Last week was rough. Hit after hit, I felt rejection after rejection stab me in the heart. Reddit spit in my face and didn’t even give me an excuse. Copyright violations, as if hundreds of subreddits don’t do more daily. BDSMLR did the same. After years with them, they looked at me and told me to fuck off. BDSMLR didn’t even lie, I’m not worth a reason. Just denied and rejected.

I thought I was doing well, keeping myself busy. But then it caught up with me. I got angry, almost violently so, fury and anxiety combined to rage inside me. Thursday, I screamed it out and cried myself to sleep. Purged myself. Friday started and I felt better. It was a good day and then I found out about my BDSMLR. It was the straw that broke my back. My good mood was gone and all I felt was rejection. Thursday night I had asked to hurt, but Jack had told me no. I had punched pillows and yelled until my voice was raw, then held tightly when he went to bed. But Friday, it broke me.

I held it together throughout the day, if only barely. Shaking, pretending to be proper, not just a broken cunt. I took care of the kids and held myself together. But I let Jack know my cup was running over. I needed more than being held. I needed more than to cry it out. I needed a release or I would explode. He understood, bless him, and told me he would. That eased the raging monster inside me, dampened the voices, and gave me the strength I needed to wait a bit longer.

It was a long day for them, summer always is. The kids played, I chewed my nails and checked on the crockpot. Eventually, two trucks pulled in, and two men came into the house. My Owner, my husband, Jack, and his best friend Tony. I belong to both, always free access, free use, just not publicly or in the open. One of our many dirty secrets that helped keep me sane. Tony took the kids, entertained them, their big stupid big kid of an “uncle”, pretending to be a monster and chasing them about. Their squeals should have made me happy, but I was struggling. Instead, Jack took me to the bathroom and used me as a toilet. His cock was warm, limp, and salty from sweat as he relieved himself in my mouth. Warm urine poured down my throat and I took his offering, holding his legs. Just happy to have him home.

Then, instead of showering, he cuddled with me in bed. I hear the occasional laughter outside and the grill starting up. Tony is cooking burgers, no doubt. Held tightly, I just cry, shuddering against Jack. His arms, his musk, keeping me safe as I tremble. I could lay there forever with him, but I can’t. Eventually, I get up as he takes a quick shower. I get out plates and buns and prep the green bean sides that I had cooked in the crock pot. I kissed Tony and thanked him for watching the kids. He didn’t mind, always happy to play with the little ones. It’s so much easier when you only have to do the fun parts with kids and never deal with the bad parts.

We settle down the kids and eat and enjoy the backyard. It’s warm outside but not too bad. The kids play and chased lightning bugs as I got us drinks and shared a cigar with the guys. Eventually, it’s bathtime for the children. I helped them wash and read them stories until they passed out. I checked that the baby monitor was on, then headed downstairs with more drinks to our sound-baffled basement.

Downstairs, the fun started almost instantly. My men knew I needed to feel, to have my mind made quiet. I had barely touched the last step before they were on me. Both men gripped me tightly, pushing and pulling me. They took the drinks from me. Most were put on the table, but the vodka was poured down my throat and spilled all over me, as I was stripped and shoved to the ground. I screamed as the bottle was shoved in my ass briefly, vodka burning my bowels. Everything was a blur of slaps, bites, kisses, and chokes. Fingers were shoved in me, my mouth, gagging me, and pumped in my holes. I stroked them, overwhelmed, but I was fucking happy. My brain should have been racing but it’s shut off, quiet.

I’m shoved against the wall, hands over my head. They hit me, in my gut, again and again. I can’t drop as I’m held up. I’m screaming but it’s primal. I could drown in the abuse. The use. I felt alive. My tits are mashed by large hands and I pumped their cocks as fists kissed my body. Then I was spun, face against the wall, standing as I was taken. I’m not fucked or made love to. I’m a half-drunk set of holes, a breathing masturbatory aid, exactly what I needed to be. They aren’t gentle with me. Fingers raked my back as I was smashed into the wall. After hot cum spurted into my ass, I was tossed to the floor. Legs folding in half, pressed against my chest, I was pounded harder and harder against the thinly covered concrete. I ached beautifully. And then, white filled my cunt.

Noise on the baby monitor, someone was up who shouldn’t be. Jack went to go check on them. I was left alone with Tony. I was happy about that as I was hungry. I was starving and I wanted to be fed. I didn’t care how. I told him I wanted him to hurt me. He laughed and that made me rage. I called him a pussy, a little bitch, and spit on him. I saw his own fury then, barely contained and I slapped at him. He caught my arm, twisted it, as his fingers dug into my flesh and his fist raised up. I stood there shaking and hoped to be dashed to the floor. His hand shook almost as much as I was, then he put his hand down and shoved me to the floor.

“You want to be hurt cunt?” he asked me.

“Fucking pussy,” was all I said back. I expected a punch but instead, he grabbed my nose. I screamed and then he slapped down on his hand that held my nose. Then he did that again. He balled his fist in my hair and held it tight with no give to move my head. He put his fist right over my nose, maybe an inch from it, and bopped me. Once, twice, thrice, then slapped me even more. He repeated that again and I was sobbing. My nose hurt and then he popped me good and laughed at me as I held my nose. I was shaking and crying when I felt the sticky red leak out. I was angry and wanted to push him until he shoved me off the cliff.