Chapter 8

I threw on some shorts and a t-shirt. Fiona put her slacks on to retain her modesty, along with my dress shirt that you could see her black lace bra through. I must admit, she looked hot, without any pretence of trying.

Once in the car, she looked nervous, like she wanted to say something.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m not sure whether there is anything wrong. I don’t know!” She sighed. “Twelve hours ago my life was simple. I knew what was happening around me. Genja and I went about our lives without any worries. We have good jobs, money isn’t an issue. The only small hiccup was I didn’t know what happened next for me. I knew that at some point Genja would meet someone and follow her heart.” She paused. “In fact, I think it’s because of me that she hasn’t tried to do anything up until now. Thinking about it saddens me. But on reflection, I’m pretty sure that was the case. I have all this emotional baggage that has been holding me back from being happy. I was at peace with my family situation. I figured eventually I would meet someone and settle down.” She sat silently for a few seconds. I waited, patiently. “Then you come along! Not just to me, but Genja too. We were talking earlier and we both have these feelings towards you that we have never felt before with another man. It scares me. Genja, seems a bit more at ease with it, but she is also a bit apprehensive.”

“What, I scare you or...”

“No! No! It’s not that you scare me,” she interrupted. “I’m scared of the way you have so easily shown me things that have shaken my existence. You’ve broken down defences that I created to protect me, and I was happy with that. Now, I know I can have more. I have a sister and a mother that doesn’t seem to be the monster I had created in my mind. She seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. I get the sense that you have feelings for me. It all makes me feel like a teenager again. All giddy and excited! Then I see that Jane, Genja and even Claire said you made her feel that way! I can’t fight with three other women that are so gorgeous and experienced. I found someone that has my heart doing somersaults and I won’t even get the chance to date him! I don’t know what to do, and that scares me! I know that you only offered to show us your home. But I can tell you that neither Genja nor I would ever have done what we did last night and come here with you, unless we felt safe. Jon you have this ... this, I don’t know ... aura is the best word, that makes me believe everything will be alright when I’m with you.”

I didn’t know what to say. Silence seemed like a good option. We were quiet for a couple of minutes.

Fiona started again, “I want to explore what this could be with us. That is what scares me. When I kissed you this morning I knew I had met my soulmate. But I’m so confused, because I was so happy for Jane when I saw you together in the shower. I shouldn’t want to be with someone that screwed another woman in front of me. I was ecstatic, again, for Genja when you curled her toes later.” Her voice was starting to shake, “There must be something wrong with me!” A tear formed in her eye. “Why do I feel this way?”

I pulled the car to the side of the road and put it in park. I put my arm around Fiona’s shoulders, hugging her softly.

“It’s called ‘compersion’. It’s a feeling you have felt before and I bet it didn’t worry when you did,” I explained.

“What the hell are you talking about. I’ve never heard of such a thing!” she said, pulling away from me.

“OK, what did you feel when you saw your son and he wanted to stay at the home when you left. What was it that made you leave him there?” I asked. Not waiting for an answer, I continued, “Did you feel his happiness when he was with his friends, the contentment that he had in the life he had created for himself?”

“Well, yes, of course, I was happy for him,” she answered, still puzzled as to where I was going with this.

“You didn’t feel any jealousy or rejection that he had chosen to stay there instead of going with you?” I asked.

“No, his happiness was everything in that decision. I would never put myself before that!” She argued.

“Right! Because you love him, therefore, you felt his happiness?” I confirmed.

“Yes”

“OK, now think back to the way you felt when you saw Jane and me this morning,” I reminded her.

Her face lit up, that lightbulb moment had occurred. “Oh! I get it, I wanted the best for Jane so I felt the happiness of the moment you had together. I didn’t feel any jealous or resentment towards either of you, because I like both of you!”

“Yes! That is compersion, the feeling of joy for someone that is feeling that joy!” I smiled at her as I saw that she was starting to see what I felt for those around me. “Are you starting to understand a bit more of my philosophy about marriage and relationships that we spoke about yesterday?”

“Yes! Yes, I do. You want those around you to experience the joy of life!” She exclaimed.

“Definitely, and to hear you appreciate it pleases me to no end,” I said, starting us back towards town.

“But that brings me to the next issue I have. Sex is important to you, or seems to be!” she said, candidly.

“Does it?” I challenged.

“Well, yes, I would say so. You have just opened an adult camp. And the way the Warehouse is set up, there is nowhere to hide. If you fulfil your dream, there will be lots more people, meaning zero privacy,” she clarified.

“And if I had my way. Everyone would be naked or nearly so,” I finished for her. “You’re right. Sex is important, as is intimacy and openness. To quantify that, let me go a bit further. When we were talking about Claire’s relationship last night, you were appalled when I asked if love and sex are the same thing. But, I explained what I meant, and now I’ve explained compersion to you, which you also seem to understand. Love is the key. Well, the three ways I feel we show ‘love’ Is through emotional Intimacy, giving ourselves to someone, and physical intimacy. Cuddling, Conversation and Sex.”

“Another issue I have with society is class. While clothes aren’t as important in making class distinctions as they used to, nakedness takes a lot of the markers of class away. We become a lot less judgemental of others and become more equal. You’re a lawyer. If you saw a street sweeper in the road doing his job, the likelihood of you seeing him as an equal, unfortunately, is pretty small. Now take away the clothes and the broom. In an identical situation, you give yourself the chance to see him as a man and not a road sweeper,” I explained.

“By the end of today, the camp will have a multimillionaire businesswoman, two school principals, a judge and a couple of high-ranking government officials in residence. You would be hard pressed to work out which one is which, once they’re naked.” I could see that I had her attention. I continued, “Human beings experience physical attraction before we feel emotional attraction. There are physical traits that appeal to us, before we get the chance to know someone. But we are guided by our experiences and instincts. We make quick judgement of anyone we come into contact with, shaped by our experiences. Whether they are rich or poor, educated or not can be assumed by the way they appear. If you take some of the visual cues away, your ability to judge diminishes with it.”

“You are so right. I haven’t really looked at it that way. But it scares me to hear you talk this way,” Fiona said.

“Why, what have I said that scares you?” I asked.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing that would make me think that I don’t want to be with you. But, with the way you talk, I can see us getting closer and I...” she hesitated, “I have exactly one sexual encounter in my whole life. That was when I was twelve. I don’t know how to be intimate with someone.” She went quiet and looked out the window.

I considered all she had told me in the last day and concluded that intimacy was the real issue. She looks at the rape and its aftermath nineteen years ago and feels that she doesn’t deserve a relationship. She thought of herself as spoilt goods and no one would want to be with her. Over the last nineteen years she hadn’t allowed anyone to get close to her, and suddenly, she had. She was terrified and was asking for help. She didn’t know what to do and she didn’t want to lose her chance.

How could anyone hold Fiona responsible for what had happened to her. Anyone that did wasn’t worthy of this beauty woman that I was having the pleasure of sitting with. But, that being said, her own father, of all people, had supplied the proof of rejection. Then her mother also failed to support her. It was no wonder she felt the way she did. It also made her success in becoming a lawyer all the more impressive.

When I looked at her, I didn’t see a rape victim. I didn’t see someone that was spoilt goods. In fact, I believed she was almost virginal. Okay, I’m not stupid. I know that she had a child, but it wasn’t through choice. She was too young to even contemplate how, when, and who was going to take her virginity. What twelve year old girl does?

“You are a very special person, and, when the time comes that you want to be close to me, I would be honoured to be your first,” I quietly stated.

“FIRST!” she scoffed.

“Yes, the first man YOU choose to be with,” I replied, putting my hand on top of hers.

She was starting to tear up, so I suggested that we grab a quick coffee before we went to Simpson’s. When we arrived at the diner, Fiona quickly went off to freshen up in the restroom. I sat down and ordered two coffees from the waitress. I started to realise that I had made a mistake about today. To invite these girls over when the club was opening had shown that I just didn’t have enough manpower to give myself free time. Jane and I were going to be working 24/7 if I didn’t think about it more carefully. With more staff, I could have spent more time with them and made them feel more comfortable.

We had already lost our chef before he started. I had Sasha and Kym helping for a few hours with the housekeeping. I thought that they could do their job without exposing them to all the guest activities. Who was I kidding? They were going to encounter nudity and sex at every turn. They were only seventeen and eighteen years old. Even though they had been warned and signed an NDA, how were they going to respond to that? I was going to need help with food service, especially when we got busy. I needed to get help with the grounds. There were plans for 10 more cabins as well as the work in the Warehouse. My intent was to keep staff to the minimum, not to save money, but to give guests privacy and reduce outside involvement.

Employing Claire was an easy solution for her as well as for me. She would be able to be directly involved with welcoming guests at the gatehouse and attending to the reception area as required. I also need a woman’s touch in the Warehouse. So far it was quite sterile.

Fiona returned and looked one hundred percent better.

“Are you ok?” I asked.

“Yes, you said a few things that made me feel better about myself. Thank you,” she said, giving a beautiful smile.

We were interrupted at that point by Sasha and Kym. “Hi Jon, have the first guests arrived yet?” Sasha asked, excitedly. “Do you still need us to come over at seven tomorrow?”

“Hi girls. Yea, we need to get the clubhouse cleaned before breakfast starts. What are you doing here?” I asked.

The waitress arrived with our coffee. “That might have something to do with me. I’m their Mum, Beth,” she said in an English accent. Fiona started laughing. “I would like to thank you for taking the girls on. I’m sorry, did I say something funny?”

“No, no, I’m sorry. I should apologise,” Fiona said, still laughing. “I met my first two brits yesterday and, amazingly, my third a day later!”

I was smiling “What a lovely West Country accent you have Beth!” This brought a shocked look to Beth’s face. “It’s my pleasure, by the way. I hope they enjoy working at the camp. However, I’m already thinking that I might want them to work more than the twenty hours a week we have agreed. And I might add that I’m a bit worried about some other things.”