Chapter 4

“Can we, just this once, not take your fucking car, Celine? It freaks me out,” Addie said, pulling her purse close to her side as the wind gusted outside of the main entrance.

“Seriously,” Rita said, smoothing down her curly black hair. “It’s fucking scary.”

These girls really had no filter outside of the office. Sailor mouths just like me. That’s probably why I liked them so much. They were both just a little older than me, in their late-twenties. Neither of them were married, but Rita did have a boyfriend she’s been dating for the past eight years. Don’t even get me started on having to agree that her boyfriend was a jackass every Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, and whatever, that passed without a proposal.

“No,” I said. “The supervisor lot is too far and I hate your cars.”

Addie rolled her eyes.

“Not everyone can afford a fancy new Tesla.”

“Keep that attitude up and I’ll use the autonomous feature on the way to In N Out.”

“Oh hell no,” Addie said. “I’ll jump out at forty miles an hour. I’d rather die.”

“Stop being such a baby,” I said, fishing my keys out of my bag.

“Don’t do that summon thing,” Rita said. “I hate seeing a car driving without a person in it.”

“Just get in,” I said, approaching my car.

They both fought over who shouldn’t take shotgun.

“You can both sit in the back, fucking babies.”

Addie ended up feeling bad enough to sit up front with me. I’d started the AC from the app on my phone upstairs so it was pleasantly chilly in the car.

“You should live in Antarctica,” Rita said. “Everything’s always cold. Your car, your office, your apartment.”

“And her heart,” Addie added, laughing.

“Thanks,” I said, pulling out of my spot.

“No wait,” Addie said suddenly. “Her heart ain’t so cold no more. Celine’s got a boyfriend.”

Rita leaned forward, her head appearing between the two front headrests.

“Come again?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said, setting the self-driving feature as I drove to In N Out. I hoped they wouldn’t notice. My feet were killing me. I slipped my feet out of my heels and rubbed them together to ease some of the soreness.

“Keep telling yourself that. Rita, he’s fucking perfect,” Addie said, like this was the most delicious gossip she’d ever had the pleasure of sharing. “And he’s a surgeon. At CHOC. And gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous. Like cream in your pants gorgeous.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Let me see!”

Addie was already on her phone, pulling up Wes’s Facebook.

“You guys are such stalkers.”

“Everyone does this, Celine. Welcome to the future,” Addie said, passing her phone back to Rita.

“Holy shit fuck son of Zeus.”

I laughed. Rita. Glorious Rita.

“This is the boyfriend?” Rita asked, her eyes glowing from the phone.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Girl, lock him down,” she said, tapping through his pictures. “He’s got a total runner’s body. I’m lucky if I can get Brian to eat a stick of celery.”

“Just give him a blowjob. He’ll eat anything you want. Even you,” Addie said, pulling out a compact mirror from her bag. She blotted around her nose and temples with a tissue.

“Why don’t things like this ever happen to me?” Rita asked, going back years in his pictures. I had only barely glanced at his display picture and these girls had probably seen what he’d looked like in college.

“It’s easily achievable. Step one: have a body like Celine. Step two: have a face like Celine. Step three: have an attitude like Celine. And step four: be Celine,” Addie said, smacking her lips after applying a new layer of lipstick. I didn’t know why she bothered. She was about to eat a sloppy, greasy burger.

“You guys are so full of shit. You’re not getting pay raises for buttering me up.”

“If you’d stop dressing like a fifty-year-old accountant you might see what we’re talking about,” Rita said, passing Addie back her phone.

I was used to this. Rita and Addie were my friends. They always felt obligated to compliment me, as if I was some sad little pathetic pariah that needed a confidence boost to find a boyfriend. They were both absolutely certain that I had a stick up my ass because I didn’t get laid often enough. They were right about the laid part, but I’ve always had a stick up my ass, even when I had regular sex.

The two of them spent a few minutes talking me up like I should be on the cover of Sports Illustrated while I told them to fuck off. I tried not to think about what Wes had said, about how I was beautiful and had just convinced myself otherwise.

Why didn’t anyone understand?

“We’re never going to find parking,” Addie muttered. The drive-thru line had wrapped right out into the street and the lot was full. It wasn’t really surprising. In N Outs were this busy at all hours, day and night. Best burgers in California. Best burgers anywhere, but that’s probably just my little inner Cali-girl voice talking.

We ended up parking across the street in front of a Target and walked over. The girls were in pencil skirts and tight blouses and heels with perfect hair and makeup. I was in a business pantsuit with makeup so simple that you might not even notice that I had on any at all. You already know about my hair. It was down, and right now it was bothering the hell out of me because the wind was whipping it everywhere. Addie passed me an elastic hairband from her wrist and I gave her a grateful smile.

I tied up my hair while I waited in line. I was looking up at the menu to figure out my order when someone bumped into my back.

“Her boyfriend’s a surgeon,” Addie snapped. “Back off.”

I glanced over my shoulder. It was just some guy. It had probably been by accident but Addie’s reaction had been enough to make him look ashamed.

“Sorry,” he said putting up his hands. It reminded me of how Wes had done the same thing when I’d glared at him for grabbing my bag.

Wes. Wes. Wes.

It was like he was everywhere, like I was seeing him in places that he’d never been to, seeing him in my head, in my mind, in my eyes. I felt a deep sense of emptiness, like there were pieces of me missing, like Wes had taken them and kept them for himself. I didn’t even want them back. I just wanted him.

We walked back to my car to eat. My car still had the AC running, and for once Rita and Addie didn’t complain about how cold it was. They both settled in the seats, sighing and opening up their paper bags. Rita had gotten an animal style burger and fries with a Neapolitan milkshake. Addie had a cheeseburger, regular fries and a cup of lemonade. I was the worst of all. Two double-doubles with cheese, extra onions, animal style fries, and a coke. Yeah, two cheeseburgers. So sue me.

“I don’t know how you can eat so much,” Rita said jealously. “What the hell do you even do?”

“I work out,” I said. What a stupid question.

Addie was back on her phone.

“Hey, boyfriend’s at the grocery store,” she said. “He just checked in at Vons.”

“What?” I peered over her shoulder to look at her phone. She was right.

“Great. He was supposed to be sleeping.”

“Call him up. Tell him off. Argue. Have great make-up sex,” Addie said.

“We haven’t—”

“Jeez, what the fuck is wrong with you, Celine?” Rita said from the back seat. “Fuck his brains out.”

“Shut the hell up,” I said, digging in my bag for my phone.

“Oh, shit,” Addie said, shushing Rita. “She’s about to let him have it.”

“I’m not letting him have anything. I just want to check that he’s okay.”

Rita and Addie shared a look.

“Goner,” Rita said.

“Yup,” Addie said.

“Whatever.”

“Just don’t tell him that you saw the check-in on his Facebook. It’s creepy. People aren’t supposed to know that you stalk them,” Addie said.

“Thanks for that,” I said, scowling. “You guys act like I don’t know anything.”

“You don’t,” said Rita.

“Yeah, you really don’t,” Addie agreed.

I flipped them off and dialed Wes’s number.

“Can’t get enough huh?” Ugh. So full of himself.

“Shut up.”

“You called me to tell me to shut up,” Wes said with a laugh. “What are you up to?”

“Having lunch.”

“Yeah? What’re you having?”

“In N Out.”

“Ah yes, the cheeseburgers. I remember you mentioning something about that. Engorging yourself appropriately?”

I bit back a laugh.

“Yes. What are you up to?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I’m picking you up some avocados.”

This time I did laugh.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I can be. Miss me?”

“Maybe.”

“What a shame. I definitely miss you.”

My stomach did that stupid flop thing again. I hated that Addie and Rita were watching me so closely.

“You don’t have to buy me avocados.”

Addie was making one of those dreamy faces, putting her hand to her chest and letting out a stupid little sigh as quietly as possible. God, I was starting to hate that everyone knew about my avocado addiction.

“I want to. Anything else you want me to pick up for you? I don’t know what the hell you eat besides that and cheeseburgers. All the food I have at home is for people on healthy diets.”

“I can bring food.”

“You’ll make me look like a horrible host. My mother would kill me.”

Elena. I hated that I had that information in my brain. Fucking Addie.

“Seriously. I’m not a baby. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re kind of my baby. Let me take care of you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You were supposed to be sleeping.”

“I said I’d try. Hard to sleep without you there.”

“I’ve never even been in your bed.”

“Yeah, but it’s all I can think about now.”

“Pervert.”

“Only when it comes to you.”

“You’re impossible.”

“So are you.”