Chapter 1

It helps to have watched the show

Barbara Jean was from Friendly Texas where she was known as the “Biggest baby in Juno County” for many years. All smiles and teeth she had an affair with my ex-husband Brock that put an end to my marriage leaving me to raise my kids pretty much on my own.

She was also in my living room trying to get me to hold an adult sex toy party and invite all of my friends!

“C’mon Reba, it’s a Passion Party! It’s just like a Tupperware party, except you can have a lot more fun,” the buxom bimbo on my couch was comfortable talking about sex toys with me but I definitely wasn’t comfortable talking to her about them.

“I can’t have a sex party here, Barbara Jean! Are you out of your mind?” I said.

“Check it out,” she had a sample box and pulled out a big black dildo and began to wave it so that as one end went down the other end went up like a worm. “They call this the Carl Weathers!”

“Barbara Jean, that is just nasty! I don’t want to think about that, put that away before Cheyenne sees,” I said because my eldest daughter was in the other room.

Cheyenne had recently married her husband Van and moved back into the house with him because his parents disowned him. She walked in at that moment “Before Cheyenne sees what?”

“The Rejizzulator 3,000,” Barbara Jean was having a fun time with a plastic tube that goes over a man’s cock and apparently pumps all the air out of it to give him kind of pump.

“Oh my god, let me see that stuff!” Cheyenne got excited and started fishing through the box and looking at the sex toys despite my objections.

“Would you two cut that out? What will Van think if he sees you with that stuff?” I asked my daughter to show a little more class around the house.

Cheyenne held up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and a rubber butt plug. “I am hoping he is thinking he is in for a wild night!” she said lustily.

“Make sure you lubricate those really well before you use them on him, the butt plug not the handcuffs,” Barbara Jean laughed at her own joke excitedly. “I always forgot to lube it up before I use it on Brock and you should hear him scream! You probably do, we live right next door!” She laughed again.

“Barbara Jean, I do not want to hear about your disgusting sex life with my ex-husband,” I said as I was wondering how in the earth she talked Brock into taking that plug up his ass.

“What’s this for Barbara Jean?” Cheyenne held up a speculum device and opened and closed it like a pair of tongs with a puzzled look on her face.

Barbara Jean stuck it into her mouth and opened and closed it while saying “It’s why my initials are BJ!”

It was at that point my youngest Jake walked in and saw Barbara Jean talking with a metal speculum in her mouth. He pretended it was totally normal and kept walking through the house.

“Do you see why I don’t want a sex party in my house, Barbara Jean?” I whispered so that Jake wouldn’t hear after plucking the speculum back out of Babara’s mouth.

“He doesn’t know what these are. He probably thinks they are salad tongs!” Barbara Jean said as she opened them up and pretended to toss a salad.

“Yeah, he can toss salad, mom” Cheyenne grinned sheepishly at me. I knew that meant something dirty but I wasn’t going to ask my daughter to explain it.

“Look, I can’t hold the party at my house again. I’ve done it many times and our son Henry has been fine with it. I just told him that these were back massagers,” Barbara Jean promised. Henry was a lot younger than my kids and a lot dumber like his momma.

I held up the Carl’s Weathers realistic latex phallus complete with balls, shaft and cock head and waved it in her face and said “This is a massager?”

It was at that point my other daughter Kyra walked in and caught me holding the black cock in my hand.

“This is a Massager!” I insisted for her benefit and put it right back in the box. “It is a very realistic one and I am sure it’s a nice model but I am just not interested,” I made an uncomfortable face.

It surprised me a few days later to come walking in late from work and find Cheyenne, Barbara Jean and about a dozen of our friends in my living room sitting around watching a presentation on sex toys. Barbara Jean of course was standing up demonstrating. She was ever the cheerleader type talking about how the “Cockblocker 3,000” keeps your man in chastity and craving your body for hours.

I put my hands on my hips and demanded an explanation.

“You weren’t supposed to be home for hours,” was Barbara Jeans only explanation.

That was when my ex-husband walked into the living room from the kitchen holding a silver serving tray. He was wearing a blonde wig, and dressed like a burlesque dancer with a black corset and frilly pink panties and the Cockblocker 3,000 clearly visible. He nearly dropped the silver platter.

“Does somebody want to tell me what is going on around here?” I demanded.

My daughter Cheyenne tried to calm me down and explain that they were going to split the money and she was going to use it to help her move out – an idea I fully supported. I just didn’t want her to get the money this way.

“Are you comfortable seeing your father dressed like that?” I couldn’t believe how easily she accepted him dressed like a sissy maid.

“I mean, I get half of the take,” Cheyenne shrugged it off like she didn’t care.

“What if Van finds out you are doing this?” I knew if she didn’t care about her father’s perversions she’d care if Van found out.

That is when Van came wearing out dressed like Brock and with the Cockblocker 3,000 on as well. He was hunky, goofy and all fumbles. He dropped his silver platter.

I stood in my living room not believing what I saw.

“Where is Kyra and Jake?” I demanded to at least know they weren’t exposed to this.

“Don’t worry, they are over at a friend’s house and won’t be here for hours,” Cheyenne shrugged that off as well.

Naturally, it was at that moment the door opened and in walked Kyra and Jake home early.

Jake took one look at us and went in the kitchen and Kyra asked if this was the massager party.

“I thought you were at a friend’s house?” I asked her.

“Yeah, but we came home early. I figured Cheyenne was up to something but this exceeds even my low, low expectations of what she is capable of,” Kyra reveled in the knowledge that her sister had arranged this kink party.

“Does no one have a problem with this besides me?” I asked and when no one said anything I realized they didn’t. Jake came walking out with popcorn and sat down in the living room.

We sat through the party and me with a red face the entire time. I tried to keep my wise cracks to a minimum as I watched my friends snap up sex toys. I had to admit there were a couple that perked my interest.

They don’t talk back, they don’t cheat on you, they don’t have sex with their dental assistant.

I was particularly surprised by how obedient Van and Brock were behaving for the entire party, though. I couldn’t get Brock to clean up his own mess and I could not get Van to even NOTICE he made a mess and now here they were serving, smiling and mingling like the hired help. It was kind of nice I have to admit.

“Well, you may as well know, Reba. Barbara Jean is a hot wife,” Brock said after the party while he cleaned up.

In twenty years of marriage he never cleaned up once and now he was doing it and doing it right for a change.

I didn’t know what hot wife meant and I assumed from Barbara Jean’s smile that it meant she was “Hot” and sexy. They felt the need to explain it further to me even though I did not ask.

“Hot wife means she takes other lovers, and I am her cuckold. I cook, clean, serve and pay all the bills, and in exchange she tells me all about her dates,” Brock smiled.

This was something I did not want to know.

“Sometimes I let you meet and serve them,” Barbara Jean booped him on the nose with her finger. I hated it when they get so snuggly.

“Jake, Kyra, I don’t think you need to hear this,” I insisted my kids leave the room.

“What’s the big deal mom? Barbara Jean has a female led marriage, and they love and trust each. Sex doesn’t have to be just between two people in a marriage,” Cheyenne actually defended them.

“I think your father and I know that. Sex was between him and Barbara Jean during our marriage,” I said in frustration. “Wait, you aren’t thinking about being a hot mom or whatever are you?” I asked my daughter. She was tall, blonde and not all that bright but she knew better than that.