that my penis would be out of sight. And I felt guilty because Vern had to move. I smiled a “sorry-about-that” kind of smile at him and when I got the chance I would offer to let him poke me in the rear like he loved.

Lilly sat down and immediately put her arms around me, pulled me tight. What a weird situation to have everyone naked, so comfortable, sitting at the table waiting to eat with apparently no worries and huge amounts of anticipation. I felt the gizem starting to drain between my legs.

Bernice had gathered up all the guy’s wet clothes putting them in a basket and the wife was getting ready to pass the food from the old wood cook stove. “Missus?” “What John,” said the wife. “You got any butt wipe?” The other boys laughed hard at John’s nickname for toilet paper. “Yes John and I’m glad you asked. I’ll get some before you go back tonight.” “Thank yee-o- o-o-u.” John dropped his gaze and continued to stare dreamily at me.

Moments passed and I sat very still not moving. There was a long pause with silence and then, “Lilly?” “Yes John.” “You gonna fuck this new guy tonight?” The boys laughed uproariously at John’s inquisitiveness and he looked down, quite pained. I would find he normally rarely spoke but this statement surely piqued my attention.

Lilly got up and went over to where he sat, climbed over and sat in his lap facing him wrapping her legs around him on the chair. She put her arms around him pulling him into a hug and did something down below the table top suddenly bringing a smile to his face as she rose up and then back down. His eyebrows dropped in moments and his gaze sort of glossed over, the tip of his tongue sticking out.

“It’s okay John. You’re just curious. You others stop making fun of him. I love my Johnny.” She petted him on the head and pulled his face to her breast saying, “It doesn’t matter who I fuck because I’m going to do you really nice in a special new way.”

She lifted his head back looking point blank into his eyes rubbing noses. His eyes got wide and she gave him a juicy wet kiss as his body convulsed rhythmically to follow her moves. He smiled a ridiculous wide smile of sheer delight. Then she kissed him again with her tongue well inserted in his mouth, combed his hair back. John’s eyes lit up and he whispered, “Can I fuck the new guy too?”

After several moments she came back to her chair after rubbing herself over him, rising just a bit while reaching down into his crotch and then descending on him, up and down several more times. John was obviously completely aroused, breathless, a giant groan and a look of astonishment on his face. A few grunts, then a silly grin with eyes pointing on high he relaxed and kind of melted in the chair.

She wiped her crotch with a table cloth tail as she sat down touching close to me just as she had previously, reached over to squeeze my inner upper thigh as she put my hand back into her crotch where it felt juicy.

I rubbed there and she liked it.

She grabbed my fork and helped me put food on my plate. I noticed her crotch was really quite juicy but I avoided thinking about it. This instance really left me amazed and I caught myself actually almost laughing to release my anxiety. I glanced over at John and he was still kind of melted on the chair. Virgil grumbled, “Yeah, well it was my turn to do it next.”

I’d kind of jumped when she squeezed my sensitive balls and I was trying to sit absolutely still. I think I almost wet myself. She reached, pulled my face to hers, smiled into my eyes and gave me a grin like she was responding to John’s question about who was next to do her.

I was just astounded everybody was so conversant on the subject of sexual intercourse. It almost seemed an expected sporting event. They spoke of it as if it was very special yet merely part of a day’s routine. This was certainly a bizarre world compared to where I’d come from where the subject was avoided at all cost as if it was punishable by death.

But as a kid traveling to farms and fairs with my dad as his camera equipment mule I had reluctantly noted the subject of animals servicing each other was common place, more accepted, business among farm folk because doing the “F” word kind of thing with animals was their livelihood.

So that was okay. Different, somehow, I suppose.

“So, can we watch when you fuck em’?” asked Virgil. “You know. Like can we see his big new penis doing it?” “In and out and in and out and in and out.”

The food had arrived at the table and everyone was diving in. All were obviously starving and the resulting slurping interrupted Virgil’s question. It went unanswered but kept my imagination climbing down, sinking into shy- er and higher into worried. It all reminded me of the survival denial I lived with when girls glommed on to me before I’d received my first pair of birth control glasses.

I ate. Even with all the talk about me doing something with Lilly beyond my experience, my comprehension, my stomach and its condition over-wrote all desires other than filling myself up. Lilly continued to feel my legs as she was exploring but I gulped the food laid before me, tasted so good. I didn’t really take serious note of the fact her hand’s exploration was deep reaching in my crotch. Yes, food chewed helped disconnect me from reality.

“I don’t think it was John’s turn next,” said Virgil muttering through a mouthful. Nobody responded.

Lilly began to run her hand warmly-slowly up my stomach. I had hair and she played with it softly pulling on it with one hand, stroking slowly on my penis with the other, making me ejaculate as it collected in my crotch. She was using the stuff to rub down across my anus. I was having a harder time concentrating because she was so relentless making me tingle, jerk ejaculate between bites.

My breathing did get a bit heavier which attracted the attention of the guys between bites. I couldn’t keep still, stirring, groaning.

The food tasted so perfect, so wonderful. The milk was cold and sweet. I drank and gulped and ate as much as I could. Everybody was absorbed, everybody except Lilly. She ate very little and just watched me intently as I ate.

I looked and smiled at her for her apparent inquisitiveness back and forth between the food and her eyes. Her’s was a compulsion totally violating my low self esteem. Nobody really liked me; I was simply sure of that. I had a lifetime to prove it. Her hand arrived on my upper chest and began to glide across my nipples, over and again which only managed to make my heart race.

As I ate I timidly admired the beautiful body sitting touching close, next to me, energized. She posed for me when she saw me peek at her and watched my reactions by turning this way and that, stretching her arms up high to reform her figure, to make it as alluring as possible.

She would lean over and put some food in my mouth, all quite personal, and rub her fingers on my face, trailing down to get another bite for me. All of her apparent effort was in taking control of me, persistent, she unwilling to let me hide behind my invisible veil of parochial laws. I continued to ponder why she’d care so much and tended to get comfortable with her attention because her hands felt so warm as I kept glancing around to see if anyone else was paying attention to her keen penis interest.

I let my eyes wander, very carefully, to see what reaction was coming from the other guys, to see if there was any indication of jealousy regarding Lilly’s focused attention on me. The only one who possibly could have exhibited any emotions in that regard might have been Virgil. His eyes were focused on us and he kept them squinty in apparent concern.

Getting “fucked” by Lilly was a situation my mind kept denying but the nagging concern about what it meant kept living on in the background. There was that worry about what would happen in the guy’s regard if she did something to me that was for me inconceivable yet was something the guys all wanted to do to her and I happened to get mine out of turn maybe right here at supper.

Watch us fuck? What the hell would that all entail? Would Lilly lay me out across the table top right in front of everybody’s food or something? And then her stroking managed to make my penis spurt and, “oh no” gizem shot up and hit me right in the face, on my glasses! The guys all started laughing.

Lilly quickly kissed me and seemed to lick my face clean. I worried the guys were going to be upset by that. I was sure fucking was imminent. The time, the situation was right, all requirements available, exposure for sure and we were undress ready.

I had no words to explain it. It was imminent. I felt really clammy. I just wanted to eat some more and then hope we could go to bed. I was tired and this whole “fuck” thing was just a joke to make the new guy sweat. And I wondered where Lilly would go for the night. I got so nervous I shuddered.

I was not familiar with people who were mentally challenged, their situation. The condition was all quite mysterious, being “retarded”. I didn’t know if they were capable of hatred but how could one be sure. I had a lot to learn, fast. I hoped they weren’t dangerous if provoked. I wanted in the worst way to ask Lilly more about them. I’d heard in school how they had super strength if provoked but it was just urban legend I expect.

Lilly was apparently not one for taking things slow and easy. She was obviously the royalty in this realm and her commands were acted upon without question and presently the queen literally had no clothes. Even before the eating wound down Lilly scooted over on her chair until she was pushing up against me almost like she wanted to get in my lap. Then, in fact, she did without hesitation, and not asking, pushing her chair away to make room and sliding mine out with me in it.

Out came my juicy erection into the light as the chair legs skuttered announcing it on their wood. She stepped over straddling me nearly pressing my face to herself and even in the surprise I noted the wonderful aura, the scent, hers.

She seemed to make my chair move back by magic and her smell just drove my erection to stretching taut, spurt. I groaned as she lowered down between me and the table pressed against my, yes, yearning penis.

She took my hands and put them around her waist giving me soft skin to feel, beginning, pushing on my already too erect strain. I groaned in agony- ecstasy. “Why don’t you rub me a little before we have dessert.”

Wrapping her legs around me she sat down more which made my re erection rub her stomach so warm. She wrapped her breasts around my penis and the boys laughed. I gasped breathless with the lubricated feel of that and choked, “Rub you? Oh, o-k-a-y.” She felt amazing. Gizem was flowing on her chest. “Yes, you know.” No, I didn’t know where. “I want you to feel my breasts like I’m a cow. See if you can get me to let my milk down.” The guys started giggling. Utterly embarrassed, “Oh, Lilly geez.” “Yeah Tom, let’s see how good you know how to milk now. Lilly has teats too you know.”

Lilly raised and lowered my arms so that my hands would caress her back and bottom slowly and methodical. “Wow,” shocked - I said, “Holy cow... !” They laughed again and it was my least intent to make a joke. It was just a familiar shock response for me.

I was willfully feeling Lilly so soft, warm and I was completely compelled to do so even though worried.

She slowly stood back up on her legs, straightening, still straddling me, my stiff penis following and tingling electric, leaned over me to brush her nipples across my mouth a couple of times, give me quite a view as she then sat up onto the table edge. It creaked and swayed under her weight.

[Above: This render from early writing had us all clad except Lilly]

She put some of the syrup from my pushed aside plate on her fingers and stuck it in her vagina as I watched both looking at her eyes, then at her crotch. She repeated it then immediately put the same finger in my mouth moving it in and out several times while giggling. My penis started spurting, clear up and again on to my face, spotting all over. Lilly laughed as did the guys, “Oh see? You can let your own milk down, or up, also.” The guys laughed raucously as gizem squirted even higher, repeating continually and I gasped with the sensation. It almost hit the ceiling.

I leaned back and was amazed, had no idea what she was up to as the table creaked some more, a worrisome sound, straining. She cupped some of the gizem on her hand and wiped it up around my neck as I sat motionless in fear of what was coming.

Then, table top, up on her hands and knees, she pushed more dishes out of the way and said, “Mo-o-o-o-o!” She batted her eyes at me having turned around backside to me craning her neck to say. “Okay ... let’s see you do some milking.”

If you could have seen my face at that moment I’m sure you would have noted something between utter surprise and terror with two Lilly udders ready in front for me to work on. I wasn’t sure if I was ghost white or beat red but shock had its grip on my body like a vise as I studied a naked body rising before me.

I was totally out of my element. My face WAS HOT beat red. I could feel it. They were all seven laughing at me and I was just on the verge of running out of the room. Maybe I should have and not stopped, ever.

Lilly’s breasts hung down and she swayed to and fro to make them motion this and that way. The boys were really giggling and I was frozen in my chair. “Okay, don’t waste time. Dessert is going to be ready and you have to get me to let my milk down before we can eat it. Remember you have to be soothing and make me relax.”