Introduction

There are three things you have to know about us for this story.

One is that I am kind of big; not fat, but barrel-chested big. Folks call me a bowling ball; I am 5’8” but I weigh about 210 pounds with a barrel chest (almost a “medical condition”) that is a genetic gift of my ancestors - both grandfathers showed the same look at my age. I’m in my 30’s, but I can beat my high school weight lifting records, which still stand. I am not a weightlifter, but I keep fit.

The second thing is that my wife Erin and I are distant (third) cousins. There is no incest, one of my grandmothers was a first cousin to one of Erin’s grandmothers; the common relative is their grandfather. As kids we did not know about the relationship until I was in fourth grade, when our parents met at a PTA function. We attended the same grade school but went to different high schools because her family moved.

The third thing is that we call each other husband and wife, but our deep dark secret is that we are not really married. During our teen years Erin, her sister Becca and I went back and forth between being just “kissing cousins” and being “girlfriend - boyfriend.” Finally in our mid-20’s the romantic feelings between Erin and I sparked into something more so we made the decision that we wanted to be together. We did “full disclosure” and talked to folks. When pressed we recollected how Albert Einstein married a woman who was a cousin in both sides of the family - pretty smart huh? Our parents were okay with it. Our church was okay with it. The county clerk was okay with it. We planned a nice wedding.

Two weeks before the big day, Rich (my tax guy) asked if we had considered the tax consequences. Of course we didn’t, we were in love! I have passive income from inherited partnerships. Most of the profits are reinvested; for tax purposes I show 100% of the income I earn but I only get 30% or so in cash. Taxes eat most of that. Erin has inherited royalty income. When we roughed out a married joint return it was ugly, the nasty tax bite meant we needed another good paying job just to pay the added taxes!

Rich - a Rolling Stones fan - said he sees it all the time in marriages where both spouses earn good incomes. “Married filing jointly” is great for one middle-class income or two low incomes. But not for couple who are both earning well, plus unearned income was a killer.

We went ahead with the wedding ceremony so the relatives were happy, the witnesses even signed the papers. But we never filed the papers, so we are not really married. Only the minister knows the truth. Think of it, when was the last time you had to prove you were married? It doesn’t happen. We did have a bunch of papers (Power Of Attorney) drawn up for medical and such.

We never plan on having kids, Erin was born with a condition and had an operation when she was young. But otherwise we live as a normal couple.

We have always been frugal, living on our wages and letting our investments grow. It helps that we both like our jobs; I drive a truck and Erin is a partner in a nursing collective. We have a reasonable home, drive sensible vehicles, avoid extravagant vacations, go to budget theaters, etc. We are now both in our 30’s and have enjoyed our seven-year anniversary.