Chapter 1

My dad was the kind of preacher who embarrasses his family but never sees the damage he is doing because he thinks he has been called by God and is doing God’s will. That’s the most charitable way of looking at dad. A lot of people would see him as self-serving and amoral if not downright sociopathic. The lines from The Temptations’ song, “Papa Was a Rolling Stone,” seemed pretty accurate:

“Heard some talk Papa doing some storefront preachin’
Talking about saving souls and all the time leechin’
Dealing in dirt, and stealing in the name of the Lord”

Dad was a petty tyrant at home and hit my brothers when he was in his “Holy Wrath.” As a result, one of them is a scientist, working mostly alone. He is very quiet and closed off and doesn’t have any girlfriends or boyfriends. The other one is emotionally stuck in a limbo land between childhood and adolescence but with a university educated brain that attempts to function as an adult.

Dad never hit me, but when he hit mom to scare her into doing what he wanted, I made up my mind to learn to be mentally tough. If my father ever raised his hand to me, I decided I would fight back and I would leave his house immediately and permanently.

Dad gave me some obscure, unpronounceable Biblical name. To make it easier for me when I was a little girl, my mom called me Gem. She talked a lot about how I should try to be a jewel, a pearl of great price, by being good and sweet. I was thoroughly propagandized and embraced that goal for myself. All my friends say I’m really sweet, and they always call me Gem. I do try not to get jealous or begrudge other girls the attention they get. I never had feuds with other girls. While a lot of girls didn’t like my religious beliefs or my strict morals for myself, most girls did think I could be trusted and was a true friend. I do have to admit that I was a little quick to judge and label other girls. I had a very few guys I was platonic friends with. I wasn’t interested in boys. Most acted stupid, and even when puberty hit me, I wasn’t attracted. I was really ambivalent about gay boys because they wanted to be friends in the way I wanted, but dad preached that they were immoral sinners. In my heart, I felt like they shouldn’t be judged for being born different, but dad said they were going to hell for their sins. Like any kid, I thought because dad was a ‘professional,” he knew what he was talking about.

I took a part-time job so I needed as little financial support as possible from my parents. A side benefit is that I got to choose my own clothes and personal care items. I was a believer who could quote scripture with the best of them. I dressed modestly and I never saw anything about partying or promiscuity to recommend it to me, so my parents never complained about my wardrobe choices.

I guess I’m a good-looking girl. I have trouble thinking of myself as pretty, although quite a few people think I am. Being religious, I always tried to put more effort into developing my brain, personality, self-discipline, and spirituality than in dressing fashionably, let alone sexy, or trying to look beautiful. I don’t wear makeup, but I do spend some time on my hair. It is thick, with a natural wave and I usually wear it long, down to the middle of my back. My hair is really dark black and very shiny. I’m tall for a Filipina. I was lucky to have parents who gave me genes that gave me a slim but healthy body. It seems vain to talk about this, but I guess people like to be able to visualize what a girl looks like. My breasts developed later than all the other girls. My breasts are small and firm. I like that they don’t get in the way when I do athletic stuff and they aren’t jiggling around when I run. I was still wearing an A Cup bra when I graduated from Senior High School.

I think the point where the significant events that made my life really different from what I’d planned and expected came when I was fourteen. I got invited to go to a resort with my oldest brother. He worked for this old American man and his Filipina wife. She owned several businesses and she made pretty good money. She was hard working and comfortable, but not rich.

The old man has been sponsoring the daughter of one of his wife’s employees for several years. I’ll call her Jana. He buys her school supplies, uniforms, and shoes. The girl treated him like a father to show her gratitude. Since her father was dead, it seemed to work out for them to kind of role play being daddy and daughter. He was lonely because his biological kids ignored him and his wife was always working. It was school break for her so she got invited too. She was thirteen when we went on the trip. I guess the adults thought that because we were about the same age, we would get along and entertain each other.

The resort hotel had a really big swimming pool and several different kinds of water slides. There were also some metal sculptures that sprayed water down like rain at some kind of programmed interval. There were some water cannons for trying to soak each other and some giant mushroom sculptures to hide behind. The mushrooms also sprayed water at very irregular intervals, so you could get surprised and soaked if you tried to hide behind them for too long.

My brother and the old guy’s wife wanted to do stuff like ride a really, really long zip line through the jungle and one that was supposed to be the longest zip line in the world from a mountain top to the crest of a high hill. The zip line went all the way across a wide valley. The American was chubby and over seventy, so that didn’t sound like fun to him. I would have liked to ride the zip lines, but Jana said she wanted to swim and play on the slides and other water park stuff. She said her Uncle George had been teaching her to swim, and she wanted more lessons and practice. I knew I was expected to be kind of a big sister and baby sitter for Jana, so I made sure no one saw me frown when I said I’d stay too.

Uncle George was going to sit by the pool to be our required “adult supervision,” get us lunch, give Jana swimming lessons, and make sure we were safe. He went off to his hotel room to put on his swimming suit and Jana and I went to our room to put on our suits.

That was when I realized Jana and I were very different girls. We thought about things differently and we definitely wanted different things. My swimming suit was a two piece, but the bottoms covered my whole butt and were lined so there was no “camel toe.” The top covered my breasts completely and the cups were lined so if my nipples got hard, they wouldn’t show through. The fabric was sort of a knit and fairly thick, so it didn’t look like I was trying to be sexy. It wasn’t a bikini, but a swimming suit meant for covering up a teen girl’s body so she could play in the water. The navy color and the lining didn’t let anything show through. Jana’s suit was definitely a bikini. It was tiny. The top covered her nipples, but some of the upper curves of her breast seemed to swell and spill over so they were clearly on display. Her under boobs and side boobs showed up just as clearly. The bottoms of her bikini covered her crotch and butt crack, but not much more. My judgmental nature came to the surface, and I said, “Jana, you might as well go to the pool naked.”

Jana laughed and said, “I would if it made Uncle George grab me. I’ve wanted him to make love to me from before girls are supposed to have sexual desires, but he insists on being a proper and ethical gentleman. I mean, we aren’t even related, so it wouldn’t be incest! I think going naked would just get me in trouble with the pool staff and that would be more annoying than sexy for Uncle George. Do you think this bikini will get his attention and show him I’m female and sexy enough to be worth his time?”

I said, “Jana, he’s married! Girls who chase married guys always end up sad and alone. Besides, if you did get him into bed, it would be fornication and adultery, so you’d both go to hell. A short time of pleasure isn’t worth an eternity of being tormented in hell.”

Jana laughed at me. She said, “When I first started going to visit their house in Baguio, Auntie May and Uncle George would make love every single night. Most nights they would be doing it for hours and sometimes they did it all night. Auntie made lots of noises, like she really loved it. The last couple of years, there aren’t any sexy, happy noises coming from their bedroom, just snores. Before he died my daddy told me that if a couple stop having sex it is almost always the woman’s fault. I think Auntie worries too much about her businesses and isn’t taking care of Uncle George any more. He always treats her really well and he’s really sweet to her all the time. I don’t think it’s a sin to take care of a good man who isn’t getting what he needs from his wife.

I know Uncle George cares about me because of all he does to help me be able to afford to go to a good school. Mom could never afford to send me to a private school if Uncle George didn’t buy my supplies and uniforms. Even when I had growth spurts and went through several pairs of shoes in a year, he got new ones for me as soon as I need them. The great thing about Uncle George is that he never makes me get the cheapest ones. With shoes, he always gets me real leather, not plastic. He always asks me if they are comfortable to walk in, not how much they cost. It makes me feel like he thinks I’m worth more than the cheapest.

“I’d like to find out what he did to auntie for her to make all those happy noises, and I’d like to have him do those things to me. I think I’d be a much better wife for him than auntie, because I’d give him all the sexing he wants. If auntie’s happy noises are any indication, I’d love it, so there wouldn’t be any hardship doing my wifely duty any time he wanted. I’d always wear sexy lingerie and nightgowns for him, and I wouldn’t let myself turn into a butterball, like Auntie May did. I’d act slutty enough with him so he was always horny for me and I’d love to make love with him all night long. I’d make him so happy he’d want to dress me up in pretty, sexy clothes and show me off at the nicest places in town.”

For some reason that made me mad. Uncle George always treated me like I was an intelligent and worthwhile person. It seemed to me that Jana was thinking like a whore and was more interested in what she was going to get out of it than being a good lover and partner. I didn’t say anything because I was really confused at that point. I’d never liked a boy enough to want to hold hands or kiss. I’d definitely never been attracted to an old man. Now I was having these weird feelings like I wanted to be the one to make love to and take care of Uncle George. He was a really nice man, and I thought he deserved a sweet girl like me, not a mercenary minded, manipulative bitch.

I was really surprised that a thirteen-year-old was talking about sex like it was no big deal. I had no experience, but to me, giving my virginity to a man was a major life decision and the consummation of mutual desire was a very important life event. Up to that moment, I thought a couple should only have sex after the wedding ceremony. Now I wasn’t sure about anything.

Jana wiggled into her little bikini and we went out to the pool. Jana got Uncle George to go in the pool with her right away. I was pretty sure she could swim better than she was showing right now. It seemed like she was rubbing her body all over Uncle George and using the swimming lesson as an excuse to show off her breasts to him. Her tits weren’t much bigger than mine, but I admit I was jealous that she had curves spilling out of her bikini top. I could see that Uncle George’s eyes were on her body, caressing her breasts and between her legs with his gaze.

I paddled over to them acting as clumsy as I could. I grabbed Uncle George like I was afraid I’d sink. I was able to rub my breasts against his arm, his back, and his chest. When Jana let go to paddle over to the side of the pool I threw my arms around Uncle George’s neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. I pressed my swim suit covered mons tightly against his swim trunks. I grinned when I felt the hard cock his swim suit covered. I wiggled my hips until his dick was pointing straight up and I rubbed my clit against his hardness through our suits. I’d never done anything like that before. I didn’t masturbate very much because it made me feel so guilty to be committing such a terrible sin. I did get so horny sometimes that I couldn’t help myself and rubbed myself until I had an orgasm. Rubbing against Uncle George’s hardness made me feel like I would climax very quickly if I could rub against him out of the swimming pool.

Jana saw what I was doing and swam across the pool a lot more competently than she had before and she crossed the distance a lot faster than I expected. Before I could collect myself, Jana was pulling my hair and holding my head under water. She tried to make it look like she was playing, but I knew she was in battle mode. She didn’t yell at me or call me a bitch in front of Uncle George, but I knew she was thinking he was hers and I was trying to steal him. I was shocked at myself when I had to admit that’s exactly what I was doing.

Uncle George pulled Jana off of me and I caught my breath. Jana ran off in a huff. I kept my legs wrapped tightly around his body and that kept my clit rubbing against his hard cock. He looked down, into my eyes. I felt like my body was turning to hot liquid. He whispered, “Did you feel the earthquake?”

“Yes, it had to be at least a 7.0 and the vibrations went through my entire body,” I replied.

He grinned at me and asked, “So it was intentional?”

I grinned back and said, “I’m not the kind of girl to let accidents happen; especially when such important parts of our bodies are involved in the collision. Were you moved the way I was?”

He laughed and said, “You could tell I was moved, but I’m not going to do anything more about it. I’m married and you are underage.”

I heard myself say, “Usually if a couple was sexually active but they suddenly stop, it’s almost always the woman’s fault. I can tell you are a really good man, and you deserve to have a woman taking care of you. You know men stay healthy a lot longer if they have a woman keeping toxic liquids from building up in his body. If Auntie May doesn’t want to take care of you, I’d be proud to relieve the built-up pressure and drain those toxic liquids for you.”

Uncle George said, “That’s the best offer I’ve ever had, but I don’t see how I can take you up on your offer without causing a disaster of epic proportions.”

I grinned at him and said, “Can you imagine a girl smart enough to make things happen and dreams come true?”

George laughed hard and when he caught his breath he said, “I can definitely admit there are girls smarter than me. Are you telling me to leave it up to you?”

I said, “I’ve got an idea or two. If you try to instigate, your disaster prediction will almost certainly come true. If you let me be the bad guy, things may work out better for everyone. Well, everyone but Jana. You know she’s in love with you, in her way, and she’s going to be really upset if she doesn’t get you in bed. She has been wanting to give you her virginity since she was a pre-teen, so it is going to shake her world if you pick someone else. I don’t need to explain to you why you SHOULD pick someone else, do I?”

“No Gem, I understand that the ‘in her way’ is not the way I’d like,” George said.

George went to his room to get dressed for lunch and I went back to the hotel room I was sharing with Jana to try to patch things up.

She was face down on her bed, sobbing. I sat down on the edge of the bed and put a hand on her shoulder. I said, “Jana, I’m sorry. I’ve never been interested in guys before, and I fell for Uncle George so fast and so hard it really left me not knowing what to do. I know you are used to getting your way, and you are really used to having guys chase you. Uncle George is different from boys our age and Filipino males in general. He doesn’t think you guys are a good match. Your personality is so different from his and the things you want are so different, he’s already decided he won’t let you seduce him. It’s just going to cause you a lot of pain if you keep clinging to your girlhood fantasy. I know it’s been in your imagination for a long time, but Uncle George isn’t going to fall in love with you just because you wiggled your tits at him, and you aren’t going to take Auntie May’s place.”

Jana sniffled and said, “So is it a done deal? Is he going to be your lover and the answer to all your prayers?”

I laughed and said, “It’s a lot more complicated than that. I still am not sure exactly what I want. It scares me to have these new feelings that are making me act completely differently from the way I’ve always thought I should behave. George and I have to work out what we want, but we also have to find out what Auntie May wants or can put up with.”

Jana frowned and said, “I don’t think I misread Uncle George so badly. I’m pretty sure he wants to take me to bed. I think he wants me to be the dirty girl who keeps his motor running long after guys his age have given up and accepted the rocking chair.”

I nodded and said, “I agree with you. He wants you. He was stripping you naked and making love to you with his eyes when you were showing off your body this morning. The thing is, Uncle George is a thinking man, and he isn’t going to act impulsively. He told me that if he took you to bed it would end up as a disaster for everyone involved. I hope you can understand that he isn’t a man you can lead around by his dick. He is not going to do something he thinks will be bad for him, no matter how sexy you look or act. Uncle George isn’t selfish though, and one of the main reasons he won’t let you seduce him is that although he would really enjoy sex with you, he is certain it would end up making you unhappy. He is afraid you’d stay with him even though you were miserable because you know all about his third wife leaving him when he was diagnosed with cancer. He definitely doesn’t want a girl to stay with him unless it’s making her happy to be there.”

I could tell that Jana was going through different stages of grief over finding out that Uncle George wasn’t going to jump in bed with her. She was past denial, finally. Now she tried bargaining with me, asking, “Do you think we could share him and you can keep us from making each other unhappy?”