Chapter 1

In 1992 Hurricane Andrew destroyed the South Florida I knew. This tale occurred before then.

“Janet!”

My peaceful dream destroyed, I woke to screaming. Startled, I rose quickly the sheet falling from my naked body and uncovering my Jeffery’s chest.

“Janet!”

“Oh ... My ... God...”

In retrospect my abruptly sitting upright in my bed, and then staring blankly at both of our parents like a deer illuminated by a car’s headlights, naked but for the sheet covering my lower extremities was probably just making the situation worse. If it were actually possible to make the current situation worse.

Thinking quickly, I laid back down and pulled the sheet over my head.

“Jeffery Jeremiah! What are you doing in here?”

Oh no, mom was invoking my brother’s middle name, this was bad. Duh, of course it was bad. Maybe not as bad as if they had walked in before we both fell asleep, interrupting one of the many lovely orgasms Jeff had given me last night, but plenty bad nonetheless.

Jeffery, as disoriented as I was right now spoke the very words that I had been thinking.

“Why aren’t you in Jamaica?”

Good plan Jeff, redirect attention. Not that it’s going to work, but really what precisely could either of us say right now.

“Jeffery, what are you doing in your sist ... No, no...”

I realized that mom had been just as disoriented as I was, being both literally and figuratively in the dark before flipping the light switch on. Those three 60-watt bulbs provided both illumination and clarity. I quickly deduced that it was the figurative illumination that was blinding her as she realized what it was that she was observing, causing her present stutter as I heard the master bedroom door down the hallway slam closed.

“Juh ... Juh ... Jeffery Jeremiah Jameson! You get out of that bed this instant!”

I had been contemplating remaining under the sheet until the oxygen supply was depleted, hoping but not truly believing that the silky 320 count cotton would asphyxiate me, or at least render me totally unconscious so that I would be physically unable to answer mom’s questions. Right, like I would really be able to answer mom’s questions even in a fully conscious state.

“Jeffery Jeremiah, go to your room.”

“Mom, look ... I know this is a shock...”

I was doubly relieved; Jeff was awake enough to respond, and he wasn’t getting out of bed. Under the sheets I threw my arms around him, wordlessly saying to him, “please don’t leave me.”

“A shock? A shock, you two...”

As I laid my head on his abdomen I felt his flaccid penis in my armpit. Hey I thought, that’s the one place we hadn’t put it last night.

“I love you mom. I didn’t think you would walk in on...”

“Damned right you didn’t think Jeffery...”

As mom spoke I was trying to gauge her anger level from her words. It was hard, mom never swore so ‘damn’ was a really big deal, but on the other hand she had dropped down to just ‘Jeffery’.

“I thought you and dad were going to Montego Bay.”

“Don’t change the subject Jeffery. Now go to your room.”

“I love you mom, but I can’t.”

“Why not? Oh my God you’re...”

“Sorry. I can’t just leave Jan in here, alone to face the music. Nobody, not even you and dad, get to reproach her. I love Jan, so please just speak to me.” As he spoke these words he ran his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp the way I so love. “Anyone, everyone, even you guys, have to come through me to get to her.”

“You’re ... You’re naked under there, aren’t you Jeffery?”

“Yes mom. But that isn’t why I can’t or rather I won’t get out of this bed.”

“How could you? Jeffery ... Janet ... How...”

“I love Janet. We are all...”

“You two, are in here, in bed, naked...”

“Yes mom, I love Janet. We are all...”

“Having sex with your sister.”

“Yes...”

“YES?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Jeffery, this would be a REALLY good time to start.”

“We are all adults here.”

“She IS your SISTER.”

“Yes, and she is perfect.”

“Your sister, Jeffery.”

“So then you know exactly how wonderful she is.”

“How could you ... How long ... Wait, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. I don’t...”

“Mom, Jan is absolutely perfect. You know that so please, please, don’t be mad at her. Blame me if you need to blame someone, punish me if you need to punish someone, I take full responsibility.”

As he spoke those words I gained enough courage to poke my head up from under the sheets. As I did Jeff wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head where minutes before his fingers had been. Given the circumstances, it may not have been the smartest move he could have made, but if it were possible it made me love my big brother even more.

“I love Jan, I didn’t plan on...”

“We didn’t plan on having you find out this way.” I said, finally finding my voice, “We just didn’t know how to...”

“We have talked about it.”

“How to or when to...”

“Never, that’s when you should have told me. That is EXACTLY when I would have liked for you to tell me this, never. I need some time, and a drink or maybe five to process this, which I am certain is what your father is doing right now.”

“Mom,” I said.

“No. We can talk more in the morning, that is assuming your father and I are still alive in the morning.”

Finally a good sign, her anger has subsided enough to allow her to return to familiar territory, control by way of guilt.

I pushed back into Jeff as she left my room closing the door. I could hear voices from the master bedroom, most of the words were unintelligible, and I felt tremendous guilt. Not for loving Jeff. Not for fucking my big brother. Not even for being so complacent and managing to get caught. Getting caught might even have been a Godsend. Imagine having to hide your love or your lover from others that you love indefinitely. To be forced to live a lie, that would be much worse.

No, what I felt tremendous guilt for was what I just put mom through, and what I was putting her through now with dad. The occasional word spoken both clearly and loudly enough to be understood through the two closed doors and down the hallway that separated us just increased my guilt.

“So you just left him in there ... Together...”

“Does it ... Really ... Anymore...”

That morning was tense. Jeff and I spoke but did not get out of our bed, technically my bed but since we had been discovered together in it ... Eventually dad came in.

“Could you both get dressed and come downstairs.”

“You know dad, if I am going to die, I would just prefer to do it here in my room in my bed with Jeff holding me.”

“Janet please don’t be so melodramatic. I am only upset because I love you, and this is not right for you, for either of you.” And he left closing the door.

I saw the crack immediately, dad was handing it to us. Why? Maybe, it made sense. I knew mom’s argument, the ‘Cliff’s Notes’ version was ‘what will people, meaning all those other people that we know and interact with, think.’ That was mom’s cross to bear not mine. To be obsessed with what her so called friends thought. But dad was saying that we could present a logical argument and prevail. Well, we were their only children, and they had much invested in us.

I was shaky getting dressed, but Jeff was my rock. Always holding me up, at times literally. Once I was ‘presentable’ we walked down the hallway to his room so that he could get dressed. As he opened his closet door I dropped to my knees and took my lover’s penis in my hands.

“Janet...”

“Shhhh, if I am to die, or if we are to be cast out when we go to offer ourselves up for judgement momentarily ... Jeff my love ... I just want this to be my final act on this earth. If I die then I want to die with your spunk in my mouth.”