Chapter 17

It was Halloween evening. Lisa and I were hanging out in her apartment. We had just finished dinner and were snuggling in front of the television, in between the intermittent parade of costumed neighborhood kids taking advantage of the fact that our management team opened the building to them for trick-or-treating.

Just after Batman and Iron Man took their leave of us, Lisa’s phone rang.

“Hi Mom!”

“Oh, nothing much, just hanging out feeding a bunch of sugar addicts.”

“Oh, no. Is she all right?”

I shot a quizzical look at her, but she stayed me with a “wait a minute” hand signal.

“Oh, well, that’s good.”

“So what’s the plan? Is someone else going to do it?”

“Oh! Okay, that ought to be good.”

“Um ... yeah, I think I can do that...” She cast a glance at me. “ ... do I get a plus one?”

Sigh. “Yes, Mom, it’s the guy I’ve been telling you about.”

A little bit longer pause.

“Oh, well, that shouldn’t...”

“MOTHER!”

“No, Mom. Look, hang on a second...” She placed the phone against her shoulder and, clearly exasperated with her mother, blurted, “Do you want to come home with me for Thanksgiving?”

I was a bit taken aback for a moment, but managed to stammer out, “Uh ... sure. I ... I should be able to get the time off.”

She returned to her conversation. “Okay, yes, we’ll both be there.”

“Oh, thank you! That’s so nice of you!”

“Yeah, I’ll e-mail you all the information you’ll need.”

Just then there was a knock on the door. “Okay, Mom, there are more kids here. I’ll let you go. Love you. Bye!”

After she dispensed some mini Twix bars to a couple of Disney princesses, she returned to the living room to sit ... maybe more like collapse ... onto the couch, where she took a deep breath.

“Okay. My Great Aunt Charlotte usually hosts Thanksgiving dinner, but she fell and broke her leg the other day, so she’ll be laid up for six to eight weeks which means she’s not going to really be up for cooking Thanksgiving dinner. So my mom is hosting it instead and she’s inviting us over.”

I started turning this information over in my brain. “Okay ... so that means we are both going to ... Cleveland?”

“Cincinnati. Actually, my family lives just outside of Cincinnati, in a town called Amberley. And she offered to use her frequent flyer miles to buy both our tickets.”

“Oh! That’s very nice of her.”

Lisa sighed. “More like a bribe. I love my family, but they can be a bit much, so I tend to avoid the drama where I can, and holidays are always a lot of drama.”

I laughed. “Hey, you’re talking to the guy that basically lived that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I understand completely. But God knows I have plenty of reward points from staying in hotels in Phoenix, so I can take care of that part.”

“Oh ... no. Mom said we can stay with them. Actually, she made a point of saying she would be getting a new bed because she understood that my old mattress would be a little small for ... um...” Her cheeks flush. “ ... for being intimate, although that’s not quite how she put it.”

“Which we aren’t.” Topless makeout sessions were still as far as we had progressed, and even then only one time since that weekend. I was fine with that. Perhaps slightly frustrated at times, but okay with it nonetheless.

She cocked her head to the side. “Yet.” She then favored me with a lecherous grin before continuing. “But, no, I feel like that would be disrespectful to them anyway. So ... you in?”

I shrugged. “Sure. Gonna have to meet the family some time.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, Delta Airlines would like to welcome you to Cincinnati, where the local time...”

(“Wrong! I’m not in Cincinnati! I’m not even in Ohio!”)

We trudged down to the baggage-claim area where we had arranged for Lisa’s parents to meet us. Lisa had informed me that our quarry were named Diane and Jerry. I saw an older couple scanning the crowd as we approached, a medium-build woman with platinum-blonde hair that clearly came from a bottle ... and when I saw the balding man standing next to her, I realized I was looking at an older, craggled mirror of Lisa’s face.

The woman’s eyes looked toward us briefly and then continued scanning the crowd before she slowly returned her gaze to us.

I suspected that the haircut Lisa got last week, mostly taking off her shoulder-length locks in favor of a pageboy haircut, along with the new clothes she bought, were probably in anticipation of getting exactly this confused response.

“Lisa?” Diane asked in disbelief. “Oh, my God, you look fantastic!” She swooped in for a hug and a kiss as I reached over to shake Jerry’s hand and introduce myself before Diane also wrapped me in a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “John, welcome! We’ve heard so much about you!”

I nodded. “Thank you for having me.”

After gathering our bags, we headed out to the parking lot, which was a zoo, as any airport parking lot is on the day before Thanksgiving. As we loaded ourselves into their SUV, Diane informed us that we would be making a stop on the way home. “R.J. has to work today and tomorrow, but he asked us to bring you by so he can say hello.”