My family has a like, tradition? It’s like an open secret in the family but like, I guess only because we just don’t like, you know, talk too much about it? I like, so don’t even know how I found out. It’s been like, you know, something I’ve always known? But like, now, like it’s different, ya know? Oh, maybe you don’t know. Like, what the open secret is, you know?

Tomorrow is like, totally my birthday. I’ll like, be totally sixteen. My sister, like you know, is already 18 but like, I remember when she like, had her sweet sixteen. But I’m like, totally a dude and all. Anyway, I like, think that grams, like back in the olden days before there were like, cars and stuff, like totally started this and like it’s been done for like a hundred years on mom’s side of the family and like, you know, it’s tradition and all, like, you know?

Dude! This is like, you know? Embarrassing and stuff? But like, well mom says that if it’s too embarrassing, I could like, totally ruin a family tradition. So I can’t like, be embarrassed tomorrow and stuff? So like, I’m doing my own like, you know, like essay? Like as if it were like, you know, like being graded and stuff? I’m doing it like, so I’ll totally get over it and like, not, you know, be nervous and stuff?

Tomorrow at breakfast, you know this is kinda big shit and stuff? So it’s like, totally okay to be like, nervous? Just not like, you know, embarrassed and stuff? I am a virgin. Shit. Like I just totally wrote that, you know? But like, tomorrow at breakfast, mom’s gonna give me my like, my birthday present and stuff. But like, I already like, you know, know what it is and stuff? And like, tomorrow it’s like, kinda really going to like, you know, happen!

My mom is like totally a fox. Dad like totally says it’s his job to like, totally, you know, like keep her like, totally fit and slim? I don’t know if that’s like, true or anything but like, I’ve seen him like, you know, like tell her she like totally has to run five miles if she, like, wants that cheesecake and stuff? So you know? Maybe he does? Help her to like, you know, keep fit? So like everyone at school thinks my mom’s like a total MILF and stuff, you know? Sometimes it’s hard to like, you know, pretend to get like, you know, mad at my buds for saying shit like that?

I just totally read over what I wrote and like, there’s a lot of repeat words and stuff? That’s because I’m like, totally nervous. What if it doesn’t like, you know, work tomorrow? My junk. I mean what if, like tomorrow and stuff, I can’t get like a major boner and stuff? But my mom. She’s like totally hot and stuff. I think my little brother Darryn, is like totally jealous that I’m like, the one that’s sixteen tomorrow? He just totally doesn’t know. He totally doesn’t understand like, you know, the pressure and stuff they’re like, putting me under right now? Any other time, like even now, just thinking about it, I’ve like, you know, got major wood?

Oh, I didn’t like say what it was. The like, totally open secret? No one outside the family knows. But we all know, ya know? Mom’s present, like her mom gave uncle Dan and her mom gave grampa Jessie. And like probably like, totally his mom’s mom gave him too? Thinking of uncle Dan popping wood for grams is like totally barfacious, but like, at the same time, it’s like, pretty cool too, ya know? And grams is still kicking it too, so it’s like, totally possible for me and like, you know, her, too? To like, you know, practice the horizontal hula too. Grampa is like, you know, like, totally strict with her and doesn’t mind people knowing it.

Not like dad. Dad’s like, you know, cool about it. Like, even now, you know, like he doesn’t you know, like bend her over the table in front of everyone and you know, like lift her skirt and like spank her butt in front of like, everyone? He like, asks her for like, a private word and stuff. Even though I’m like, you know, starting to understand like, you know, he doesn’t use words.

Grampa does and I like, totally wonder if grams fucks up like, you know, on purpose? Like, because after like being married like a hundred years and stuff, she’d like, you know, just know to call him Sir by now. Grampa just doesn’t, you know, like care, if we’re at a family reunion or anything. If she like, doesn’t call him Sir every like, you know, like every time she talks to him, he just like, tells her to assume the position and she like, just, you know, does it and stuff.

She just like, you know, finds a counter or table to totally bend over. She even like, you know, lifts like, her own skirt and stuff. Even like, if she’s carrying something. She just like, totally holds onto it and stuff. While she’s like, you know, like bends over? She like, just does it immediately, like even though she like, still totally blushes a bit. She counts like, every slap and like, you know, thanks him for the reminder and stuff? And grams doesn’t like, you know, wear undies under her like, you know, her skirt? That was the first puss I saw, like, ya know? From the back? For years after that I like, totally thought all chicks were like, you know, bald down there and stuff?