Chapter 3

“Dan, you’re even better than Jonah!” Jane McCabe told Dan Egan after they finally got it on together.

“What brought this on, anyway?” Dan asked Jane.

“You’re working for Richard Splett, aren’t you? Well, that’s very handy for me. He’s the man of the hour. A real rising star in politics. Governor of Iowa and superdelegate in what looks more likely a brokered convention than ever. He could be the first dark horse nominee for either party in nearly a century,” Jane McCabe asserted, “what woman in her right mind, especially one in journalism, doesn’t like to be close to power?”

“You know that I’m also fucking Amy Brookheimer, right? And that I’ve fucked Selina Meyer, too. And Brie,” Dan confessed.

“Who haven’t you fucked?” Jane laughed wickedly.

“President Montez. And Candi Caruso. And Kemi Talbot. Not yet, anyway. And Beth Ryan, but I’m working on that one. Candi’s either too ambitious to see me as a good prospect or she’s in love with Gary Welsh ... or she’s busy banging Alejandro Montez. I even did it with Shawnee Tanz, believe it or not,” Dan was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

It was only natural to fuck around, after all. Men were like goats. It just came naturally to grab as much ass as one could. Why make that big a deal about it? Sex, money, and power were the true meanings of life, at least in Dan’s book. Why reject one’s natural, animal instincts?

“Wait ... did you say that the First Gentleman’s plowing the Chief of Staff? Does President Montez know?” Jane’s eyes narrowed as she caught wind of a great scoop.

“Sure. She arranged it to get him over her banging Jonah, whose wife Beth is now dating Richard on the side. Oh, and Richard has a thing with Amy as well. Beth is getting her marriage to Jonah annulled because of it being incest, so Jonah is gonna marry Shawnee Tanz after all, not to mention take the post of Secretary of Commerce in the Montez Administration. If he is confirmed, that is.

“Only, and this is critical, Jonah is planning to double-cross Montez by accepting a spot as VP on a ticket with Richard Splett,” Dan laid out a conspiracy that made Jane’s eyes water with hunger at that scoop.

“So ... President Montez is having an affair with a member of her own Cabinet? And he is betraying her in turn? Oh, this is just too delicious! Just wait until this gets out! Let me guess, though, you want to be anonymous?” Jane asked Dan.

“Hell, no! This could be my meal ticket! I’ll be famous! Go ahead and quote me on this! I know a lot more than that, in fact. Splett has knocked up Beth with his own baby. Ryan shut down the government, by the way, after Montez refused to end Daylight Saving Time. He also caused a stir by threatening to ‘not rape the President’. I know this because Jonah told me. And he then accused President Montez of a ‘almost anti-Semitism.’ She made some snide remark about the ADL and he revealed complete ignorance of what that was.

“Also, Jeff Kane removed Jonah from the ballot to put his cousin Ezra on there in 2018, mostly because Jonah was always a placeholder just put there to vote for Meyer. Jeff always planned to make Ezra the long-term Congressman from that district. Shawnee Tanz broke off their engagement after that and her after father threatened to disinherit her. Montez is apparently counting on Sherman Tanz keeping Ryan under control as Secretary of Commerce,” Dan smirked as he thought of ways to bring everyone down now.