Chapter 22

The party was planned by Elena. She was overjoyed for her son, and she wanted to send him off with all of his friends honoring him for a night. It was going to be a classy event, held at an intimate upscale restaurant with an elegant-casual dress code.

We arrived at The Hobbit in Orange at half-past seven, Addie and Rita carpooling with me from the salon. We’d all gotten our make-up and hair and nails done professionally. Addie looked like a damn queen in her long red sequined gown, like she was Jessica fucking Rabbit. Rita was in an off-the-shoulder mermaid dress, tight on all her curves, which she both loved and hated because she’d had to wear her tightest Spanx. I was simplest of all, black A-line V-neck floor-length chiffon evening gown with cape sleeves. It sounds complicated, but it’s just a black dress.

Elena was in the restaurant, talking to the staff and going over the wine list. Janie was standing beside her, arms crossed, probably upset over something her mother had told her that she wasn’t allowed to do. She perked up considerably when she saw us.

“Holy shit,” Janie said, her jaw dropping. “You guys are too good for this place.” The host shot her a look, making Addie laugh.

I hugged Janie, blinking away some tears. I had come to love this girl, and tonight would be the last time I’d ever see her. If I was going to keep Bean a secret, I had to cut them all out, including all of Wes’s friends and family. It hurt like hell, but if I was going to ensure that Wes had the future he’d always dreamt of, it was what I would have to do.

The hors d’oeuvres were set on a table, and we all mingled as we waited for the rest of the guests. Wes’s friends arrived sporadically; they were surgeons, after all, and their schedules were unpredictable. Wes arrived dressed in slacks and his nicest shirt, a blazer hung over his arm, laughing at a joke that James was telling him. They both looked so handsome, tall and built like runners, lean muscle, and trim waists with arms that could make any human drool.

Wes caught my eye from across the room and gave me such a radiant smile that my heart seemed to shatter from it; his Hollywood smile. God, was it really our last night together already? Where had the time gone? He’d come into my life like the thunder and the rain, that deafening laugh, showering me with so much love that it was almost like I was brimming with it, overflowing. I wanted him near me.

“Celie,” he said as I approached him.

“Celine,” I corrected.

“Isn’t that what I said?” he asked with an easy, casual grin.

“Jesus, just kiss me and get it over with already,” I said, echoing those lines from so long ago when we’d shared our first kiss. He’d been so obnoxious, the creepy stranger who’d returned my car keys and dared to pull me into the farmer’s market. I’d bought him that stupid avocado and a coffee, and we’d forgotten about the world around us. What had changed? Nothing. We were still like that, and I was still just as terrified about how I felt about him.

Wes kissed me, pulling me into his arms. Our friends made stupid noises in the background, ‘Oohs’ that made me smile against Wes’s mouth. He put his hands on my waist and dipped me, deepening the kiss, and I swear, it was like in the movies. I’d never been kissed like this before.

When he pulled back, he pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, “I love you, Celie. And yes, I’ll fucking call you that.”

I laughed. “Whatever, Westley.”

We had our fancy, expensive dinner. Wes kept putting his hand over mine as we ate, almost like he was making sure that he could touch me, that I still belonged to him. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. This was our last night together and he didn’t even know it.

I hugged everyone that night. Tight squeezes, and biting back the tears. I would miss all of those surgeons and doctors, those selfless crazy geniuses, the ones that had sacrificed their sleep and sanity to become the professionals they were today. They were my friends; they were my tribe.

And I would never see any of them again.

We stumbled into my apartment, Wes a little tipsy from all the wine he’d drunk at the restaurant. I held him up, giggling as he sang “Dark Side” by Phoebe Ryan.

“At your worst, you’re the best, Baby I, don’t want another version, no All the love, all the trust, but don’t change Don’t be a better person, for me

‘Cause I’m in love with your dark side I’m in love with your dark side I’m in love with your dark side So don’t turn on the light”

I laughed and ended up not turning on the light. Wes dropped his blazer on the floor, turned me around, and unzipped my dress. He pulled the straps down from my shoulder, and I shivered in the sudden cold air as the dress fell to the floor. He pushed my hair aside and kissed the back of my neck, making me gasp.

“Wes...”

“You’re mine,” he murmured, kissing along my neck and then my shoulder blades.

“Yours,” I whispered. It was true. I’d always be his.

“You’re the most perfect woman, Celie,” he said, turning me back around. He walked me back to the wall and caged me in with his hands on either side of my head. I looked up at him, trying so hard not to cry. His gaze was worshipful, and I knew there was nothing in this world he was devoted to more than me.

If only he knew about Bean. He’d throw away his dreams for her.

I couldn’t let that happen.

I took his face in my hands, and pulled him down, crushing my lips desperately against his. I tasted him, red wine and confidence, kindness and compassion, right there on his lips where he wove dreams with his words. I could swallow them all, could collect every last word he was willing to give me just so I could cherish them for Bean and me.

“Tell me you love me,” I choked when I’d pulled back.

“I love you,” Wes said gently, his eyes soft.

I love you, too.

I love you so fucking much.

For so long, I’d loved him. Too afraid to face it, too afraid to give in and trust someone with my heart. But there was no more denying it.

I loved Dr. Westley Spenrath.

I just couldn’t say it. I wanted to. God, how I wanted to. I wanted him to know that he was loved, that he was wanted, that he was my entire fucking world, but I couldn’t.

Because this was goodbye.

“Make love to me,” I said breathlessly.

He picked me up, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and somehow we made it to the bedroom, mouths locked in the darkness. I ended up on the bed, my panties pushed aside, his slacks still on, zipper and button undone, and then he was inside of me, his cock already thick and hard. His belt slapped my skin as he fucked me.

I whimpered, suddenly unable to stop crying.

“Christ, Celine, did I hurt you?” he immediately asked, stilling.

“Don’t stop,” I said, wrapping my legs around him, grinding down on his cock. The tears were streaming down my face.

“Celine,” he said, so seriously that it stunned me. “You’re hurting.”

“It’s not you,” I said. “It’s me.”

“Babe, what are you talking about?”

“This ... this is the last time, Wes. I can’t—I can’t do the long distance thing.”

I saw him flinch, as if I’d slapped him across the face. He pulled out from inside of me, and I felt the emptiness instantaneously. I knew he wouldn’t enter me again. I watched as he silently sat back on his knees and zipped up his slacks.

“Wes...”

“I understand,” he said, his voice thick.

A part of me wanted him to fight for us, for me and Bean, but he didn’t know about her, and I wasn’t going to tell him. I wanted him to change my mind, to make it impossible for me to keep this secret to myself. But this was bigger than me.

And this was bigger than Bean.

“I love you,” he said. “I always will.”