Chapter 15

“So, Detective, that’s what went down, you see. I’m a retired soldier of fortune and they wanted me dead and gone. I must not have posted news of my retirement in time to catch them. I thought that someone else was the target, mainly Zahira, as a hate crime or something for her being a Muslim or being bi or something like that. Evidently, I was very much wrong about that, especially given the arson at my place,” I explained to the homicide cops from my hospital bed.

“I see. Well, I hear that the family of the burglar or squatter who was injured at your place is apparently eager to meet you, I hear. What ... was the nature of your relationship with her, because she seemed to be very drawn to your house in particular as if to a magnet? Like a moth to the flame, Mr. Gottlieb,” Detective Armin Hirsch persisted a bit, unsure by his facial expressions what to make of me.

“Ah, yes, Jeannette Noelle Lanier. Aged twenty-three. Born on March 21, the vernal equinox, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Daughter of Pierre and Angelique Lanier. Spent two years in reform school for burglarizing three homes in her own neighborhood. After that, the rap sheet continues to expand. It gets worse, at least from the burglary side of things. Including one year in the Louisiana Correctional Institute for Women, per a plea bargain with the DA.

“No violent crimes, mind you. Just basically cat burglary. This is a job for her, a career, albeit an illicit one. Since then, well, hasn’t been seen back in her hometown, but sure has shown up a lot in my neck of the woods,” I rattled off some stats about Jeannie, making the other detective’s eyebrows lift a bit.

“Fascinating trivia, but what precisely does it mean in this case?” Detective Sergeant Miriam Estrella probed a bit more.

“Sergeant, my point is that there is a lot of history at work here ... so much so that I found it necessary to research Jeannie Lanier’s lengthy criminal record. But also ... it stopped. Abruptly. No, I don’t mean that she stopped burglarizing people, just that she stopped getting busted. Why do you think that is?” I confronted the detectives with what was sure to be the whopper for them.

“I’m on the edge of my seat, Mr. Gottlieb,” Estrella continued.

“Because she has focused on me as her lone victim. That’s why. It’s a combination of obsession, stalking, and survival for her. For whatever reason, she determined that she should concentrate all of her hits on me and mine. You see, to further complicate things, I’ve never pressed charges against her. Regularly, like clockwork, she breaks into my place. I don’t even bother with locking that upstairs window anymore. I just cover it up, so as not to be obvious to other burglars or to home invaders. I’ve already moved anything really valuable out of her reach.

“Of course, she’s also fucked me several times, so there’s that. But she wanted different things from me than I wanted with her, so forget about a relationship beyond the purely physical. Still, I’ve never victimized by a lovelier perp, and if it keeps her from breaking and entering into other homes, so be it. I haven’t resumed any kind of intimacy with her for a while now, due to certain key differences, but I have tacitly allowed her to raid my house for whatever she needs to survive,” I briefed the detectives, much to their complete shock.

“You took a cat burglar as your lover? Talk about thinking with your dick! You must be very wealthy to afford such an elaborate welfare program. But then you stopped fucking her ... I just don’t see what you get out of this arrangement, Mr. Gottlieb. What do you do about insurance?” Hirsch now interjected.

“Well, actually, I just don’t file claims. At all. Not for that house. I take the loss. She doesn’t even bother to bring any weapons or anything with her these days. She slips in and out through that upstairs window, climbs up and down as necessary, As for the sex, that was nice, but it has stopped due to the growing tensions and conflict over her desire for monogamy and my push for her to quit this life of crime. I’ve even offered to let her crash as needed, to feed her from my kitchen, but that is something alien to her, so she has declined. This is ... what she knows. I won’t drop my other lovers and she won’t give up cat burglary, so we’re at an impasse,” I expounded a little more on Jeannie’s connection to me.

“Only now she’s paid a very high price for her chosen profession, wouldn’t you say, just as you have for yours. I can see now why you have an affinity for her. It’s not just ... lust, though that seems to be a factor, it’s not even love. It’s ... empathy. It’s the fact that you can understand what it’s like to choose a way of life that pays some rewards, but takes a high physical and emotional toll on you. To some extent, it’s not that unlike law enforcement in both cases.

“You’ve retired ... and you wanted to make it possible for her to retire, but she’s significantly younger and less mature than you, so she still thinks that she’s indestructible. At least until now. Now, I suspect that she’s been confronted by her mortality in a very painful and traumatic fashion,” Miriam observed, revealing considerable knowledge of the human psyche herself.

“So, he sees himself in Jeannie, and naturally feels the urge to lift a hand on her behalf, even shielding her from the normal consequences of her actions. He also thinks that by taking the hits himself, he saves other possible victims from being robbed. You haven’t been back in town lately. What was your exit strategy here? Let her squat eventually in your home?” Hirsch picked up from Estrella’s cues.

“Unlikely, as she declined the aforementioned previous offers to let her crash, but that was an option. Or at least some form of housesitting. Who better to stop burglars than another thief? As I said, I removed anything of real value to me a while back. The main issue was her apparent, stalkery obsession with me, but as long as I kept my distance, that was handled.

“Sure, she was a bit uncivilized in some ways, but I don’t believe to this day that she ever meant me any real harm. She’s just ... unable to really manage her emotions very well, cope as it were. If I were a shrink, I’d likely diagnose her with some form of autism, but as I’m not, I’ll leave that elephant in the room,” I commented as Karen entered the room again, with Nora in tow for now.

“Dr. Mancini says that’s a wrap for now,” Karen announced.

“No, give us a moment longer. I want to know ... just what is the extent of her injuries, Sergeant, Detective?” I asked them now.

“Wow ... she was in the wrong place at the wrong place, and she got killed for it, but you’re still worried about her health and welfare! Face facts, Mr. Gottlieb. It might be a weird, sick, twisted, psychotic form of it, particularly on her end, even a bit eccentric on hers ... but you’re in love. With each other. I know people, Mr. Gottlieb, and I can tell the cues when a person has a strong emotional attachment to someone else.

“Plus, I’m a mother. And I’m a witch in Santeria. I have an intuition about these things. You love each other, but you can’t be what each of you thinks that the other should be. In your case, a faithful lover. In hers, a law-abiding citizen. You are drawn to each other like moths to the flame, just as my partner here noted. Plus you’re significantly older ... and richer than her. You have most of the power in this relationship, whereas she has almost none. You could press charges against her at any moment, but you’re not gonna do that to a woman that you love.

“Get help, Mr. Gottlieb. Both of you. Thank you for your time. Hasta luego,” the sergeant concluded, being a fairly conventional person in enough respects to regard the Jeannie situation as a bit bizarre.

“Anyway, she’s got burns, third-degree, but luckily for her, they’re limited to her feet. She might never walk again, odds are, and there is even talk of amputation. Forget any burglaries! Even so, I don’t expect that she’ll give up on a life of crime. It’s all she knows. She’ll just find another way to victimize people, probably you, especially if she blames you for this mess that she’s in now. Again, her family does want to speak to you, but you’re not obligated at all, just for the record,” Hirsch hung back to deliver his own message or sermon.