Chapter 2

I’d spent most friday night watching clips of hers till I decided no more. I felt I was getting obsessed and frankly, too excited when I should be keeping my expectations as low as possible. So rather than buying every video- I had paranoid ideas that she would know it was me and that would ruin everything- I stopped browsing porn and decided to keep myself occupied over the weekend.

I spent most of Saturday walking around town. Occasionally I’d go in a shop and think about buying something before realising I don’t have nearly enough money and head on to another shop but I was largely just trying to get out of my flat for the day.

I decided to head into a pharmacy to get a few things before I headed home to spend my day resisting the urge to watch more of her video previews.

As soon as I got in I realised there was a queue of 5 or 6 people so I quickly found what I wanted and got in line. As I neared the front I realised there were two women stood by the counter not being served by the young man. It took a while to finally find out what was going on.

The two women were wearing what I have now learned was a black chador- effectively a full cloak that acts a little like a burka except almost all the face is visible. When I finally got to the counter I leant over to the nearest figure who appeared to be a middle eastern woman in her 50s and asked politely if they were queuing as they were there before me.

She stared blankly at me and turned away. It was then that I saw the other figure’s face. A few inches shorter than the older lady was a beautiful young women without a spot of make up on with her hair entirely covered by her clothing. I was struck by the familiar image in front of me for several moments as my mind failed to compute what was in my sights before I realised it was Nadia.

She recognised me long before I did her. Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. She looked shocked. She looked at the older lady to check she wasn’t looking before shaking her head rapidly apparently trying to stop me from saying hello.

“They won’t be served by a man.” said the young Pakistani man from behind the counter. Clearly irritated by their behaviour.

“They refuse. So they’re waiting for ‘er husband” nodding to the older woman “ ... and ‘er Dad...” nodding at this new version of Nadia, “to pay for everything.”

I looked over again as they both looked at me. Nadia looked terrified whilst the older woman- her mother- looked bored with us.

“Oh right...” I said, giving them both a casual smile as if this were a perfectly normal thing to happen. I quickly bought my things and went to leave. I looked back and met Nadia’s eyes briefly. I was trying to read her expression. Biting firmly on her bottom lip she seemed to be grateful that I didn’t say anything but also something else. Maybe sadness? Fear? I couldn’t tell. As I was about to leave I stepped aside to let a large, dark man with an impressive beard of around 60 entered. He thanked me for waiting and walked on to the counter. As I left the shop I saw him dealing with Nadia and her mother- I just met her father.

As I walked home I was just out of it. My initial thought was how much more polite her father seemed than her mother and how he was fairly old to be her dad ... Then I realised ‘Who cares about that?!’- why the fuck was I preoccupied with such small details when the huge subject was Nadia’s apparent double life. She certainly didn’t want to talk to me- or at least me talk to her.

After getting home I watched 3 of her preview videos before promising not to watch any more once again. I just couldn’t combine these two people into one body, they were absolutely antithetical to one another. What ensued was a weekend of drinking and football with friends to try and stay away from being alone in my flat. At one point I considered talking to a friend about it while drunk but realised the ethanol had turned me absurdly stupid for even thinking about it

So along came Monday morning. I had nothing planned- I didn’t know how to even approach it. So I went through things as normal. I worked with my door closed so I only knew Nadia was there when I thought i heard her arrive- normally she always said hello, but not today- and an hour and a half later when she sent me an email with some documents I needed. Nothing personal written in the email, just the most basic information.

Eventually after two hours of no contact I called her in. I didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t this. She wore a red far shorter skirt than normal with what seemed to be stockings underneath and a white blouse with buttons open down to near the bottom of her chest exposing her lilac coloured push up bra. Her light brown breasts were thrust out, on display as they bounced slightly with each step. But it was her face which made me most confused. She was wearing very heavy make up: bright red lipstick, thick mascara and fake eyelashes, blusher on her cheeks ... I don’t know what it’s all called- make up! She looked ... Ridiculous. And also generic. She was still beautiful of course, but it wasn’t her.

“I ... Nadia? What’s going on?” I asked, from my desk.

“Ah Hello James, anything I can help you with?” She replied, apparently very upbeat.

I realised she was ignoring the situation.

“Nadia, sit down.” I gestured towards the chair in front of my desk. Her smile waivered as she took her seat.

“What happened on Saturday?” I asked.

“Oh ... Not much, did you have a good weekend?” She ignored the point.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” I said, bluntly. Her expression immediately relented and she started biting her bottom lip just as I’d seen in that pharmacy.

“I-I ... I’m sorry! I ... Please don’t get rid of me! I don’t want to leave here. I like it here. I lke working with you. You’re so nice to me ... I- I’ll do anything. Like I said, I want you to do anything you want with me. That’s what I want this to be like. You can ... I’ll let you do anything, crazy things ... You can fuck me up the bottom every day! I ... I’ll drink your piss all day! I’ll fuck all your friends! I’ll suck the whole office! I’ll fuck your dog! Anything, please don’t get rid of me!”

Her eyes were watering and her expression had completely changed. She mistook my silence as a negative response and her heavy mascara started to run down her soft brown cheeks.

“What? Nadia ... Calm down. Why would I get rid of you? I think you’ve been fantastic. You’re intelligent, funny, good at your job ... Beautiful, of course...” I said that last line tentatively but it at least made her wipe her tears and look up again. “Why on Earth would you think I was going to get rid of you?” I asked, finally.

She sniffed quietly. “Because I lie. I’m not who you think I was...” Her accent was stronger and English weaker as she tried to calm down from being upset.

“But ... Nadia. You’re upset. Is that why you’re dressed differently? Why you’re wearing so much make up? You thought I’d get rid of you?”

She shrugged and nodded, still biting that bottom lip. “I got changed in the bathroom because I didn’t want everyone to see me looking like this for you ... Unless you want me like this from now?”

I paused and smiled. “Nadia. Go and get changed into your normal clothes and wash your face. Then come back in here and we’ll talk.”

She nodded and stood to leave, I looked at her stocking clad legs as she raised from the chair.

“Nadia?...” She looked around to me. “I really, really don’t want to get rid of you.” I said, trying not to sound quite as infatuated as I really was. She smiled and left the room.

After about ten minutes she gently knocked on the door and came in. Her clothes were back to normal: a knee length grey pencil skirt, dark blouse and black blazer. She now had no make up on after washing the rest away.

I smiled as she sat back down in the same seat.

“Nadia, why would you think I would get rid of you?” I asked, now she had calmed down.

“Because I lied. About who I am. And you saw me looking all ugly with no make up- like this- and covered up and-”

I interrupted her: “Nadia, you never lied. I never asked you about yourself really. I didn’t want you to feel I was trying to chat you up as my employee!” She shrugged with a small smile. “And ugly?” I started to feel more bold, “You look stunning no matter what you wear. You look amazing right now.”

She smiled, still holding a tissue in her hand. “I meant what I say. About my old boss and now you. I want that kind of thing with you now. You know? Anything? With my old master, I didn’t tell him much about me, he just bossed me at work but you could do anything you want with me!”

I was intimidated to be honest. I wasn’t prepared for this kind of thing so I tried to calm things down again.

“First, Nadia, don’t call me master. I don’t want us to talk anything but normally ... Even if ... When, I tell you to do things.” She nodded. “Secondly, I think you need to tell me about yourself, why you want this and who you are. I don’t really know you properly.”