Chapter 1

“That burn is the taste of victory!” Felix cheered and slapped me on the back as the four of us slammed our shotglasses face down on the table. His hand went right up to spin for another round. “You’ve done it, you incontinent reprobate! You found a pretty girl. You flirted her into the ground. You left with her number and plans for Saturday. My little boy’s growing up...”

“Yeah, it was something else,” Raylea, Felix’s girlfriend, kicked me under the table. “Seriously, girl is hot. I didn’t think you’d have any luck after you screwed up with Sherry and Talsy.”

“It is pretty impressive when you offend the girls Raylea knows so much that she stops meddling in your love life.” Ike laughed.

“Watch your bragging, Ike. I’m still mad at you for ending things with Sherry.” Raylea elbowed him. “But there is this one girl who started on cash you might like.”

“See, she lives to get you and me laid.” Ike cheered as the bartender came over and dropped four more shots of whiskey in front of all of us.

“Celebrating?” He asked.

“You know that burger place down the street?” Felix asked.

“The Lion’s Pride or Princess Margaret Pub?” He asked pointing each direction. Felix didn’t answer, he simply continued.

“This little snot managed to chat up the waitress while we paid our bills.” Felix made a big gesture towards me. “Not something you’d expect to see on his resume.”

“Yeah, well done.” Bartender nodded.

“Thank you, sir,” I grinned lifting the fourth shot in a row. “Gentlemen?”

Raylea gave me the finger, but all four of us raised our glasses.

“To Evil.” We cheered and threw back the shot. I was taking it hard. Four shots and we hadn’t been in the bar forty minutes. The bartender laughed. “Another round?”

“Damned right,” Felix belched. “And one for yourself this time.”

“We’ll be switching to beer and slowing down after,” Raylea smiled from behind her glasses. She kicked Felix twice, “Won’t we?”

“I suppose.” Felix laughed. “What’s the name of your new bitch?”

“Adelaide.” I answered. The bartender turned his head and laughed at me. He came straight back, he was snubbing his other guests though the bar was about as full as it got on a random Tuesday night.

“From The Princess Margaret then?” The bartender confirmed. “You sure she’s not too much for you to handle?”

“Oh we know she is,” Ike laughed. “The fireworks are going to be great.”

“Well, my friend, all I can say is don’t fire her off a dick pic. She does not appreciate those.” The bartender warned. I nodded. I wasn’t in college anymore. I was a working man. Twenty four, stuck at the help desk of a Credit Union. This was going to be the first month where my only debt was crippling student loans. With work at 9 in the morning we were making great decisions.

We hadn’t planned to make it a drinking night. Out for food, burgers and a couple of beers, then call it a night. Then I clicked with Adelaide. Shit, I don’t know how. She was a gorgeous dark haired knockout. I was punching way above my weight class.

“To our wives and sweethearts,” Felix lifted the glass. Raylea smirked laughingly at him. We all raised ours and the bartender clicked in too. “May they never meet!”

I was definitely in need of a chaser. Our pile of glasses were now face down on his tray.

“IPA?” I croaked.

“Sure, anyone else?” He asked. Felix called for another round but Raylea said no and Felix acquiesced. She didn’t say no often, so Felix was apt to listen when she did. Ike called for a Coors Light and Felix joined me for the IPA.

“You know Adelaide?” Raylea asked. “Old flame?”

“Hardly a spark.” The bartender laughed. “She’s a bit guarded. Slow to open up. I was too stupid and determined to hit the ground running.”

“That sounds like the kind of girl he needs,” Raylea gestured at me. “If he takes his time she’ll get to know a great guy. Else, he’ll make a mess of things. Oh, no beer, just a diet coke. Five shots is a bit much.”

“I’ve seen you take more than five!” Felix growled. The couple smirked at each other and laughed. I always thought Felix was a little fucked and Raylea matched his crazy without going off any deep ends. That’s the kind of girl I wanted. Yeah, five shots might be a bit much for her and this hadn’t been our first stop. We had hit the Princess Margaret and had a couple of brews with dinner.

“Go Felix, you don’t need to wait on me. I’ll catch up in drinks later.” Raylea promised. I’m sure that was untrue. The bartender was soon back with our next round and the one after. It was a good night. My alarm clock was a dick.

“Fuckin’ hell!” What the hell was it? Seven? It was a double up on the deodorant and coffee kinda morning, not a get up in time for breakfast and a shower kinda morning...

Wait, that wasn’t my alarm! That was my ringer! I rolled over and slapped my night table but it wasn’t there. It took me a second to hear it from the floor. I strangled out of bed. I rushed over to my pants just in time to see the selfie I had taken with Adelaide disappear along with her name. Shit! I was going to immediately call her back but I realized she would have went to voicemail. I sat down, missed the edge of the bed and landed on the floor.

“Oh fuck! What the fuck did I do?” My voice was battered from dehydration. I had tabbed over to the texts and saw my first of many mistakes.

“Hi. Your lovely.” Not so bad. Disappointed with the grammar. Time stamped for 4am? Less good.

“Thinking of you.” Not so bad. Approved of the sentiment. A big selfie of my cock artistically set against the clear city nightscape off of my apartment’s balcony? Less good.

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” I muttered. I staggered up to my feet and crossed my apartment to shove my mouth under the kitchen faucet. My phone vibrated to tell me I had a new voicemail. “Well, at least she was angry enough to tell me off. Better chewed out than ghosted.”

I suffered through the chipper Virgin menu girl until she said, “You have ONE new voicemail. Message ONE.”

“Hi, um, Will? This is, um, Adelaide. I guess you went out celebrating after we talked, huh? Damn, I was really excited for a date this Saturday.” In the time it took her to take a deep breath I pounded my hand so hard on the counter, my phone flipped over. “But you sent me that picture and ... um...”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“It was so magnificent!” I just froze. I couldn’t process things as her breath hitched and her words started tumbling out her mouth in frantic glee. “I had dozens of those sent to me and I was always like ‘What the hell?’ but this time, I just got it. I really got it. It was one of the greatest things I’d ever received. Thank you! Thank you! I just, maybe I should come over? You work at the Credit Union? On Spring Garden or up by the mall? I um, maybe we could meet up for lunch. I don’t know if I can wait that long. Wow. I just. This is Adelaide by the way? Did I tell you that already? Um, hope you get this ... Call me.”

The message beeped off and I stared at my phone like it was a monster. I scrambled over and picked it up. I started typing. “Got your message. By the mall. Lunch at--”

She’s fucking sarcastic. I actually sighed in my relief when I realized. I took a long deep breath. I deleted my eager acceptance.

“I’m sorry, I acted so ungentlemanly. You deserve the best. Thank you for calling.” I sent the message. I really should throw up before I went to work. I really should call off like a bitch and go back to bed. I sucked in another mouthful of water from the still running tap. My alarm went off.

I was laughing. The stupid thing was so annoying. I guess that was the best kind of--

That selfie reappeared on the screen. Adelaide’s name was too bright a white for my hungover eyes. I snatched it up. “Good morning!”

“Hi, I got you!” She sounded relieved. “How are you?”

“I overpartied last night. My friends and I were so excited. You’re amazing and I didn’t think you’d say yes. I’m really--”

“I don’t think I can wait til lunch.” She interrupted. She was breathing in a labored hot way. I sprang more awake than I had ever been. “Come to my place ... For breakfast.”

I was too hungover. I shook my head. I think I deserved whatever revenge she had planned but I wasn’t capable of physically getting to it.

“I drank too much.” I declared. “I’m going to call off work and stay under my covers all day. I really am--”

“Do you want me to check in on you? I know a great place for greasy breakfast sandwiches. They’re my hangover cure.”

“That sounds amazing. It really does, I don’t think I can. I’m still up for Saturday, if you are?” I smiled into the phone. She was talking to me. Why not try for a home run even if the very idea of success was long since gone?

“It’s still only Wednesday.” She pleaded. “We don’t have to wait that long.”

“Then we won’t, I’ll call you tonight?”

“Tonight?” She seemed incredulous. “If it has to be that long. I’m working though, afternoon till midnight. I could quit and--”

“Maybe I should visit you at work then?” I decided. Somewhere neutral, where she had to be on her best behavior and I could finally say I’m sorry. It’s always better to do in person.

“I’ll be there.” She promised.

“Good,” I held my stomach as it somersaulted. I had gulped down too much water. “See you soon, Adelaide.”

“As soon as I can!” She promised. “Will?”

I don’t know if I hung up in her ear. I’m not certain she had tried for that last question. I wanted to make sure she didn’t hear me retch into the kitchen sink. I staggered back. I felt a million fold better. I took another drink from the tap and opened the kitchen window. Hopefully, the whole place wouldn’t stink when I got back to bed.

“Fuck,” I dialed work as I lay face down on my pillow. “Hi, Atlantic Credit Union, this is Jessenia speaking. How may I direct your call?”

“Jess, it’s Will,” I murmured. I shook my head and pulled my face from the pillow. “Jess, hi, it’s Will.”

“You sound like hell,” she tutted. “Coming in late, or taking the day off?”

“It’s that easy?” I worried. This was the first job where I wasn’t given the third degree and threatened with firing if I didn’t have a doctor’s note by the start of my next shift.

“You can’t deal with any customers sounding like that. Take one of your sick days. Feel better.”

“Thanks, love you.” I smiled and collapsed.

“Uh, you’re welcome. Get well soon, Will.” I was asleep before she ended the call.

My phone ringing knocked me awake. I figured it was a half second after calling off work; it was closer to three hours. I flailed and slapped and grabbed my phone.

“Graagh! Is not a word you goof. Buzz me in!” Raylea’s voice cleaved into my brain folds. I fumbled to bring up the number pad and hit the buzzer. I was asleep again before I asked why she was here. She stormed in my apartment. I flinched as the door slammed behind her. She crossed into my room and yanked the blanket off of me. “Shit what? How?” I shook myself and climbed up. I was still wearing my shirt and sweater from last night. My jeans were crumbled on the foot of my bed. My socks had fallen off the mattress. I ran my hand over my boxers to make sure I wasn’t flashing her. I looked up to her and claimed, “None of those are words...”