Chapter 1

“Madame President, you wanted to see me?” former New Hampshire Congressman Jonah J. Ryan asked President Laura Montez when called into her private study, not the Oval Office, oddly enough.

“Look, I think that you’re a truly ignorant, pompous, anal, bitter, vengeful prick, Congressman, but I have to admire the way that you’ve managed to bounce back repeatedly from one fiasco that you’ve put yourself in after another,” President Montez curtly introduced her topic.

“Why, thank you, Madame President,” Jonah somehow took only the compliments to heart, just as in their last meeting over the debt ceiling and government shutdown crisis.

“Shut the fuck up, okay? Anyway, Congressman, I have to admit to a certain morbid fascination with you, as well as a very urgent desire to see a strong Democrat defeated. The trouble is that it’s not clear who that strong Democrat would be at this point. Former President Meyer is rapidly tumbling, thanks to Elephant Gate, she’s in free fall, and you know it as well as I do. Tom James has pulled out for some reason, God knows why! I’m hoping for a Buddy Calhoun challenge, as it will alienate more Democrats than Republicans that it might gain.

“Senator Kemi Talbot is gonna be much harder to beat. You’re the wild card, and quite frankly, I want you out of the race. Never mind that you’re offensive to many liberals, some weird Republicans and independents might cross over to you, and the liberals would never vote for me. So, you’d better take this offer more seriously than you did my last one during the shutdown, Congressman. Here’s my offer: Secretary of Commerce. All that you have to do is listen to the undersecretaries and captains of industry, and I’m sure that your old friend Sherman Tanz will be quick to bankroll you all over again. That’s a problem for another time.

“Do we have a deal, Congressman?” President Laura Montez insisted now, her breasts heaving as she contemplated what her real purpose was ... keep a nativist prick completely out of the running, just in case he won.

“Um ... okay. Maybe Shawnee might come crawling back to me if I’m in the cabinet. Anything else that I’ve got to do? Become a Republican?” Jonah stood nervously, but thanked his improved luck here ... the cabinet!

“Yeah, don’t worry about that. You don’t really fit in either party. You should be an independent. Honestly. No, I mean don’t even start with that damn business of Daylight Savings Time, are we clear? Also, no anti-vax nonsense, okay? And none of that ‘Muslim math’ bullshit, that makes my administration look bad. And be ready to act as a liaison with Governor Splett in Iowa. Are we agreed, Congressman?” the President demanded of him now.

“Yes, yes, of course! Was that it, and when do I get sworn in here?” Jonah paced a bit as he felt uncomfortable under the present circumstances, alone with President Montez, given what happened in the past.

“Yes, I think that our last meeting went badly, but I admit that I was offended by the whole ‘not rape’ business, at least partly because I’m fascinated by your one testicle. So ... how about it, Congressman ... still don’t want to rape me?” the President stood up and closed the distance, opening her blouse a bit to entice the former Congressman from New Hampshire.

“Oh, shit ... what is it, really?” Jonah asked her now, as she yanked down his pants and stared at his single ball swinging in the scrotum below his dick.

“Fuckin’ take me, already!” Laura climbed on top of the former Congressman, pushing him to the floor.

Before Jonah knew what was what, Laura had him inside her, bareback no less, riding him and making him her bitch. If he had any illusions that he was in control of this situation, they were shattered by now. Even someone as willfully dense as Jonah Ryan would realize that she was screwing him in a literal sense, whether or not she also did figuratively. She wanted to experience sex with a man who had just one testicle. Furthermore, this was also a hate fuck to get her frustration over the shutdown a couple of years back out of her system.

Even so, Jonah was a man, and he had suffered a blow to his ego already from the whole “Not Me” trend of women claiming that they had never dated Jonah Ryan. To be underneath the sitting President of the United States, an admittedly very attractive woman whose looks and name enabled her to pretend to be a Latina, well, that was a sort of balm to his wounded pride. For Jonah, it was also a break from the cut-off that he suffered from his sister/wife, Beth, since she discovered that he was her stepbrother and he said such horrible things about their father, Lloyd Hennick, after accidentally killing him with adult chickenpox. His blue balls (or ball?) just added to the intensity of this romp on the floor of the President’s private study.

“Is this really just about my one ball, or something else?” Jonah naturally opened his trap and put his foot in his mouth.

“Oh, just shut the fuck up and take this pussy! Here, taste my tits!” Laura shoved her nipples past his lips as she bounced up and down on his prick.

Jonah couldn’t help but go along with the President as she straddled and used him for her own pleasure. Somehow, the experience of aggressively riding this former Congressman with a bizarre, uptight, socially awkward, and embittered personality was truly satisfying to Laura. She creamed herself all over Jonah’s cock, much to his delight. He couldn’t hold back anymore, spilling his seed inside her. As he deflated, the President climbed off him and mockingly kissed his one ball as well as the head of his dick.

“So ... this cannot get out, no matter how much you want it to, Jonah. Still, it isn’t a fluke. I find that I like the idea of balling a man who has only one ball. It’s a circus freak fixation for me. You and I ... we’re going to fuck again, whenever I want it, and yes, it will be bareback. I’m still mad at Alejandro for getting a vasectomy, so this is payback. I’ve had some great hate fucks with him, too, which is one of the few things keeping our marriage together. It’s politics, too, as I don’t want to lose the whole Latina facade that helps my odds politically. He likes being First Gentleman, of course. Lots of perks there.

“No, in case you wondered, we don’t have an open marriage. I cheat on him for revenge. We still love each other, but there’s a lot of anger and hate, too. I wanted another baby to help my image with the voters. He denied me that. At some point, we might divorce or go to counseling or whatever, but first, I have a country to run and another term to win. This here is a revenge fling, nothing more, so don’t get any crazy ideas and don’t squeal to anyone. I want to see Alejandro’s face when I’m clearly knocked up by another man, but he doesn’t know who,” President Montez smirked.

“What if he leaves you over this?” Jonah probed, not being bright, but having enough sense to ask that, at least.

“Oh, I have insurance for that. Candi Caruso. I’ll have her seduce Alejandro, so he won’t be able to accuse me or leave me without it getting out what he did, too. I’ll make my affair look like revenge for his adultery. Also, if he lets it out that he’s not the father, then he’s admitting that he’s been cuckolded, which is a blow to his image, his ego, his machismo, all that stuff that matters so much to you guys. I know Candi ... she’ll go for it, especially if there’s a pay-off for her. She’s very ambitious. Fuck the First Gentleman in more ways than one? Why not?” Laura scoffed at that risk.

“Wow, you’re one stone cold bitch, you know that?” Jonah proved that even he could be shocked at Laura’s ruthlessness.

“Hey, don’t cross a Cunningham! I’ll go out of my way to get satisfaction, in every way possible. So, how about it? Secretary of Commerce? I don’t care about others, we’re not dating, this is just a dirty little fling, so don’t be shocked if and when it stops. I get a thrill out of it, though, so it will go on for a while. Are you my boy, Jonie?” Laura teased him by using his wife Beth’s pet name for him.

“Oh ... okay. I’ll do it ... and you. Whenever you like. You’re a crazy cunt, but you do fuck well and few guys get to fuck a lady President, unless you count all of the men who’ve screwed Selina Meyer. I don’t like math, so I won’t count them,” Jonah shrugged, just as they both exited the room to find Alejandro Montez glaring at both of them.

“You smell like sex! You’ve been fucking him! You ... you’ve been fucking her! That’s it, I’m done! I want a divorce!” the President’s husband stomped off now.

“Candi!” Laura called for her Chief of Staff, Candi (formerly Candice) Caruso, a strawberry blonde with a lot of low cunning and ambition, even if it only paid off recently.

“Yes, Madame President?” Candi jumped at the opening.

“Go get my husband and ... mollify him, okay? Tell him that it’s from me. A ... makeup gift from me. I don’t have to tell you to make sure that it’s caught on tape, just in case. If he doesn’t forgive me ... well, you get the idea. Leak it. If he leaves me, I want to bury his ass so that he can’t destroy me,” Laura demanded of her Chief of Staff, who nodded, winked, and raced after the First Gentleman to entice him into hot, sweaty sex.