Chapter 4

Early afternoon and I’m standing out in front of the airport feeling nauseous. There has to be a better way to get around than flying. I see my Dad’s pick-up truck waiting in the pick-up lane. I put my bag and guitar in the back and get in.

“Hey Dad,” I say.

“Hey, son how did everything go,” he asks.

I tell him everything minus the dirty details (if you know what I mean).

“Your Mom is home cooking you a birthday dinner. Anything you want to do before we go home,” he asks.

“Actually Dad, can you help me pick out a car,” I ask.

Dad says, “I’ll even pay for half,”

“Dad I love you, but I really want to do this on my own,” I say.

“That’s why I’m proud of you,” Dad says.

We visit a couple dealerships. We’re at one dealership and I see a 1976 used Plymouth Duster, tan with vinyl seats and mag wheels.

Dad asks, “I thought you have enough money for a new car.”

“Why tpay for a new car when used is just as good,” I say. Dad nods in agreement.

We take it out for a test drive and Dad looks under the hood. Dad talks to the salesman and he gives us a price.

“That won’t do it. My son is paying cash” Dad tells the salesman, My Dad actually gets him to knock 500 dollars off the original price, because I’m paying cash. Dad takes me to the bank and I get a cashier’s check.

It feels amazing to drive your first car. I pull into the driveway and Dad pulls up beside me. We clear out the side of the garage so that I can park my car there. We go inside and I drop my bags off in my room. Lois follows me into my room and asks me if I got her something. I pull out a box that’s wrapped as she grabs it and runs off. We’re sitting at the table ready to eat as Lois is looking at her seashell.

“What does it do,” she asks.

“Hold it to your ear and you can hear the ocean,” I say.

She holds it to her ear as her eyes widen.

“Oh, some pretty girl left you a present yesterday. I can’t remember her name, but she had red hair and is very pretty,” Mom says.

“Was it Brook,” I ask.

“No, it wasn’t her,” Mom says.

Then Dad has to put his two cents in. “DW has so many girls chasing after him he doesn’t know which one is which.” Mom laughs and I shake my head.

I’m lying in my bed staring at the box. I know three redheads. Rachael, who is in California, Brook, and Mom said it wasn’t her. One left, Katy. I open the box and pull out the note first. It reads:

DW.
I’m sorry for sleeping with Wayne while we were dating. I’m in love with you and I don’t know what came over me. I’m changing and I’m changing for you. Your sweet personality changed me. If you don’t come and see me, I’ll see you at school. I have a ring around my neck. I’m your girlfriend even if you don’t feel the same way.
Love always.
Katy

I look into the box again and see the dreaded ring on a chain. I put it back in the box, put it on my nightstand and drift off to sleep.

The first day of school and I’m up early. The last two weeks that I got back, I spent in the basement, writing music and thinking about my life. I always wanted a girlfriend, but now that I have a girl that wants to be my girlfriend, I wonder if I should trust her. There is only one girl that I trust with my heart and she doesn’t want me in that way. I smile as I think of Rachael. I get dressed and say fuck it. I’m going to be the sweet person everyone says I am, Yes, she hurt me, but that doesn’t mean that I should hurt her (more song lyrics). I grab the ring on a chain and head out.

It’s about an hour and a half before school as I drive to Katy’s house. I knock on her door and she answers in a robe and is shocked when she sees me.

“DW, what are you doing here,” she asks.

“I came to take my girlfriend to breakfast before the first day of school,” I say.

She starts freaking out, “but I have to put my makeup on and the pep rally, I have to put my uniform on.” she says.

I grab her and kiss her hard and deep. “Babe you don’t need makeup. Calm down and get your beautiful ass dressed. I’m hungry and I’ll be in my car waiting for you.”

Fifteen minutes later, Katy runs out of her house, gets in my car and stares, and doesn’t look at me as I stare at her.

“What,” she asks.

“You look beautiful, you don’t need makeup, and you didn’t give your boyfriend his morning kiss,” I say.

All of a sudden I have lips and tongue in my mouth. She sits down, smiles, and says, “I love you and missed you.”

“I missed you too Kat,” I counter.

“AWE is that my nickname,” she asks as she smiles. I take her to a restaurant and we eat a nice breakfast. I love to see her smile. She seems so happy.

We get to school with fifteen minutes to spare, We walk in hand in hand and see that her locker is next to mine and we have first period together again. We’re getting ‘what the fuck’ looks from everyone. I see Lisa, Brook, and Emily staring at us. Brook is looking at me with an ‘I hate you’ look on her face.

I walk Katy to class and she sits beside me. I take her to lunch and I sit in the front row at the pep rally. I have never seen her so happy. After the pep rally, I take her home. She scoots over to me and starts crying. “This is what a true boyfriend does,” she says.

I give her a kiss and say, “get used to it babe. I’ll pick you up tomorrow,”

“I love you,” she says,

It’s Saturday morning after the first week of school and I’m laying in bed thinking over the last week. It seems that the people that never talked to me are now saying hi and acting friendlier. Is it because of my brutal beating or because of Katy? Even Lisa and Emily are saying hi to me and welcomed Katy back into their cheerleading clique. Brook still gives me the evil eye and looks away when I see her staring at me. Bryan and Carl are still looking at me as if they want to kill me, but try to avoid me, especially when Katy is with me, which is pretty much most of the time.

Brook is still with Carl for reasons unknown to me. Emily and Lisa are free agents as Lisa’s ex-boyfriend dropped her after he went off to college. From what Katy told me, Wayne and Lisa have been on a few dates, but nothing serious yet.

I pick up Katy that night to take her to a drive-in movie. We’re cuddled up watching the movie when Katy asks, “will you take me to the homecoming dance.”

I think for a minute and say, “I don’t know Kat. I can’t dance and I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Well I don’t have anything fancy to wear either ... wait you are a guitar player on stage and you don’t know how to dance,” she says chuckling.

“That’s totally different,” I say.

“How,” she says.

“Ok I’ll take you to the dance,” I say trying to get her to drop it.

She looks up at me as we’re watching the movie. “What,” I ask. The next thing I know I have a tongue in my mouth. She is kissing me with passion. Our hands are going all over each other.

We finally break when Katy says, “do you mind if we wait. I love you, but I want it to be the right time. I don’t want our relationship to be like my past relationships,” she says.

“I understand,” I say. We finish the movie and I take her home.

It’s Friday a day before the homecoming dance and as usual, I pick up Katy and we head to school. I get to my locker as Katy heads over to talk to her friends. I open my locker and a note falls out as I grab it and stuff it in my pocket. The day goes by uneventful and I’m taking Katy home after school, when she asks, “what are you wearing tomorrow.”

“I don’t know, a shirt and tie,” I say.

“What about you,” I ask.

“I can’t afford anything new so I’ll wear one of my old dresses,” she says. I drop her off and head home.

Saturday morning I get up, do my Saturday chores, and head to the bank then to Katy’s house. I knock on the door and Katy answers wearing a robe.

“DW, what are you doing here,” she asks.

“Get dressed and I’ll be waiting in my car,” I say.

Fifteen minutes later, she is in the car with a confused look on her face. I drive to the local strip mall and we get out of the car. I hand her a hundred dollars. “Go get yourself some clothes to wear tonight and I’ll be in the music store,” I say as I turn and walk away.

I’m in the music store for about an hour checking out the electric guitars as Katy walks in with two large bags and a cute smile on her face.

“What did you buy,” I ask.

“You will see tonight,” she says giving me a kiss. I buy some guitar picks and we head out. I pull up to Katy’s house and she straddles my lap and starts kissing me. Her lips feel so soft and I can taste her lip-gloss. We stay that way for a while twirling our tongues around savoring the moment.

She looks in my eyes and says. “I love you DW, you are so good to me. See you tonight.” She grabs her bags and gets out. I stare at her ass as she walks towards her house. I think she knows I’m staring because she is putting more sway to her hips as she turns her head and winks at me.

I’m all dressed for the dance. I’m sitting there nervous. I have never been to a dance before. How should I act? I’m sitting there worried when I remember the note. I open it and read:

I need to talk to you before you go to the dance with your gold digging girlfriend.
Emily

It’s too late to talk to her I say to myself as I grab my keys and head out the door. I get to Katy’s house and knock on the door and Katy answers. My jaw drops open as she is wearing a black sleeveless dress that stops at her mid-thigh that accentuates her body. She grabs my hand and we walk out the door.

“Your Mom doesn’t want to take pictures,” I ask.

“No,” she says.

“Do you mind if I take you back to my house. My Mom wants pictures,” I ask.

“Sure,” she says.

I head home and the introductions are made. As Mom is taking pictures Dad says, “time to break in that back seat son.”

“DAD what the hell,” I say as Katy’s face turns red.

Mom chuckles and says, you two have a good time and your father and I’ll be home late tonight.

We finish and head to the dance. Katy seems quiet and uneasy about something. “Are you all right,” I ask.

“I’m fine,” she says.

We get to the school I give the ticket taker our tickets and we walk in. The school gym is decorated nicely. Tables are set up so that two couples sit at one table. I see Lisa, her new boyfriend, some guy from the basketball team with Brook and Carl at one table. Next, to their table are Emily and some guy I don’t recognize. Bryan and Wayne are at a table next to theirs with their dates. The goon squad and some of the football players are sitting around them. Katy has not talked the whole way here and seems uneasy about something. I immediately smell something fishy as Katy looks at me with a scared look in her eyes. She grabs my hand and pulls me over to the other side of the gym and we sit with a couple we both don’t know.

I look at Katy and ask, “what is going on.”

“We need to talk after the dance and stay close to me at all times,” Katy says.

The school class president gets up and makes some announcements as food is served. We’re eating when Lisa comes over and says, “Katy, we had you and DW a seat saved at Emily’s table. Why didn’t you sit there?”

“Oh, I didn’t see you,” Katy says.

“Katy you looked right at us when you came in,” Lisa counters,

“I’ll talk to you about it later,” Katy says.

I give her a ‘what the fuck’ look and see her eyes watering. “Kat, I don’t know what is going on, but I’m going to the bathroom and when I get back, we’re going to dance and have a good time,” I say.

I get up to walk out of the gym and down the hallway. There are a few adult chaperones and students in the hallway. I go to the nearest restroom and drain myself. I wash my hands and start to leave as the door opens and there stands Carl. With something shiny in his hand.

“I’m so tired of your ugly fucking ass,” he says.

“That makes two of us. You and Bryan chose to fuck with me, beat me and for what? Because I’m different, the way I look and that I’m a better person than you are. You chose me I didn’t choose you,” I say with venom (mental note, if I live through this write that down for song lyrics).

“You should have never dropped the charges,” he says.

He swings the knife towards my head, as I duck under and now I’m next to the door. The momentum of his swing and missing me knocked him off balance, which gave me enough time to slip out the door. Coming out the door, I run into one of his goons. He pushes me against the lockers and says, “where are you going you ugly fuck.”

Then all of a sudden he walks away as if nothing happened. I look down the hallway and find the reason. The principle and coach Thomas had rounded the corner coming towards us. Then Carl storms out of the restroom, run into the coach falling down as his knife goes sliding across the floor. I turn and walk down the hallway back to the dance, with a ‘fuck you Carl’ grin on my face.

I get to the dance and see Katy in a heated conversation with Wayne. When she sees me she runs to me grabs my arm and she leads me out to my car and she says, “drive.” I drive away obeying her orders. Then she breaks down crying hysterically. I’m thinking that I was set up somehow as I’m going down the road. Is this what Emily wanted to warn me about? Was I being set up? Was Katy in on it the whole time?

It’s still early as I pull up to Katy’s house and say, “get out” as I give her back the ring on a chain.

She is still bawling and says, “DW, please forgive me I’m sorry I’m falling in love with you.” She gets out and I drive off.

I’m lying in bed thinking my life over. Why do those guys hate me? I have never done anything to Bryan or Carl. They hated me from the first day they saw me. I know the goons are just following Bryan and Carl, why does Wayne hate me. We used to be best friends in elementary school, and then our friendship was gone just like that for no reason. What did Katy mean by “I’m FALLING in love with you”, when before she said she WAS in love with me? Was she their pawn to get me where they wanted me? I finally drift off to sleep.

Sunday morning I’m sitting in the kitchen eating cereal as Mom and Dad are out. The phone rings and I answer.

“DW,” I hear Rachael say as I get a big smile on my face.

“Hey, Rach I’m so glad you called and I miss you,” I say.

“What is going on,” she asks.

“Nothing, just school,” I say.

“DW, tell me what is going on. Something happened I know it,” she says.

“What the hell Rach. How do you know these things,” I ask.

“Just tell me,” she says.

I tell her the whole story. I hear her thinking when she says, “give her a second chance.”

“WHAT,” I say.

“DW, those bullies coerced her into dating you. When she realized that, you ARE a nice guy and not like anyone else. You buying her new clothes only sealed the deal, and she fell in love with you,” she says.

“I can’t trust her now,” I say.

“DW, she’s going to need you now. The bullies she just betrayed are going to be after her now. You don’t want her hurt do you,” she says.

“Why are you always right,” I ask.

“That’s my job as your big sister,” she says as I hear her smirk. I love yous are said and we end the call.

It’s still a while before Mom and Dad get home, so I decide to head downstairs as I hear a knock on the door. I answer it and see Brook standing there.

“I need to talk to you,” she says.

“I’m going to my music room in the basement. You can talk to me down there,” I say seeing a mad look on her face.

We get downstairs and I sit on the couch as Brook stands in front of me. “Why did you tell the principal and the coach that Carl had a knife,” Brook asks.

I give her my famous ‘what the fuck look’. “What did he tell you,” I ask.

“Carl said that he followed you into the restroom to apologize. Then you freaked out and ran out, then got the principle and the coach, who searched him and found the knife,” she says.

I’m laughing hard. “You believed him,” I asked still laughing. I give her the whole story and how they coerced Katy to get my trust and lure me to them.

“That’s bullshit. Carl would never do that,” she says.

“Just like he would never cheat on you. I’ll never know why you like Carl and the others,” I say.

“Fuck you,” she says.

“Fuck you, I say back as I’m now standing and pissed.

Brook is staring me down and then I have all hundred plus pounds of angry cheerleader in my arms and kissing me hard. I hold her up by her ass and kiss her back. I get her to lighten up on my lips a little bit. I lay her down on the couch and put my weight on her and we continue the sword fight with our tongues. We’re fumbling at each other’s clothes as if we have never done this before. I finally get her shirt off when she pushes me back up off her for a second to finish the job herself and I discover she’s not wearing a bra, her nipples are big and her breasts are firm as I attack them with my lips and tongue. Brook doesn’t moan, she giggles as I lick and suck on her tits. “Pants now,” Brook demands as she begins pulling off her jeans.

Stripping is now frantic and when I get my underwear down that’s where Brook actually pauses at me since I’m hard and pointing right at her. Brook looks unsure, why now is my question but she pulls me to her and kisses me again still passionate but this time her hand is playing with me to make sure I get hard enough. Granted that wasn’t needed. I’m surprised by Brook as her legs wrap around my body. Brook’s eyes are closed and her face shows some concern but she is pushing against me more than a little bit when I finally get my head inside and it all stops. Brook is tense, way too tense for this and I try to back out when she stops me. Brook shakes her head no to me and keeps my face over her own so I can’t back out of her. Gently I push back inside and I get a moan.

“Stop playing and fuck me,” she says. I’m glad to do as ordered as I put her legs over my shoulders and start jack hammering into her as her nails are digging into my back. Is that all you have? Fuck me, she says. Our pubic bones are slamming together as I’m following orders. I want to give her the best fucking of her life as her body tightens, her back arches and she screams, “FUUUUUCK.” I pull out and turn her over. Her face is in the armrest, as she doesn’t have time to catch her breath. With her ass in the air, I ram my cock back in as I get a squeal from Brook.

We’re going at it for another 10 minutes, as I’m not tired or ready to cum yet. When her back arches and her pussy clamps up, I put my thumb in her asshole all the way past the first knuckle. Brook screams and I feel her cum splashing my balls and onto the couch. I then turn her back over onto her back. I put her legs on my shoulder and fold her up so that her ass is in the air and start jack hammering her with everything I have. I’m hitting bottom as her head is hitting the armrest. Brook is screaming, “fuck yes give me that BIG FAT COCK YOU ASSHOLE.” Her pussy tightens up for the third time as she screams, “give me that cum makes a baby in me.”

“You don’t deserve my cum inside you,” I growl as I pull out. The first shot splatters on her face, with the second and third on her tits and the rest on her stomach. I fall back to the other side of the couch. Both of us are panting and out of breath.

“Holy fuck that was amazing,” Brook says.

I get up without saying a word, grab my underwear, and toss them to Brook so that she can clean herself up. We get dressed as Brook says, “Can we keep this a se...”

“Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone,” I growl cutting her off. She gives me a confused look as I show her out without saying anything else.

Monday morning and I’m at school 30 minutes early. I take everything out of my locker and put it in the trunk of my car. No more lockers for me. I’m sitting in the first period before the bell rings. There is someone sitting behind me as Katy tries to sit beside me. Brook cuts her off and sits in the seat. Emily sits in front of me and Lisa on the other side. Katy sits in a seat in the back of the class. Class starts and the teacher explains that all first-period teachers have to talk about bullying and weapons in school. He gives the speech to treat everyone equally. Then he says that one person has been expelled for bullying and bringing weapons to school. When he says that, Katy starts crying and runs out of the class.

I raise my hand and ask the teacher if I can go check on her. I go into the hallway and see her, leaned up against her locker crying.

I walk up to her and say, “hi, my name is DW,”

“I know your name. What do you want DW,” she asks.

“I want to start over. My name is DW,” I say.

“My name is Katy,” she says still crying.

“Would you like to go out with me Saturday night,” I ask.

“Sure,” she says still crying.

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm,” I say as I walk away.

The rest of the week goes by uneventful, I’m not picking Katy up for school, taking her home, or walking her to class. I’m staying away from her. Lisa, Brook, and Emily have ousted her from their clique again. I’m trying to feel sorry for her, but I’m more worried about her safety. Bryan, Wayne, and the goon squad are giving me an “I want to kill you” looks and I catch them giving Katy ‘I hate you’ looks. Even with Carl expelled from school, Bryan and the goon squad are still in full force as Wayne has taken Carl’s place.

Saturday night I pick Katy up at 6pm. I’m not planning anything special, dinner, the arcade, and then home. I don’t want to spend a lot of time with her. I take her to a cozy restaurant as she sits in silence. She has not said anything since I picked her up. We order our food and as we’re waiting she says, “DW, I’m so sorry” ... I cut her off and say, “Katy, I don’t want to talk about the past. If you want a relationship, then we start over and leave the past out. I do need to take you to school and bring you home because I’m worried about your safety, however, we WILL take it slow,” I say.

I take her to the arcade after dinner and we spend an hour there. We play pinball, air hockey and I win enough tickets to buy her a teddy bear. I give it to her and she starts crying, what is it about teddy bears and girls? She gives me a hug and tells me I’m so sweet. I take her home, walk her to her door, kiss her on the cheek, and tell her I’ll pick her up Monday for school.

The first day of school after the Thanksgiving week and I’m feeling great, everything has been good. Bryan, Wayne, and the goon squad have been keeping their distance. I have been staying close to Katy to make sure she is safe as Bryan and Wayne are still giving her dirty looks after the Carl incident.

As for me and Katy’s relationship? I’m keeping it slow. Our last date was the previous Friday night. We’re in my car at the drive-in making out. Things are getting hot and heavy. When Katy says, “I’m ready.”

“I’m sorry Kat, but I’m not. Not here not now. I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling it and I want our first time to be special for both of us,” I say. I get a grumpy look as she scoots away from me, folds her arms and we finish watching the movie.

Saturday I received a large yellow envelope from Janet Morris. I open it and see eight tickets and backstage passes to the last concert of the Winter Rocking Out Tour. An eight-hour concert featuring five bands and one of them is Janet’s band. I was actually going to buy tickets, but they were sold out months ago. I got three envelopes, put two tickets and backstage passes into each envelope, and wrote a name on each.

Monday morning we pull into the school parking lot and I ask Katy to wait a minute because she still seems upset about my rejection Friday night.

“Kat, would you like to go to the Winter Rocking out Concert with me,” I ask.

“The tickets are sold out,” she says still grumpy.

I hold up the two tickets and backstage passes. All of a sudden I hear a deafening scream and I have a 100-pound redheaded cheerleader in my lap shoving her tongue down my throat. After she calms down, I walk into school with a happy Katy on my arm.

We get to her locker and I see Lisa, Brook, and Emily gathered at their usual spot. I walk over to them and give each of them an envelope.

“Merry Christmas. I can take one couple in my car,” I say as I turn and walk away. I figure they deserve it since they have been nice to me the past couple months and I have no other friends to give them to. Katy and I are walking away as I hear three screaming happy girls.

It’s Wednesday, Christmas break and two days before Friday’s concert. The four girls have everything planned out. I’ll drive my car with Katy, Emily, and her boyfriend. Lisa’s boyfriend will drive his car with Lisa, Brook and her new boyfriend. We will leave at twelve before the concert starts at two and we will grab something to eat there between band performances.

Katy asked me to take her to finish her Christmas shopping, so we made a day of it having lunch together. I get home around 4pm and Mom says that Sam has been calling all day saying it was urgent that I call as soon as I get in. She gives me the number and I call.

“Hello Sam,” I say.

“DW, I’m glad you called. You’re going to the Winter Rocking out Concert Friday at the Lakeview Stadium,” he says.

“I know. Janet sent me tickets and backstage passes for me and my friends,” I say.

“DW, sit down and brace yourself. I’ll start from the beginning. The promoters for the tour held auditions to pick two bands that were up and coming and new back in September. They picked two to play in the last concert of the tour as a chance at being recognized. Yesterday one of the bands dropped out. The promoters were just going to let it go when Janet told them about you and your band. They called me this morning and Menace is on the books to play five songs, you are second to go on,” he says.

I’m freaking out. “What the hell Sam, we haven’t practiced that much,” I say.

“DW, I never would have said yes if I didn’t have confidence in you guys. You guys are ready and this is a chance of a lifetime I need you at the stadium at noon Friday,” he says.

“What am I suppose to tell my friends,” I ask.

“Bring them. I’ll have Rachael meet you out front. You give your ticket and backstage pass to Rachael and you come into the back and show your ID to security,” he says.

“Wow, you have everything planned out,” I say.

“That’s my job DW. All the equipment is provided all you need is your guitar and I’ll see you Friday,” he says. We end the call and I’m sitting there with a shocked look on my face. What is wrong DW, Mom asks. I tell her and now she has the shocked look. I call Katy and ask her to tell everyone that we need to leave at 11 to be there by noon. She says, she will and I’m glad she doesn’t ask why.

Thursday midnight, I lay in bed, as I can’t sleep thinking about the concert. Thinking of what five songs we can perform. We know 12 of the songs I wrote and have really only practiced five. I finally nod off to sleep.

I wake up in the morning to the smell of cinnamon and raspberries. I feel something wet nibbling my ear and a naked warm body snuggled against me.

“How did you get in here,” I ask.

“Your Mom and Dad let me in before they went to work. I thought I would come early and make a day of it with you,” Katy says as she starts kissing me.

“Come on we need to get up and get ready,” I say, Katy pulls me back down and says, “It’s only 8am we have plenty of time” as she presses her lips to mine.

I wrap her in my arms and we kiss with a heated passion. Her lips taste like cinnamon. Her body is hot pressed up against mine as our bodies are intertwined. She reaches down and helps me out of my boxers. I’m at full mast as she reaches down and rubs my cock and I hear her gasp. I have never felt passion like this before as I roll her on her back. I start kissing her neck and lightly biting and I move to her shoulders kissing, every inch of her body as she is running her fingers through my long hair. I get to her beautiful tits. I suck one nipple into my mouth as I pinch the other with my hand. Katy is moaning as I switch.

With her hands still tangled in my hair, I move down kissing her body. I stop at her belly button and swirl my tongue in it then I move down pulling the covers down with me. I surprise her by going around her pussy kissing and licking her right thigh I’m on my knees as I bend her leg kissing down to her foot. I take each toe in my mouth and licking the bottoms of her foot (yes I have a foot fetish that I blame on Emily). I work my way back down and up the other leg and repeat the process. By the time I get to her pussy, she is hot and wet. I flick her clit with my tongue as her back arches and she puts her legs on my back and moans. Her hands are back in my hair as I start licking her pussy she tastes so good. I reach around, start rubbing her clit as I move down to her asshole, swirl my tongue around then move back up to her clit, and start sucking hard. She screams, her body tightens, and she is pulling my hair as I’m rewarded with her sweet nectar. She is trying to catch her breath as I move back up repeating the process by swirling my tongue in her belly button and sucking her beautiful nipples again. I move up to her lips, lay on top of her as we kiss.