“Why don’t we start this off with you telling me the earliest of it you can remember Jacquelyn, take your time.” She said and by she, I mean Dr. White. I was coming to see her after a life altering incident ... Or incidents and this was part of the debriefing process I guess you could say. Working towards coping with it. I take in a breath and slowly exhale, “Okay, Doctor ... I’ll do my best...” I reply to her, feeling nervous about it all together. This will be the first time I truly discuss it. “Just breathe, close your eyes and think back. Then tell me what you see.” She nods on for me to do so.

I lean back closing my eyes as instructed, focusing on breathing and slowly remembering back to the beginning. Flashes keep coming to light but I ignore them as I begin to feel my eyes twitching behind my lids. Trying to focus and make my way to the beginning ... There! “There I was standing, innocently minding my own business getting fuel at a gas station. I vaguely remember an SUV pulling up behind me at the pump, an older man getting out of the vehicle and walk towards me ... It gets foggy from there and I kind of recall being shuffled into a backseat and being dizzy ... or groggy, I can’t remember. I do however remember the parts after that as if they were a horrific dream.” I state rubbing my forehead.

I had woken up feeling a cool breeze across my back, looking around quickly finding myself in some cage. Similar to a large kennel, I can hear steps nearing me, crunching of dirt as I realize the cool earth beneath my palms as I push myself up. I walk to the wall of the cage gripping the links trying to peer towards the sounding steps. I catch a glimpse of myself in a nearby mirror and look. Almost in shock as I stand there bare skin, hair messed, even see leaves caught in it as there’s visible dirt imprinted along my flesh. I stare a few more moments in disbelief as a tall figure approaches the linked wall. I can’t really see much about him ... He has a mask covering his face and is wearing a white lab coat. The motions his masked head makes tells me he’s surveying me.

“What ... What am I doing here?” I manage to squeak out ... Realizing how dry my throat is, wondering how long it’s been, how long I’ve been here. I wait for a reply but they don’t make a sound. They barely even move until they reach into their coat and withdraw what looks to be a syringe. My heart quickens as feeling of anxiousness crept into mind. I quickly went to move away and go to the opposite side but it wasn’t long before I heard the gate slam open. The loud rattling of clinks filled the air as they still didn’t speak but I heard the shuffle of their steps. I tried to move fast before feeling the breath knocked from me. My face hitting the ground as their weight crushed me. I wheeze as I feel the sharp stinging pain consume the back of my shoulder. The pain is only intensified as they press against my body and the back of my head to stand theirselves up with a grunt. They swiftly leave, the gate clinking behind them as they secure it, listening to the crunching earth below them as they walk farther away.

I gradually regain my breath as I lay there. Staring across the ground, vision wandering around trying to take in my environment ... Except there isn’t much to take in. Seems to be nothing more than a kennel within a shed, or a barn? I push myself up as I hear something. A faint shuffling and grunted whispers. I can’t tell where it’s coming from, which is confusing me even more. I roam to each linked wall trying to find the source of the sound, but I can’t see! There’s nothing to see! I feel blind without being so. The grunts continue, closer than before, almost as if they’re nipping at my ears. I quickly turn thinking the coated figure was back, but again nothing.

I creep to a darkened corner of the cage and huddle myself. Hoping the grunts will end. Hoping whatever it is filling the air calms. I rest my face against my knees softly rocking as I see the mirror again, able to view myself. Pathetic and weak, that’s all I see. I continue to stare as I rock, the grunts turning into snarls, feeling them on the nape of my neck. Again ... Nothing is there, void space. The burning in my shoulder continuing, seeming to increase with the sounds, the sensation of heated breath. I run my hands over my neck and shoulder, hoping I can wipe away the feeling. Instead I only find myself worried when I feel a pulsing heat. My skin thrumming against my palm at the injection site, sensing a warm kiss of my skin. I yank my hand away quickly staring at it and trying to look at my shoulder. I don’t see anything again, but I feel so much. My flesh begins to crawl, as the warmth spreads like a rippling wave.

There’s a hissing in my ear, a breath against my ear lobe. I can see in the mirror I’m still alone ... In this dark corner huddled in panic. I feel a warmth sweep over my breast in a gripping motion. I lean back and look and I can almost feel as though I could see a hand quickly retreating from under eyes. I scurried from the corner clawing at the dirt. I feel a pressure against my back, brushing my skin, pulling on the sides of my torso. The ground beneath me darkening, and cracking. Light erupting through the breaks as I notice them traveling to my foot. My leg beginning to appear is if it’s about to shatter, dried out, and about to crumble in appearance as my breast feel a tug again. The ground begins to reach up grabbing at my vulva, the heat transferring as I reach down trying to push the earth away.