Chapter 5: Saturday Afternoon, 2:01PM – Reality Continues To Ruin My Life

“Hey, Will, how—um ... I take it things didn’t go well?”

Will lay spread-eagle on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his eyes unblinking.

“Uhh ... you didn’t come get me after she left, so I figured I’d give you some time, and...”

Will didn’t move.

“Will, you’re scaring me. Is this like ... that time? Will, please—”

Will blinked, then looked over. He grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, Rissa, I was a bit lost in my thoughts. I’m okay, you don’t have to worry.” He sat up, moving towards the edge of the bed.

Marissa moved closer, eyeing him suspiciously. Then she reached out and gave him a tight hug.

He hugged back.

They parted, and she frowned at him. “Don’t do that again, Will. I couldn’t ... not again...” she trailed off, looking down at the floor.

Will stood up, this time being the one to initiate a hug. “Hey, hey, I said not to worry. I’m fine, see? And I’m way tougher than before, something like this isn’t going to get me down!” But then why does it feel like I really fucked something up badly?

She shook free of the embrace, frowning at him.

He mussed her hair. “Stop it, you’re way too young to be worrying about an old man like me.” he grinned more widely.

“You’re only two years older!” she said, stamping her foot. She stuck her tongue out at him. “But since you are okay, I gotta ask ... was that Alaina? Bishop? Because I ran over to look out the window after she left and it looked kinda like her, but her hair and her outfit were all different, and—”

“Yeah, it was her all right,” said Will, sighing.

“Oh my god, that’s so awesome!” Marissa said, her voice laden with excitement. “I mean, I knew you were in student council with her and all, but I know you never really wanted to do that and it’s not like you really hang out or anything, but I’m such a big fan and I wish I had maybe half—no, even a quarter!—of her acting and singing ability, and oh man, when I tell my friends she was at my house, Will, this is like, the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me!”

She’s like the junior version of Tiffany when she gets wound up. I guess I’d better nip this in the bud, don’t want this to start any weird rumors... “Rissa, you can’t tell your friends, okay? She doesn’t want people to know that she was here.”

His sister looked crestfallen, but she recovered quickly. “Ohhhh are you guys going out? Wow, Will, that’s even more awesome! I mean, I’ve heard all of Don’s stories in school, and the corrected versions later from you, but you managed to hook Alaina Bishop? That’s, like—”

“No, no, no. It’s definitely not like that,” said Will. “Definitely not. No way.”

Marissa’s expression grew concerned. “Oh, did she—She broke up with you just now? Wow, that’s—”

“No!” Will said, raising both his hands and running them through his hair. “Rissa, it’s really not like that. We’re not dating, we never were dating, we never will be dating. It was ... a one time thing. That we mutually agreed not to continue.”

Her eyes widened once more. “So you did hook up? That’s—”

“Like I said, it was just a one-time thing, Rissa. We talked it out. You can’t tell anyone ab—”

“I know, I know!” she said, rolling her eyes. “C’mon, Will, you know you can trust me.”

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I know, but I have to say it anyway.”

She grinned back. “So,” she said, looking up at him from under her lashes, “does that mean she hates you now?”

“I suppose we’re not on bad terms,” he said slowly.

She fidgeted. “Then ... can you maybe call her and ask her to come back so I can talk to her about Drama Club stuff?” Marissa’s eyes were sparkling.

Oh no. “I don’t think—”

“Please, Will! Pleaaase?”

There’s no way... “Ah, c’mon Rissa, why don’t you just talk to her in school, or in Drama Club?”

“Drama Club isn’t meeting now because we just finished Macbeth,” she said, her tone petulant. “And you know how she is at school! She’s the Alaina Bishop! I’m just a sophomore, there’s no way I could talk to her!”

Ugh, is this some kind of joke? Prez, your Don’t Fuck With Me aura makes the kids afraid to even talk to you.

“Please, Will?” she wheedled. “I’ll never ask you for anything ever again! Pleeeaaaase?”

Will let out another sigh, holding the bridge of his nose. “Okay, I’ll try.”

She let out a squeal, then smashed her blonde bangs into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you so much, Will! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best big brother, ever!”

“Yeah, I really am,” he said, ruffling her hair again and sighing deeply. “Just don’t you forget it. Hey, while I think of it, can you help me cover up a hickey?”

Will pulled up the messages under the ‘Prez’ contact in his phone. The last correspondence was dated several months prior, a terse message sent to him which read “Bring documents to SC office. Now.”

I’ve never sent her a message that wasn’t a reply. What should I say...

“Hey, Prez, I was hoping...”

No, that’s going to be too long. She probably wouldn’t read it. Needs to be more direct.

“Great seeing you today—”

No, that’s not the right tone at all...

He sighed. Why is this so hard? She’s just a girl. With a weird Class. But still, I shouldn’t have this much trouble trying to figure out a simple message.

His phone buzzed, and the new message indicator flashed.

C♡rl♡: Club 2nite? ♥♥♥

Will recalled her shuddering mocha thighs wrapped around his ears and her tangy taste on his tongue. What a babe. I’d love to go for a repeat tonight, but Don said ... where was that message...

He flipped back through his messages to find the most recent one from his friend.

Ah, yeah, that karaoke club. I’ll talk to Tiff and set something up next week at her place. Let’s send a reply... “Busy tonight, sorry. Next week.”

With that message sent, he returned to formulating the previous one.

Twenty four minutes later, he pressed send.

“Dude, Tiffany’s dad owns Sky?”

“And you been keepin’ this from us? What the fuck, bruh?”

Will looked out the backseat window of Daniel’s luxury sedan as the scenery passed by. They’d been on the highway for ten minutes, and the questioning had been relentless. That nap I got in before we left was a lifesaver.

“I feel dumb for not noticing it last time we were there a couple months back,” said Vinnie. “Remember how the bouncers and even the bartender acted like they knew him? I thought it was just The Will Effect at the time, but looking back it seems obvious that they really did know him.”

“So you’ve been boinking Tiffany this whole time? She’s off the crazy-hot scale in both directions, dude, but I don’t get how you can get past her being so... her.” said Don.

“Hey, that’s not cool.” said Will, sitting up in his seat. He met Don’s eyes in the rear-view mirror, his own eyes narrowed. “Tiff’s a really sweet girl, and I consider her a close friend. I’d stand up for you if someone was talking shit about you, so don’t talk shit about my other friends. We good?”

“Whoa, sorry, dude,” said Don, holding up a hand. “I didn’t mean anything by it, really. But you gotta admit she’s kinda a handful—and I’m not just talking about her bazongas.”

“Yeah, bruh, I dunno how you do it. You got, like, the patience of booger.”

“The patience of Buddha, you fucking idiot,” said Vinnie.

“What the actual fuck, Vin. Why you gotta keep repeatin’ me? I’m just tryin’ to make a fuckin’ point.”

Will chuckled at his friends’ antics. “I appreciate the apology, Don, but I overreacted. Tiff’s just got a lot of energy and she’s always a bit nervous around guys because of how they treat her. Just think about it: have any of you guys even looked her in the face when you talk to her?”

“What about when she’s not facin’ me—”

“That’s her butt,” said Will.

The car was silent until Will spoke again. “I get it guys, she’s hot, but she’s also a lot of fun to talk to. You should try it sometime.”

“The master has spoken,” said Vinnie in a reverential tone.

“And she did come through for you guys last night, didn’t she?” asked Will, waggling his eyebrows into the rear-view mirror.

“Oh fuck, bruh, it was crazy! I went up to that chick she pointed to, and I barely even got a word out before she dragged me off and stuck her tongue down my throat. She a psychic or something?”

“For real,” said Don. “I danced a little with that redhead, then the next thing I knew we were in the women’s bathroom with her skirt all bunched up and—”

“I don’t wanna hear about Limp Dick’s five seconds in heaven,” said Daniel. He signaled, then moved to overtake a slow-moving truck. “Will, how’d she do it? You know, yeah?”

“Hm,” said Will. “I suppose she probably wouldn’t mind if I told you. Tiff’s Class is [Appraiser]. She’s pretty high rank, too, and a variant.”

“The fuck, bruh? Her? An [Appraiser]?”

“Yeah, what he said,” echoed Vinnie.

“She’s only got one Skill and one Quirk, though. Her Skill grows in scope and daily uses every time her Class improves, and it lets her evaluate—or appraise—something for a given property like a normal [Appraiser] Class. But she’s a bit special because of the growth.”

“That don’t sound too strong, though?” said Daniel as he blew past another mile marker, sounding confused.

“Hold on,” said Don, his brow wrinkled in the passenger seat. “Will, you said it grows in scope? So, like, she can appraise big things?”

“I should get her to appraise my—” began Daniel.

“Nah, Daniel, she has to be able to see the thing she’s evaluating,” said Will.

“Ohhh, fucking got,” said Don, hand to his mouth as he repeatedly turned to check his friend’s reaction.

“The judges score that a perfect ten,” said Vinnie.

“Savage,” said Daniel, fighting to keep the sulking expression on his face between chuckles.

“But seriously, it’s not a size thing. It’s scale. It’s actually how we met the first time when we were at that other club—the one with the weird pizza drinks. She was lonely, so she appraised the club for ‘someone who will be fun to talk to’. And naturally, I was the result.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” said Vinnie. “She can do that for anything?”

“I’m not sure what kind of scope she can work at now, but I don’t think she can use it on cities or anything yet. Her father uses her to help with his venture capitalist investing since she can immediately tell if a proposal is accurate.”

“Shit, no wonder he’s always talkin’ to my dad about investments,” said Daniel. He put his blinker on, heading for an offramp.

“That’s insane, even for a variant,” said Don. “So, what, she checked the club for people who wanted to bone us last night?”

“Something like that, probably,” said Will. He checked his phone for the hundredth time. Still no reply from Prez. “I didn’t ask for the specifics.”

“Dude,” said Don. “That’s fucked up. I’ve got a Class with a Skill that makes people repeat what I say and another one which lets me think of fun words, and that flibbertigibbet has something that can do Truth Detection as a side benefit? That’s just unfair.”

“How many times a day can she use it, Will?” asked Vinnie.

“Oh, over a hundred last time I asked her. But that was a while ago.”

“Bruh.”

“Ah, fuck, not this again. Daniel, snap out of it, dude.”

“Holy shit, bruh. You mean she’s, like ... always fuckin’ usin’ it?”

“By the way, Vin, she said she was impressed by your self-control. Out of the three of you, you were the only one who didn’t immediately think about motorboating her when she showed up. You should be on the VIP list at Sky starting next week in case you feel like meeting Rita there.”

“Yes!” cheered Vinnie.

“C’mon, bruh, how is that even possible? They were bouncin’ up and down like—”

“Shut up, Daniel.”

Will checked his phone again. Still nothing. He sighed.

“What about this one?” asked Vinnie.

“Nah, dude, you can’t do that.” Don shook his head.

“Why not? It’s a classic song.”

“Vin, you just can’t,” said Don. “If I hear that fucking song one more time at karaoke I’m gonna lose my fucking mind. I’ve definitely stopped believing.”

“Will, why you checkin’ your phone every five seconds?

“I didn’t know you came to karaoke that often,” said Vinnie.

“I’m not checking it every five—”

“Bruh, I seen you lookin’ at it like ten times since we sat down and it’s only been a few minutes—”

“Yeah, I usually go out at least once a week—”

“—you got an after-party planned after this? Hookin’ up with that Carla chick? Fuck—”

“—and I buy drinks for the hotties after they sing, like a modern patron of the arts.”

“—so hot.”

“Does that, uh ... actually work?” asked Vinnie.

“No, there’s no after-party, bud. It’s ... You’re right, I should try to get my head back in the game.” said Will. He put his phone back into his pocket, but not before glancing at it one more time to see if he’d gotten a message in the past five seconds.

“It’s not about whether it works or not, Vin. It’s just about going out and having a good time.”

“That’s more like it!” Daniel said, throwing an arm around Will’s shoulders. “Now let’s see about singin’ somethin’. I didn’t think about it, but you ever been to karaoke before? Can you even sing?”

“I’ll be...” he trailed off, his attention riveted by the girl who had just stepped up to sing.

The song was an upbeat, angsty ballad about a breakup, and it was being sung by...

That girl is very, very cute, and very, very good at singing. And she’s getting pretty into it, too.

Her hips and head were bopping back and forth to the beat, setting her pixie-cut, bright red hair bouncing and swaying in time with the song. She gripped the mic confidently, holding it up to her scarlet lips and tipping her head back while she belted out the chorus.

“Will? Earth to Will? Man...”

Will came back to himself, realizing he’d been staring with his mouth open.

“Dude,” said Don, looking between his friend and the singer in dismay. “I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t wanna mess with her. She’s at all the karaoke places, always singing this kind of song. She’s a good singer, don’t get me wrong, and she’s a babe—you know I dig the hair—but she’s a man-hater through and through. I tried to buy her a drink one time and she threw it—”

“You’re not her type,” said Will, his eyes still on the stage. Her eyes met his, and he winked. The gesture seemed to drive her to a new level of passion, and he could feel the vitriol in her voice as she reached the verse about how the no-good bastard had been cheating with her best friend.

“And you are? Will, c’mon, dude...”

“Nah, I’m not,” said Will.

“Oh thank—”

“But I don’t think she knows what she wants right now,” Will continued, meeting the girl’s defiant, heavily made-up eyes.

“Bruh, spare us the egghead mumbo-dumbo. We’re supposed to be out havin’ fun tonight!”

“I don’t think it’s that complicated,” said Will, turning back to his friends. “It’s more like ... a challenge. Vin, you get it, right?”

“Nope,” said Vin without hesitation. He grinned. “But I’m ready to watch the master work!”

The song ended.

“Let’s hear it for Kayleigh!” shouted the DJ into another microphone. The crowd went wild with cheering, applause, and some especially loud screams from an all-girl table across the floor. Kayleigh waved, a big smile on her face, and then stepped off the small stage.

Will’s eyes followed her as she strode towards the all-girl table that had been cheering the loudest. She looked over one last time before she arrived, giving Will a sneer.

Well now I have no choice. He rose from his table, heading towards the DJ’s table on the side of the stage despite the feeble protestations of Don.

He grabbed a pen off the table, then scrawled his name and a song on the sign-up sheet. The DJ looked down at the paper and shook his head.

“Sorry, man, I don’t play that song here. {Fuck off, kid, I’m not gonna let you ruin my ears.}” the bald man with the goatee said as the next singer began a decent rendition of a rap song. “Nobody ever gets it right and it’s way too annoying to listen to people fuck it up. {If I have to hear that fucking song mangled one more time I’m gonna lose my shit.}Pick something else. {Pick literally any other song.}”

“It’ll be fine, I can do it,” said Will.

The man barked a laugh. “That’s what they all say, bro. {That’s what everyone says, idiot.}I’m not playing it.”

I really don’t want to use it on him, I’ve only got one left for today. “I understand,” said Will slowly, reaching into his pocket. “And I get where you’re coming from. You’re sure I can’t change your mind?”

“Positive. {Are you deaf?}Just pick something else. {Why do people always try to argue with me about this?}There’s tons of songs like that, you know? {This catalogue has thousands of songs.}Dime a dozen. {Half of them are angsty breakup songs.}What about this one?” he said, pointing to an entry in the open song directory.

Will pulled his hand out of his pocket, unfurling a piece of paper. “I realize that I may be a poor negotiator, but it really does have to be this song. So what if I let Mr. Jackson here make the case for me?” he placed the bill on the table.

The DJ licked his lips, glancing down at the table. “I really shouldn’t... {Not for just a twenty... }”

But Will was already pulling his hand out of his pocket again, straightening out a second, identical piece of paper. “Perhaps if I add Mr. Jackson’s twin brother—also Mr. Jackson—they might be able to convince you together?”

The DJ scratched his chin with his thumb, running his finger through the small patch of hair, and stared down at the bills. He looked back up at Will after a moment. “Alright, for that much I can put up with it for a few minutes. {Nice, I can buy some weed with this.}” He scooped the bills up, crumpling them as they disappeared into his pocket.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. And one more thing for when you call me up...”

The thirty or so minutes until his turn came around passed with almost excruciating slowness.

She’s looking over here again. Either she’s beyond curious about what song I put in, or that wink really pissed her off.

“Daniel, please. Last time you tried that you practically got booed out of the building, dude. Sometimes you just gotta accept that you don’t have the rhythm to do rap songs at karaoke. Even if you do like big butts.”

“I been practicin’ like ... all afternoon for this! C’mon, bruh, admit it. You’re just jealous of my flow.”

“Next up, Will!” boomed the DJ over the speakers. “Everyone give him your support, it’s his first time ever doing karaoke!”

Will stood up once again, looking only at the stage as he walked forward.

“Yeah, Will!”

“Let’s go, dude!”

“You got this!” called Daniel, followed by a much quieter, “Wait, does he got it?”

He reached the stage and picked the microphone out of the stand. Abruptly his mind flashed back.

He stood on a broader stage, in a room packed full of opulently-dressed strangers, wearing a suit. The boy glanced to the side, spotting his father sitting at a table just in front of the stage, watching him like a golden eagle waiting for a rodent to set foot outside its burrow. The older man wore a black, double-breasted suit with a matching tie. He slowly mouthed the words “Just. Like. We Practiced. Or. Else.”

Will swallowed. He looked back out over the assembled crowd. Then—

Will snapped out of it just as the monitor screen lit up with the words of his chosen song. He looked out over the crowded scene, taking it in. This is nothing by comparison.

And then he started to sing.

“Holy shit! Will, what the actual fuck?” Daniel demanded once he returned to their table, chants of “Will, Will, Will,” finally beginning to die down.

“Duuude are you fucking serious right now? How did you even get Ed to play that? It’s been on the banned song list since this place fucking opened! Lemme get a pic!”

“Man, that was pretty cool,” said Vinnie, holding up a fist to be bumped. “I’m not gonna say your singing was perfect or anything, but it was listenable and pretty solid. And then when you pointed at that girl during that one verse—”

“How do you even come up with this kinda stuff, dude?”

“Oh, shit, bruh, she’s comin’ this way.”

Will gulped at his water. Singing in the car doesn’t prepare you at all for how dry your throat gets up there! I’m going to need another glass...

“Yo, Alanis. {Hey, hot guy.}Come with me.” Will looked over at the new arrival, surprised at the throatiness of the voice.

Kayleigh stood next to the table, one hand on her cocked hip over her jeans, her white camisole-style shirt riding up slightly to expose part of a tattoo which covered her pale midriff. She smirked down at him in his low-rise chair, and he noticed that she had a small silver stud through one side of her nose.

She really thinks she owns this place, doesn’t she? That’s sexy. Should be exactly what I need to get my mind off things.

“Hurry up, the girls wanna meet you. {C’mon, I wanna show you off to my friends.}” she said.

Will looked around the table one last time.

Don was struggling to accept the current reality.

Daniel struggled to keep his mouth shut.

Vinnie had a slight grin on his face and nodded his head subtly.

“Alright, I’m coming,” Will said, standing from his seat. “Guys, if you don’t see a body send out a search party.”

They’d crossed along the teeming half-circle which surrounded the stage like a people-mover through a mob. People actively scooted their chairs, moved their bodies, and got out of the way of the shorter girl as she pulled him by the hand after her. A few of the other patrons, perhaps recognizing him as the prey of a particular lioness, gave him surprised or pitying looks as they passed.

Then they reached her table in the back of the room, greeted by catcalls and hoots from the girls sitting at it. The table was littered with drinking glasses: many were empty—save for ice at the bottom of the glass, while others were varying degrees of full.

“There he is!” said one of them, an Asian, possibly Japanese-looking, girl at the far corner in a black dress and wearing too much eyeliner.

“Finally! You stop to make out on the way or something?” quipped another, a brunette with blonde highlights wearing a skirt and a top that revealed extensive cleavage.

“Kay, you wipe him off first? He was sittin’ next to that guy with the greasy hair—” complained the third, a brunette with tanned skin who was wearing a tight green dress and large hoop earrings.