Chapter 5

“So, you’re Veep now. Congratulations, you one-balled prick!” former President Selina Meyer mocked the new Vice-President of the United States, Jonah Ryan.

“Talk about your meteoric ascent, right?” Andrew Meyer snorted, being more than a little sycophantic toward his ex-wife as he hoped to win her back.

“Oh, go fuck off, okay? Don’t remind me of how long it took it to climb to the White House, Andrew, no fucking thanks to you! On second thought, let’s fuck it out! Here and now! Screw me, Andrew! Give it to your ex-wife good and hard, every ex-husband’s dream come true!” Selina scoffed, not waiting for an answer as she sipped champagne, a rather ironic choice of beverage.

“You don’t have to ask me twice!” Andrew exclaimed.

Just before things could move along toward that bit of horizontal pleasure, Candi Caruso burst into the room, followed by Roger Furlong and Jeffrey Kane. What in the blue fuck was happening now? Gary Walsh, not Welsh, hustled into the chamber after them, truly shaken by what might happen next. Dan Egan and Amy Brookheimer rushed in next, followed by Buddy Calhoun, Mike McClintock, Kent Davison, and Bill Ericson.

“Hey, can’t a divorced couple fuck in peace?” Andrew snapped, making Candi Caruso giggle at that particular gripe.

“You won’t believe what just happened! Vice-President Doyle just declared himself an independent candidate for the Presidency! He’s running against us all and he threatens to reveal everything, and I do mean, all of our deals! As he states, ‘I know what bodies are buried and quite frankly, where they are.’ What are we going to do now? He can’t win, so this is clearly just another way to screw us all,” Kent informed them all, making Selina in particular turn quite pale.

“I’m so done with Andrews now! Every man named Andrew always wants to ruin me! Get off me, you overgrown frat boy! I changed my mind, we’re never having sex again! Get out of here, now! If you bother me again during this campaign, I’ll have you slapped with a restraining order!” Selina raged at her ex before she freshened up a little and reviewed the worst part of the news.

“If I was Marwood, I’d be quaking in my boots even more. Doyle can wreck him, too. He might not be a particular political genius, but he knows far too much to not be dangerous. And we just let him skulk away, never imagining him to be a real threat at all. As for Marwood, naming Jonah Ryan at this point will prove especially disastrous, given how corrupt that glorified man-child is. Doyle is a snowball rolling downhill, about to crush us all,” Bill Ericson asserted as well.

“And what are you doing here?” Amy asked Candi now, “you helped to make that idiot our new Vice-President, a heartbeat away from the Presidency itself.”

“We could expose his own deal with Montez, of course, but who would believe us if he comes out with his own dirty secrets first? This is one hell of a thorny clusterfuck!” Dan noted now.

“Oh, look at that! Tom James has completely pulled out and is endorsing Doyle! What did that jackass promise Mr. Two First Names, anyway? Secretary of the Treasury? Grrr ... I wish that I had already ruined him like I planned to do, and now I will, if I have to die trying!” Selina ranted, before Mike shook his head.

“Now, now, that’s just a bit out of hand, don’t you think? I’ve endured your abuse for years and you don’t see me trying to ruin you, after all,” Mike asserted.

“Other than by your abject incompetence, you mean?” Selina snapped at him, “by the way, you’re FIRED! You, too, Dan! I’m so done with both of you! Get out!”

“Well, this time, I QUIT! I’m done with your pettiness and entitled attitude and unhinged tirades, so go suck your own clit!” Amy took the huff after that, leaving Selina with three fewer staffers, not that she minded at all.

“Okay, then, what to do about this whole mess?” Selina asked Kent, who shrugged.

“Bury him, just as you said. This time, your instincts are dead right, Madame President,” Kent reassured Selina, and he was quite sincere.

This wasn’t a time to seek reconciliation, but a time for retribution, and that was frankly a lot more fun. It was high time for some payback, right? Right? Kent certainly felt that way and he wasn’t alone there. Revenge would be even sweeter served up lukewarm these days.