Chapter 21

For the next three days, I never left the hospital. We all took turns, eating, sleeping and praying, one of us always by her side. Sunday morning, the doctors told us, it was only a matter of hours. He told us, he could ease off the medication, allow her to wake up for short spells, let everyone say what they wanted, one last time. Her parents nodded to him, he told the nurse what to do. I decided to leave the room, let Courtney be with her parents, I knew they had so many things they wanted to tell her. I walked down the hall, caught the elevator down to the first floor. I went into the cafeteria and got a cup of coffee and sat down at one of the tables. I had been down there for maybe an hour, when Mr. Timmons came walking in, you could tell he had been crying.

“She just fell back asleep. You need to go up there shortly, make sure you’re there when she wakes up again. She was asking for you.” he told me.

“Yes sir.” I replied.

As I got back to the room, I told Mrs. Timmons that her husband was down in the cafeteria. She told me she would go down for a minute, grab some coffee, then be right back up. I sat down in the chair, once again taking Courtney’s hand in mine. I had been there for maybe fifteen minutes when the doctor came back in, checking on her. I could tell from the look on his face, he was concerned. He looked over at me and smiled, doing his best to ease my pain.

“So you’re Brian Stevens huh?” he asked.

“Yes sir.” I answered.

“How does it feel to be drafted in the first round?” he asked quietly.

“I would trade it all right now sir, to make her healthy.” I answered.

He didn’t say a word, he patted my shoulder and walked out. As I looked back down at Courtney, I saw she was awake. She had this smile on her face, it was like the old Court, the smile I knew.

“I love you ... Brian. And ... I know ... you meant that.” she said in a whisper.

“I love you too Courtney, I always have.” I admitted, between tears.

By now her parents had quietly walked back into the room, although I hadn’t realized it. I could see Courtney’s eyes begin to droop once more, I had so much more to say.

“Remember ... what I told you ... the day ... you left?” she asked, her eyes open wide again.

I nodded to her that I did, I saw a sudden cynical look cross her face. She weakly should her head back and forth.

“No ... you don’t.” she ribbed.

I closed my eyes for a second, just to make sure I had the words right, I had never really forgot them. I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips, once again brushing her cheek. I looked directly into her eyes and I softly held her hand with both of mine.

“If you must go, then I wish you love. You’ll never walk alone.

Take care my love, I’ll miss you love.” I answered, her eyes alive for the first time since I arrived.

I heard her mother begin to cry behind me, at that moment, I realized they had returned. They had been there the whole time, but it didn’t matter.

“You did ... remember ... all this time...” she replied.

“Yes, all this time.” I responded.

“Brian, remember those words. Go, live your life ... but remember, you ... will never walk ... alone, I’ll be with you baby ... I love you.” she finished, exhausted.

She smiled weakly and pulled her hand from mine, wiping the tears from her face.

“Brian, I need ... my Mom and ... my Dad now.” she pleaded.

I got up from my chair and turned to her parents, both of them were in tears, the pain was unbearable. I walked past them and out to the hall, where I slumped down in the chair. I was out there for maybe twenty minutes, when I saw the nurses running down the hall in my direction. The pushed hard on the door and ran in, I knew, she was gone. Several minutes later, her parents walked out together, Mr Timmons supporting his wife. He stopped for second, looked down at me and smiled.

“We’re going to take her home now.” he told me.

I went back down to the lobby of the hospital and called Coach Reed, it went through to voice mail. I left him a message, telling him what had happened. I hung up, just as Mr. and Mrs. Timmons were getting out of the elevator. They asked if I wanted to go back to the hotel with them, but I knew they needed to be alone. I thanked them, telling them I had to fly back to San Diego for practice tomorrow. I asked them to please call me and let me know when the funeral services would be, I wanted to be there. They agreed, they would do that, as soon as they could.

I arrived back on the west coast late that night, went straight home and fell asleep. When the alarm went off, it seemed as if I had only been asleep a few hours. I looked over at the clock, it was a little after eight in the morning. I got dressed and left for the practice facility, arriving a few minutes before nine. As soon as I opened the doors to the locker, a hush fell over the room. I walked in, past everyone to my locker, beginning to change for practice. Slowly everyone in the room began talking again, but at a much lower tone. No one said a word to me as we made our way out to practice. As soon as Coach Reed saw me, he pulled me to the side.

“Brian, I am so sorry for your loss. If there is anything we can do, please just ask.” he offered.

“Thanks Coach.” I answered.

I just went through the motions in practice for the next three days, my heart wasn’t in it. We were three weeks away from our first preseason game and I had taken a huge step backwards. As the days passed, my heartache turned to anger. Why had this happened, what was the purpose of following by all of the rules, only to have everyone you care about ripped from you. I was back at my hotel on Wednesday night when Alexis Clark called telling me she had my contracts in her possession, I needed to sign them as soon as possible. We set up an appointment for the following day at the practice facility.

I met her following practice on Thursday, signing all the documentation she had with her. She told me I needed to meet with both Cindy Taylor and herself later today after practice, concerning immediate investment and tax problems. I agreed to be at her office for four that afternoon. I went back into the locker room and got undressed, most of the team had already left the facility. As I came out of the shower, I noticed Josh sitting on the bench in front of my locker. As I walked over to him, he stood up, his arms folded in front of him.

“Hey Josh, what’s up?” I asked.

“Brian, I think we need to talk. Do you have a few minutes for me?” he asked.

“Sure.” I replied.

“Look, I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through right now. I was thinking of you last night, about what you went through in high school losing your Dad. Now this with your girlfriend, I can’t even imagine how I could handle it.” he started.

“What I do know is, you have spent your entire life to get to this moment in time. You are living a dream that every little boy in America thinks of in his lifetime. I know right now, you think it’s a nightmare, I would probably feel the same way.” he continued.

“It seems that way.” I answered.

“Brian, I watched you practice today, in fact a lot of people were watching you. Honestly, after what I saw today, if I had to make a snap judgement, I would cut you without hesitation.” he said.

The last statement jolted me to reality, I had never been cut from a team, not once in my life.

“I can’t tell you how to handle what has happened. Honestly, I have no clue how I would react. I have been with my girlfriend Angie for close to eight years. I can’t imagine life without her.” he added.

“Brian, you mentioned to me that your Dad and Courtney at different times in your life, were both your best friends. The only question I have to ask you is, if they were truly your best friends, would they want you to throw away everything you have worked for, to simply mourn them?” he asked.

“I don’t know Josh.” I replied softly.

“Again, I don’t mean to come across as an asshole Brian, I really don’t. No one can tell you they understand what you’re going through, because they can’t. What I am asking you, is to turn it all to something else. Take the heartache, the sorrow, the tears, the loneliness and turn it into anger and passion.” he asked.

“I just feel so empty Josh, almost as if I have nothing or no one to play for.” I choked back.

“Play for your Father, because he would want you to. Play for Courtney because she would want you to. Play for yourself, because it’s what you have to do.” he urged.

“I’ll try Josh.” I answered.

He looked me square in the eyes, extended his hand and took mine, his grip firm and tight.

“That’s all anyone can ask of us Brian. That we try. Anything I can do for you, anytime, day or night, you call me.” he offered.

“Thanks Josh, I appreciate it.” I answered.

I left the facility a few minutes later and drove over to the agency’s main office where I had a meeting schedule with Alexis. I arrived thirty minutes early and was shown to the waiting room, where I sat down and tried to relax. I kept going over what Josh had told me, about what Courtney and my Dad would want me to do. I knew he was right, but it didn’t help. I just had this hole inside of me, one that I thought could never be filled. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Alexis came into the small lobby and asked me to her office. She was once gain, very professionally dressed in a beige dress with a matching high heels. She didn’t have a hair out of place. She asked me to sit down and she walked around her desk to her seat. She rearranged some papers on her desk, moving them aside, grabbing a folder with my name on the face. She reached over, pressed the intercom button on her phone, talking to her secretary.

“Would you please tell Ms. Taylor we are ready for her now?” she asked.

She sat down, opened my file and sorted out the documentation in front of her. Less than five minutes later, Cindy Taylor, who I had met during my first meeting with the agency came into the office. I stood up to greet her as she walked over.

“Hi Brian, it’s so nice to see you again. Congratulations on your new contract.” she said, shaking my hand.

“Thank you Ms. Taylor, Alexis did a good job.” I replied.

We sat down and Alexis began to give me my copies of my contract, a detailed description of my contractual obligations to the team, and finally the fee’s that the agency would receive for their management services. That was the most eye opening document of the group. If I played out my entire contract, the agency itself would take almost eight hundred fifty thousand dollars out in service fees. In addition, Alexis would be paid a one time, ninety four thousand dollar fee, immediately from my signing bonus.

What was intriguing though was the breakdown page of my contract. Their were numerous incentives built in to my contract, any of which, if I achieved could significantly raise my salary. I would receive a bonus if I started in over seventy five percent of games played in my first two years. If I was selected to the Pro Bowl, another bonus was achieved. If I ended the season leading the league in any category, another bonus would be paid. Although any of these goals were highly unlikely, they were there.

Lastly, but most importantly, was the financial breakdown on how the monies would be paid to me during the next few years. This is where Ms. Taylor came in, she was the expert on financial planning. She began to ask me a few questions, in order to see what needed to be done.

“Have you opened any bank accounts so far Brian?” she asked.

“No mam, nothing.” I replied.

“Ok, we will get that done today, I will go with you.” she started.

“In addition Brian, for now, I suggest we open an annuity, that way be can take a huge chunk of your signing bonus, invest it without paying the taxes now. You will be responsible for those taxes later, but after you retire and you’re in a much lower tax bracket.” she continued.

“The annuity I have been using has out performed most stock portfolio’s over the last decade. For now it’s basic but it will work. As time passes, I will help you diversify your assets so your future is well planned. Too many players today, spend a decade in the business, they retire and they’re broke.” she cautioned, “You have to watch your spending Brian.”

“I understand, I’m not one who spends much money anyway Ms. Cindy.” I answered.

Alexis then handed me a check for two million dollars, it was staggering to look at a check with that many zero’s on it. Alexis then suggested I go with Cindy and begin the necessary arrangements I had to make. We stopped briefly at Cindy’s office, she grabbed her brief case and a few other items, we left the building and headed straight to the main branch of the largest bank in San Diego. Cindy was close friends with the bank president, who immediately welcomed us into his office. Cindy explained what she had recommended for me, he then began to prepare the right accounts. We opened a checking account depositing four hundred fifty thousand dollars as the initial deposit. The bank then wrote me thirty bank drafts in the amount of fifty thousand dollars each, which would be used to open the annuity later in the day. He also immediately issued me a credit card with a fifty thousand dollar limit. In addition, he gave me fifty thousand dollars worth of traveler’s checks to help me get settled with living expenses. I then endorsed the signing bonus over to him, business was concluded. We then drove over to the investment house Cindy had used for the past few years. They opened a one million dollar annuity immediately, making those funds non-taxable. We then placed the other five hundred thousand in a money market type account which could be moved around as needed, if and when the need came. Which that done Cindy drove me back to PSA and back to Alexis’ office.

“You guys are all done already?” she asked.

“Yep Alex, he’s squared away for now. Next is getting him into permanent housing, a vehicle and the basic necessities.” she replied.

I thanked Cindy for all of her efforts, she gave me her card, telling me she would be in touch as soon as all of the paperwork became formal, giving me notarized copies. I sat back down with Alexis to go over a few more details. She informed me that my base salary would be roughly a little over three million dollars a year. I would get paid every two weeks during the season, my last check would come two weeks after the season was over. My two week paycheque would be roughly four hundred ten thousand dollars, I would receive eight of those per year. Any bonus money would be due after the end of the season or playoff’s, if we went that far. By this time of the day, my head was swimming in numbers, it was far too much for this small town boy to comprehend.

I had practice the following day, so I thanked Alexis and left her office, heading back to the hotel. I grabbed a quick bite to eat, cleaned up and went to bed about eight that evening. I slept right through until the alarm went off the next morning. I got up quickly, dressed and drove over to our training facility. As I drove there, I thought about what Josh had said to me the day before, I was determined to try and remain positive. I dressed quickly, and made my way out on the field, stretching with the rest of the team during warm ups.

For the first time, since I had been here, the starting offense went against the starting defense in one on one situations. As was customary Billy Huber started with the first group on offense. The drills were maybe twenty minutes in, when Coach Reed gave me the nod to take Huber’s place. As I entered the huddle and tapped Billy on the shoulder to leave, he gave me one of his patented nasty looks and growled.

“Watch that safety when you drag the middle rookie, they will take your head off.” he said, pointing to the strong safety on the other side of the line.

The safety nodded to Billy and pointed to him as he jogged off the field. Now this was full contact drills, however with that said, no one was hitting all out this early in camp. I basically paid him no attention as I bent over into the huddle. Josh called several running plays, all away from me, so I had little responsibility other than to look for a “hot” read. A hot read was simply a blitzing linebacker, safety or corner on my side, that could come free untouched and run the play down from the back side.

I was maybe ten plays into my set when Josh called my number in the huddle.

“Ok guys, here we go. Strong left, shift right, Jet twenty post, X overload, on three.” he barked.

The play he called had three options available. I was the primary target. I would line up on the left side of the line, run twenty yards down the field, then break to an open spot in the middle. If I was covered, we had a running back circling out of the backfield on the right for a swing pass. We also had our left wide out running a streak or line pattern straight down the sideline. As we broke formation, I trotted to the line, I glanced into the secondary. They looked to be in a two deep, or over and under package. What this basically meant was the two corners matched up man with the outside receivers, the safeties would cover anything middle level, with the linebackers picking up the swing routes.

Josh came to the line, he began his progression of cadence. If at anytime, he saw something he didn’t like, or a coverage shift, he could change the play by calling out “Kill, Kill, Kill”, then call an audible. Josh was well experienced, he was considered one of the top players in the league. He stuck with the called play, I came off the line well, no one made any contact. At fifteen yards up the field, the free safety crept up, noticing the back swing out. The strong safety stayed deep holding his ground. That left a ten yard cushion right in the middle of the field, which is where I cut and broke hard for. Josh saw it open at the same time I did, as I snapped my head back to the line of scrimmage, the ball was already airborne. Josh had thrown me open, I extended my hands, the ball was right on target. I snapped the ball from the air, pulling it quickly to my body, that was the last thing I remember. Seconds later, I was laying on the ground, my head spinning, a sharp pain in my jaw. Apparently someone had levelled me, I was completely unaware of who had hit me. As the fog began to clear, I heard player’s shouting at each other. The trainer’s were out there checking me, everyone standing around looking down or talking. I shook off the trainers and got up, getting my feet back under me. Josh was still jaw jacking with the safety who had levelled me.

“Chris, that’s chicken shit man. We ain’t three deep yet. You pull that shit again, we gonna have problems.” he yelled.

“Fuck you Josh. I’m just letting the rookie know this is the big time. He can’t hack, let him watch from over there.” he snapped back, pointing to the bench.

“Bullshit, you’re trying to help your boy Billy, because you know he can’t hack motherfucker.” Josh screamed.

I stepped in between Josh put my hands on his shoulders and gently starting walking him backwards.

“It’s ok Josh, I’m fine man. He just taught me a valuable lesson. I will be ready next time, sorry I dropped it.” I told him.

“Fuck him, Brian. That was cheap and he knows it.” he answered.

We went back to the huddle and ran another succession of plays, none of which called on me to catch the ball. Finally we came to the red zone part of practice, where the offense was on the twenty and had three plays to score. We lined up for the third play, which was scheduled to be a double out to the left side, the running back on the five yard line, the wide out at the back of the end zone. I was lined up on the right side, my job was to take the free safety and try to get him to bite on me in the middle of the field. As Josh barked out the cadence, the defense suddenly shifted. The free safety moved to our left showing blitz, the strong safety, who had just levelled me came up and matched me one on one. Josh immediately recognized the mismatch.

“Kill, Kill, Kill. Double Slot Right, X Fade Right, Jet Left, 62 Combo on same.” he shouted.

He had just changed the play. I would now take the strong safety hard to the corner, Josh would hang the ball up on one of my shoulders, whichever was opposite the coverage. Josh was still pissed about Chris laying me out.

The ball was snapped, the wide out posted in front of me at the five, I cut hard off his shoulder for the corner. I had the safety right off the cut, he was beat. Josh lofted the ball high for the rear pylon, I timed it perfectly went up and pulled it down getting both feet in bounds with no problem. I think Josh was more excited than I was after the score.

Josh ran into the end zone, slapping me on the helmet in excitement. He turned and laughed at Chris, who just moments before had taken a cheap shot at me.

“Hey Chris, next time you try to play at that height, maybe you better get some oxygen. But then again, if you can’t hack, the bench is over there.” he laughed and pointed.

Three plays later, I beat Chris again, this time on the back end line dragging across. By now the veteran was livid, he was being embarrassed by a rookie. Coach Reed now yelled out to Billy Huber, who had been standing on the sidelines now for a good half hour.

“Huber, you better get in there now. Obviously Williams can’t cover Stevens. Let’s see if he can stay with your old ass.” he growled.

Although Coach Reed had said nothing about the cheap shot earlier, this was his way of saying he knew what the two of them were up to, and he didn’t like it. I spent the rest of practice on the sidelines watching about a dozen more plays. Coach dismissed us, some players headed for the locker room, others began walking to the fans. I followed the latter, Josh was walking right next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder, almost like a big brother would do.

“It’s good to have you back Brian. You made some big league catches out there today.” he said.

“Thanks buddy.” I answered.

We reached the fence area as hundreds of fans were holding out items ranging from footballs, jerseys, pictures, and posters, all screaming for autographs. Josh was no doubt the fan favorite, everyone wanted his signature. Several people did hand me various items to sign, which I did so with a smile. Several people welcomed me to town, telling me they were excited watching me play. I thanked each of them individually, staying there until no one else had anything for me to sign. I looked around and the only two left out on the field were Josh and I. I tapped him on the shoulder, told him I had his pads, and began walking back to the locker room.

I showered and had began to dress by the time Josh came back in from the field. He walked past me and winked at me, pausing for just a second.

“You’re a class act kid. Never walk away and leave a fan unhappy. They pay your salary, without them, none of this is possible. Always be the last to leave, if you can. Good job, Brian.” he said, softly.

The rest of the week passed quickly, after Saturday’s practice I decided to call Mrs Timmons, certainly by now, they had to have made final arrangements for Courtney’s funeral. I was driving back to my hotel when I called, her Dad answered the phone quickly.

“Hey Mr. Timmons, it’s Brian. I was just calling to see ... uh, what are the arrangements ... and when?” I asked.