Chapter 20

Wes’s apartment in Anaheim Hills was still out of the way, far on the edge of Orange County, just barely within the zip code to be considered a part of civilization. It was miles of nothingness after his exit on the freeway, and small towns, little dusty ones until you got to Chino or Riverside. I parked in his carport and made my way upstairs to the second floor to reach his front door. I had my own key, and I let myself in.

I could hear some muffled talking. Wes’s serious voice, from what it sounded like. I walked through the apartment, making my way up the second set of stairs to reach his upper-story bedrooms when I didn’t find him in the kitchen, living room or bathroom. I followed the sound of his voice.

“Yes, thank you so much. I really appreciate the opportunity,” Wes said into his phone. I walked into his room and found him facing the window, looking out into the hills, over the freeway and to the mountains on the other side. It was a beautiful sight, the greenery and beauty of the view. He had his back turned to me, so he didn’t yet know that I’d walked in.

“I’ll wait for the email and package in the mail. Thank you again,” Wes said, hanging up the phone. He turned around and smiled when he found me standing there.

“I-I have something to tell you,” I said.

“Me too,” Wes said, grinning. “You want to go first?”

He looked excited, like he could barely hold it in. I decided to let him go first.

“No, go ahead,” I said. “I need some good news.”

“Your news is bad?” he asked.

“No,” I lied. “But yours sounds better than mine. Go ahead.”

“I just got off the phone with Johns Hopkins.”

Holy shit.

“What did they say?”

“They offered me the fellowship. I guess someone else dropped out of the program, and it’s early enough that they could take me since I was next on the waiting list. I’ve been putting off the fellowship at CHOC, hoping I’d get it.”

“Wes—that’s ... I don’t know what to say,” I said. I tried not to sound too shocked. Wes was incredible and smart and charming so of course he’d get the fellowship, but I was also caught off guard. This changed everything. Everything.

Wes walked over and wrapped his arms around me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“‘Congratulations, let’s have sex to celebrate’ probably would work,” he suggested. I forced a laugh to keep from giving away how fucking terrified I was. Wes read me easily.

“Babe,” he said, hooking my hair behind my ear. “What’s wrong?”

I looked up at him, tears escaping from the corners of my eyes. Traitorous bastards.

“I-I’m so happy for you, Wes.”

“No, that’s not it,” he said, looking concerned. “Tell me what’s wrong. What was your news?”

“I, um, forgot,” I lied as the tears swam in my eyes. I couldn’t tell him about the pregnancy. What if he changed his mind and wanted to keep it? He’d give up the fucking fellowship to be here. He’d give up his dream.

No, I couldn’t tell him.

“Liar,” he said, frowning. “Tell me the truth, Celine.”

“I’m ... I’m going to go to college,” I said. It was true. I had decided that recently. “Um, the next coming semester, I think. I already applied.”

“Babe,” Wes said, taking my face in his hands. He pressed a kiss to my lips. “I’m so happy for you. We’ll both be studying, huh?”

“You’re almost done,” I reminded him.

“I’ll never be done. I’ll always be learning,” he reminded me. “Medical journals, studies, new procedures, technology. It never ends in my field.”

“Well, I’ll never catch up then.”

“That’s not the point. It isn’t about catching up to me. You’re going to take your own path, and I’m gonna support you every step of the way. And you know what, Celie? You’ll excel, just like I know you will, and I’ll be the one struggling to keep up with you.”

I smiled a watery smile. “Don’t call me that.”

“That’s my girl,” he said softly, brushing my tears away with his thumbs. His hands were warm, and I felt my stomach drop from feeling alone, like he was growing hotter by the second, burning my skin. What I really needed was that connection that we had, how our bodies lined up and fit together, how we were two puzzle pieces that interlocked without being forced.

“Wes, I need you.”

“I’m right here,” he whispered before his lips crushed against mine, kissing me like it’d be our last kiss, like this was all that was left of us, this last moment. We always made love like the world was ending, like there’d never be another chance to be together, but we’d never had a kiss like this—where the world fell away like burnt pieces of paper, crumbling and turning to dust as we concentrated on nothing but these lips, these hungry, aching lips.

We fell into bed together, tangled limbs and a soul-consuming kiss that burned up inside, setting us ablaze like a roaring wildfire. I tugged his shirt off his body, and he ran his hands along my stomach, making me flinch. I was acutely aware that without sex, he was already inside of me, a part of him growing and needing me in a way that the real Wes never could. I was terrified.

Wes looked hurt when I untangled myself from him and got out of bed, rising to my feet.

“Celine?”

“I-I have to go.”

He reached out, catching my wrist in his hand. He tugged and I fell into his lap.

“Something’s up,” he said. “I want to know what it is. Now.”

“It’s none of your business,” I lied. It was absolutely his business. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, and we’d tangoed like a couple of teenagers. Now I was in this mess and I couldn’t even tell him. It wasn’t fucking fair, but I cared about Wes more than I cared about what kind of shit I’d be knee-deep in now that I was carrying his child. Women always get stuck with the short end of the stick. A guy could just fuck a girl, live that brief moment of bliss, emptying himself inside of her, and what about the woman? She’d have the confusion, the fear, the loneliness because no one—no one—but her knew what it was like to be fucked over like this.