Lisa has invited me over for dinner, and we have been sitting at the table, chatting for a while about kids and work while enjoying the lovely dinner she had prepared. Now we have taken our glasses of red wine and sat down in each our own corner of the sofa.

“But, Lars,” Lisa says, as if resuming a long-lost thread of conversation. “There is something I wanted to ask you about, something we talked about a long while ago.”

“Yes... ?” I say as I sip the dark red wine, feeling quietly comfortable after a good meal in Lisa’s company.

“It’s about sex,” Lisa admits with a blush. “You and I can still talk about sex, right?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” I say. “I LIKE talking with you about sex!”

“Thank you for that!” Lisa beams. “I also feel very confident and safe talking about sex with you.”

“That’s good! What do you have in mind?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Lisa hesitates. “It’s something you said once, something about that you believe that sperm, you know ... that sperm is somehow valuable or something?”

“Yeah, that’s right! I do feel that sperm is very valuable.”

“Can we talk some more about that, then? Because I am not really sure I understand it much. I haven’t actually talked with my boyfriend about this, but I have tried acting more enthusiastically when dealing with his sperm. And he does appear to appreciate it when I do, but I still don’t really understand why. Mostly I feel like I’m simulating an enthusiasm that doesn’t really sit very well with me.”

“Because ... you actually do not like sperm very much?”

“Well, but ... no ... but yes... ! I mean, I am not trying to hurt your feelings or anything!”

“You don’t hurt my feelings right now,” I say, giving her a naughty smile: “We’re not having sex right now, we’re just talking about it. I don’t get offended when talking about it.”

“Okay, well then! And I DO appreciate your ability to talk with me about sex like this, just so you know it.”

“Well, me too!” I say. “But ... could you try to explain in a little more detail what it is that you don’t really like about sperm?”

“Yes, okay, but ... it’s not like I find sperm disgusting, or anything ... I just don’t consider sperm very ... nice? For example, it very quickly turns into some cold and sticky slime when it starts running down between my tits, and down on the mattress which gets these cold and wet spots that none of us wants to lie on.”

“Quite true,” I admin. “I also hate it when I accidentally end up getting sperm on the mattress, after masturbating in bed.”

“Yeah, right? I sometimes give my boyfriend a handjob and make him squirt, and I really have to be careful not to get all that stuff on the bedding.”

“But aren’t you guys using a towel or something?” I ask.

“Yes, of course, when we remember to have a towel around...”

“But then a towel is not very sexy either,” I add. “Getting my sperm on a towel makes me feel like my sperm is something dirty that should be cleaned off and thrown out.”

“Yeah ... I can see that, I guess,” Lisa wonders. “But what do you think I should do instead, then?”

“I think you should worship his sperm! Enjoy it, play with it, receive it, show your man that you love getting his sperm!”

“But how exactly am I going to do that while his sperm is making slimey trails running down between my breasts?” Lisa asks.

“Well, you can rub it all over your tits, for example, to prevent it from running any further. And yes, it might still be sticky for a few minutes, but if you spread it out, it dries quickly and just turns into these dry protein flakes.”

“Which are also quite annoying... !”

“Well, okay, but not cold, sticky and slimey... !”

“That’s true. It’s a bit better. So you’re suggesting I should use his sperm as some kind of skin lotion? Would you appreciate it if your woman would rub your sperm out all over her breasts?”

“Yeah, that would be wonderful!” I say with a laugh. “She would be playing with her tits AND my sperm at the same time. That sounds like a bonus to me!”

“But then, it’s not like I am getting his sperm on my breasts every time,” Lisa continues. “Sometimes I make him squirt his sperm into my mouth while I suck his cock. He likes that quite a lot, of course. And I also do appreciate it in a way, I guess. It’s very sexy to feel him orgasm between my lips. His cock grows even thicker, right before he squirts. It actually turns me on quite a lot. But then all this sperm pours out into my mouth. My mouth becomes completely filled up with this thick liquid that doesn’t taste especially good. Yeah, I am sorry to say, but it really doesn’t! So when my mouth is full of sperm like that, I only want to spit it out into a towel or something and clean my mouth with water. Which I sometimes actually do. But I am also aware that this is not very sexy.”

“But can’t you come up with something better to do then, something more sexy?” I ask.

“But I can’t, that’s why I ask you, of course!” Lisa laughs while taking a large sip of her wine.

“Could you rub the sperm all over your body, like we talked about before?”

“Eh ... no? Not when it is in my mouth?” Lisa asks me with lifted eyebrows.

“Well, couldn’t you let the sperm flow out of your mouth, over your lips, down over your chin, onto your breasts?”

“Ah ... so you mean, instead of spitting the sperm out on a dumb towel, I let the sperm stay on my own body?”

“Yes, on your own sexy body, exactly.”

“Well, yeah ... I might do that, I guess,” Lisa is clearly thinking it over. “I think I see your point ... I can try it out...”

“You could also simply swallow his sperm, you know.”

“Yes. That’s right, and I actually do that occasionally. But it’s not very easy for me when I feel so icky.”

“Well, you should only do it if you actually find his sperm delicious to swallow,” I say. “He can probably easily sense if you find it icky. And then it’s just a turn-off for him if you try acting bravely and then your effort is basically wasted.”

“Yeah, I kind of guessed that already. But very occasionally I actually do want to drink his sperm, so to speak ... Like, if I am very turned on myself, or feel especially close to him ... or something... ? But it doesn’t happen very often...”

“Okay, so when you occasionally DO want to swallow his sperm, then it’s fine of course! But when you actually don’t, then you actually shouldn’t,” I say. “So, maybe you can come up with some other way to lick and suck his dick until he orgasms WITHOUT you getting his sperm into your mouth?”

“Ohh... ? Yeah, I guess I can...” Lisa thinks for a moment. “So if I pull out his cock from my mouth right before he squirts and just licks the ... what’s it called... ? the frenulum, you know... ? But then his sperm squirts out over my face instead of into my mouth.”

“So ... is that better?” I ask.

“Well, it’s better because then I don’t get sperm in my mouth,” Lisa says. “But it’s not so good because then I get sperm all over my face ... But then I guess you’re telling me to rub it into my skin.”

“Yeah ... Or let him lick it off your face?”

“Yes... ? I don’t think he has ever tried that before ... I actually don’t know how he likes tasting his own sperm.

“You can test that,” I say.

“Yeah...” Lisa stays quiet for a bit. “And there is also the risk of getting sperm into my eyes. And THAT stings, just so you know!”

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” I say. “But then you could experiment with other positions to minimize your risk of getting sperm in the eyes.”

“Okay, yes, that’s true. I can easily control that, at least if I am the one handling his cock.

“What about getting sperm into your ... you know, your vagina?” I ask.

“That’s a no-go, unfortunately.” Lisa says. “I mean, I really really don’t want to get pregnant, so I always insist that he wears a condom when we’re screwing, so I don’t get any sperm in my cunt.”

“I see, but that also means you’re used to having the sperm magically disappear, with the condom,” I say.

“Oh ... yeah, that’s true I guess,” Lisa says. “Maybe that’s a bad idea?”

“It is a bad idea, because your missing an opportunity to worship his sperm.”

“Worship his sperm ... So you want me to take the condom off, and then pour his sperm out all over my tits... ??” Lisa asks with a doubtful expression.

“Yeah, that sounds great!” I say and laugh. “Also there is still sperm on his cock, and you might even squeeze out a final drop after you get the condom off, so you can play with the remaining sperm.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you? You would actually find it hot if your woman would roll off the condom, right after you’ve been fucking her, and then letting all your sperm pour out of the condom onto her breasts and rubbing it into the skin?”

“Yup ... and lick the remaining sperm off her fingers,” I say laughing again. “That would be very hot indeed.”