Chapter 23

The next Sunday morning,
The adults-only inaugural service of the New Hebron Assembly
(anyone fourteen years and upward now being reckoned as adults)
Held in the Grand Hebron Academy basketball court

“So, brothers and sisters, here we are. We are the New Hebron Assembly, and today is our first Sunday morning service. I, as you know, am now the Chairman of the Directorate of the New Hebron Assembly, Administrator of Grand Hebron Academy (the ‘grand’ part being my idea), and the head of the tribe known as the ‘Naked Howards,’ because we’re all nudists now and we have all taken the surname of Howard. We have sixty-nine members, counting myself, and are marked with the red scorpion seal on our buttocks.

“My junior partners in the Directorate, are of course, Chairman Emeritus Lawton Howard, formerly Pastor Lawton Swain, who is actually part of my tribe, hence the name change, Ronald Howard, formerly Ronald Parker, Principal of Grand Hebron Academy, also part of my tribe, Chelsea Bates, nee Powell, better known as ‘Chesty,’ as well as Leonard Powell, the latter two having tribes or cults of their own. Sister Chesty has already completed her quota, with sixty-eight other members in her girls-only cult, which are known as the ‘Naked Widows,’ and marked with the red hatpin seal on their buttocks.

“Brother Leonard, or ‘Lenny,’ as many of us have come to call him, has his own tribe, though it barely exists, if you’ll pardon the pun. Due to the shortage of men in the community, his all-male group will have to be fleshed out beyond the mere seven men that it contains, including Lenny himself. Even so, boys will be boys, and what did you call your cult, Lenny, which has the trademark red umbrella seal on your buttocks?” I asked Lenny now amid laughs from the congregation.

“The ‘Naked Top and Bottoms,’ since, so far, they’re all quite happy to bottom for me!” Lenny chuckled, getting more than a little laughter in response, taking particular delight in the blowjob Mel gave him right then.

I was very glad for the Mist, as it was now known, which kept only those aged fourteen years and above awake during moments like this. It was certainly useful now, to put it mildly. My spirit guide used it sensibly and moderately, of course, essentially for those moments when not even the pixels were enough to shield innocent eyes. The morning services were definitely for just those of the right age, since they necessarily involved orgiastic rites, to put it mildly.

Prayer wasn’t necessary, at least not yet due to the direct communication of the spirit guides, praise didn’t require hymns, at least not at the moment, and the homily was expected to be brief. We didn’t have Eucharist, not being Christians of any stripe, so our main service was an all-out clusterfuck, a free-for-all wherein everyone fucked everyone else. This was about to commence and I could tell that each of us looked forward to it. We were unabashed hedonists and celebrated our religious ordinances accordingly. It was at the heart of our worldview.

“By the way, congratulations. In the past thirty-six hours or so, you’ve personally impregnated every last woman in Chesty’s ‘Naked Widows’ club. Including those four who are happily married to members of Lenny’s gang of horny leather slaves. I’ve made each of them conceive triplets, half as many as the ‘Naked Howards’ cult. Nineteen of them, including Chesty herself, are pregnant to Curtis and David as well as you.

“Five of them are pregnant to Jamie, Shawn, and you. Another five are pregnant to Matt, Steve, and you. Five are pregnant to Lawton, Jonathan, and you. Five are pregnant to James, Bryan, and you. Five are pregnant to Ronald, Ewan, and you. Five are pregnant to Mike, Tom, and you. Five are pregnant to Gideon, Jerry, and you. Five are pregnant to Albert, Leonard, and you.

“Three are pregnant to Mel, Mel’s half-brother Joel, and you. Two are now pregnant to Engelbert and Humperdinck, the Salvini twins, and you. Two are pregnant to Joe, Aidan, and you. Two are now pregnant to Trevor, Bryce, and you. One is pregnant to Bruce Van Kemp, Richard Ryan and you,” the spirit now declared audibly, where anyone can hear it.

“Wow, talk about likely to make the news!” I exclaimed, getting laughter from everyone.

“There’s something in the water, no doubt of that,” Erin joked as she sucked my dick without any hesitation.

“Something wonderful,” Chesty agreed while guiding Sandra Adler to eat her twat.

“By my count, Dan has personally sired one-hundred sixty-one unborn brats. He will, of course, do a lot more than that soon enough. By the way, we spirits very much appreciate that all of you have gone completely naked to church. As for something in the water, we’re open to ideas. Exceptions to the sterility rule, for instance. Within reasonable boundaries or limits. What are your thoughts?” the spirit announced to much applause from the convocation.

“How about this? Any freshwater body of water that I bless or consecrate to you, the spirits, automatically becomes a fertile bubble in which no one is sterile at all, even if they have been for a long time. Everywhere else, though, your sterility curse still affects those who are neither in our three cults nor mating with us. It’s a good solution, overall, for those who can’t be trusted to follow the principles of our new social order, but this exception reinforces our prophetic authority, we in this church, that is. It will help draw even more into our ranks,” I proposed now.

“On one condition, since we enjoy the idea, but we want to also promote nudity. The magical properties of the water require absolute nakedness in order to work. Agreed? You skinny dip, a pregnancy results, but not otherwise. No shoes, no tops, no bottoms, no thongs, etc. Deal?” the spirit now modified the proposed compact.

“Deal. Sounds fair to me. Let’s call this the ‘Naked Freshwater Covenant,’ or simply ‘the Covenant’ for short. Since it will only apply to freshwater bodies of water, the name makes sense. And am I personally the only one who can have this power?” I wondered now as I came down Erin’s thirsty throat.

“Yes, nothing against the other two prophets heading cults, but you’re the Big Kahuna, so to speak. You’re very much the leader of the pack, the head honcho, the first among equals and then some. The others are great, but you’re the chieftain here, the senior, the Chairman of the Directorate, etc. You’re the head of the family. The boss of bosses. Lord and master of all that you survey, my friend,” the spirit confirmed, not the others seemed let down at all.

“Truer words were never spoken, so from now on, I am taking the surname of Howard as well, as are all of the ladies in my group,” Chesty proclaimed, much to even my shock.

“As am I and my boys. We’re all basically one family now, so we should take and use the same surname, to avoid confusion. It will make it easier on the married couples in my club, if nothing else. Incidentally, are the couples dissolved or still together? Just curious? I know the law is one thing, but I mean in terms of the real authority here, which is destined to entirely displace the civil government in time. Brother Dan’s authority!” Lenny backed his niece up wholeheartedly.

“Well, okay, let’s straighten this out, because I don’t want any questions about it in the future. Every member of my tribe is automatically married to each other, regardless of sex. That’s right, all of my boys and girls are married to each other, plain and simple, as well as to me,” I declared for the benefit of clarity for all, winning a real smile from my harem.