Chapter 20: Closing one Door, Opening another

I don’t know how I managed to get through the rest of the week. Constant phone calls from friends and others, the law firm my father used, the insurance agent for the company (the accident was considered on company property), the funeral arrangements. There would be no viewing. I was told his body was completely crushed and virtually unrecognizable. I think that upset Mom and I more than anything.

My dad’s parents would arrive on Friday afternoon at the Redmond Airport, so I didn’t have to drive far to get them. Mom’s parents were due in late Sunday afternoon in Bend. Lana and Tom were scheduled in Sunday on the same plane as Mom’s parents, both of them making a connection in Denver. But the best thing that happened was the arrival of Naomi on Thursday afternoon. I could see Mom’s spirits almost immediately lifted. Nothing had changed between the two and to my relief it took a load off my shoulders. I could park my worry over my mother off to the side for a while.

Naomi spent some time with Mom before she came into Dad’s office and sat. I was going through a list of things that I had to do, not the least of which was contacting the university to let them know what had happened and inquiring about deferring my exams. Fortunately, they gave me a couple of options, one of which was to write them during June, giving me at least of month to prepare for them. They would hold my dorm room in that case so that I had a place to stay during the time I would be taking them. As they had been in the past, the admin staff was very helpful and sympathetic to my situation.

I hung up the phone and sighed. I got a sad smile from my former lover and she leaned over and kissed me.

“How are you holding up, Joel,” she asked.

“Better now, but ... it hurts still. We were really close. He was a great father, just like Mom is a great mother. I was so lucky to have them both ... now ... he’s gone. It’s hard to accept. It was so sudden and without any hint something like that could happen.”

“Are you okay financially until the insurance comes through?”

“Yes. Walt Voight, Dad’s partner and the Controller at his company said his salary will continue until the financial issues are resolved. He has a personal insurance policy and I was assured that would be forthcoming within two weeks. He also had a company policy from East Cascades, so that will probably be along at some point. Walt said that there may be a settlement from BNSF, the railroad company. That will probably take longer until some kind of investigation into the cause of the derailment takes place. But ... all in all ... we’ll get through this okay.”

“You’re doing an amazing job holding this all together. Your mother told me she hasn’t had to do a thing since the accident. You’ve been doing it all, including making the meals, doing the shopping and the laundry. Just be careful you don’t burn yourself out, Joel,” she said with a sympathetic smile.

“I’m close now, Naomi. I’ve been kind of holding my breath as I tackled all these things. In a way, it’s been good to have so much to do. It keeps me from dwelling on losing Dad. But sooner or later, maybe when all the relatives arrive, I’m probably going to have some kind of melt down.”

“How have you been sleeping?”

“Not well. I’ve been waking up, worried that I’ve forgotten to do something important. Then ... there’s the nightmares. I don’t want to take any pills, and lately, they haven’t been as bad, but they’re still there,” I admitted.

“I think I can help you sleep better,” she smiled warmly.

“I’m sure you could, but it might be awkward for us,” I suggested.

“Maybe not. I’ve got a nice room at the Oregon Post House. It’s quiet and off the main building. I think maybe a night a relaxation therapy would be in order.”

“I don’t think Mom would appreciate my disappearing with all the guests coming.”

“I’ve suggested that since you’ve got three families staying at the house and only four bedrooms, you and I could share my room. We’ll let your sister and your grandmothers take care of Mom.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve already set this up with Mom?” I said with a questioning look.

“Because I have. Your mother is just as worried about you as you are about her. She’s known all along that you and I have been intimate. A little personal therapy would be very beneficial to your mental state. A little personal exercise and a good night’s sleep and I’m sure it will improve your outlook,” she said, her hand on the side of my face as she leaned in and kissed me.

“I’ve missed you, Joel. There hasn’t been anyone else for me. You captured me almost the first time we worked together. You’re what I’ve been missing these last three years. I think I’d be very happy to come back here to live. I won’t miss Southern California. I belong here. And ... I belong with you.”

“I love you, Naomi. I think I have since the first day I met you. If you’re serious about coming back here, I’d be the first person to welcome you back. I’m wondering what you’ll do? All that work to get your Master’s and what will you do?”

“Don’t worry about that,” she said, taking my hand and holding it to her breast. “What we have is more important ... at least it is to me.”

“You don’t have to ask about me. You already know how I feel. If I felt I could steal away for a day or so, we could talk about this. About our future ... if there is to be one,” I said.

“Oh, you can count on us having a future,” she smiled, squeezing my hand. “That is, if you want one.”

“That goes under the heading of silly questions. I do love you, Naomi, and if I can convince you, I want you for the rest of my life. I want you as my wife and mother of our children.”

“If we had this conversation two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to commit to you, Joel. I wasn’t ready and I needed time to look at what I wanted for my future. I realized when I was turning down dates and avoiding some of the more aggressive males at Cal Poly, I was keeping myself from making a mistake. It took me a while to realize that I was keeping myself for you. I was staying in touch with your mother because I needed to know that no one had taken my place in your heart. I needed to know that when I was done with school, that I could come back and find you here. I knew you loved me, and now you know I loved you just as much. So ... here I am. I’m yours, Joel.”

Mom had made herself scarce while Naomi and I talked. Whether she knew what our conversation was going to be about or not, I didn’t care. I stood, took Naomi’s hand, and walked with her to my room. We undressed wordlessly and fell into bed together. Our lovemaking required no foreplay, nor was it a frantic rejoining of two lovers. It was quiet and slow and emotional. I felt my spirit restored in our joining and for the first time since my father’s death, I felt optimistic. Despite the tragedy, something very good had come from it. I would morn my father’s death for some time, but with Naomi by my side, I knew I would get past it and be able to look forward to a brighter future. I only wished that he could be here to see my happiness.

“Mom, can you and I talk? I have something I want to discuss with you,” I said as I found her in the kitchen.

“Of course, Joel. Now’s as good a time as any. There’s just you and I here before the crowd arrives.”

For the first time in a long time I saw her smile.

“Why do I get the feeling you know what I want to talk about?” I said, eyeing her closely.

“Joel, I’ve known you for all these years. I know what Naomi means to you and I know how she feels about you. All I can say is that you will never find a finer young woman than her. Does that about cover it?” she said with another slow smile.

“Exactly,” I chuckled. “So ... it’s about a ring. I need your advice on size and style and things like that.”

“Do you remember your great grandmother Phyllis Williams?” she asked.

“Uhhm ... sort of. She was nice and friendly, but I really don’t remember much about her.”

“When she died, she passed along her jewelry to my mother, and subsequently, it was passed along to me. Among the things in that collection were her rings. I’ll show them to you. I think, knowing Naomi as I do, that a family ring might have a great deal more meaning to her than and store-bought ring. Remember, she has never had a family. I’m as close to her as any woman since the passing of her grandmother, and that was years ago. Would you like to see the rings?”

“How would your mother feel about my giving Naomi a family ring?”

“I think when she meets Naomi that she will be as pleased to have her become part of this family as I am. I feel I know my mother well enough to say that.”

“Can you show me the ring?” I asked.

“I’ll be right back,” she smiled before scurrying down the hall to her bedroom.

I could feel the tension as I waited for her to return. This was a huge step for me and I wanted it to be the right step. I felt I might be rushing Naomi, but I would discuss the timing with mother before I made my move.

She returned moments later and held out her hand, showing me the ring. I picked it up and examined it. It was beautiful, ornate in an older style than modern engagement rings. The size of the stone was not large, but it was certainly visible in the center of the setting.

“It’s perfect,” I smiled. “I hope Naomi likes it.”

“That ring is about a hundred years old, although I’m not too sure just how old it really is. It’s been handed down for generations and now it’s for you to bestow upon your intended bride,” she smiled. “You may have to have it resized for Naomi’s finger and I would suggest you have it cleaned at the same time.”

I nodded. “Yes ... absolutely. It’s very ... elegant ... very formal. You don’t see rings like this very often.”

“When do you plan to give it to her?” Mom asked.

“I don’t know. Soon, I guess. We’ve talked about marriage, but it’s in the future. I have things to do first. I need to finish college and find a job. I hope she can live with a longer engagement while I get those important things done.”

“I know she will,” Mom smiled. “I know that girl. She’ll wait. I’m sure of it and sure of her.”

“There are times when I think I have a second sister,” I grinned.

“Naomi and I made a connection almost immediately. It’s hard to understand, but I felt completely confident in her. I was almost sure she was exactly what you should be looking for. It turns out my instincts were right.”

“Yeah. They were. I thought I’d lost her when she went south. I didn’t realize she was still hanging onto me ... even though I didn’t know it.”

“I knew it,” Mom smiled. “It’s why I stayed in contact with her. I knew what was in her heart. She never wavered, Joel. And ... you didn’t either, even though you didn’t think there was any hope. None of your girlfriends were permanent. They were just visitors in your life. Well ... now you’ve got the real thing. Make sure you hang onto it.”

“Don’t worry. This time I’m not letting her get away again,” I said firmly.

“Good. Now, go tell her what’s in your heart,” Mom said, giving me a firm, long hug.

We were sitting on the back deck that afternoon as I waited for the right moment to talk to Naomi. Mom had made herself scarce, knowing what I wanted to do.

“Naomi, I know we’ve talked about the future, and marriage too, but I thought it was time I made sure you understood my intentions.”

I had a firm grip on the ring in the palm of my now sweaty hand. She was watching me, obviously curious about my comments.

I opened my hand to show her the ring and said, “Naomi, I love you more than I can express in words. This ring is an heirloom and I would be very proud and happy if you would accept it as my proposal for marriage. It might not happen right away, but I want you to know ... I want everyone to know ... that it will happen if you say yes.”