Chapter 9

We were only a block or so from the diner, so we arrived quickly. It was almost empty, everyone was still out at the lake or heading home. We walked and found a booth near the middle of the room, sliding in quickly. Ashley was seated across from me, she seemed like a school girl out on a date. She was all smiles, her face glowing, a sparkle in her eyes. We ordered two cups of coffee, which arrived quickly. I had just put crème and sugar in mine, when she spoke up.

“I had a nice time tonight, thank you Brian.” she said softly.

“You’re welcome.” I answered.

“So did it really bother you watching me talk to Bill?” she laughed.

“Oh Ashley, stop. I was just asking.” I said, annoyed.

“Maybe I was trying to make you jealous.” she said, as she laughed a bit louder than normal.

“And maybe, Ashley had one too many daiquiri’s tonight, as well.” I answered back, trying to end this conversation.

“Hmmmmmmm maybe Ashley did, but is that a bad thing?” she inquired.

“Yes, that’s a bad thing, now drink your coffee.” I replied.

She continued her relentless teasing of me for close to forty minutes as we were on our third cup of coffee. As we were finishing up, I noticed I could feel the toe of her boot, rubbing up and down gently on my ankle. As odd as it should have felt, it didn’t, I was on fire from my head to my toe. I just had no idea if Ashley was serious about her intentions, or as was probably the case, just had a bit too much to drink. I got up and went and paid for the coffee, she got up and followed me out. I opened her door and she slid into the SUV’s bucket seat easily, I closed the door behind her. As I walked around to the driver’s door, I was trying desperately to sort this situation out. Was I really contemplating a sexual relationship with my father’s widow? Or was she even really seriously pursuing me? I opened the driver’s door and climbed in, starting the engine. As I buckled my seat belt, there was no doubt she was leaning my way in the seat. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home, I decided to keep quiet for the rest of the drive.

We pulled up in the driveway, it was almost one o’clock in the morning. Ashley grabbed the keys from the ignition, hopped out quickly and ran to the door. I locked the car and slowly followed her through the kitchen door. I locked the door behind me, turned off the outside light. For the first time, since I had known Ashley, I actually felt uncomfortable around her. I’m not sure if I was scared she would possibly be interested in me, or was I afraid of my own feelings? Quickly I decided to defuse the situation and head for my room. I was halfway down the hallway when Ashley called out from the family room.

“Brian, come see for a minute, please.” she said, in a loud voice.

I turned and walked back down the hall to the family room. Ashley was sitting on the sofa, she had removed her boots, tossing them aside. She had one arm across the back of the sofa, her legs curled up in front of her.

“Come sit down here for a second.” she said, patting the sofa, next to where she was sitting.

“What for?” I asked.

“Please Brian, just for a second.” she pleaded.

I walked around the back of the sofa, stepped in front of her, and sat down beside her on the sofa. I was six foot six inches tall, weighed about two hundred seventy five pounds, played defensive end against some of the biggest players in the country and I was scared to death. This tall slender, beautiful woman next to me, scared me like no opponent I had ever faced. I had no idea what to say or do.

“Brian, can we just have an honest conversation for a minute?” she asked.

“I guess so.” was about all I could muster.

“I really need to know if you were jealous watching me talk to Bill tonight. Not because I find it humorous, far from it. I know what I am asking is crazy, I just don’t know what else to do but be up front about it. Do you have feelings for me, that you think, maybe you shouldn’t have?” she asked softly.

“Oh God Ash, you gotta be kidding me.” I blurted out, my hand rubbing my head.

“No, I am not kidding you. We need to sort this out now.” she demanded.

“Ashley, I mean ... you are my ... well I mean...” I was stuttering.

“No, I am not your mother, technically I am nothing to you, other than your father’s former wife.” she said calmly.

“Well isn’t that enough?” I said, grasping at anything I could hold on to.

“Maybe, maybe not.” she replied.

I just looked at her, I didn’t know what to do, nor what to say. If I admitted that I had these strange feelings for her and she didn’t feel that way towards me, what would she think. Would she freak out, thinking her step son had sexual feelings for her. Throw in the fact that she was ten years older than me, it got very weird.

“Ashley, what do you want to say?” I asked, almost begging for relief.

“I want you to tell the truth Brian, that’s all.” she answered.

No matter what I did, she was not going to let me off of the hook. I guess this conversation had been a long time coming, it was time to lay it all out of the line, discuss it thoroughly, then she could explain to me why my feelings although maybe natural, needed to be stored away forever.

“Ok, ok Ashley. I will admit it, I have thought of you many times in that way. And yes, I guess I was sort of jealous tonight watching you with Bill, even though I really have no right to be. I mean ... you are so damn beautiful ... I can’t help but ... you know ... sometimes look at you in that way ... especially when you wear the wrong clothes...” I replied.

“Wrong clothes?” she asked.

“Not wrong clothes, stuff that just shows more of you than I really need to see.” I admitted.

“Oh, I see. Night clothes, stuff like that?” she inquired.

“Uh huh.” I said, nodding my head.

“So what exactly do you think about, when you think of me I mean.” she said, coyly.

“You know what I think about Ashley, geez, help me out here.” I responded.

“Well we have a problem then. A big problem as far as I can tell.” she said in a low tone.

“I’m sorry Ashley, I really am. I mean you asked me to be honest. And it’s not like it’s all I do is think of you. It’s not all of the time, only once in a while.” I answered quickly.

“Yes I did ask you to be honest, after all.” she answered.

We just sat there for a few moments, it seemed like a lot longer, the silence overwhelming, before she finally spoke again.

“Maybe I need to be honest with you Brian. After all, I am supposedly the adult here, by age at least.” she started.

“Remember the night, I came into your room ... You were ... How do I say this? Um ... Oh hell, you were masturbating, later you told me, you were thinking of me. Remember that? “ she asked.

“Yes, I am sorry Ashley.” I said, ashamed.

“Don’t be. I was extremely flattered. In fact to be honest with you, I have done the exact same thing thinking of you. Many times since then in fact.” she said, looking dead into my eyes.

I could feel the blood rushing to my face, my throat was dry, I was having difficulty breathing. This gorgeous woman, someone who could have any man she wanted, was actually telling me she actually had fantasies about me.

“You looked shocked Brian.” she continued, “Don’t be, you’re an incredibly attractive young man, you also have a body any woman would die for. Of course you know that, you spend enough time in the gym.” she continued.

“I dunno, I guess ... Um...” I stuttered.

“You don’t think women have the same thoughts as men do? Trust me, I have seen a lot of women look at you and I know what they are thinking. They are wondering what it would be like to get you into bed.” she said, “When you look at me Brian, what do you think of.”

“Oh geez, I mean ... I ... well, you have an unbelievable body, you’re so pretty and...” I stammered.

“Well, we think the same thing Brian. There’s nothing wrong with that.” she told me.

Again we had that awkward pause in the conversation that we had a few minutes ago. Maybe that’s all, maybe we are done I thought. Just as I thought we were Ashley continued.

“So now what we need to do Brian, is figure out how to handle these feelings.” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well do we end this conversation tonight, forget everything that was said and try to act normal. Or do we maybe figure out an arrangement that works for both of us, but an arrangement that makes sure, neither of us can get hurt.” she replied.

“I don’t know what you mean ... by an arrangement,”, I inquired, softly.

“What I mean is, there are things we can do together to ... um we can help each other relieve these feelings, maybe make each other feel better, so to speak.” she offered, “What do you think?”

“I think I feel very weird right now Ashley.” I told her.

“I can understand that, I feel the same way to some degree. But lately I have had this overwhelming desire to be close to you. I’m not sure if it’s because you remind me so much of your Father. Or maybe I have been so long without a man, add the fact that well you’re ... you know extremely attractive and I’m pretty worked up sometimes. Do you understand any of what I am saying?” she asked.

“Yes, somewhat Ashley. Sometimes when we are here watching TV at night, I have a hard time concentrating on anything other than you. That’s why I get up and go to bed sometimes.” I answered.