6 - Kicking the Tires

For the first time, in the twenty six months they had worked together, known each other, and been friends, Darlene called Elizabeth “bitch” with no love in her heart. She did smile though: a rictus grin calcified from years of experience in extracting tips.

Owen was here. Yeah, that green haired slut was sitting across from him. Goddammit! Darlene! Janice is his cousin. Worry about the other slut! She convinced herself for a moment. The other girl. Tamara, a little bit older than Janice, a little more worn out? Probably not. Still hot though, just not too fucking pretty like the hippy--

“Order’s up. Table four.” Carlos snapped Darlene out of her murder fantasies. There had to be some way to drop a piano on a bitch. Or just a real big safe.

“Hey,” Elizabeth approached Owen’s table. “Another girl? Pretty too. I’m Elizabeth, I fill this goof full of chicken fingers.”

“Tamm--Tamara.” She turned her head over her shoulder to smile at Owen deeper in the booth. “Old friend.”

“OK.” The waitress smiled. She looked over Owen. He needed a haircut, maybe a shave, or a few full months without one. “How’s the wrist?”

“Collecting fans.” Owen waved the cast. Elizabeth saw two new colors of Sharpie. “You set the trend.”

“Yeah,” She said. The big heart over the eye in her name. She blushed. Frustrated. C’mon Elizabeth! Just ask--

“You going to ask the question?” Janice’s voice was aimed at Owen but it shocked Elizabeth. Janice was uncontained excitement. She had the kind of smile that did long term muscle damage to the cheeks. Her eyes were running all over Elizabeth’s body. Owen didn’t react quickly. Janice refused to wait. “Hey, this nutbar gave you one of Grandpa’s silver coins, yeah?”

“Do you want it back?” Elizabeth hoped. She stuffed her hand in one of the pockets of her little black apron. The coin rolled under the tip of her ring finger. She pulled it into her fist but she couldn’t bring herself to take it out.

“No, I’m not gonna renege on that kinda thing.” Owen said softly. He looked guilty, a little bit excited. The guilt was consumed as the excitement grew. “Wanna hear something funny?”

“Sure, alongside your new friend’s drink orders.”

“Red wine.” Tamara grinned. “Do you wanna split a bottle with me?”

She was asking Janice. The green haired cousin tilted her head and smiled a more reasonable smile. “I don’t need to be drunk. Diet Coke, same as usual.”

“Diet Pepsi OK? As usual?” Elizabeth tried to joke, tried to keep a semblance of her sanity. It wasn’t totally successful. It was good to have the touchstone.

“See, this is why we love her.” Janice grinned. Elizabeth might’ve enjoyed the compliment if she wasn’t confused about what happened.

“And Tall Ship for Owen,” said the waitress. She almost didn’t ask. “And supposedly something funny?”

“Yeah, um,” Owen had a nice goofball smile. He was fit. He was a terrible dresser. Elizabeth stalled on a breath as Owen spoke. “The coins, they’re um, supposedly, a little bit, as it happens, cursed.”

“Oh thank God!” Elizabeth huffed and let some of the power in her spine slack. For the first time since she had bribed the Tipless Dykes to get the coin out of Roxxi’s tits, Elizabeth relaxed. She blinked. She laughed. Cursed! A week ago she would’ve sneered or just walked faster by anyone talking of curses. Now she had an explanation. “Um, wait, what’s the curse?”

“It’s a bad mojo,” Janice lowered voice and amplified her cheesy campfire ghost story voice, “A dark and terrible black magic. It does the unthinkable. It gets you laid.”

“OK, I’m going to go get your drinks.” Elizabeth laughed relief and left the table. She wasn’t smiling behind the bar, but she was calmer. A curse! Elizabeth had seen enough mummy movies to know one thing for certain, curses can be broken. She needed to know what a curse was, what it did, how it played.

Wait! Get her laid? Was she going to have to sleep with Owen? Christ ... She raised her head and took a surreptitious glance at Owen. He was, well it wouldn’t be a chore at least. God, Janice had her fingers steepled and was cackling like a supervillain. It could’ve been worse, Janice could’ve inherited the coins.

There was still a question bothering her. Sure, she was kind of excited to try out another guy. Darlene had a number close to sixty. Owen would be Elizabeth’s seventh. Two in high school, three in college, then Brett. Now Owen.

Was Brett the one? They said I love yous and she still meant them months and months later. She wasn’t giving him up without a fight. She was certainly willing to fuck Owen to get back to her boyfriend. Was that fucked up? She clenched her teeth. Her brunette coworker hurried by her with trays of burgers and poutine. This couldn’t get back to Darlene. That girl had no success with secrets. Couldn’t let Darlene cost her Brett. Not for just one night, one afternoon, one hour. Hell, maybe she could make it a handful of minutes. Unless, it had to be good sex. She needed to give Owen an honest aggressive run of it. It’d all be good then. She smiled. She poured the wine into a glass. Darlene can’t know. There’s no way Brett would buy “I had to cheat on you. I was cursed.”

“She’s prettier than she is sane,” Tamara said of the waitress when she had walked from the table. “I mean. She bought it in a second. I think I believe it now, but I’ve been going back and forth all morning. I think.”

“The shower and the elevator didn’t help?” Owen smiled at Tamara. Tamara lowered her eyes but she didn’t blush as Owen remembered. Tamara came back up with heat in her grin.

“We all buy it. And you have like 10 more right? Tamara and Elizabeth! Oh shit and Darlene,” Janice leaned closer to whisper. “Nine more!”

“8, remember Frieda?” Owen displayed the name on his cast.

“Right ... Friends ... Small setback, we can still get our harem of hot millionaire chicks. Hollywood actresses. JK Rowling!” Janice reclined in the booth and steepled her fingers. The Mwahahaha was a bit much.

“That’s not the whole curse Janice.” Owen sighed. “Their enemies right?”

“Yeah,” Janice drummed her fingers on the table. “But, I mean, you buy the hot Hollywood starlet and you get a side of Harvey Weinstein’s fortune. Cha-ching! And then, when you can’t use the magic anymore, you can go about the time honored tradition of buying hot girls.”

“No.” Owen said. “This is crazy dangerous. I need a handle on this.”

“You don’t mean no, you mean not yet.” Janice pointed out. The green haired girl looked over Tamara. “OK, fresh meat, what’re you good for?”

“Um...” Tamara looked at Owen and then back at Janice. “Sex?”

“I’m convinced!” Janice laughed. “What a keeper!”

“What’re you asking!” Tamara huffed.

“I’m still worried about you, Janny.” Owen said. “You’ve been pushing Tamara around for days. If I bought her body, than maybe I bought yours.”

“Pfft, yeah, I guess so.” Janice shrugged. She nibbled her lip as she thought. The table was quieted down for a moment. Darlene wandered up to the table.

“Hey lover.” She grinned.

“Hi,” Owen replied. He let the kneejerk stiffness he had for her fall away.

“Busy tonight?” Darlene asked.

“I--”

“Tell her what to wear.” Janice kicked Owen under the table.

“What?” Owen looked over. “Black lingerie? Stop kicking me Janice.”

“I’ve got just the thing.” Darlene grinned. She gave Janice and Tamara smug smiles and headed away as Elizabeth arrived with the drinks.

“Maybe you’re onto something.” Janice said.

“What? Uh, thank you.” Owen divided his attention between his cousin and the waitress as the beer was placed in front of him.

“Thank you.” Tamara murmured for her wine.

“I mean onto something about me being Tamara’s enemy.” Janice said. “Cause I ain’t kicking you.”

“I walked into a strange point in this conversation.” Elizabeth used her waitress’s laugh. “I know what these jokers want, have you had a chance to look over the menu.”

“What Owen’s having sounds fine.” Tamara said rather than saying “No.”

Janice cleared her throat.

“Something different than the club wrap today?” Elizabeth asked.

“Use the curse on her.” Janice whispered at Owen.

“Now!” Elizabeth looked back over her shoulder but couldn’t spot Darlene. She must’ve been in the kitchen. “How about I give you my number?”

“When’s your break?” Owen shook his head.

“Uh, I’ve got my half hour lunch, any time after my table’s clear up.” She did not look happy. Owen felt guilty but Elizabeth was just worried there wouldn’t be enough time to break the curse. Wait? It was about her body, right? So if he just got his use out of it? She was still disappointed. If she was going to do a guy, she wanted to do him right.

“Alright,” He looked at Janice.

“Yeah, we don’t want to get you fired or nothing.” Janice said. She glared at Owen. “You’re never going to know what’s possible with this pusillanimous treating a woman like a human being shit.”

“Thanks, I do want your number though.” Owen wrote off Janice and that relieved Elizabeth. Tamara looked wounded but too shy to mention it. Elizabeth handed Owen back his phone. “I’ll text you and you’ll text me when you’re free.”

“Alright, and I’ll get you your food.” She smiled and walked back to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Darlene asked when Elizabeth typed the order into the station by the kitchen.

“Yeah, I should’ve guessed the new girl was just going to follow whatever Owen said.” She stopped. “I don’t think you’ve got a great hold on him. I think the two of them are involved.”

“You think I don’t know that, Liz?” Darlene huffed and strode by Elizabeth. She stopped and said in the blonde’s ear. “I don’t get good things like Owen. You get Bretts. Don’t fuck this up for me.”

“I’ll be out of your way the second I can be.” Elizabeth promised.

“Good,” Darlene said. As twisted up as she was, she believed Elizabeth.

“Your break’s coming up, Liz. Want me to make you something?” Davy asked Elizabeth as her last table of 3 paid their bills at the counter with Darlene. He recalled back to her skipping Carlos’s cake. “Something light?”