Chapter 1

In a way, I should be thankful, since during the next two or three days I didn’t think much about my lost, loved ones. I was so sick from headache and continuous vomiting that I was not able to form a single coherent thought. Okay, I would have liked to beat that bastard - Mr. Greg Older, who pulled me out from my self-destructive misery - but he was too clever for that, and he made his wife Laura take care of me. So, instead of beating anyone, I found myself apologizing to her all the time, because of the trouble and mess I made. I was tossing around and sweating like a pig while I was trying to sleep; that was the only thing I was really capable of doing. Besides vomiting the contents of my already empty stomach.

By the fourth day, I was able to do a bit more than crawl to the bathroom when it was time to worship the porcelain god. In the afternoon, I was sitting on the side of the bed sipping some water carefully, when I noticed Greg standing by the door. I remembered that I should have been angry at him, but I felt so weak and empty that there was no point. Right now, a small girl from kindergarten could have beaten me. Hell, anyone who could walk or crawl could have beaten me.

“Okay, Will, do you still want to try to kill yourself?”

“I never wanted to kill myself.”

Shit, my voice sounded like it was coming from the grave. That bastard even dared laugh at me, even if I was telling the truth. Maybe.

“Yeah, right. According to Laura, you asked her to put you out of your misery at least a couple of times. On the other hand, I have to admit that I’ve never seen anyone have a hangover like yours. Hell, I’d never get drunk if I’d be like you.”

“Trust me Greg. I have no plans to get really drunk in the near future. Like the next five years, or something.”

I could almost feel his eyes on me. Shit, his gaze alone was almost enough to make my headache worse.

“You’re serious about that, aren’t you?”

I nodded, which turned out be be a serious mistake, because now I had to hurry to the bathroom to get rid of the water I had just drunk.

Two hours later, I had been able to take a shower, and my stomach seemed to tolerate water, but I felt weak as a kitten. A sick kitten. I took the robe and the slippers that had been left for me and, for the first time, I stepped outside the guest room and the bathroom of the Older house, where I had been lying. I found both Laura and Greg sitting in the kitchen.

“Laura, Greg - I’m sorry for all the extra trouble I caused. I promise to be out of your hands as soon as I get a bit of my strength back.”

“Bullshit!”

I had met Greg’s wife, Laura, only a few times before I started my mission, but back then, nothing had hinted at the amount of spunk she had. It must have shown in my face, because Greg could barely suppress his laughter. But Laura wasn’t done, and suddenly her voice was soft, almost gentle.

“Look at yourself, Will. You aren’t okay; you haven’t been eating well for a while, and you are not in a state to live by yourself right now. You need to stay here with us for the moment.”

I wanted to argue, but I really didn’t have the strength to do it. I could have argued that, even during my drunken period, I had taken care of my personal hygiene, my clothes and my apartment, but I also knew that I had been getting worse, mentally and physically - so, I relented.

“Okay, Laura - and thank you both. I’ll try not to be a burden to you.”

Now, it was Greg who cleared his throat.

“Will, nobody, absolutely nobody, should need to experience what you have been through. Not everybody might agree that the end justified the means you used, but if you had not stopped Sean, he could have continued raping and killing - nobody knows how long. You know that I resigned from the force because I could not accept the way they abandoned you after using your anger to solve the case.”

I just nodded at him, since I knew quite well whom he meant by ‘they’. Somehow, it did not matter to me that much any more. Even though I had loved Emilie more than anything, she had been out of my life for a while now, and I had accepted that. However, I knew that I would have issues with the deaths of Caryn and Judy.

“You know, Will,” Laura said, “I was mad at Greg, because I did not accept how you used that girl. But then, I cried when I heard about that accident as soon as you were back together...”

“It was not an accident.”

I could not help myself and even if my voice had been soft, they heard it, and now I could see both of them staring at me. I spoke more clearly.

“It was not an accident. I saw the kid’s face when he hit my car, and there was no terror in his face, only pure enthusiasm. And now, I can also prove that he had been practicing driving the truck with his aunt, Sean’s mother. The only mistake they made was that I was the intended target, not Caryn and Judy - they just happened to drive my car that morning.”

“But nobody can be like that, nobody would make a child...”

I saw Greg out his hand over his wife’s, stopping her mid-sentence, and I had a vague idea that children were a soft spot for them. Or maybe, it was the fact that they did not have any.

“Honey, believe me - she could. I’ve seen the reports and I have an idea how she thinks, and what she is capable of doing.”

Luckily, that more or less ended the discussion about Caryn and Judy, since I was not really ready to talk about what had happened to them.

The following week and a half I spent with Laura and Greg, but I made sure that I did my fair share of the domestic duties.

One evening, I could not help hearing the discussion Laura and Greg were having. According to what I heard, it seemed that Emilie’s parents weren’t the forgiving kind of people: Greg had some problems in finding assignments. I knew that he was a first-class PI and there should have been a queue at his door. Hearing that was the final push for me to address them with something that I had been thinking of.

“Laura, Greg - I did not want to spy on you but I could not help overhearing. There is something I’d like to suggest to you. Please hear me out before making any decision.”

In a way, my plan was very simple. We would start our own agency and I’d take care of the funding until we got enough cases. I’d use all the contacts I had more or less inherited from my father, and we’d even move away from the area, if necessary. I would take the required courses so that I could have a PI license myself - until that point, I could do some research work. The only limitation would be that we’d need to do some work ‘pro bono‘ - that was the only way I could trick the funding through the trusts.

We discussed and we argued, but when I could sense Laura warming to the idea, I almost smiled; I knew that Greg would finally relent. I was happy myself, since without something meaningful to do, I knew I would have been lost, sooner or later. Probably sooner.

The next six months, I was busy as hell, which was an extremely good thing. Had I had some time to think, I would have used it thinking all kinds of dark thoughts. Even if I really didn’t have time for that, I did it anyhow. I had moved to live on my own again, once we had agreed how we’d form the company. Since then, I’d been busy either studying or doing background research for some small cases Greg was working with. Yes, we got some cases - they were small, but they were a start. I buried myself in my studies, and before the summer, I was able to get my own license. That meant some pushing and twisting, but I did not really care – as long as it was it was legal. Period.

A few weeks later, it turned out that it was a good thing: we got our first major case.

A major wholesale company got worried because of balance problems in one of their big warehouses. The company allowed for a certain percentage of ‘wastage’, but this particular warehouse was always close to the limit. The point was that it was always close to the limit. Always. That was something that caused some interest at headquarters, and someone decided to investigate what was happening out there. Of course, they wanted to do it as cheaply and with as little fuss as possible, and we thought that this might be our chance to prove ourselves.

Two weeks later, I found myself being a new worker in a big warehouse. In order to make everything look okay, I went through all the hiring steps. I had even rented a small room with a kitchenette, where I had moved a few days before starting. I was driving a used car purchased a hundred miles away. We really took this case seriously.

I started working there as someone who wasn’t a really sociable guy - which wasn’t at all a problem for me, since I really felt like it. The work itself wasn’t something too hard or difficult, in fact, I liked the physical challenge of it.

It was close to lunchtime during my third day there, when one of the older workers stopped me and gripped my hand.

“You have not been working in places like this before. Who - or rather - what are you?”

At least I didn’t have to fake looking a bit distracted or terrified. I took a step back and pulled my hand from his grip.

“What do you mean? I can do this job.”

I could almost feel his gaze, and I did my best to look defensive and worried at the same time.

“Look, I need this job. I know I haven’t been doing this kind of work for some time, but I really need this job, and I also need to stay under the radar.”

I could see dark clouds forming on his face and I raised my hands, like I was surrendering to him.

“Hey, I haven’t done anything illegal. I just don’t want her to find me, or I’ll end up paying everything I earn to support a kid that isn’t even mine.”

I made sure that, at the end of my rant, there was some edge in my voice, but when I was finished I pulled back to my shell. I looked around - seemingly worried somebody else had heard me. I was quite sure that there had been nobody close to us and I really didn’t care – but I wanted it to look like I was truly worried about it. The man in front of me took a step towards me and put one hand on my shoulder.

“We’re going to visit a bar on Friday evening, after work. You should come too, so you get to know the other guys.”

I just nodded, and he patted my back before turning away.

For the rest of the week, I made sure that I did more than my fair share of the work at the warehouse. Even if we could not find anything suspicious, they would at least get a good deal out of my sweat. When Friday afternoon came, I showered after work, put on clean jeans and one of my few shirts. Outside the building, I was introduced to the other guys and soon we occupied a booth in one of the nearby bars. Before I knew it, we all had glasses of dark beer in front of us. As I did not know quite what to think, I just followed what the other guys did and, without saying a word, they all lifted their drinks.

I could now guess that this was a sort of an initiation ritual, and I was almost relieved that these guys used a good dark beer instead of the lame excuse sold as a beer. I could feel four pairs of eyes on me when I finished half of my glass before putting it back on the table. Once the ice was broken there were no issues for me being accepted. Soon, it became clear to me that George - the oldest of us - had hinted to the other guys something about my broken marriage, since one typical aspect of discussion between men was almost non-existent - women. As soon as someone mentioned a wife or a girlfriend somebody else moved the discussion to some other topic.

Before finishing our second glass, I had had enough of it.

“Guys, I don’t know what George told you, but the sad fact is that I’m hiding from my cheating ex, since I’m not that interested in paying her any support for raising her lover’s child. Period. I may be burned and bitter right now, but what happened didn’t turn me gay. So please, talk about women. The fact that I haven’t gotten laid in ages is my problem and I hope that I’ll be able to fix that some time in the future with someone who doesn’t want a ring immediately after the test drive. Before that happens, I’m quite happy to hear all kinds of bullshit about your achievements.”

I paused before I continued. “I don’t want to drink whiskey. I had some dark weeks before getting here, and I’m still a bit careful with my drinking. But I don’t hate women, just my ex.”

There was immediate silence, and then George burst out laughing and started to hammer the table with his hand. I also got patted on the back and I heard enough encouragement to last the rest of the year – or two.

The beers kept on coming, and luckily, the guys didn’t push me to drink too much. Another thing that helped was that I’d never been a heavy beer drinker. The most interesting thing I learned during the evening was that Greg and I would need to start to investigate the other shift - the group that was working this evening. Since we all sometimes did extra shifts helping the other group, I might be able to do it then. The evening progressed and two of the guys who had wives and children waiting at home decided to leave, while George and another older guy decided that this would be their ‘night off’’. I still remembered the three-day hangover I had had last year, and tuned down my drinking even more.

I had been sitting there, concentrating on getting out all the details of our workplace, so I didn’t notice that, at some point, George had talked with some people not at our table. I was on my way back to the table after a quick visit to the toilet, when a woman - probably in her mid-thirties - stopped me next to the small dancing area.

“Hi, I hope you wouldn’t mind dancing a moment with me; I’m not that thrilled with my previous partner.”

She made a gesture towards the men’s room and I made a connection between her message and a guy who just entered the room while I was leaving it. I smiled, and took her hand carefully in mine.

“Not at all. Besides, my mother taught me that if a pretty girl has the guts to ask you to dance, you should always agree.”

“And what if they are not pretty?”

“I don’t know. Never been in a situation like that.”

At that point, we started dancing, and as the piece that was playing was a semi-slow one, I took her in a normal ballroom dance position and started guiding her through the steps of a slow foxtrot. Without any warning, it came to me that this was one of the things I had never had a chance to do with Caryn. I was almost sure that she didn’t notice anything but suddenly she pulled herself a bit closer and spoke softly in my ear.

“George is my cousin, and he hinted that we might have something in common.”

Several things happened during the next few seconds. I hadn’t been with a woman since Caryn’s death, and even my jacking off sessions had been very irregular. So, when I did a misstep due to the surprise caused by her words, and when her body accidentally pressed against mine for a second, there was a reaction - just because of the physical touch. A part of me wanted to flee. but I found myself looking at those brown eyes and I saw how the small smile she had been wearing extended to those dark eyes. When the dance ended and the next, a slower one, started, she suddenly was glued to me. I got harder and felt guilty because of it.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Good-looking, well-hung, and even a moral person. According to the laws of karma you probably are a blabber-mouth and carry some venereal diseases.”

It was an automatic reaction to let out a chuckle at her comment, but I could feel that she was more than a bit worried about the situation. I couldn’t really blame her.

“I certainly have my faults and issues, but they aren’t the ones you mentioned. But you still didn’t tell me your name, and I’m quite sure George told you mine - and in case he didn’t, my name is Will.”

“He didn’t tell me you are so young.”

I pulled away a bit and looked at her. Really looked at her. My first guess had been that she was in her mid-thirties and I really saw no reason to change my opinion.

“Did he tell you that I’m certainly in no shape to start a relationship?”

“Somewhat.”

“Did he also tell you that I have my reasons to work here and stay under the radar.”